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Original poster

Have lost nearly 5 stone since in 4 months, but sore lips and gums??

108 replies

oopsadaisyme · 19/04/2014 21:58

I've lost 5 stone since xmas, now about 9 stone -

But my lips and gums are so sore, is it a vitamin thing??

Have cut out total carbs and sugar, is it that?

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 20/04/2014 00:21

Yes.he berated,controlled and undermined you in relationship
You had little control or influence over him or how he made you feel
Except now,you can control the food and have the additional obvious not fat anymore

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 20/04/2014 00:23

I understand your pain about being called a fat cunt and the feeling that you have crossed that offf the list now so you are in control of that.

But the bad feelings/dynamic won't go away because you have lost weight. It will find a way to transfer to something else because it's all about something far deeper than weight. Trust me.

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 20/04/2014 00:32

scott totally - for a long time - i was so controlled (think the right word now actually) - but for so long -

He moved me hundreds of miles away from everything and everyone, used us, took everything we had then left us -

it was all planned, for months -

he lost me everything

have started to rebuild my life now, few things here and there, and getting there, really am, but so much debt and hurt, he took everything, lied, cheated, and still came back occasionally and used me, even tho he with someone else (who he denied he was with)

No contact now at all, nothing - but been controlled for so long has left me with a feeling of 'what do I do now!?

is that weird?

OP posts:
member · 20/04/2014 00:35

Not weird.

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 20/04/2014 00:37

member then why am I still so upset about someone who treated me like total shit - ??

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 20/04/2014 00:37

Not weird in least.youve reacted to an abusive turbulent relationship
You've proved him wrong,the fat cunt label that's not you anymore
Please do take care,take things gently.it takes time to get in a pickle,takes time to get out

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 20/04/2014 00:43

I had a miscarriage with him, and he used it against me in every argument, calling me a 'baby killer' or telling me to 'check the toilet'! he was awful, just awful -

now he has a job making thousands, new girlfriend, holidays to vegas, everywhere, he took everything from us and treated me terribly -

is it jealously i'm feeling or regret or hurt????

I've just been so hurt, confused, he took everything I had, money, everything...

OP posts:
member · 20/04/2014 00:45

He may have treated you like shit but you knew where you were with him.Familiarity is comforting; controlling - making you reliant on him meant less decision making for you.

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 20/04/2014 00:47

member makes sense

OP posts:
member · 20/04/2014 00:51

Must be scary, and utterly galling how he appears to have come up smelling of roses.

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 20/04/2014 00:56

member i think that's it actually

OP posts:
butterfliesinmytummy · 20/04/2014 01:51

What an absolute shit, op, I'm angry for you. You showed him that he was wrong on every count, well done.

Now you need to show him that you are strong and fierce, physically and emotionally. Get to the docs, make sure it's one you can talk to, explain about your dieting and recent lifestyle changes and the emotional abuse that @*#! put you through (because that's what it was). Maybe there is some sort of real life support you can get.

Get healthy, get strong, show him, and believe me, Karma's a bitch, his time will come x

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 20/04/2014 01:59

butter do believe in karma, and just hope it does, ten fold x

Can't sleep, not really thought I had a prob before posting (knew ex a prob, but not this really, just though getting healthy, thin etc) hey ho - will sort - x

OP posts:
ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 20/04/2014 02:17

On the face of it, it may look like he's come up roses, but he will still be an abusive bastard and that new girlfriend won't stay around long if she has any sense once he starts belittling her like he did you and probably every other girlfriend he's had.

You've lost a lot of weight in a short space of time and now your body is giving you major major signals it needs you to start looking after it and change your behaviour. The logical part of you knows deep down that you need to eat healthy meals yet something is stopping you. As you don't feel able to address your health issues, hand yourself over to someone who can, your GP. I would urge you to go this week just like most of the other posters advise too.

You've been through an incredibly traumatic relationship. You need to heal and start being kind to yourself. He abused you for too long and you are letting him continue to do so by believing his disgusting words. Let go of the past and start focussing on your recovery. Shift that control and determination away from skipping meals and over exercising and redirect it into building your self esteem and self worth. Very best of luck.

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 20/04/2014 02:58

shakes everything on here and what has been said totally makes sense - totally

My Gp's are shocking, new one every time I've been, and don't think i'd be comfortable (and really don't think they'd listen anyway) if I went an said what's up - probably get asked to fill out a form and wait to see someone, who would refer to someone else etc ....

waste of time,

OP posts:
goodasitgets · 20/04/2014 03:20

That's the thing, you get called fat, you control the food as it's the only thing you can, you will have lost weight as you said but you will still feel (even though you're not) "fat"

I can't really give much advice except maybe see a nurse instead of the GP if you're uncomfortable with the GP
Get a decent multi vit with iron, and take it

You will think you are controlling the food, but the food is actually controlling you in the fact that you aren't eating it. Your hunger trigger will have gone because you stop listening to your body
Try and eat - tiny bits, doesn't matter if it's low carb, bits of meat and veg/salad will be good for you. Soup if you can't face chewing or even mix some milk with protein shake if your mouth is sore. An ice lolly - anything, but you need to nourish your body. You are punishing it for what your ex said, so he is still controlling you
Take back that control

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 20/04/2014 09:19

Oops, could you waste an hour of time and do it anyway? I don't mind you telling us 'I told you so'. I just don't think even a crap GP would ignore that your periods have stopped, you're surviving on celery and hummus, and choosing to exercise when you are hungry. These could well be symptoms of an eating disorder which seems at odds if you have been quite an overweight person but it can happen, there were several people on Supersize v Superskinny that this happened to, with similar symptoms to you. They were really putting their health at risk.

It's Easter, can you try and eat some scrambled egg and a slice of toast maybe if you are staying away from chocolate eggs? Visit your parents for lunch? Or at least, prepare a proper meal? Prove to yourself that you can do it? If not, will that show you there could be a problem developing with food?

I hope you got some sleep eventually. Take care.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 20/04/2014 09:24

He is the cunt.

No matter what you weighed you were not one.

Please get some vitamins and go and get a blood test and general check.

Well done for leaving such a vile man.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 20/04/2014 09:25

If you cant approach gPs at least get some vitamins and try..I know its hard.. to eat some protein and fruit and veg. Low carb is better than no carb.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 20/04/2014 10:18

^ what Fanjo said!

Flowers for you, oops. x

differentnameforthis · 20/04/2014 13:35

Lemon can irritate your mouth, yes, but in all my time as a dental nurse, I have never known it to cause the issue you are having, especially as it seems you have the lemon in the tea? So you aren't eating whole lemons like they are apples.

Your body is missing something. You cannot go days with our food, no one can. The reason you think you can, is because your body adapts & lives off itself.

Celery & hummus are almost zero calories & low fat..

Original poster
oopsadaisyme · 20/04/2014 13:45

Cooked a big roast today, going to have a plate!

OP posts:
differentnameforthis · 20/04/2014 13:45

appreciate your help but lighten up a little please? appreciate your support but maybe some lighter help needed, just at the mo

MN can be harsh. Most of us have a way of saying what's what & not beating around the bush. Sometimes it is needed, sometimes not.

I think it is needed here, op. Yes you are upset, but you have gone from denial of a problem, to admitting you may have lost control a little.

A wake up call, if you like. And you say that you have only admitted it here, but at least you have admitted it & that is the first step.

It is because people care, op. It may not sound like it, but people even strangers) do care.

Jux · 20/04/2014 14:12

When my mum couldn't swallow (terminal cancer) our gp recommended that she have a milkshake every day, made with a few scoops of ice cream, milk and a whole banana. At the least eat a banana or an avocado every day.

I bought sip feeds from Boots for mum too. She was supposed to have 3 of those a day, but only managed one a day. If you were to do that (they're quite expensive though) then you would be getting some nutrients into your body. Not a long term solution, but will help while you get your head around the other things.

fuzzpig · 20/04/2014 14:21

The best revenge is living well OP. And that means being healthy, not just slim. Learn to nourish your body - you deserve it.

You said 'us' rather than 'me' in a couple of posts - do you have children? If so, do this for them.

I know talking to a professional will be hard but it will be worth it. In the meantime maybe just add a tiny bit of food in. Maybe just one boiled egg for breakfast (doesn't have to be first thing in the morning if you can't face it) or something like that.