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Original poster

Smoking while Pregnant... (!!)

367 replies

Lornatoo · 25/07/2006 23:33

Hi Guys. Normally a lurker, wondering if anybody is out there....?
My friend (honest!)is 28 weeks pregnant with her 3rd. She's really worried about her small bump. Measured at 26 weeks with the MW. She also feels really small in comparison with the previous two. She smokes heavily, is not without common sence and is REALLY worried about her unborn baby.
Now, do I NEED to point out the obvious? is it necessary? Any other somkers out there? I just don't know if I should 'put the boot in' when I'm sure she knows the answer.......?

OP posts:
redbull · 26/07/2006 08:26

smoked since i was 15 when 20 found out i was pregnant stopped straight away after ds was born started again, dp also smokes we never smoke in the house only in the garden away from ds, if i found i was pregnant again i would stop and hopefullt not continue after baby was born.

hunkermunker · 26/07/2006 08:31

I don't think I'm perfect.

I'd be interested to see some comparable "car driving" and "smoking" figures for harm to unborn babies though.

And Flutterbee, you made this personal by saying that you were a better mother than me for not driving.

Pruni · 26/07/2006 08:41

Message withdrawn

TheLadyVanishes · 26/07/2006 09:22

I smoked and when i found out i was pregnant i quit! no excuses i'm afraid and yes i know its hard to quit but its completely selfish if you don't, ps i'm still a non smoker tbh i hate anyone smoking round my dd and I wouldn't do it

Ellbell · 26/07/2006 10:01

Smoking is disgusting, full-stop. Smoking in pregnancy is disgusting and irresponsible. You need to say something to her... and soon.

On the other hand, if you want to be reassuring you could also tell your friend that bump measurements are not a precise science and can be misleading. Maybe her baby is just lying differently from in previous pregnancies, maybe her dates are not 100% accurate and she's a bit less far gone than she thinks. There are various possibilities. I had a small baby first time round, and used to get really worried when people told me I didn't even look pregnant. I had some problems later on which caused my baby's growth to slow down, but at the stage your friend is at I wasn't even wearing maternity clothes, just loose 'normal' clothes! (My body got its revenge with dd2 though - I was like a beached whale!).

So... I think you can be reassuring but still tell her she really really needs to quit!!!

ruty · 26/07/2006 10:10

i suspect if you reassure her she will have no motivation to give up smoking. Sorry to be harsh, but there is no proof that her baby is ok based on whether measurements can be misleading. There is however a huge amount of proof that smoking whilst pregnant damages your baby. If she is worried about her baby then why the hell doesn't she give up smoking? of course you have to say something to her. If you as her close friend doesn't, who will? She may listen to you more than she may listen to an HV. The stakes are far too high.

foundintranslation · 26/07/2006 10:22

Yes, you should say something, and tbh if I were you I wouldn't be all that diplomatic about it. I would tell her very drastically what she has risked already and will risk if she continues to smoke - but of course offer her support in quitting.

This is a bit of a sore point for me atm. I miscarried two weeks ago and went to hospital for a D&C. Afterwards, when we were waiting for them to let me go, we went out into the hospital garden, and there was a heavily pg woman smoking away. I didn't say anything, but the sight filled me with absolute rage and made me even more miserable than I was. In that sort of situaton it is very hard not to judge.

I smoked for a couple of years when at uni (stopped long before I got pg, for money and health reasons) and even then had a principle that I would not smoke around children.

TambaIsHotHotHot · 26/07/2006 10:24

I think smoking in pregnancy is a form of abuse tbh.

SSSandy · 26/07/2006 10:27

FIT I had no idea about the miscarriage. I'm so sorry

I agree I wouldn't be diplomatic about it either. She knows smoking is wrong, a gentle reminder isn't helping the baby. If you're going to say something, be strong about it I think.

foundintranslation · 26/07/2006 10:33

Thanks Sandy. (BTW can you CAT me? We're coming to B next week)

SSSandy · 26/07/2006 10:58

sorry to sound so thick but what does CAT mean? I know I should really move into the 21st century...

TambaIsHotHotHot · 26/07/2006 10:59

Contact another talker - theres a link at the top of the page

MrsJohnCusack · 26/07/2006 11:11

well she knows the answer and we all know it's crap to smoke whilst pregnant - no argument. however none of that is going to stop her if she hasn't stopped already

What are the midwifes doing about it? Have they given her all the stop smoking stuff

I would just assume that she knows she's doing the wrong thing and go in at the next level - i.e. ask her whether she has tried calling the quitline number they give you when you're pregnant - if so, what happened, if not, why not? Say 'what do the midwifes say about you smoking'. Don't get into all the rights and wrongs of it all, just ask her what she's doing about it, and what she thinks she might be able to do about it.

And say matter-of-factly 'of course the reason you're measuring small is the smoking'. Because it most likely is - no use beating about the bush. She's being utterly ridiculous, you know that, we know that, but the only thing you can do is at least know that you tried your best to get her to stop.

Can you offer to give up with her and so you support each other?

Ellbell · 26/07/2006 11:14

Sorry, wasn't suggesting that Lornatoo should 'go easy' on her friend. Just that, since she seemed to be a bit worried about 'putting the boot in' that she could 'sugar the pill' [mixing my metaphors horrendously...] a bit by also pointing out that the small bump may not mean that there is something seriously wrong with her baby. I think I'd say (if this was a good friend, whom I didn't want to hurt - though my personal feelings are more along the lines of the views expressed by hunker and Tamba!) that her baby was probably fine, but that there was this one thing that she could do now that was guaranteed to be beneficial to her baby, so she really ought to do it... (But, yes, inside I'd be screaming!)

When I was in hospital (bleeding heavily and scared stiff dd1 was about to appear at 27 weeks) I was in the bed next to a young girl who actually detached herself from the foetal monitor when in labour in order to nip outside for a fag. Her baby was small and had to be tube-fed. And, yes, I felt real loathing for her at the time . I've never smoked and am, I'm afraid, very judgemental about it. My children comment loudly if anyone lights up near them ('Ugh, mummy, that man's smoking a cigarette. That's disgusting!').

Pruni · 26/07/2006 11:35

Message withdrawn

flutterbee · 26/07/2006 11:36

Hunker I wasn't trying to make it personal, you stated that you were a better mother than anyone who smoked whilst pg or smoked around children, I was mearly trying to make the point that their are a million reasons (driving being one of them) that I feel I am a better mother. I garee that I shouldn't have said you drive I should have said anyone who drives but it is done now.

I still stand by everything I said, Tamba if you really think it is a form of abuse then you need to report it everytime you see it happening, and I also feel all of these "I stopped as soon as I found out I was pg" comments and "someone I know had bad pg's and they smoked" comments are of no use what so ever becasue I am sure that their are plenty of smokers out their who can come on here and say that they smoked through their pgs and their children are fit and healthy.

Let me just repeat I do not smoke, I however do not think that makes me a better parent than a smoker.

Ellbell · 26/07/2006 11:43

Yes, I agree, Pruni. Was just trying to suggest a different approach, since Lornatoo was hesitating about tackling her about it.

Also, yes, I am a wimp, so would probably go for the less confrontational approach. And was re-living my own discomfort (as a non-smoker) at being constantly told 'You're not very big are you? Are you sure you're pregnant?'. But I agree that here the situation is very different and that probably the gentler approach is not going to work (maybe if this was the beginning of a first pregnancy, but not at this stage...).

Signing off now, but good luck, Lornatoo... Whatever approach you take, please do something.

TambaIsHotHotHot · 26/07/2006 12:13

There may be plenty of people who can say they smoked and their children are fit and healthy but maybe thats because you dont see the damage straight away.

I think knowingly poisening and damaging your child is abuse. It is illegal to smoke under 16 so maybe it should be illegal to smoke whilst you are pregant....

Pruni · 26/07/2006 12:15

Message withdrawn

hunkermunker · 26/07/2006 12:18

Flutterbee, you're misquoting me. I didn't say I'm a better mother than one who smokes around children.

I said this:

"I am a better mother than one who smoked when pregnant though. Because I didn't."

I didn't knowingly and wantonly poison my unborn baby, leaving my son no choice whether or not to have nicotine in his bloodstream.

Therefore I stand by what I said.

And if it's that addictive that one cannot give up when pg, wtf damage is it doing to that baby?

hunkermunker · 26/07/2006 12:19

However, there's a special circle of hell for mothers who smoke in the car with their children, I think.

compo · 26/07/2006 12:20

Have you suggested she rings the helpline specially for pregnant people who smoke? I can't remmeber what it's called but her midwfife or doctor will be able to direct her to the relevant people.

hunkermunker · 26/07/2006 12:22

Look here for advice and helpful tips

Northerner · 26/07/2006 12:25

My Mums next door neighbour is 8 months pregnant and stands on teh front door step in her PJ's puffing away every morning.

We all know it is best if a pregnant woman doesn't smoke, but of course some women do and I'm sure they know the risks involved, but what can we do? It's not ilegal, so how can it be abuse

I hate these type of threads, always get so heated.

Remember the pics of kate Garraway doing it?

hunkermunker · 26/07/2006 12:28

It's abuse in the sense that you have a totally helpless baby and you're subjecting it to chemicals and drugs and nasties that will do it no good, isn't it.

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