Tamoxigang thread 50 with summer sun, sangria and maybe even some sand

[foofooyeah]

Welcome to thread 50 .... Yes FIFTY.
Lots of us are rising 50 so rather apt!

MomofTwo bugger about MIL. I hope the treatment is successful. As there's a strong family history, your girls should be monitored more closely as they reach at risk ages for any of the cancers. Also if they have any symptoms that could be linked, they will be referred straight away etc. It's obviously worrying but treatments are continually improving and they may well have developed targeted treatments for the genetic things by the time your girls are at risk. My geneticist has been very encouraging about it all. If I were to have children naturally and they inherited the condition, they would be so closely monitored (and have the same surgery I had) that they would not really be at any risk of cancer. I hope that it would be the same for anyone with a history of cancer. Have you seen a geneticist about your existing family history? If so, you could discuss your husband's family too and they may be able to offer testing to your girls if they can identify the relevant gene.

becca I'm very late to the party but yippee! That's absolutely brilliant news and has put a massive smile on my face so I can only imagine how pleased you are

lily hope you enjoyed your holidays?

I've rambled on enough so waving to everyone, hope you're all well

PS elporto I started my chemo exactly twelve weeks after my first surgery (when they removed the cancer). It was meant to be sooner but they had to do my second surgery earlier than planned. Oncologist said that twelve weeks was the latest he would allow, but that others had gone up to sixteen weeks.

Momof2, that is just horrid news, I am so sorry and hope you are all holding tight.

Wren and RahRah, thanks a million for the much needed perspective on my chemo start date. I hate to admit it but I am slowly going crazy again, 2 hours sleep last night, horrid pains (real or imaginary?) in my pelvis and lower spine and can't seem to get hold of my BCN this morning starting to feel a bit sweary and manic now, my GP suggested anti-depressants last week but I am guessing they don't work alongside chemo drugs? Oh dear. Well, am off to LGFB this afternoon, hopefully it will do exactly what it says on the tin.

As far as I'm aware you can take anti-depressants with chemo drugs, I don't think they interact. Of course, it depends on the specific drugs but I'm sure your GP can find a suitable one.

Look Good, Feel Better is really nice. I didn't wear much make up beforehand, so it was really helpful to get professional tips :)

Hi all,
Nice to see everyone here - well, not nice but you know what I mean

Mom so sorry to hear your news. What an awful time for you all. Wise words from rahrah though.

Elporto can completely get how stressful the waiting around must be. Hope you get a start date soon and that this afternoon takes your mind off things a bit

I had to go for an armpit scan this morning. Because of the way my dcis came to light this time, my armpit hadn't been looked at so I was kind of expecting that but wasn't expecting to have to have a biopsy as well. In my head biopsy = they think there is a problem, so I'm ashamed to say that I had silent tears running down my face as the lovely doctor was doing it. She said they are just being 'super cautious' but even so...... Results from BCN on Friday. I honestly don't know how much more waiting I can tolerate. These last few weeks have been grim.

Came back to both my teens at home as ds doesn't have lessons til this afternoon and dd is packing for Morocco so quickly popped upstairs to put some make up on to cover my blotchy face!

Someone up thread said about waving dcs off to uni (I can't scroll back to see who it was and my memory is shot to pieces at the moment). Last year was really tough as I was getting my diagnosis at the same time as dd was preparing to go. On the day she got her results I asked myself how I would be feeling if she hadn't got in and the answer was hugely disappointed for her of course, so that helped a bit but yes it was hard. I didn't expect to be going through something similar this year......

On a completely unrelated note, our avenue is full of large leafy trees and there are lots of men with chainsaws here at the moment pollarding them. I think that's what it's called - sawing all the branches off. That's a bit of a distraction as they are making a hell of a racket!

See you all later xx

Hi marshy, I've just been catching up on everyone's news and yours struck a particular cord. I had an armpit scan 3 weeks ago for a grumbling lymph node. Like you I was absolutely stunned when she said she wanted to do a biopsy. It really wasn't what I was expecting and despite her saying she was just being super cautious, I heard totally different words and I think shocked her with my horrified reaction. It was supposed to be the start of me getting better and over the following week I got more frightened and stressed than after my initial diagnosis. The waiting is torture and I know the next few days will feel like a lifetime. I wish it was possible to turn your thoughts off.

elporto you too sound very stressed again, the waiting for chemo must be awful, feeling so well now but knowing that's going to change. I hope you feel better, or at least distracted by this afternoons activities.

We've been busy doing university open days with dd2 for next year. I have to keep telling myself that it's her choice and if she wants to be several hours away I have to deal with it. But the next few years of monitoring make me scared and I don't want her to be far away if I get ill again. I am keeping this to myself of course, but I don't like it.

Hello to everyone else, mom sorry to hear about your mil. When will they find a cute for this awful disease?

Cure!!! Goodness me.

Re anti-anxiety medicine, I have a friend who works at Memorial Sloane Kettering in New York. I have just been through a major ovarian cancer scare - enormous tumour, fortunately non-malignant - and he advised me right at the beginning to get some help. It's much more routine in the U.S.A. - I suppose because of all those insurance dollars at work.

After my first, rather gloomy, gynae appointment, I went to my GP who gave me valium for especially anxious occasions and put me on anti-d's. They really did help, not least to be able to eat properly. Before, my stomach was in knots most of the time.

Apologies for butting in. I didn't feel like posting while it was going on - but hope this might be helpful to those of you having an especially worrying time.

Just to echo what Thymeout and Rahrah have said, it is both fine and quite common to take anti depressants and anti anxiety stuff during treatment as both conditions are so common with cancer. My GP prescribed both for me, alongside plenty of warnings about not getting addicted to the anti anxiety drugs. As it happens I haven't used either; they sit in the cupboard reassuring me with their very presence.

Oh Mrsrhod, cancer is SO not 'cute'

Thanks very much indeed for the info on anti-anxiety meds and ADs during chemo, I have decided to go back to my GP tomorrow and ask him to sort me out with something, as I don't think I can sustain much longer like this.

So, I went to LGFB today which was very lovely, the freebies were awesome and I did look gawjus, but my BCN called in the middle of it to tell me that the oncologist is on leave for another week and I can't see her til next Thurs at the earliest. Totally sent me spinning with worry, I am so desperate to start chemo she also said she is sorting me out with an MRI for my spine at my GPs request, quotes 'this is just to set your mind at rest' - glad about this but also, OH FUCK I hate that MRI machine sooo much, and what if they find something??

I had a good half hour of howling on DH this evening, then one of my best mates turned up unexpectedly bearing trashy celeb mags and cupcakes, which has cheered me a little. My coccyx still hurts though (panic panic) and I feel scared, utterly diminished and broken by this whole bloody process. I know you all understand where I am at, and I can't tell you the comfort I derive from knowing that whatever I am feeling, everyone on here has felt it too at some stage.

Thank you lovely ladies for your kind words and support. I can't really talk very openly in RL about my fears for my girls. My poor DH really doesn't need to hear those concerns. Though very possibly he has the same concerns.

Mom, my brother in law has a very very strong family history of cancer, with the most recent person to have to deal with it being my nephew. When I went to see a geneticist I talked to her about them and she was supportive about testing. I believe there are already tests available for one gene (group of genes? Someone will know more than me) that predisposes to cancer. And in the next year or so new tests will apparently be available on the NHS - so called panel tests - that can test a group of genes that have a role in certain cancers. If anything tests positive, you can get screenings for these cancers as RahRah said. The testing is reasonably specialist I think.

Elporto glad you enjoyed LGFB, you're not meant to cry it all off later though seriously I do feel for you, good idea to go to the gp. Are you sleeping ? I found the nights were the worst and was on sleeping tablets for ages. I still don't sleep well but manage now I'm not on treatment. Accept whatever help they can give you. I also had a long wait for chemo and remember how horrid it was x

wineoclock thanks for the reassurance about the taxol, let's hope I avoid the nausea too (although I know there are loads of other nasty side effects too).

If you would be happy to send me the moo goo cream I would really appreciate it. I'm getting what's left of my hair shaved on Thurs so things might improve then but it would be good to have something to rub in.

marshy so sorry you're having to play the waiting game again particularly when you weren't expecting it. Let's hope your BCN keeps to her word and let's you know on Fri so you don't have to agonise over the weekend.

talking of BCNs (for those that have them) do they ever contact you just to see how you're doing or is it a more reactive relationship where they're at the end of a phone waiting to hear from you?

To answer your question minty there are two bc nurses at my local hospital and I am assigned to one of them. In reality, it is nearly always the other one that I speak to and I feel more comfortable with. That is purely by chance, she has answered the phone at he times I've rung and she was with the consultant at my diagnosis appt.

So far they have not called me to see how I am apart from to give results. Maybe if I were more ill they would step up the contact. They immediately know who I am when I call though, I don't think they have a massive case load. I'm very thankful to have them.

Thanks mrs. There are 3 nurses at my hospital. I met one in mid July when I met my surgeon and had my biopsy results and formal diagnosis. I met another a couple of weeks later when I saw the oncologist. Since then I've not heard from either of them but then I've not picked up the phone to them either.

I was just curious how things work elsewhere as some of you seem to have very close relationships with your BCN.

We have access to a paediatric outreach nursing team for DD plus a specialist nurse and both of them periodically phone me to see how she is doing. I wasn't sure if the BCN a do the same kind of thing.

They probably don't have time to proactively contact all their patients so I guess it's down to us to contact them

I don't have a BCN, think I've moaned about that enough lol. Actually though I feel that my medical treatment was very good, emotional support was pretty much non existent. Never had any help from Macmillan or anyone.
Saying that we have a little boy at school with leukaemia and his nurse came to talk to the class the other day. He seems to be getting fantastic support so maybe that's where resources go, which is how it should be of course.

Hi minty, I wouldn't say I have a close relationship with either of my nurses. I would say they are extremely kind and gentle and have always had time to talk. However, my calls have really been to gain some facts or discuss an issue, rather than to look for emotional support. They are quite special people, one in particular, who is just so kind and explains things very well. I'm sure if I needed more support they would be available, I hope to not get to that point.

Yes, in our experience paediatric support and care is fantastic. We have 24x7 access to a registrar if ever we need plus specialist nurses and physios who will come out to our house or school if we want them to.

I guess the fact that I've not called my BCN shows I'm probably managing ok. .. For now anyway. I suspect I might be someone who it will finally hit home to - and hard -when my treatment ends.

Afternoon all

Hope everyone has a sunny and warm one like it is here

I'm doing the waiting thing now until results on Friday. Mrs I remember your grumbling lymph node. Like you, I was bowled over yesterday by that biopsy. Hope I get a similar outcome.

Minty my experience of BCN has been similar to others here (except malt ) She has contacted me only twice, once to warn me a scan appt letter was on its way as she knew I would freak out, and once to give me results. Apart from that she has been at significant appts with the surgeon and has always made time to see me if I have requested it. That has been mostly to discuss results or an issue but along the way she has provided lots of emotional support and I do feel as if I could ask her anything and voice any fear no matter how ridiculous.

I feel a bit calmer today but doesn't take much to get me sobbing. I saw my boss today and sobbed on her shoulder then had my mirena out at the gp and sobbed on her as well. She offered me medication and counselling which I have said I will think about. She also signed me off sick. I didn't ask her if she enjoyed her curry the other night!

So that's me for now. I'm off to uni for a returners day tomorrow as I deferred completion of my MSc last year owing to the fecking bc and had just decided to re engage with it when boom! here I am again. Going to try to press on anyway and at least it'll keep me distracted. I feel as if I look about 110 though and not fit to be seen in public! Worry is very unglam - must make a bit of effort tomorrow.
See you all later

Hi all. I need to catch up properly but mom- sorry to hear your news and the worry that it brings. Marshy- sobbing can be good but hope you had a good day at uni. Fingers crossed for your results.

Have finally finished chemo and have hidden away a bit to get my head round it. Still very tired and feel a bit sick but knowing this bit is done is a big relief. Today I had my surgical appointment which means I am on the treadmill of the next bit. I went in thinkng I knew which op I would be having but now it looks like the best option is different. I am have a BMX with immediate reconstruction (the surgeon is double checking I don't need radiotherapy) and she thinks implants would be a good option. I don't have enough stomach to recreate the size I am now and she said they would be significantly smaller. After putting on lots of weight I thought there would be plenty! If they pull through my back muscle then I would still need implants as well. She thought the recovery time would be better for me with just implants in terms of looking after the children. I go back next thurs to go through final decision. My BCN is going to go through some photos with me next week.

Has anyone else had implants and can tell me anything? Sorry that was long!

Hope everyone having a good evening. Off to read through everything properly and catch up on where people are.

Not been on for a while. Been back at work just over a week and although reduced hours it is pretty tiring.

Love to all and hugs to those who need them.

speedy I have implants (expander things). Been fine but mine ave not ben fully inflated yet as had to have more chemo. My surgeon did immediate recon although knew I would be having Rads. Said there was v slight chance f it causing issues but did say occasionally there were issues.

I didn't want the long stay and recovery caused by more extensive surgery.

Can't help re recon speedy, as they wouldn't do mine immediately because of rads, funny how doctors differ, as we so often say!
Saw my onc today, she's pleased with how I am, still hadn't got bone results back so she got one of the nurses to break into the surgeon's filing cabinet - no metastes found. She reckons the pain is from rads and can be permanent .

Can I pop in and say Hi? It's not me but my MIL who has stage 3 breast cancer. I have found reading this thread has really helped me offer support to her.

She has her mastectomy on Monday. She is worries sick about the results of the lymph nose testing as she definitely has cells on one node so has convinced herself it will be in more that three which I think makes it really bad news?

Anyway, thank you all for all the information. It has helped me to help her. You are all amazing. X

Hi to all
Had my post op results meeting today and apparently the all clear of my nodes was premature, as one was positive, but the other 11 were clear,so a reasonable result I suppose. The rollercoaster continues ..
Have a date to see the oncologist in a few weeks, but have booked myself on a LivingWell course through Penny Brohn Cancer Care, which is based near me. I think they focus on healthy eating as well as relaxation, so in practice I went out with a friend for medicinal red wine and tapas....
Hugs to all
Xxx