Tamoxigang New Year, New Thread, *46*

[BetsyBoop]

Hands round a for everyone.

wee that's so tough for you and your sister ... Hope you manage to go with her. Very are for you both

wren how nice about the book token and recommendations.

Wee - sorry to hear about your sister, it's lucky she has you to hold her hand, as she has some big decisions to make.

Wren - Sounds like you and DH have some lovely thoughtful work colleagues.

Thanks, greeneyedcat. I wish I'd been scared a bit more a bit earlier about breast cancer; might have spotted this bugger earlier.

Updating I work for a professional services practice as a member of support staff. My boss has told people on a need to know\ because they asked basis. There are only just over 100 working for the organisation and unfortunately another person is also off with BC - diagnosed just after me.

Thanks Greeneyed, I am having bottom problems at the moment. Bright red blood when I pass stools. I have been to the Doctors and suffered the indignity of being examined down there. It seems I have a couple of anal tears, brought on through being bunged up with the emeds. Fortunately the chemo that I am on at the moment has loosened everything up making going easier and the Dr has prescribed a cream. I don't even know the symptoms of anal cancer. What should I look out for?

I'm glad you made the effort to make the GP take you seriously, greeneyed. So easy to be fobbed off. And I'm glad you've achieved bottom baring fluency!

I had a stool sample (blood, itchiness) sent to check whether there was unusual inflammation - which might have indicated cancer. Not heard back, which I assumed meant the all clear, but perhaps I should double check....

Sorry I really NEED to offload

I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER!

NOT THE F**KING PLAGUE!

It's not contagious! So WHY oh WHY are my friends avoiding me?

Sorry no need for any responses. I just needed to say it!
Now to calm down, stop bloody crying and get some sleep.

Oh really that is crap I'm sorry
Do you think they don't know what to say or think you want to be on your own ? Still no excuse though
Hope you get some sleep and don't forget you've got us

really I think unfortunately that's perfectly normal. A few years ago I was involved in an incident where many people died and where I very nearly died. I was a wreck and spent two years seeing a psychologist to help me through what happened. My oldest and closest friend told me to 'pull myself together' less than a month after the incident. I said it would take time to recover (and some close friends recently said that I'm still not the person I was pre-incident). My best friend couldn't offer any support and I haven't seen her since. I found support in the most surprising places and no support from people I thought I could really count on (and whom I had supported through very difficult circumstances).

I have experienced the same behaviour with my illness and because of what I went through previously I am less surprised. Some friends have gone out of their way to offer emotional and practical support others just don't make any effort to talk to me and don't reply when I try to contact and talk to them. Colleagues are the same.

Some hugely supportive and quite a few pretending that nothing is wrong with me. I didn't go to the Christmas party because I was simply too tired to contemplate an evening out followed by a 2 hour journey home. Rather than accepting that I had a colleague I considered a friend repeatedly asking me why I wasn't going. That was in spite of him knowing how ill I am, he has chosen to ignore it as (I assume) he simply can't deal with it.

My brother was tested to see if he was a match for what will be a life saving stem cell transplant. He didn't bother to find out the result (info that I had no access to). I had to ask him repeatedly to contact the hospital to find out. He did and texted me the result. He wasn't a match. That was at the beginning of December and I've not heard from him since even though he lives 15 mins from me and 5 mins from ds's school. There is no offer of help and no support at all either for me or our mum who is going through hell worrying about me. And no phone call or text to see how I am.

Thanks for yr replies just feel anxious. Should I go on my own or with hubby it my sil has offered, she has experience of this

weebarra Ah, that's just too bad about your poor sister.

Re telling work, I just told HR, key people in my Dept, and certain colleagues that I'm close to. I also asked some of my work friends to fill in people that knew me with several years.
I work in a large multi-national, and in cross functional, multi-region teams. I only told a out 3 people outside my own country. Two of those are ever so nice and make an effort to email me good wishes every two months or so.
I told HR & my boss that I didn't feel like sharing my diagnosis with people who didn't know me. Many months later, I'm kind of sorry I did this. It makes more drama around going back to work. (If I decide to go back - I'm loving being at home, and don't really need the money from my salary).

Green eyed cat, thank goodness for your persistence and that you found the courage of (bore the humiliation to) go back to a second gp. Thank gd for him/ her. It's so scary to think that these things wouldn't have been found if...
I am still awaiting results of mine. Blocking off the possibility if having a sarcoma. It's hard enough dealing with the recovery from surgery. I have to stay on my side but have a lot of pain in this position. Need to be moved from one side to the other 30 mins intervals or pain too much.
Some nurses don't have any sign of a smile on their face. Thank gd for those who do.
Starting to hurt now but don't want to hassle them. Can't turn myself as catgetar and back drain need to be swapped under my legs as I turn, bars put on for me to grip, etc.
had garbo panting last night on top of other melds and slept for a mega z2 and z1/2 hours.

Thanks malt I don't know what it is I have continued to be the 'normal' me! I still work, i talk about everyday stuff, I don't really talk about my health unless I'm asked. I don't know what else I can do! It's just so frustrating when I want to carry on as normal, and have fun now and again and my so called friends, are the ones stopping me!

difficultpickle it might be perfectly normal in your experience, but it doesn't make it hurt any less! I find it odd and hurtful. Especially nowadays when so many people have had some contact with Cancer in their everyday lives. It shouldn't be like this

Goodness -sounds like you are doing brilliantly considering what you have been through :)

Wee - sorry to hear about your sis

Really - I had a similar experience - I was most shocked by one "friend" who I (hope I had) really supported through a very messy divorce the previous year after she found out her H had an OW. (three texts in 9 months...) However some people who I didn't know that well this time last year have been surprisingly amazing and have become close friends. :) I think some people just can't handle other people's "trauma", whatever the cause.

Hula - I would definitely take someone with you if you can, just in case. (I'm another one that was told after the u/s that it was "most probably cancer" - I'd gone on my own (DH had offered, but I'm an independent so and so!) and with hindsight it would have been nice to have someone with me, even if just to drive me home!)

Kitkat I've never had the "chat" about mets either. (unless me asking the BCN "do they think it's spread, is that why I'm getting all these tests" "no it's standard to do this, it's just to get a baseline" "I am not stupid" counts as the "chat"!)

I don't know why I've not been copied in on any letters, ho hum...

Thank you for all the stories of telling colleagues. I have just hit send on an email telling people why I'm off. I'm going back to work for 2 weeks starting next week, but chemo will start on 18 Feb. I agree with the pp who said it's easier if people know! And anyway, it will be pretty obvious shortly afterwards when I start wearing scarves!!

really, I'm sorry your friends are being so inadequate. That sounds hard when you are carrying so much already. You're right. It shouldn't be like this.

My sister still talks about a close friend of hers and her DH who wasn't in touch once when dh had a horrible and frightening cancer experience 20 years ago. When it was all better he reemerged and said he "hadn't known what to say". Dumb rather than mean, but my sister still talks about it.

Sorry about your brother, pickle. Hard when it is your family.

hula, take your sil if she's offered; a big help to have someone.

What a busy morning on here - lots of early birds.

really I've been very lucky to find my friends have all been great plus like others have said have got a lot closer to some others (including my neighbour). But that's not nice for you.

Betsy - everyone seems really relaxed with me now that my treatment is all done (and since my diagnosis changed) - I find it reassuring but very odd. My surgeon told me on Tues that he was likely taking over my case (no idea who from!!) and would schedule all my follow ups with him. All fine by me but just annual mammogram and a poke I think - no worry about mets.

I realised yesterday that the ct scanner does a bone scan so maybe I did have this done - oh well.

I've got to work today as it is day-1 - boo hoo.

Morning everyone you are all up early !

I've found most people to be great but like some have said I've become closer to some friends through this, especially if they have been through cancer with a friend or relative before so they understand better

Went out all day yesterday without my wig and saw a few friends who were all complimentary. Then did the big Facebook reveal lol. So that's it the wig is going back in the box now

Goodness good to hear you are over the op and sorry to hear about all those having issues with support whether it be with work or with friends.

What is the mets talk? and the baseline? Do you think the baseline tests ( ct, full body scan etc) and worry about mets is done only for certain BCs/grades/stages or should it be for all those diagnosed? As yet my friend has only had u/s, mammo and a biopsy. Thanks.

worried - yes, in my hospital the scans are done based on tumour size or nodes results. I had it as they thought my tumour was 6cm - they said it was protocol for anything over 3cm.

Malt - yippee - you look fab and it's actually quite liberating isn't it. My DD survived parents evening although she said 'everyone' was staring!! I noticed a few parents that I don't know well looking quizzically but nothing from the teachers (who generally have never seen me before). And the few parents that know me well said it looked nice.

Glad you survived parents evening Kitkat ! How is dd getting on ? It is quite liberating without the wig, going to get some dye later and have another go just to cover the grey. When I get up that is, sneaked back to bed this morning ! I was awake in the night but fast asleep when the alarm went off typical

Worried it depends on your friends hospital, mine only do scans if more than 4 nodes are affected