***Tamoxigang - thread number 40!***

[GoodbyeRubyTuesday]

Hello all! New thread as we have almost filled the last one. Help yourself to chocolate chip muffins from the trolley! :)

Can I come over topsy my mum is coming round and peace will be shattered here !

malt I echo what everyone else says, I managed without ADs but I did have downtimes, it is inevitable, the physical effects of the poison and all the pscychological effects of what you are going through, but I found coping mechanisms, walks, exercise, visions ( you can have huge fun with that and especially good for keeping the dark thoughts away at night), planning for the future, travels etc. , my informal support group, especially my informal support group, ADs Counselling and CBT are all other ways to help you cope. Don't let the bugger get you down. You Are going to feel better physically in your good week and it would be so sad if you don't enjoy that to the full. Also, I say that I didn't take ADs but my lovely Oncy used to slip one into my pre chemo drugs pack for the night before each treatment, she claimed it had some essential physical effect they do understand.

I also really benefitted from talking it all through with someone who was going through it, I suppose that was my counselling. I am sure your BCN or Macmillan can put you in touch with someone who is or has been through it. My group of friends all felt that our DHs couldn't cope emotionally with what we needed to talk about. It is perfectly normal for your DH to be struggling with the fear you are giving up, my DH laid crying in my arms at night, afraid I was going to leave him. Don't underestimate what he is going through too, having to watch you go through this and feeling helpless to do anything. Obviously you need to focus on yourself in all this but remember Amber's circles, your DH needs support too.

Topsy will be holding your hand to 12th. Loved your Darwin Awards Fbook post, I love that book, my favourite is still the Metallica fans www.darwinawards.com/legends/legends1998-05.html Pants were involved so be careful out there...

kk might you be having an allergic reaction, might be worth taking a Claritin or other anti histamine. We pop those like sweets in this household as otherwise would be large red blobs all summer.

mas love the swimsuit. I get mine from Amoena but they have gone all cougar recently, all leopard skin, I bet Topsy has been deluging their market research when you get it could you scout out it's boob shelves for whether you could sew in a boob holder.

gigs glad you are feeling bionic, if you feel the need to bounce more we have a giant trampoline, slightly rusty, lots of cigarette burns would get rid of it but little Copt will only allow it to go if we get her and her friends a fire pit to sit round it was all so simple when it was a swing and slide set

Back to the cleaning, DH actually asked if I found it rewarding after I spent yesterday with a large toothbrush and lakeland specialist cleaning products in the bathroom, I can't stop once I start but rewarding is not the word

Can add a 17 year old who is sat in front of her screen with a tuna melt. I caught the tuna, baked the bread, milked the cow of course foraged out of tin of tuna, end bits of cheese, ready to bake bagette

I had PET scans, loads of them, must be 5, Dr geek lurved the new toy and then they had a scan addiction in Hong Kong, had one every 6 months though no signs of trouble.... Do i get a sticker? at least it's just a ring that passes around you, you don't go right inside as that freaked me completely. Also bone scan and bone density scans and two vaginal ultrasounds which are definitely a bit oooo er. A very jolly hockey sticks radiographer sticking what looks like a dildo up my you know where.....

Malt - I am so sorry, big hugs are on the way. I can only agree with the others. I think Kurri's idea of a diary is good, we use a pain diary for my ds, and not only does it help to track and prove triggers, but it also a release for him. About 4 years ago I frogmarched my dh down to the gp, and sat behind him gesticulating to the gp as he described how he was feeling. He was told and he now acknowledges that he has severe clinical depression, and the gp's and the nhs has been very good and supportive. Sounds like you need support during treatment and recovery, you might only need it in the short term, but I am sure they will be there for you.

MAS - I love that costume, I need a new one as mine is still my maternity one, which was second hand when I got it when I was pregnant with ds who is now 10! I am hovering over the buy button!

My bite is still there - I blame you topsy, - start sticking pins in a doll right now

I think I will need to take an antihistamine copt. - but I've got loads to do this afternoon, so will hold off a bit as they always make me fall asleep (at least piriton does which is what I have in the house - actually it is old lady dog's but I'm sure she will let me have one ) I might have some ancient cyclizine somewhere bu they totally knock me out too.

Sparkle - its annoying you have had to go private, after all your battles with the NHS care DS was getting. How is he doing atm, and how are the girls (tiny sparkle must be getting quite a big girl now )

malt I second KK's suggestion of a diary - I've been doing this and it does help from the second cycle onwards as you know what to expect when.
I can also say that emotionally the Tues & Wed following the Thu chemo are the worst days for me. Combination of post-steroid low, tiredness from poisoning effect on my body, coupled with lost/disrupted sleep due to steroids seems to hit me most on those days, which definitely doesn't help! As has been said everyone is different though, but my diary definitely helps as I can go "oh yeah I felt like this last cycle, it'll pass in a couple of days" :)

ooh yes sparkle - buy it !! I shall order mine v soon...

Also malt, like kk thoughts keep popping up, remember that when you are feeling low you are only able to see things negatively and feel unable to do anything, including get help. I had an excellent book written by a local journalist with her BCN at the Marsden which helped me with a lot of my coping strategies www.amazon.com/The-Breast-Cancer-Book-ebook/dp/B00702LUEQ/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1375275529&sr=1-1 I would love to type out whole chunks on how to handle the down times and recommend the book. However one thing they say is that those horrible thoughts can and do go away, thinking is an ability, not reality. So you are able to have these horrible thoughts but you should remind yourself they are remember they are not reality. You should only make decisions and reach conclusions when you are thinking and feeling better about things, when your thoughts are closer to reality. They suggest setting half an hour a day for dwelling on your fears and worries, so that if a bad feeling arises during the rest of your day and night say that's for between 9.30 and 10. During that half hour you can get those thoughts out and dwell on them, it does help to face them, but the rest of the time see them for what they are.

The book is full of coping strategies, I really recommend it, but above all, like us they say that having a good cry is one thing but if it is stopping you getting out and enjoying life it is time to get help.

There you made me get one of my Cancer books out of my bedside table where they lie shut away and neglected, as a sort of talisman against Cancer, underneath my wig

I do like the idea of a diary and setting a time to think negative thoughts
A lot of my problem is that I'm still thinking about what wed be doing today if I didn't have cancer and all the things we've had to cancel. I can't think ahead to things that we might do as I can't face the thought of having to cancel them too, so it just seems easier to do nothing
I hope Betsy is right and this is a low couple of days
If I still feel low I will ask about ADs though my family would disapprove there again what business is it of theirs
I'm sure sleep would really help me I'm going to take a tablet tonight, am so tired but can't even nap today just can't switch off

bugger what your family think- they aren't in your situation.Taking anti depressants doesn't mean that you're going to get addicted or are weak or anything,it just shows your intention to take charge and deal with negative thoughts and depression.
I would seriously look into meditation or mindfulness as they would teach you strategies to deal with these feelings. What you might have been doing isn't really helpful - being in the present is though. As meditation focusses on breathing then it automatically calms your body and mind and you learn to let the thoughts of what might've been etc pass by-you acknowledge them but don't engage in them and let them pass over.

In other news-chemo nurse at hosp. via my bcn says no to swimming - this is a total pain as I'm all excited by the thought - I shall make further sensible enquiries to onc. I can't spend my life not doing stuff in case I might get unwell with a bug,which given my robust blood is really very unlikely. Bugger and bugger again.

All mas says about being mindful is right - it's also got scientific backing as being a good way to break depressive and anxious thought patterns .

I would go back to onc mas because if your blood are robust , where is the risk it's not like you have the weirdy freak blood of Copt

That bite sounds horrible kurri -I sympathise about anti histamine as they make me sleepy too. Has blue dye gone?

Trying to manipulate Arrange dr appointment so I don't have to leave tesco York. I don't wish not to take my condition seriously but experience /cynicism after the neck op tells me 1. That things can probably wait a week if I stay off the roller coaster in eurodisney 2. That meeting on Monday could probably be done by phone as guy has scans

good idea about not having to leave Tesco York...
Brain scans have shown evidence of how people who practice Mindfulness's brains have altered - it is taken v seriously by medics and is part of lots of CBT treatments.
I bet onc. will say it's fine -she has unofficially allowed me unboiled water after all !

Bugger about swimming MAS, - I hope they let you go, it would be so relaxing for you.

Most of the blue dye is gone Gig, but I couldn't get it out from under my finger nails, so I have put blue nail varnish on to hide it
Good luck with arranging appointment.

Mas what a pain about the swimming I would have thought the benefits would outweigh the risks. Are we all meant to be boiling water ?
Gigs hope you can get something sorted would be a bit of a pain to have to come all the way back

mas I bet your bloods are better than mine are now, wbc are never above 2 where 4 is supposed to be the minimum. I think Doctors are often being on the safe side and operating on prejudice rather than Science, and forget there can be benefits as well as risks. If they don't swim themselves they are probably thinking of it as a place where their children wee, or worse. I have been in and and around pools quite a lot of my life, between competing and working there, and continuing to exercise, even with my weird freaky blood, and I only know of one person getting an infection there, and that was from cutting their elbow open on the steps to get out, above the waterline, and in an old pool and 30 years ago (Bingley baths jchoc) . I would be careful out of the pool and I don't go near Jacuzzis, all that warm water recycling? eew. but swimming pools are definitely more benefit than risk.

Challenge your Onc on it and decide for yourself based on what they say.

Have been signposted her from Chat, hope you lovely lot can help me. Sorry for barging in!

I had breast cancer in 07 (lymph node removal and chemo) but no other intervention since then. Still on annual checks.

Check up MRI shows I have fibrocystic disease - common, benign lumps. As I have a history of cancer, should I worry? Have been told I should be vigilant at checking my breasts but won't be called back for a year.
Not sure if my niggling worry is justified or not!

Hello Mushroom and welcome, I'm a bowel cancer person so can't be of any help but I'm sure someone more useful will be along shortly :)

malt sorry you're feeling so down, it's normal to have down days but if it starts affecting your life significantly that's when it becomes classed as depression, so if it carries on definitely contact GP or BCN. I third the suggestion of mindfulness and can recommend headspace. The take10 course is free and it's just ten minutes a day for ten days of mindfulness, he talks you through what to do and it's very relaxing. I'm the abnormal person kk described as I've only had a few down moments and they've all been related to my bowel problems, I've not really had any cancer panics or worries but I've definitely found the headspace courses have helped me much calmer in general :) there are also various books on mindfulness.

My GP recommended moodgym if I was feeling depressed or anxious. I haven't needed to use it so I have no idea what it is like but apparently it's basically online CBT :)

kk hope the bite clears up soon. We have a spray thing called magicool plus which I use on heat rash and insect bites to stop itching. I think they sell it in Superdrug. I hope the cream clears it up :)

MAS fingers crossed onc approves swimming :)

topsy glad the scan went well.

jchoc very sorry for your loss :(

Today was the last day of my HOPE course which is a bit sad, but most of the people go to the Macmillan exercise class too, which I'm starting tomorrow so I'm sure we will keep in touch, plus there are meetings planned for the support group later in the year, and a cancer conference at one of the hospitals!

I also had a phone message to say I've got a place on the Look Good Feel Better session in August and my lovely GP is prescribing lidocaine for my rash, it's a local anaesthetic type thing, and I should have that tomorrow :)

Hi MushroomSoup. Welcome! Depends on the sort. Nearly all sorts of fibrocystic changes in the breast carry no extra risk of breast cancer at all. One or two rare sorts carry an increased risk. If they are able to tell you the sort, we can probably give you a bit more of a clue. For example nonproliferative has no increased risk, proliferative doubles the risk. Atypical lobular hyperplasia gives a five-times-higher-risk. Given they've told you to come back in a year, I would guess you have one of the very ordinary sorts. But I'd ask, aye.

welcome mushroom - and I knew amber would have advice !
ruby Hooray that you've got a place on the LGFB course
I am certainly going to press for swimming as I can only see benefits- I can't spend my time in a bubble ! Besides which I reckon my immune system is pretty tough and considering I have no spleen on top of that and am rarely ill I think I can swing it.
Really feel a bit foolish for bothering to ask actually.
malt apparently our tap water here has clostro thingy in it...think you are ok to have regular water- they'd say otherwise.
Am actually drinking more water now I'm not confined to horrid boiled.
jchoc apologies- forgot earlier to add my condolences.x

Thanks Mas think ours must be ok then
Welcome mushroom
Gosh amber how do you know all of this stuff ?
Ruby thanks for that I have downloaded it and will have a listen
Rained all day here, tomorrow is meant to be 31 degrees we'll see!

Brill! Thank you.
It must be an ok-kind-of-FBD if they don't want me for a year!

Mushroom, aye. Scans etc show what sort's what, and if it was a dodgy sort they'd want more than your usual stuff.

Malt, brain like a computer. Rubbish at diplomacy, nifty for facts.

?

I can thoroughly recommend the m and s lemon ricotta cheesecake.

Getting very excited about trip to tesco. Which reminds me, how is smee doing? Also when are you off topsy?

Evening,

When are you off to Tesco gigs?

We are off to a cottage for a week on Saturday :)

Think smee is in the shed by now? Hopefully not too damp! :)

Same day ruby -where are you off to?