**Tamoxigang Thread 52** With virtual tea, cakes and chat for all with cancer concerns

[Lilymaid]

We were almost at our 1000 post limit for Thread 51 - hope the title is OK but wanted people to know that we aren't just about people on Tamoxifen but for all with cancer concerns!

Hi all. Have read through everyone's posts - sorry to hear you have another op River - how utterly cack. I hope it can go as well as it can, and they really are just being thorough but there is nothing more sinister going on.

I always feel bad to say welcome to the new joiners, but I think you have come to the right place. I feel much less scared when browsing through the MN thread vs. what I see on my FB group. I know I keep saying I am going to de-list, but I never quite do. I have managed to work out how to to the notifications off so at least it's not flooding my timeline! Another prolific poster died this week, and she had triple negative BC too - a year after diagnosis. Also originally only in the left boob etc., - feels all a bit too similar. She wrote an amazing blog, which I read and now wish I hadn't.

Went out to dinner with DH last night and we did talk about it all a bit more, off the back of me reading this blog, and it was a really good chat as I managed not to cry which is always a good start when discussing the OMG I might die next year discussions! I don't think I will, but then neither did these other ladies, and so I am starting to think I am going to attempt to at least live a slight more carefree life this next, just in case I pop my clogs. I have been presented with a whopping tax bill from the Italian government, which I was massively stressing about, but DH was like "it's fine, we'll just sell some of our ISA and forget about it". He wants to buy a motorbike - I said go ahead - I want to go on holiday to Cape Town in January - ok let's go! All quite fun actually, rather than morbid.

My kids still don't really know I have cancer - they are 6, 5 and 3. They just know I have a plug (my portacath) to have medicine every 3 weeks put in to make my boob better. And that's it so far. I have managed to keep my hair through cold capping so I think that has helped all of us, psychologically, as I don't look ill (and certainly don't feel it yet either, despite 3 chemos down - I am still doing my daily Insanity work outs!)

Sorry this is a bit of a splurge. I go from thinking it's all going to be fine, to thinking I've probably got a year left so I want to get less stressed about the small stuff and make some fun things happen between now and next summer! DH thinks I always stress too much about small stuff anyway (kids, house, job etc.,) so he is happy I am turning over this new leaf!

How was your latest chemo HotChoc?

Scuse typos!

Hi all.

Sorry i havent been around much.
I had all my scans last week, so reality hit me very hard. I was awfully anxious, which in turn made me physically sick and weak. But im back on track. And stupidly i read the c word blog begining to end one evening and scared the living bejasus out of myself. I knew when i was reading it, i shouldnt but couldnt stop.
Boobz, i too am on ybcn group, i really wish i hadnt joined and remain in blissful ignorance.
im starting my chemo monday, so in anticipation i got my hair cut short. And i love it. Bugger it and now im goin to lose it.
I went back to my lovely counsellor today and i feel much more positive for it.

I hope ye all are doing well. Welcome lookinforbaubles. Your in good company.

Hello Cailindea I was wondering how you were getting on. Have you had the results from all your scans?

I watched the C word when it was on the telly - I was in London waiting to be signed off post chemo #1 to fly home and DH watched it in Rome on his own - he called me up and shouted "why'd you tell me to watch that?, why??" Probs not a good idea, but at least I haven't had her chemo experience so far, so I hope our paths are not that similar!

How many councelling sessions have you had? I think I am going to get one soon, at my Harley St clinic I go to which BUPA covers - I really still haven't processed a lot of it, I don't think. That's probably why so many people start blogs when they get cancer - to keep the PR machine turning without having to email tens of people every week, but also the therapy of writing it all down and processing it.

I can't remember if you knew what surgery you were having post chemo yet - are you being tested for the BRCA gene?

Anyway, good to hear from you again. I will see if I can recognise you on ybcn (if I don't de-reg from there soon!)

Hi boobz.

Im being tested for the genes, so im going to wait and see what surgery then. But id happily have a double mastectomy if it meant i didnt get this back again.

Today was my first counselling session, but i had seen her before for previous ishoos. It felt great, like i could say anything and not be afraid of upsetting somebody. I had in the last week or so not being processing this properly, and then it hit really hard with all the tests. But it still hasnt sunk in either. When i tell people, its sort of surreal, like im talking about somebody else. And i kept saying to myself "i dont want to do this". But i have to. I had visions of nurses dragging me kicking and screaming for treatment.
The results are good from my scan are good, its totally localised in the breast. No node involvement or anywhere else. So i am lucky in a way.

Hows your chemo goin? Have u decided what surgery your having?

X

Hi Everyone, hope you are all doing ok. Had my follow up appointment today with surgeon. She said it was high grade DCIS but they had got it all out with a good clear margin. So now it's 3 weeks of radiotherapy, probably starting beginning of August. I have been very lucky as I had an extra mammogram purely by chance as I was picked at random in a trial of lowering the age group for regular screening from 50 to 47. I wasn't due my regular family history mammogram for another year and she said it would definitely have become cancer by then.

I still feel shocked by all that has happened and not sure if I have really come to terms with it yet. Just been having a good cry which helps I think. Everything is changing - youngest dc starting secondary in September, eldest off to uni, I have a new job starting September too and now to top it all someone I love very much has just come back in to my life quite by chance and I think I'm finding it all a bit too much. Think I will go and lie down in a darkened room for the weekend!

Thank you for all the support on here, it really helps!

Just thought id add a pic of my new hair. I was dreading cutting it short. But i love it. Just sad im goin to lose it

I had my Oncologist consultation today. Tumour markers are up but other blood results are improving/satisfactory so Onc doesn't know what is going on. I'm not feeling any different and I had a scan which didn't show up anything back in April. So another scan is next.
Difficult for those with young children to contemplate possibility of not being there for them - and even, with DSs in their 20s, I find it difficult to think about the possibility. I want to know how their lives develop and had always expected to live into my late 80s or longer like my parents. All we can do is put up with the treatment and enjoy the moment with those we love.

Evening all. Sorry not here so much lately. Work is just so hectic this time of year. Malt- hope you are enjoying your last half term and then you can enjoy the school free time ahead!

Lots of new people to say hello to. It is such a difficult place to be, waiting for results and treatment to start.

Lily- how quick will they scan you? Hopefully the blood results are the ones showing what is happening.

Cailindeas- hair looks great. I loved my hair when I had it cut too but is now getting there again.

Big hugs Sienna and to all. Will try and keep up more regularly again, especially as this thread was such a support to me last year and still is.

Hello all,

I really really hope you don't mind me coming along to your thread but I could really do with some help and opinions.
My DH has been diagnosed with oesophageal cancer 6 weeks ago. It's all been a whirlwind of a horrific rollercoaster and staging has shown that it has spread. However the plan is to press on with chemo then restage and hopefully operate. So the first chemo cycle is done and he next cycle starts on Monday. It's an EOX regime every 3 weeks.
I was in and out of work for the first 3 weeks then got signed off for 4 weeks which runs out next week. Now I don't know what to do. To be honest caring for him, cooking things he might eat, encouraging him as well as 2 young DC 6&2, running house etc is a full time job and I don't know if I can cope but maybe work would add some normality to life.
What have your OH's done and what has helped/not helped?
Thanks

Hi findingthissohard, I'm so sorry about your husband, it must be very hard for you all. And while your husband concentrates on dealing with the treatment and fighting the illness, you have to carry on with everything else. I often think it must be harder to be the spouse, looking on, worrying, keeping everything going.

With our situation, my dh has continued working pretty much as normal, but he is the main earner and has a semi 'self employed ' type job which makes it really difficult for him to take time out. He can spend many many hours at work because it is never ending, but while I've been having my treatment he has been leaving earlier and trying to be at home more. I think continuing with some normality and having something else to concentrate on has helped him to cope with it.

We have had lots of support though, family and friends helping with housework, child care, school runs etc. It would have been really difficult if we hadn't had that extra help.
Can you continue to work but perhaps reduce your hours for a bit? Have you any lovely friends and family you could ask for help? I found it difficult to accept help to begin with, but I found people were really pleased to do things for us. I have also had to adjust to things not always being as clean, tidy or organised as I want them to be!
Wishing you and your husband well.

finding- so sorry you are going through this. If any friends or family have offered to help then this is the time to take them up on it.
You need to take care of yourself too. Do you work full time? Is there any chance of a cleaner coming in to ease that bit- I know that depends on finances.
You might find that work gives you a bit of space to be able to cope with all the other stuff.

On holiday and even though it's a bit cloudy, in the spirit of seizing the day I am in my swimsuit and off for a dip in the little bay that our apartment overlooks. It is a novelty having boobs that stand up independently though I won't be going topless as the lack of nipples might be a bit of a shocker .

It's beautiful here. First holiday for 2 years without something horrible and cancer related hanging over me...well us really as my dh and kids have been through it all as well.

Have a good day everyone. Yay for all the good news and thinking of those of you still enduring nastiness or uncertainty.

have a fantastic holiday Marshy!

Calindeas. - what a lovely photo

marshy - hope you are having a lovely holiday

Sienna - how are you today? It sounds like you have turned the treadmill to the 100 meter sprint rate, with the speed everything is happening. I hope you are taking time to sit down, and to take it easy, and to look after yourself, as well as your family.

Boobz - hope you are okay. Has your husband got his motorbike yet and have you booked your Cape Town holiday?

Finding this - welcome to this thread. I'm sorry you've had to join us but feel free to ask questions, or off-load your emotions, or talk about the weather. What ever you fancy.

Calindeas - it is weird talking about cancer. I never felt ( or still don't feel) that I had cancer. I was never ill or in pain.

Hi to everyone else . Hope you are all having a good Father's Day.

Morning all :)

Marshy hope you're having a lovely holiday

Hope everyone's ok

hi everyone
hoping everyone is OK. I saw the surgeon yesterday to plan my surgery - therapeutic mammoplasty and axillary clearance. it will be in 6 weeks time. I'm feeling quite nervous about it now but 6 weeks feels like a long time. fortunately it gives us time to have 2 weeks holiday beforehand so we can try to find a pause of normality in this really abnormal year!
.

Have a lovely holiday. Where are you going? I'm sure six weeks will fly past.

thanks River. We're camping in the Lake District . I just hope it's dry!

It's a lovely part of the world. I haven't been there for years.

Well, I'm now back from my investigations. The worst part not eating breakfast, and feeling dizzy in the waiting room. The second room I went in was cooler and imfelt better. I think I got past the hunger stage then.

The anesthesists were a friendly bunch. The nurses were nice also. I feel fine now, apart from a little washed out. The previous hysteroscopy was more painful. Must admit, quite enjoyed reading my book in the hospital for a couple of hours. It's not often I do that in an un-disturbed manner. I even had lunch ( sandwiches) bought to me. Quite nice really.

I'll know the results in 2-3 weeks. I think I feel less anxious then before, as the first results came clear. It'll also be nice to see the fit looking doctor again (blush)!

Hope everyone is hanging there, and enjoying the sunshine. I sat outside and read in the sunshine when I got home. Something else I don't get to,do often.

Hi all, have been lurking for weeks but thought I'd come in and say hello as feeling a bit despondent at the mo. Was diagnosed with Tubular Invasive Breast Cancer (Stage 1) a couple of weeks ago, complete mind f*k as you all know, great prognosis, caught early etc. All good apart from also having a cyst like "lesion" in the same breast. Had an MRI assisted biopsy yesterday (which was crap am seriously claustrophobic !!) this will determine whether I have the lump removed or a mastectomy.

Have been waiting for this for years tbh as am classed as high risk, (my mum and two of her sisters died of BC), the real bummer is they think it's nothing to do with the hereditary risk and I'm just unlucky! No lottery tickets for me then....

Although really trying to look at it that, have been told, if I wasn't being screened would never have felt either area myself ...

Hello again to all old and new....

Sorry you are feeling down StayGold, it is incredibly tiring and upsetting, especially when waiting for results . I hope your results are good.

I have just tried out every single "post surgery" bra in marks and Spencer's. Not one even remotely fitted. And the swimming costumes must be for people under 5'2" because I couldn't stand up with them on! So disappointing.

for you StayGold, the waiting is the worst part. Hoping for good news for you. BTW, you wouldn't get me in an MRI scanner without some serious sedation!

I found out today that I've had my last Herceptin injection! When I discussed my side effects with my oncologist, he suggested that I apply to take part in the Persephone trial, and I got randomised to the six months group! Woohoo! Hopefully the side effects will start to ease off, and I can finally start to enjoy life again.

The trial is trying to find out whether there's any difference in outcome between giving Herceptin for 12 months, as is the standard now, or just for six months.

Thanks for the replies Venomous and Shadow, hate waiting... it's the only bad news I've ever wanted to come quicker as you all prolly know... Very sore left boob today can see a vast array of colours blooming behind the enormous bandage... Haven't looked at Bras yet, not looking forward to that bit Venomous - I noticed in the Breast Unit an advert for lots of different shops that sold post surgery bras might be worth looking elsewhere as M&S can be a bit hit and miss with sizes anyways imo?

Glad Shadow that your near the end of your injections, is all new for me so trying to get my head around all the different things that will become a part of my life soon. Good luck with the trial

Ven have you had a look at the Asda range? They do post surgery bras and swimsuits.