38th tamoxifen - waiting for summer in the bus shelter

[Gigondas]

New thread.

Copt I like the sound of lychee and pear cocktails !

Will somebody please come and take my mother who is ironing for me which is lovely but doing my head in slightly ! Oh last year everything was great now it's all gone comments etc...I'm watching daytime tv which is really annoying her shed rather I be tidying out cupboards or something

Good Morning everyone
Boring stuff - went to see consultant yesterday evening who confirmed (as I had expected) that I shall probably have a mastectomy (one breast) but will discuss possiblities relating to reconstruction nearer the time. I just said that I preferred to return to being relatively symmetrical if possible.
After that went to see a bunch of friends and had quite jolly evening with lots of cake and laughter.
This morning I've gone to hospital for injection in preparation for bone mass scan at lunchtime ... so knocking back the liquids yet again in preparation.

Hope Eilbean's concert went well and that everyone is doing as OK as possible.

hi again - sorry bit of an offload coming.

i totally seem to have freaked out and gone off the rails yesterday into messy daytime drinking, emotional fuckwittery. really surprises me that i let this freak me out so much. feel a bit mortified about being such a wreck yesterday this morning and very aware that i need to stay away from alcohol and drama till i calm down which probably really be till i see the consultant, have more tests and get reassured.

am in admiration for how calm you all are. i think of myself as pretty calm and rational but freak out wine binge and crying in public is far from my finest hour!

smee eek! You poor thing :( I hope it's all sorted out very quickly and you can soon get home. In the meantime I hope you've got some nice roommates and good food!

malt I bought some craft materials, also a new nail polish and lip liner. I was planning to buy one of those Babyliss big hair styler things to make the most of my pitifully thin hair but then when I got to Boots they had lots of different similar ones and I got in a muddle and had to abandon that until I've had a chance to read reviews online! Shame about sports day, and lack of summer, and grr at your mum's rather unhelpful comments! Enjoy your daytime telly :)

lonecat glad you got through surgery without any vomiting, hope the hangover wears off soon :)

gigs there's a guy a bit like that at support group, I happened to mention my weird genetic condition (relevant to story I wasn't just boasting ) and he immediately started trying to out-do me and got frustrated that I didn't want to join in if it was a competition to have the worst illness I didn't want to win!

I hope you've managed to escape now! :)

Waves to everyone else, just popping in quickly as going out for lunch with my mum and some of her friends so need to get ready :)

swallowed everyone copes differently and I'm sure a lot of people aren't at all calm. I happen to react to bad things by becoming quite detached and being very calm and rational. It may not be particularly healthy and actually letting it all out might be better in the long run? But who knows. Sorry you had such a wobble yesterday, it's perfectly understandable but best to steer clear of the alcohol. If you're struggling, you can always ask your GP for anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication. My GP gave me some diazepam after my diagnosis in case I ever needed it, I haven't used them but it was useful to know they were there if I did need them :)

Hugs swallowed it's awful not knowing and waiting for results as naturally your mind imagines the worst. It's normal to freak out a bit but watch the booze obviously especially if you're drinking on your own
We may all seem calm ( well often I don't lol ) but we've all had a bit more time to get used to things, many of the ladies on here have been living with cancer for years and even in the few months since ive known you do get used to it a bit and get on with life and it's impossible to spend all of your time crying
When will your appointment be?

Swallowed - you are just reacting fairly normally. I seem to be one of those who do the opposite and become incredibly calm and rational in these situations but I know (from experience) that underneath it my body is traumatised by worry.
I was diagnosed a week ago so am in the earliest stages of treatment and probably still in shock!

Hi again all. My lovely friend got her test results this morning, and its not great news. Aggressive stage 3 breast cancer. She has to start Chemo in a week or two, after tests to see if it has spread anywhere else, and then surgery later in the year. Am in shock rather. Will go and buy things to stock her freezer, will offer to look after her baby when needed, what else can we do to help? What does "stage 3" mean? Am really angry now that the GP faffed about and didn't send her for tests for nearly 11 weeks, just assumed it was mastitis even though she was pregnant then rather than bf.

swallowed I am not recognising this calm description, there is actually a lot of freaked out wine binging and crying in public on this thread..... It's why we are in the bus shelter! No need to be ashamed but I would just like to acquaint you with Copt's law, which is that wine the night before makes you really depressed the next day so it really doesn't help. I have done extensive experimentation to prove this hypothesis beyond all doubt, and it probably has a lot more to do with your mortification, it was a perfectly understandable way to react. The waiting and the uncertainty really is the worst, once you know what you face you can get on with coming to terms with it.

ruby enjoy lunch

lily if you are having the bone scan where they inject you, it tells you more than bone density, in fact I think it does't actually tell you bone density, that is another scan that shoots X-rays through your bones and measures how quickly they travel through. [disclaimer, no actual Science was employed in this post] However it does spot bone mets which the density scan doesn't but also actually lots of interesting other stuff about your skeletal framework. There was a load of gobbledygook about my sacroiliac joint that had the word dysplasia in it which isn't a word I like post Cancer dx but my Consultant read it and asked if I had a big baby which I did, and it turns out that she literally ripped my sacro iliac joint apart and I should take care to avoid further problems. I hope it will be clear like the rest of your scans.

helly I am sorry. They stage Cancer according to the size and aggressiveness of the tumour. Plenty of us were Stage 3 on here and I think that when it is diagnosed soon after birth / Breastfeeding it is very common for it to be aggressive, all the hormones and cell division activity going on in your body provide a perfect environment for tumours to grow quickly. I have two friends who were diagnosed Stage 3 whilst Breastfeeding, they are both still here twelve years later.

You sound to be doing the right thing, practical help is really appreciated.

Thanks for the "scientific" explanation, Copt! I'm having the injection scan. Perhaps it will tell me why I also get sacroiliac pain, though both my DSs were average weight, so not sure I can blame them (GP blames my excess weight and she may be right, to some extent).

lily hope it gives you some answers, another thing that can be said of Cancer, you do get a thorough healthcheck. I have the heart of a 20 year old apparently

Copt- thanks for that. Very good to hear.

Hi peeps just popping on at lunch to check on smee. Hope you are sorted soon lovely.
Yes I really am going to a brewery at 4pm for a piss up quiet drink or 2 ...

Aaargh, just wrote long post, then checked back to refresh memory on posts, and lost it

My memory is the opposite of Copt's lovely 20 year old heart: twice my real age instead of half

But in brief - Smee, I'm so sorry you got whipped into hospital. Sounds like a shocking way to spend the evening, though am glad it culminated in morphine at least. Hope they sort you out fast!

Helly, I'm so sorry your friend's news wasn't what you'd both hoped for. FWIW, my nice consultant once told me (during a lump scare just after dd2 was born) that he'd seen several patients through chemo and surgery during pg or soon after, and they were all doing well. Fingers crossed for the same for your friend, and hugs to you.

Lily, it went well thanks - at least, the duet I was involved in didn't go utterly wrong, so I'm happy! Hope things are moving ahead smoothly for you, in the thick of all that testing.

I don't dare check back to see who wrote it (Smee? Copt?) in case I lose another post, but I laughed out loud at the tenors quip....

Hope everyone else having a reasonable day. I am off to pick dd1 up from taster day at local secondary (she's only y4 - hard sell?!) then on to get squished and scanned.

Swallow, if I am this nervous about plain old mammo and u/s, I think I would definitely lose the plot for a while too - you've had a shock out of the blue, no preceding worry, no lead up. I think that's pretty traumatic, tbh. If I were in a position to, I'd prescribe immediate self-forgiveness, comfort food and a large cuddle!

oops - Copt, I seem to have assumed an age for you in that post: purely picked at random, I promise

Ha! Ha! I was actually going to post that I did have the heart of a person half my age at the point I had all the scans etc. now 12 years later after some serious rebellious behaviour, as in all that exercise and good diet gave me Cancer, so what the hell bring on the cake....... I suspect not so much!

Elibean I just read that quick and thought that you were 80
Just randomly took delivery of and made up a hanging chair !

am back - scanned- pain au raisin and cappuccino afterwards- and am sending huge love to smee - oh my ! xxxxxxxx Kove to all- haven't had time to look at rest of thread yet,but will catch up later

80 on a bad day, Malt

Cops, how on earth can cake be bad for you. I mean, honestly

And an extra one for MAS, in case still needed after post-scan treats...

thank you.

am working on the self forgiveness and will get cuddles off of ds after school and comfort food in the form of takeaway. haven't really been eating the last couple of days.

yy to day after wine depression. horrible.

Ruby meant to say earlier I had one of the babyliss big hair things after it was recommended on the style and beauty board on mn. It was ok but didn't do anything brilliant really and now it's stopped turning round ! Wonder if a putting in a couple of Velcro rollers would work for you ?

Thank you elibean - am going to Waitrose for comfort things plus maybe some fancy hand cream as am still as dry as an old gourd- the comfort balm is v nice,but hands (and feet) are v stubbornly dry
HUgs too forswallowed xxx
Am feeling a bit queasy now but is anticipation of Prom. Am driving T there in the proper car,as opposed to my Charles..feel I should decorate it but T would be embarrassed! I asked him whether he'd like a yellow rose or gerbera for his buttonhole but he insisted he was ok.

Mas what's the weather like where you are it's pouring here ! I was thinking of taking dd to prom and taking photos outside but they'll all just be running in under brollies in this rain