Anybody around for some hand holding. Getting biopsy results tomorrow and getting myself in a state now.

[NonnaMai]

I've already been told its cancer the biopsy was for conformation. I can't stop crying, my chest hurts and I can't breathe. I'm so scared,

Hand holding nonna what time is your appointment? We're all here to help when you get back x

I'll hold your hand.
I have an appointment tomorrw at our local breast care centre as I found a lump in my breast a couple of weeks ago.
I'm shitting myself!
(Big unmumsnet hugs to you!)

Hello, I'm here too.

It's at 11.40, I've tried so hard to be brave for the
Last two weeks but now I've lost it. I need to stay calm in front of the dc tomorrow but I can't stop crying . I feel sick I'm scared one of the dc will hear me.

Its every mother's nightmare. How old are your dcs?

Nonna I'm here holding your hand too. Not sure what else to say apart from if you need to sound off at any point or get things off your chest that's what everyone's here for.
Hope they have a good treatment plan worked out for you. Try not to think too much on the negatives (which I know must be hard) but just think you're going to kick its arse!

I want to know how I got fucking cancer when my last smear in 2009 was completely clear, what's the point of going if they miss it. I'm so angry. How many times have they missed it. It could have spread everywhere by now. I have 6 dc. Two birth, 3 long term foster and my youngest is adopted she's only 6 she can't lose another mummy.

Shit I should have name changed but I need to get this out and I feel like I have to be brave for everyone in real life.

You have every right to be damn angry. Poor you and your dcs . what do you expect tomorrow?

I have no idea what to expect. He told me it was definitely cancer but other than that I don't know. When he did the colposcopy he said things that worried me such as my cervix was extremely swollen, the growth was strange and seemed to being growing under the surface. He asked if I was sure I hadn't had a lot of discharge (sorry TMI) I hadn't but that surprised him. The way he was talking it sounded like I was falling apart down there.
He did say the cancer wasn't fixed which is apparently a good thing.

Nonna do you have anyone going with you tomorrow? I think sometimes its hard to take everything in that's all. If you have any questions write them down now and take it with you to ask tomorrow. They're there to explain everything to you and answer your questions.
You have every right to be angry but you've got even more reason to fight this and get through it.

Will be thinking of you, hope the news is the best case scenario, many bugsx

Thank you, dh is coming. He's at work at the moment which is why I'm here for support. He won't be home until the morning. I'm calmer now have taken a stupidly big dose of sleeping pills so hopefully will drop off and sleep through.

The only question I want answering is the obvious "am I going to die?". I don't think I will get that answer tomorrow because there will be more tests to do. I can cope with any treatment as long as I know there will be an end to it.

I feel so selfish and embarrassed, so many people are so brave about cancer even when the prognosis is not good and I've gone to pieces like a complete nutter.

Neverbeensofrightened big hugs back, I hope your appointment goes ok.

Nonna I'm sure most people have the same reaction you're having but like yourself don't show it in real life. My best friends husband is going through a similar experience and I know they have moments of despair along trying to stay positive and fighting it. Noone can stay brave all of the time and you have to let your emotions out.
I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and have everything crossed its positive news!

Thinking of you. Sending love xx

Please don't feel guilty or embarrassed, everyone must go through these emotions. I cant begin to imagine how terrifying this is for you but there are plenty of survivors on here who have trod this path.

I hope you get more information and some reassurances tomorrow that it is treatable. Can your dh have a list of questions in case you forget to ask something?

This is the worst bit - waiting for proper diagnosis and waiting for a treatment plan to be put in place and started. It's the unknown that is very hard to cope with and when you have more information you will find a way if getting through.

Keep strong xx

Well I've just spent 20 minutes comforting DS 13 who has just discovered his pet gecko dead. Isn't it amazing how our children's sadness always trumps our own. DS doesn't realise he did me a favour and gave me something else to think about.

Have tucked him into bed and I can feel the sleeping pills kicking in.

Thank you for the hand holding I will try and sleep and hope tomorrow brings a good news for all those facing results.

Well I've just spent 20 minutes comforting DS 13 who has just discovered his pet gecko dead. Isn't it amazing how our children's sadness always trumps our own. DS doesn't realise he did me a favour and gave me something else to think about.

Have tucked him into bed and I can feel the sleeping pills kicking in.

Thank you for the hand holding I will try and sleep and hope tomorrow brings a good news for all those facing results.

Oops said that twice sorry

I hope you sleep well. There is always someone here if you can't. X

Hopefully you have had some sleep by now. Good luck today, Nonna, stay strong.

How are you doing Nonna?

Hope you're ok nonna x

How did it go today? Really hope you're OK. Thinking of you.