38th tamoxifen - waiting for summer in the bus shelter

[Gigondas]

New thread.

Malt - my mum had to have her margins re-done and it does seem quite common - she was cross about it though!! But it might not be you

Morning mas, gigs and everyone else
Kitkat thanks I'll just have to wait and see. Good luck with the hair you should show us a photo !

Morning! Enjoying my nice prison breakfast......

not really as subject of Thatcher didn't come up because DH and MIL in a control freak off with DH outlining his retirement plans to come down and "help them" by sorting out their cupboards and MIL plumbing the depths of her passive aggressive arsenal which meant that she barely said a word and had her mouth set to tightest cat's bottom the whole afternoon. Of course last thing that got discussed was what they would like us to do that would actually help.......

gigs hope you get a gentle nurse and sending healing vibes for soreness.

malt side effects vary from person to person. I never had anti sickness meds as I never threw up but just would not be able to face food for a few days. It was like a hangover, just felt generally a bit shit, and towards the end of the six months weak and faint. However amber is evidence some people sail through it. I'm not sure it is helpful to paint it all as going to be rosy though, I know my hospital handed you a ridiculous pink leaflet produced by the drug companies with lots of happy looking people with that romantic foggy photographic effect selling chemo almost as a positive lifestyle choice, like cosmetic surgery, it just added insult to injury when I turned a strange yellow green colour, my hair fell out, my insides got so clogged up that I had the worst piles since I pushed out a 10.5 lb baby, and I perfected the art of the public swoon etc. but it still wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be

MAS yoga was my way of trying to achieve calm and relaxation, trouble was I went with friends and we all had real problems at the bit where you put your legs over your head, forget what the position is called, but we all suffered from terrible vaginal burps........trying staying calm and relaxed when you are all making squishy noises as the air escapes.......

KK MIL gave the girls those dolls, I think we may have given them to charity for a raffle

Today DH and I have to go and discuss pensions, more control freakery as DH is mean and a hoarder of money whereas I want to enjoy what we worked for, who knows what lies around the corner? So bored and frustrated at just the thought of it, and predict arseyness.....

malt I was only one out of my friends who didn't have clear margins, It isn't that common.

Morning all. Trying to squash in a bit of work, but off to see BCN to change dressing in a bit and hopefully remove my lovely drain later. Oh-how-we-love-them.

Malt I doubt anyone will tell you chemo's easy, but we'll all probably agree it's doable. I think Copt's right as it's good to be honest rather than happy clappy about it all. I assumed I'd be in bed each time, but I never was - I kept working throughout and never missed a school run. Easy for me as I work at home, but still shows that mostly for me life went on as normal. Having said that I was horribly sick on FEC, but then I am on most things, so morning sickness hit me v.hard, as do general anaesthetics, but then I then sailed through the 3 x Taximeter, whereas lots of people find that hits them harder. It's all so individual. Key thing is there is lots they can do to help with any side effects and honestly for most people it isn't anywhere near as bad as you think. I even went camping on Hadrian's Wall. pure madness

Where's summer gone?! Brrrr....

love the idea of MIL's cats bum face Eek @ yoga noises though..we used to do mindful yoga as part of the 8 week course which was v good- I should keep that up really.
Am re reading the Ruth Picardie book again - was interested in the progression of her disease.I realise her secondaries were caught much later than mine of course.

smee hope your drain gets removed ! x

Not too sure what the 'Taximeter' is in my last post. Meant 'Taxotere'

MAS, that Ruth Picardie book must be quite a tough read. Her secondaries were caught v.late though and the cancer was clearly extraordinarily aggressive. x

Waves at smee and hoping drains out.

Agree with Copt that chemo not the best experience but it is doable- the key thing is to make sure you speak up about side effects and get some help as hard though it can be, the way can be eased.

Looks sternly at mas-agree with smee about that book being a tough read. She isn't you mas, it was some years ago so am sure that dx was as sophisticated as it is now , her drs were negligent (the one who missed it was struck off and I believe her ami,y gr damages) and as smee said was very aggressive. Personally I think cancer books, blogs etc are one massive head fuck so I avoid the temptation to read them.

Should be going out but Ruth Picardie an extreme case, found lump, told by Dr who didn't comprehend results that said it was malignant that it was benign, had twins by IVF which would have greatly increased her hormonal load, so that by the time she found out lump was malignant it was huge and very nasty indeed. Her husband received compensation on the basis that she would in all probability, have gone on to live years, I think it was twenty, if first doctor had read results right.

I'm like Gigs , I can't , and don't want to , read any books/articles/blogs on cancer .
I can cope with this board as we are all friends .
But I really don't need to hear other people's stories .

Well Barack and Michelle haven't called in for morning tea , so I might as well get dressed now and start thing about lunch instead .

Pasta and pesto and salad anyone ?

at Barack and Michelle not dropping in, Topsy. Were you in PJ's? That's making an effort.

Barack and Michelle are fools. Looks wistfully at topsys lunch as about to get dressing changed .

Hi everyone. It's been an awful morning so far so I'm having a rant. So there, (spits out dummy)

Got my first appointment at chemo to discuss plan, have bloods done etc.
Appointment is for 1.30pm.
Passenger transport arrives at 9am.
Dh blows a gasgitt

He patiently (at first) explains that I wouldn't be in any fit state if I have to sit in wheelchair for that long and my back is very painful at the moment.

They explain they have two pick up times. First around 9am, second at 2pm and those times are it.

I am then told the ambulance will now come back tomorrow around 2pm and thats when treatment will begin. No bloods or tests or treatment plans.

I am sooooo very tired of it all.

Rant done
Sorry
xxx

grrr earth that sounds crazy.
I think,re the Ruth Picardie book, that part of me is still in denial about secondaries,so I read it in a fairly detached way. I also told the meditation group (we were all asked before meditating what spirituality meant to us - I cringe at having to speak out ) that I feel that there is something beyond death , not sure what,that means I am not afraid of dying...not sure how true that is when it comes to it - but again,a sort of detachment. I was also secretly fretting about having to take my shoes off as requested by the man whose flat we are in -not because i mind that,but because his carpet is quite scabby and not v clean. A v nice lady read a piece about generosity which was good - about attachment to things and acquiring more things .

I am not scared of dying. I am bloody pissed off about it though. I was really looking forward to the rest of my life. It's not fair.

I am feeling pretty good today though. I have been out for a walk and a cup of tea and got a load of paperwork sorted out.

Sorry to hear about the transport Emin, what a pain. I am sure it is not making things easier for you.

That's how I feel trice. Also pissed off about amount of feckless twats I can think of who don't offer much and it's people like us trice who have to put up with this.

Emin- double about transport and piss poor communication.

On way back from dressing change- was bit sore but done now .

Thank you, I'm calming down, slowly it must be said, but It's just another cross to bear I guess (whooo got religion in, spooky)

So I'm deciding on who to google or ask (hint hint) about what will happen tomorrow, that's when they've now decided I will begin chemo.
Does it hurt, make you nauseous, straight away? Or might I feel no difference.

Has anyone been through this before, ie, no knowledge before hand

Hi Earth

Well I was in denial so I was pretty information-free (though admittedly from choice).

I took FEC, which I guess you aren't, but I was pretty nervous and expecting the worst. It was actually OK. Crap, but OK. Bit of nausea, monumental tiredness and a slight headache.

Good luck x

As regards what will happen - be prepared to be there a while, it's usually a reasonable room with armchairs and seats for friends. It is peaceful and calm. Everything takes ages, but you usually get tea and sandwiches, which is a comfort. Then you get given a shedload of meds to bring home, and sent away until next time. Take something to do to pass the time or you'll get stressed and fed up.

Get them to write down the meds you need at home Emin. My brain doesn't work when I am stressed out and I don't remember anything. You will be fine - it is honestly not as bad as it looks on TV. You will feel a bit off maybe but not dreadful.

Think everyone's experience differs but shouldn't hurt anymore than any other infusion (ie you get a jab when put line in). Sometimes you can get an odd taste in your mouth so take some drinks/snacks (kurri had the snack and entertainment bag down to an art I think).

Do get them to go over your drugs and make sure you get them all(my hospital usually forgot one or other of them in my goody bag).

And don't google!! If you must look at Macmillan or breast cancer care fur Info.

I'm a bit like topsy I think
I thought about googling ruth picardie to see who you were all talking about but I'm too scared to!
Feel bit better now I've been staying away from the bcc and Macmillan site too
Emin I hope everything goes well for you tomorrow x
I've been shopping, treated myself to some nice perfume feel a bit skanky as I can only use deodorant on one side !
Walking with ds cub pack across the fields to the chip shop tonight
Love to all
X

Malt - I'm on deodorant on one side only and also feel a bit skanky - shower every morning so I'm sure I'm not but it's what you're used to I guess.
I did google Ruth Picardie but retreated fairly swiftly - having convinced myself that my situation is completely different.

Had my Echo this morning - seems my heart is in perfect nic

Hair is cut - maybe not as short as it could be but a lot was chopped off and it's full of various different shades!!

Good luck tomorrow Earth - I am starting on Thursday but have had lots of info (from here and hospital). Bloods etc already done but they have asked me to pop in tomorrow after picc line inseration so I'll get another chance to ask questions. Of course by then you will be one treatment down!