Mid-life Crisis - care to have a moan with me?

[MrsRossPoldark]

I am so Mrs mid-life crisis right now.

Marriage being 'reassessed'; under pressure at work; kids all with teenage problems; no pension provision; debts; jealous of friends with perfect kids & partners / fab holidays; emotions all over the place; not knowing what the future holds etc etc

Why isn't there a 'mid-life' crisis section under 'general health'? This seems such a stereotypical MLC and there are so many threads relating to issues with middle-age and yet no-one wants to discuss it? Most seem to be DHs running off with younger women, or women feeling dissatisfied with their DHs as they have been together so long there's nothing to talk about any more.

Anyone out there need a good old moan? Come and join the mid-life whinge thread!

[ThisTimeIAmMagic]

I hope you don't mind me creeping in even though I am not quite forty. My MLC kicked in last year after a health scare and the deaths of two close family members. DH and I have grown apart because of work stress,ill health and parenting young DS. I have been suffering from low level depression and anxiety. I am 3 stone overweight and feel about as sexy as a kipper. I had blood tests done to see if I was perimenopausal but they came back normal. I am constantly tired and am having bouts of poor concentration and memory problems. Sorry for the essay but any tips for getting mojo back would be appreciated.

[mineofuselessinformation]

Ok, I'll add mine...
No marriage to worry about as long since divorced. However, I'm bloody lonely - I moved just over a year ago and still don't have any 'real friends& where I am.
I'm sick to death of my body starting to give up on me.... I have arthritis, and nobody warns you it's not just your face that goes saggy do they? I have (despite being reasonably slim) inner thigh wobble and everywhere else wobble. I have learnt that the women I used to think had decent boobage actually wobble on the chest department because they've lost the firmness they had...
(Sorry, that's too many wobbles! )
I could carry on including sprouting hairs on my chin that I can't see without reading glasses and a magnifying mirror..., but I think that's enough for now.

[crispandfruity]

This is a brilliant thread. 40's, various health niggles, teenage kids, money woes, feeling flat. By this age I thought I'd be wearing boden and having those fancy Warner holidays advertised on tv. A big hell yes to the worry of elderly parents too.

In another 20 or so years I'll be the elderly parent. That's something to look forward to.

[mistymeanour]

Thistime did they check your thyroid function and your iron levels ? Did the GP offer some meds for the depression and/or some cbt for the anxiety? Ill health really depresses my mood.

I don't have tips for getting your mojo back but my mood has been better and calmer lately as I have become more selfish and put more energy into me than just the others in my family and have stopped criticizing myself and instead act as my own best friend.
I have tried to stop worrying about my weight gain and have been going for long walks (I dislike gyms, running etc and that is OK) which does improve my mood and helps tire me for better sleep.
I have let cleaning standards in the house slip a bit - no one has batted an eyelid.
I read books instead or settle down with good boxset on the laptop with headphones if it is something my DP doesn't like.

Just basically small things that I can change (not the huge things that I can't) but all add up to a bit of difference.

[MrsRossPoldark]

thistime - I agree with misty

I had bloods taken last week for hormone levels, thyroid function and kidney function. Will let you know of course.

Although I'm still running well, I feel so bloody stiff all the time and am getting spasms in my legs that make me wince when I'm walking. Great fun innit?!

[MrsRossPoldark]

Oh, and my skin esp on my hands, is thinning. My DM has tissue paper thin skin (there's a name for it but I can't remember it!) & has always seemed to have really prominent veins on the back of her hands and now, guess what?! So have I!

[MrsRossPoldark]

Just to make you laugh (not): I posted a thread on a running theme - "why am I so painfully stiff in the morning & developed spasms in my legs after running?" A couple of days ago, and got the brief response "you are 51". Gee thanks! Don't remind me!!

[thecatsm0ther]

The skin on my hands is crepey! And I have brown age spots!

My knees hurt when I climb the stairs.

[Ledkr]

Can I join you?
I'm 47 and had a surgical menopause last year and have been on hrt for the last 3 months.
I feel constantly "uptight" I worry and obsess over the slightiest thing and it's driving me crazy.
For example a camping trip (we have a van) can send me into a flap for days as I obsess over packing and arrangements.
Not helped by the fact I have a 4 yr old who is lovely but bloody hard work.
My job is so hard as well I get so anxious about the paper work and deadlines I can barely sleep.
I am achy too, around my lower back and knees.
I feel better for sharing.
I have nobody to talk to because my friends are all just starting peri, not in full blown meno like me

[MrsRossPoldark]

Said I'd update you guys: it's my 20th wedding anniversary today (yay me!) & I have just found out that yes, I'm officially menopausal. So that explains the depression, sweats (occasional thank goodness), dreadful mood swings and tantrums. Maybe also has something to do with the MLC as it all seems to have come to a head over the last 6 months, and now maybe is calming down a bit?

At least now when the kids and DH annoy me, I can officially use the M word in anger!

[MrsRossPoldark]

Ledkr: I have to admit that when I moaned to a fellow runner recently about the constant nagging backache, his response was "well you are 51".

[thecatsm0ther]

.

[thecatsm0ther]

Back for a moan. Hit an all time low this weekend. I knew we were struggling with income versus outgoings, but now we've maxed out the overdraft, 8 days before pay day and I'm fed up, totally fed up.

I'm self employed and work has been very quiet recently, instead of earning at least 150 a week I'm earning 50 Due to my depression and anxiety I can't cope with applying for a full time job, every time I do that I end up a nervous wreck and have to give up

I need to earn some money, quick, without interacting with people!

We are spending way too much on food, mainly on top up shops, which are generally for treats, chocolate, and also takeaways when I can't face cooking

I also seem to have developed a nasty eBay habit, buying clothes in a desperate attempt to make myself feel better, because none of my clothes fit, because I've put on weight

I can't lose weight, because when I'm unhappy I eat chocolate

I'm fed up of being the only one responsible for this. Dh is wrapped up in his new bands he plays in (also costing money when he goes to practise once or twice a week).

Dd14 is always hungry, and craves pasta and junk, I keep having to fill up the fridge several times a week.

I don't know how we're going to get through the next 8 days - and council tax goes out of the bank account later this week

[Twirlwirlywoo]

Sorry to hear you are having such a shit time of it Thecats.

Well I am utterley fed up too.

I just don't even know where to start.

I have spent most of today sat on the sofa staring into space, looking at old photos and crying.

I would happily go back to any period in my life other than now.

Life about 10 years ago was utterly fabulous. How did it get so utterly shit now? Pretty much every aspect of my life is disintegrating into utter shit. I really don't know what to do with myself. I am in a terrible state today.

[thecatsm0ther]

Sorry to hear that Twirl, it's shit, isn't it? I'm so fed up too. My mum starts chemo tomorrow My dog has a hurt eye, where the car scratched it and I can't afford to go to the vets til next Tuesday when dh gets paid. I'm doing everything I can to scrape together a few quid to pay the council tax on Friday, but I'm not going to have enough, I'm going to have to go into unauthorised overdraft, which will cost an absolute fortune

Because I'm stressed and worried I've been eating crap and I can't sleep at night.

I wish there was an end in sight.

[Twirlwirlywoo]

Thanks for acknowledging me cats. I know this sounds pathetic but your acknowledgement is the nicest thing to happen to me today. I am so incredibly lonely right now. It's madness that you can be a wife and mum yet feel so alone in the world.
I am sorry about your mum. I hope she copes ok with the chemo.

[thecatsm0ther]

Twirl, I'm not much help, but sometimes it just helps to know you're not the only one feeling this way? If you want to talk, we'll listen and offer and

[thecatsm0ther]

I've been thinking about my relationship and my first marriage too. It's possible that I've married the first man that showed any interest in me - twice! I don't think I loved my first husband at all. I'm not sure about my second. I miss him when he's not here, look forward to him coming home, but I have never been good at being alone, so maybe it's just that, needing someone to talk to.

I feel really sad (and I know this is really shallow) that I'll never have the chance now to date a good looking man who cares about his appearance and his clothes. Both my husbands were/are real scruff bags, don't bother with showering or shaving unless they have to, don't possess nice clothes. Neither were/are anything to look at. I'm not a beauty, pretty average really. Both were very lazy, both not good fathers. I just feel sad that part of my life is over and I've wasted it.

I've been talking to someone online who is 28 and it's getting a bit steamy. I lied about my age and he is flattering me and wanting to see photos, saying he adores me. Obviously this can lead nowhere because of my age, and I can't send a photo. But he sent me a photo and he is hot, absolutely gorgeous. You see, this is my MLC! I know it's crazy and I'll put a stop to it, because it's not fair on him, but, damn, I want to be in with a chance!!

[MrsRossPoldark]

thecatsmother: how are you getting on with Mr Steamy? You do know to be very careful? I lusted after a younger man for a while, but after I introduced him to an [even] older friend of mine, he started going out with her daughter [sic]. Now I feel really old, thanks pal!

I have been feeling very down in the dumps and even though I have 'stuff' going on and am busy, I wake up feeling tearful for no reason at all. I know there's no reason, but I can't shake off the feeling that I've woken up to 'yet another day'. Sounds woolly but you'll probably know what I mean.

We're just about on top of the finances and then - the car needs a huge service, we have just paid the balance on our first family holiday in years and my two eldest DSs have just turned / about to turn 16 and 18, so we'd like to get them something to mark the occasion. We have had to pay to have our dead and dangerous tree felled [using all the equipment God has ever invented for felling a tree it seems], so more unplanned costs.

[baaaabaaaaabaaaa]

I can relate to so many of you on this thread.

Yes my life seems to have imploded in a negative way.

Too embarrassed to write about it all here as I feel at my age 43 I should have my life sorted not be living in the mess I am. I feel like its all coming undone at the seams. Health, marriage, no career or job even, no idea how to get my life back on track - well maybe thats a lie. I kind of know what I should be doing but seem to lack the drive and guts to do it.

I feel nervy and anxious alot of the time. Probably down to the fact I have discovered my husband of almost 20 years is not who I thought he was but a serial sex cheat.

I had a lovely life, well I thought I did, obviously I never had the life and the husband I thought I did as he has been carryingon on for most of our marriage.

My self esteem is under the floor. I am disgusted with myself for getting myself into such a shot situation and not doing anything about it.

I have health issues mounting and we are not even living where I want to. We had to move for my husbands job. I hate it here and cannot even be bothered to make the effort to get to know people as I am still reeling from what I have recently discovered about my husband.


My teens are typical teens I suppose but I am sick of the eye rolling and embarrassment I inflict on them by just being in the car when dropping them off. I used to be able to laugh about this but just feel like shit these days. Its another kick in the teeth. Another example of how I have done my useful bit (of raising the kids) and am now surplus to requirements.

I feel old. I feel constantly tired. I feel shakey and nervous and I dont sleep well. My hair has started thinnning and I have nothing to talk about to anyone. I literally have no life and lack the confidence and self esteem anymore to do anything about this. I just cannot see a way out at all. Every option I consider just seems like too much effort.

I can utterly see why people just up and dissappear. I dont want to die but I do wish I could start over with a new identity, a suitcase and just me.

I dont recognise myself from the person I used to be. I can relate to the person who said 10 years ago life was fab. One day it turned to utter shit and I cannot recall when exactly that happened.

[MrsRossPoldark]

Right that's it! I am now on cooking strike. I'm sick of trying to think of stuff to cook that anyone will eat apart from take aways.

I did a lovely paella from scratch the other day and it really was gorgeous but noone would even try it. Too orange?!

I cook pasta & it's got the wrong type of sauce. I cook sausages and they won't try unless it's with chips but I dared to try mash. DH never decides what he'd like until the kids are all crying with hunger & we end up with a take away rather than make them wait while I cook something they refuse to touch anyway. He's announced that he'll go out for chippy tonight as YS has been competing in an athletics event all day so is tired.

I have now been out for a half hour run myself, cooled down & cleared up the kitchen (2 teens at home all day didn't do it) & no dinner yet. He could have gone out in that time but we are still waiting!

I don't bother buying much food now as it just goes to waste. Why did I feed them puréed caulifloqers & broccoli when they were babies to try to introduce them to a wide range of tastes? It obv doesn't work.