How the hell have I missed knowing about 'mooncups'??? Where do you buy them, they sound rather nice.
Cc, I know I know I know. Today's been better than yesterday without doubt. yesterday I could've killed. In fact there was a dark moment in the kitchen when I stared at the vegetable knife for a few seconds before giving myself a shake ...
Today I am finding I DO forget sometimes, then I suddenly get a lung pang and a feeling of total unreality that I can't satisfy it with a fag. I think all the time how easy it would be for me to just stop fighting, like I'm teetering, not totally determined like you were cc. But somehow I keep pulling myself back.
I read lots of whyquit this afternoon and it did help. Dd was also very sweet and non-demanding which also helped, we just sat doing mad pictures of rabbits most of the afternoon. My patience with her is so short at the moment though. I keep having to check myself and remind myself that this isn't her fault. on the other hand if she was old enough to know what I'm doing and that she's the main reason for my doing it I think she'd forgive her irritable mummy.
And that's the big thing that's keeping me going. Not that I don't want to smoke because I am completely aware of how much I've enjoyed it and what's it's meant to me. But because I can't stand the feelings of anxiety and guilt about what it will do to my health and to dd's future. And the thought of being free of that anxiety, that horrible first-thing-in-the-morning feeling of dread that I'm STILL smoking. and all the horror stories of people who've died of cancer that I've ever heard...
Ramble, ramble, ramble.
I feel like a maniac!!!!!