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Let's love our livers!!!!.................(previously dependant drinkers thread)

102 replies

dandycandyjellybean · 13/02/2007 11:08

Tried to post yesterday and couldn't coz it told me that there was no more room. So hope you guys don't mind that I started a new one, apologies for the lame name. And guess what guys, I decided to join the down your drink programme today, as I really want to do something positive about my drinking rather than just repeatedly beating my head against the bottle and then moaning about how much it hurts - physically and metaphorically!!!!
Several things factor in this, I've had quite a break in the last few days as I've had a disc in my back go, and have had to rely on other people to do a great deal of my usual work load. Hence I feel so much better in my head, and it has given me a bit of time and space to think. Plus, am about 3 weeks into my counselling which has had some really positive results too, in helping me to analyse both myself and my situation and find solutions instead of just keep drowning my feelings.
I was also reflecting yesterday that although completely turning around my relationship to alcohol probably won't be ease, this is something that I must be able to do, because I've done it twice before in my life, with other things I've had big issues with.
Firstly, had a really messed up relationship with food for a very long time, and was bulimic for quite a while in my late teens / early twenties. But after a bit of a pathetic suicide attempt put the wind up me, I made a massive change in my eating, told myself I would never diet again, ever, and allowed myself to eat anything I wanted, in the quantites that I wanted and never to deny myself anything again. Yes i did put weight on, quite a lot initially, but it has levelled out over the years, and I can honestly say that I have one of the healthiest relationships with food now of almost anyone I know (especially most of my 'thin' friends).
Secondly, about 4 years ago a very beloved uncle of mine (more like a dad really) died of an aortic anyuerism at 50, and I realised that I was a heart attack waiting to happen if I didn't shift the last of my weight. However, not wanting to diet, I knew that exercise was the only answer. However, just like the dieting, i had tried every exercise fad under the sun and had never stuck to any of them. So, when I announced after my Uncle's funeral that I was going to buy an exercise bike, my lovely dh replied 'you're not spending any more money on exercise equipment that you will only drape your clothes over after the first week!' guess he knows me well. [hlush]. Anyway that was enough to make me think, 'I'll bloody show him!' and so I started swimming 3 or 4 times a week. At first it was sheer bloody mindedness that kept me going, but once i had been doing it for a few weeks I realised that not only did I enjoy it, but it really helped my head (gave me space and time to think). In fact I wrote a book during this time, and I came up with most of my best plot twists whilst pounding up and down the pool.
Consequently, I am now someone who exercises regularly, and have been for the last four years (I even swam 3 times a week all through my pregnancy and only stopped at 38 weeks when they banned me from the pool!!!) Surely, if I can change those things, I can finally, and permanently, get this other monkey off my back.
And just to round off all of this, I was looking at my recycling box out of the kitchen window this morning and it was a bit of a Gillian McKeith 'shame' moment! It is emptied every 2 weeks and there were so many whiskey and wine bottles in there (and I know I've secreted some in the bin in moments of shame!) So, I'll let you know how I get on. (Softstuff, you have been a big motivating factor too, have followed your story on previous threads and feel so incredibly pleased for you and proud of you that you have managed to make such a drastic change, and I figure if you can do it, so can I!!!)
I will bring this long ramble to a close by saying hang in there everyone, and how grateful I am that we all have each other for support. Please, please join me here, and let's keep it up.
{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}

OP posts:
dandycandyjellybean · 04/03/2007 21:38

hi kokeshi, just posted on your other thread and now I'm worrying that I may have sounded a bit pychobabble and completely without compassion for your situation. if i did i am truly sorry, was not my intention. am feeling a bit high on life myself for a change and i suppose that is spilling over into what i'm posting. Really, really sorry if i offended.

OP posts:
kokeshi · 05/03/2007 21:41

Thanks cubby, what a lovely message. Oh and I would never have looked on there tonight either if you hadn't mentioned it.

So glad you're still feeling positive. Have you contributed to that other thread yet? You're a brilliant example for the DeeSkies, the OP.

How're you all doing? kx

dandycandyjellybean · 05/03/2007 22:06

Hi kokeshi, so glad i didn't offend! a little part of me has been worrying all day that I was just too 'up and cheerful' for your situation. I almost emailed you today; if you hadn't posted tonight i would have done, just to make sure. Phew!!!

So glad you're getting support from others who have had experience of your situation. You're never far from my thoughts. Please let us know how things are going. And what about the rest of you life? How is that?

Hope everyone else is okay, hang in there guys, well done if you're coping, if not, just remember that tomorrow is another day. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

OP posts:
kokeshi · 05/03/2007 22:44

Aw cubby, I'd never be pissed off at your posts. It's great advice and even when we're feeling shite, it won't be forever.

I really do appreciate it, thank you. All the better for knowing that you're still feeling so positive. Hope the other ladies will sign in to for a bit of moral support.

Best, kx

hellobello · 06/03/2007 14:26

Are you ok Kokeshi? Are you being well looked after re: your hearing? I hope things are going well.

I drank a bad bottle of wine at the weekend and spent the whole of Sunday with a splitting headache. Ok, it was my 2nd bottle, but it was still bad! I'm still trying not to drink during the week. It's quite odd that by the time the weekend comes I don't really feel much like tipping booze down my neck but I do it anyway. Still on the nicotine. I thought I'd run out of it today but there was some more. The tablets taste of minty soap with a zing. they're pretty disgusting, so I must get out of the habit of eating them.

I hope everyone's getting on ok. Well done, Cubby and Hidesit.

Am I the oldest person who still gets pissed? I'm over 40 now and really feel as though I should know better.

hidesitinthecupboard · 06/03/2007 19:23

Hi all! Hope you are all doing ok and are happy ! (Cubby being an inspiration)

Had a crappy weekend . Party was so awful Saturday night wanted to leave early but couldn't as was relying on a lift. Ended up drinking far too much, and god did I suffer for it Sunday.

Anyway felt so rough Sunday that didn't drink, even though DP went out Sunday night and that usually has me straight down the off license! Sat with DD and watched Ugly Betty (me but without the successful job) and ate Pringles and chocolate !!!

Managed not to have any yesterday either, and despite desperately wanting to buy a bottle earlier after an argument with DP this morning, I managed to go into two different shops and come out without any!

So I am on my 3rd alcohol free night ! It must be litterally months since I have managed so long without alcohol. As I have done so well (imo), I am now determined not to have any more till Saturday night when I am going round to a friends house!

Wish me luck, cause I will bloody need it!

Keep smiling everyone!
XXXXXXXX

Flowertop · 07/03/2007 14:36

Hi all, good to see you all posting. I did not drink for 5 nights last week which was amazing for me. But have drank every night since. Dh asked me last night (he has not drank for 2 weeks) why it seemed that I can go 5 nights without then cannot go do any more, i.e. this week there is no way I could go one night as I do crave a glass of wine but last week seemed to be ok and not tempted to give in. It's a mystery to me! I am just pleased that I managed 5 nights. Hellobello you are definitely not the oldest swinger as I am also in my forties (43 to be exact) and I daresay there are many of us out there.
Love to you all.

losty · 07/03/2007 21:43

badly need some help. Things getting out of control BIG TIME. not sure where to turn first though. Give me some pointers people? please?

dandycandyjellybean · 07/03/2007 21:47

Losty, why not try downyourdrink.org.uk? all I can say is that after 12 or more years of struggling with mega heavy drinking, i really feel positive and a lot more in control?

OP posts:
losty · 07/03/2007 21:54

already doing that diary cubby

Flowertop · 07/03/2007 22:51

Losty hi glad you felt you could come and talk to us. What's up? We are all out of control at some point otherwise we wouldn't be here. Why do you feel so out of control at this point in time. I have nothing to offer you in terms of advice as probably in the same place as you. Just want you to know you are not alone; not the worse anyone has ever seen; you are in a good place with people who have been/are in your place right now. We are so lucky we have this medium to share our troubles. God knows what our ancestors did. Anyway just wanted you you to know am thinking of you and please don't feel you are alone.
XX

kokeshi · 08/03/2007 12:40

Losty, maybe you would consider caling the AA helpline? It does seem like a huge step I know but if you are really feeling desperate, what do you have to lose?

What I gained was a wealth of support and understanding from people who truly knew what I was going through. You have to try and look after yourself hon. try here

Let me know how you go x

ernest · 08/03/2007 12:55

I keep recommending it and no one seems interested, but for you, losty, one more time, I strongly recommend Allen Carr's Easy way to control ALcohol. It's not an expensive book. It is similar to his hugely successful ciggie programme. I read it over a year ago (tried many many times to cut down /give up/ get in control, did NOT have healthy relationship with alcohol, would drink every day etc etc) Anyway, AFter many attempts, I reas his book last year and I haven't had a drink, and more importantly, haven't wanted a drink since. You've got nothing to lose.

losty · 08/03/2007 17:27

I looked at that book in WHS today. Couldnt buy it tho. I am an idiot. grrrrrrrrr

Flowertop · 08/03/2007 22:30

Losty hi - don't beat yourself up about the book maybe the timing isn't right just bear it in mind that it is there for you at some point. How are you today? That's the main thing in my book, how we are doing today. Do you feel a little more positive than yesterday. Ernest sorry must have missed something, as have not heard of this book but will now order it. Can you please tell me a little more about a) how much you were drinking and b)why you felt the book helped.
Thanks
XX

losty · 09/03/2007 10:11

hi flowertop (and everyone else). I am ok. Not great, but ok. I am feeling no less positive or negative tbh. I dont really rate how I am feeling in those terms. But I am ok. Despite yet more cr&p in other areas of my life. But tomorrow's another day as they say.

ernest · 09/03/2007 11:04

ok flowertop, I guess I was drinking a bottle of wine a night, or 6 half liter cans of Kronenburg (doesn't sound very ladylike, does it? ) but I was getting to the point where I was starting to drink earlier and earlier, so instead of waiting for kids to be in bed, I'd justify to myself having one while cooking the dinner, or even one with lunch! I'd even buy a chilled can from the supermarket if I was oding the shopping and quaff it while getting lunch ready. I'd got to the point of thinking, why not? But I knew I shouldn't really.

I've tried for years to give up. Alswys been a heavy drinker and come from a family of heavy drinkers. My main problem is plain greed.

Anyway, thought about giving up loads f times, I def find total abstinance (of anything, sweets, cake, tea, booze) easier than cutting down. All or nothing works best for me. I wanted to give up for ages, which is also why I think I started drinking in day - cramming as much in before I had to go without, but of course, I never went without, I just kept brinking more.

The I heard about the book, bought it. It does say you can drink whilest reading the book, but you shouldn't read it drunk. Well I did. oops. Tbh I skimmed a lot of it, thinking he didn'thalf go on, but then I got to the end of the book and unbelievable, miraculously, have never wanted or had another drink since.

Over a year ago now ( I remember cos it was Valentines Day). My family can't believe it and assume I'm pg, lol, still. They just cannot believe I am not drinking cos I was right old piss head. I buy booze for dh, even my favourite lager and don't feel a flicker or longing. Don't need will power, cos I just don't want it. Just like I don't want to eat tripe or drink coffee. It's nothing to me now.

Flowertop · 09/03/2007 11:47

Ernest, thanks for the update. That sounds amazing. What do you think was the main point that made you go off the booze, in the book? I am also an all or nothing girl so know I can't just have a glass of wine. Losty you sound quite depressed are you under your GP (sorry if am overstepping the mark here).
XX

ernest · 09/03/2007 13:12

can't really explain tbh flowertop. I looked at it again recently, becasue I found since I gave up booze I've had really strong sugar craving - didn't used to have a sweet tooth before. So I tried to re read the book, substituting the word 'alcohol' for 'sweets' or 'sugar', lol. Can't put my finger on it, but well for me, it worked. 8and for many others, eg look at reviews on amazon)

losty · 09/03/2007 20:11

ok so tonight I am going to get drunk so I can forget everything. I know I am cos I have been thinking about it all day. I am not even going to try to stop myself. But this cannot carry on, can it?

hellobello · 10/03/2007 11:05

I drank a bottle of wine all to myself last night. Luckily for me it wasn't as strong as some is and today I feel fine. I've got a really bad sore throat so I woke up at 5am unable to swallow. Horrid.

I had a really strange conversation with my mum a couple of days ago. she is not at all alright and I felt as though I was talking to a complete stranger. She talked total rubbish. Nothing she said was anything approaching reality. We don't think she has dementia (yet), but she clearly has a problem and I am really fed up with family friends and relatives asking me what is going on. My younger brother is a bit of a control freak like my dad and wants to control the situation. My family is pretty dysfunctional at the best of times. I don't really know what to do. My parents were crap when we were little and my dad was a violent overbearing nutter. Sometimes I wonder if what goes around comes around and if I really care. (I think I do). My mum has always pretended that nothing is wrong, suicidal behaviour, running away, eating disorders treated as a 'passing phase'.

I have also spent far more money than I have, and now I'm worried. Thank goodness for anti depressants! La la la la la!! Sorry for the long rambling post.

losty · 10/03/2007 21:34

sorry you feelin rought hellobello

kokeshi · 11/03/2007 09:36

Hi all,
hellobello, so sorry this is happening to you. Maybe it's best of you let your DF and DB deal with it?

It must be really distressing to go through this but I think it's important to look after yourself 1st (easier said than done I know!)

Hi to everyone else too, hang in there folks and keep posting about what's going on.

hellobello · 11/03/2007 13:03

I cannot talk to my dad about anything. It is impossible. As far as he is concerned, he is perfection personified. He has a perfect family and he is the Leader. He is a very very damaged man. He would control his family's breath if he could. When I was a child, we spent our time dancing round him trying not to upset him, worrying when he was going to explode in the next tantrum. He seems to lack any insight, the same as my younger brother. Oh well, at least it's their problem really, but it is very sad that my parent's friends don't know what's going on and there's this great charade (as always), but it's just got a lot worse. My other brother and I think it may be possible that my mum is breaking down. 40+ years of being bullied is a long time.

dandycandyjellybean · 15/03/2007 20:50

Man! how far down did i have to scroll to get to this thread? Where is everybody? Hope you're all okay.

Losty, how are you doing? You've sounded so desperate in your posts and I've been worried about you. Hope you're hanging in there. Just out of interest, i bought that book online a few days ago, it came today. Will let you know!

Hellobello, things sound really bad with your family, how are things at the moment, you haven't posted since the weekend, really hope you're okay?

Flowertop, what about you? Hope things are good with you, too.

And of course, my buddy Kokeshi, what about you? You're never far from my thoughts; how are things with you? Weren't you going for a series of tests recently? How did they go? Sending you lots of love,as always.

I'm still doing the downyourdrink thing, and tonight have reached the decision point!!!! Have set myself a goal, and will let you all know how i get on. Am a bit knackered the last few days, but am still working really hard at focusing on the positives in life; my ds makes this especially easy at the mo, he is at such a fabulous age, everything for him is a new discovery or adventure, it's hard for that not to be contagious (even if it's exhausting trying to keep up with him!!!)

Please keep posting guys, i know it's hard when you're struggling or really busy, but i can honestly say that this thread has kept me going during some really bad patches. Just remember that at some time or another we've all been in the same (terrible, drunken) boat. just keep posting and hang in there.

Lots of lurve and hugs {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}
Cubby.xxxxxxxx

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