38th tamoxifen - waiting for summer in the bus shelter

[Gigondas]

New thread.

malt don't feels there's anything you can't say if you want to but I've done the same as sometimes I think it makes it worse to type/say things out loud and I prefer to just ignore :) I hope you sleep well.

betsy I'm having eight cycles and no line in, had one week where I'd almost run out of veins but I'd been in hospital twice plus chemo plus blood tests plus blood transfusion so lots of holes! Apart from that no real problems. Cycle 6 the nurse had difficulty getting the cannula in and said my veins had hardened from chemo but not sure if she was just a bit clumsy as cycle 7 it went in first time :) I have very small veins so I've always been troublesome!

Goodnight all x

betsy I had 12 cycles of chemo with no line - the fec especially really buggered my veins, and gave me black tram lines up my arms and when I needed a lot of IV anti biotics the veins kept breaking because they were wrecked.
But I did have more than most, and I did have them closer together than most (I was on a drugs trial), and they recovered reasonably quickly once the chemo stopped.

But you may very well be fine and not have problems - and if things start getting difficult then you can ask for a line if you want one.

Hope you get a peaceful night's sleep tonight, and no strange dreams

Waves to everyone but must off to the Guardian Mad Men blog and get to bed (I'm that sad but, without spoilers for those who haven't dirtied themselves lining Murdoch's pocket, this Mad Men series has been like an LSD trip, when you come down you need to try and make sense of it all )

Oh and Apprentice I am so looking forward to Karen taking a certain person in hand. I lurve Karen. Another of my girl crushes.

However Betsy , I didn't have a line in. I felt very strongly that I wanted to feel normal between treatments and be able to go swimming in my good weeks, it is a relaxing bit of normality for me. It did burn out the nice juicy vein in the crook of my elbow but that was really the fault of my lovely caring oncy who likes to do it herself when she has time to do so, but she doesn't really, so she ended up going for the easy option, so it feels churlish to moan. When she was away and the wonky oncy took over the nurses were a lot better at using different veins and searching about a bit more so one vein didn't get overloaded. It does mean there can be a bit of mining for veins to take blood from now but even so I wouldn't have made a different decision. And I am far from convinced that taking blood from the nice big vein in my other arm, even if I have no lymph nodes, is going to cause disaster as I regularly do all the other stuff on the "do not" list, carry heavy weights, get scratched and stung, use an epilator etc. Life as a mother, and gardener, wouldn't be worth living otherwise, there are certain things, like chocolate and champagne.......

Plus I probably don't have the greatest veins since when I had an infection after the first cycle that took a few days to bring under control they ended up mining my ankles..(I was very unlucky and also turns out my white blood cells are and always have been pathetic)

Also I had FAC for 6 cycles (goodness kk 12? I thought high dose, serious blasting had been discredited about ten years before my treatment?) and the A was a very nasty burny drug that was bright red and came in a black bag with a skull and crossbones on it, the people who gave you chemo had to wear toxic hazard suits, sooo reassuring when they are about to pump it into you, and you really couldn't miss the slight air of panic as they handled it. It was the drug that really knocked the recurrence stats though. I notice that now they seem to use E and I wonder if it turned out to be just too evil.

Sorry people I can't keep up. +vibes for results today malt
Think I might have taken a double dose of tamoxifen last night - that or its very hot. I was headachy yesterday and think a storm might be brewing...

No weird dreams that goodness, but wide awake....

Good luck again to malt and kitkat for today.

It's good to know others got on fine without a PICC line, and it will be good to get back to as normal as possible between cycles.

I had a portacath fitted under the skin rather than a picc line. Worked fine but it's more specialised and costly.

Hi all, hope everyone ok this morning. Fingers crossed for a good day all round.

My MacMillan nurse visited yesterday and is concerned my feet and ankles are still very swollen, I can't get shoes on now! She has asked the G.P. to call tomorrow. She also reduced the steroid dosage I'm on. I'm a bit worried she's talking about taking me into the hospice to have the drug regime overhauled.

After my first chemo I have to report it went very smoothly, I have 15 more to do at 1 per week. The lovely nurse went through all the side effects but apart from feeling a wee bit sick I've been ok.

I keep tentatively brushing/stroking my hair just in case it's starting to fall out Vanity, thy name is woman!!!

Morning all- ? Gentle hugs for malt- will be holding your hand. Post away if it helps.

Emin- the h word is scary but to give it a positive turn, they are often a load better at pain management then gp so don't think of it as sizing you up for a coffin (sorry to be blunt but I know I freaked when was mentioned to me).

How was mad men Copt?

Betsy- hope get all scans done and not too much waiting.

Jchoc- It is horrendously humid here so may not be the tamoxifen.

Topsy- how are you? For cystitis - got any cranberry juice?

Smee- how is the wound?

Radiotherapy starts today and got wound dressing change plus my dad coming over to give big gig her birthday present. My back is absolutely screwed - could hardly stand for shower last night.

I am worried its mets playing up ( good news is they are zapping them ) which made me fret last night. I did phone dr lovely who was nice as always and advised on pain relief. Just not much help when can barely walk to end of road ( know smee will sympathise as she had terrible back issues).

Shooting through before work to wish malt all the luck in the world for appointment today. Thinking of you, lovely. This is where you take the next step on the journey, and knowledge is power. . . Then you know what's to come and you can see the way forward x x

Morning all - fingers crossed for Malt today.

For those that have aske about a picc lines I only have one as my veins are small and the onc nurse (and anyone else who looked) have said that they will not last 6 cycles of FEC (or anything) so as i will need a line at some point she recommended getting in at the start to look after my veins for whatever the future brings - BC unrelated I think!!

Apprentice wise - hopefully Karen (I'm a big fan too) will be going after Natalie next week.

I can't believe that for the last 2 weeks the candidates have been saying it is now so tough because of the exceptional calibre of those left in - do they really believe they are any good???

Which one is Natalie? Do you mean Luisa?

Poisonous cow- I Know Jason was wet but she is a piece of work.i missed what Karen said at end when the women were bickering in the boardroom. Didn't miss Francesca horrible look when was dragged back in.

Morning all thanks for your kind words.when I write what I'm worried about it looks so awful I can't post it
Earth I'm glad you're doing ok
Good luck to everyone else today
I'll be back later as I have till sodding 430 to wait!
My FB friends keep sharing a ' BC survivor ' picture of a lady who has had a double mx and lost her hair, no disrespect to her at all but I wish theyd stop it as I go on FB for a bit of light relief and chat and I don't want constant reminders

Gigs - yes Luisa (duh).

apologies for being so absent -had a pretty horrid afternoon and couldn't bring myself to post...hello to hellymelly and v sorry to hear about your friend,sending her loads of good vibes, and special thoughts and love to malt for today,and for kitkat and gig
xxxxxx

Luisa is vile,wile,vile- also a huge fan of Karren Brady.

Hugs for you mas- what is boy doing for end of exams? Also Copt aren't big Copt and dh off today?

Hope it all goes ok today malt

Hugs for Mas hope you're feeling a bit better today
Thanks NotJ
Enough about me !
I love Karen too though I do miss Margaret she was brilliant.

Morning all - off to catch the 'flexibus' in a minute (oh joy) -it is the only way to get into the local town but a 15 min journey takes at least three quarters of an hour because it calls int every village and housing estate and nook and cranny on the way. I am armed with an audiobook!

Copt - yes I had 12 - not all FEC though I hasten to add - I was on adrugs trial and I got'randomly assigned' to the many cycles of chemo (only the first half was accelerated + the injections to boost WBC) second half nearly did for me as i got multiple infections and septiceamia and was in hospital for a while! It was at that point the nurses told me that 'your WBC count was quite low even before you started chemo' - my oncy consultant came to see me in the hospital (a brief visit before he caught a plane to 'skiing in Switzerland') and said 'I'm sorry you are in this state, we have hit you far too hard and far too often' - thanks mate!! he also suggested that if my appetite was poor, I should try caviar and pink champagne - Anyhoo that's my chem saga, but it isn't all that relevant to others so I'm always a bit reluctant to describe it - as it wasn't your usual regime, so not to be taken as likely to happen to anyone else - don't panic anyone just about to start, - I think I was one of the guinea pigs that made them realise that the proposed regime I was on was not a good thing!

MAS - sorry yo had a shitty day yesterday - hope all is well now xx

Earth - try not to panic about the h word - they are pretty good at getting medications sorted from what I have heard, - they do loads of other stuff apart from the doom laden connotations. Friend of mine goes to one to have her lymphoedema sorted out. But thinking of you, and sending love xx

malt - good luck for today, try to keep busy until 4.30 ( bugger its late in the day, but this time tomorrow it will be out of the way)

Love to all, - I wish Louisa had gone - she is a right baggage - Jason was nice but woolly though so would never have made it to the end.

Back later if I survive the flexibus!

love to all.

gigs To paraphrase " Lord Sugar I would like to follow Luisa next week. I want to see for myself whether she is actually a strong woman manager or a tarty old cow that you will find impossible to work with" . I'd better not comment on Mad Men as thanks to Murdoch most people will be waiting for the Box Set and it was the next to last episode, so gearing up to big things happening, it is very annoying as used to have a sort of mini blog going with a few friends who I used to work/study with, we were Mad Women / Peggy , after each episode but they don't have Sky.

Sorry the achiness is worse but backs are the first to go when you do too much, especially after a period laid up. I have the annual bad back when I get back to gardening after winter after spending it laid up in hibernation.

malt good luck with this afternoon. There is no getting away from how anxiety inducing results appointments are, however you will have these now after every check up so you need a coping strategy in place. If you struggle so much to cope with dark thoughts then maybe you need to get your GP to get you some Counselling, so they can help you find ways. Remember the results you have already had really don't support such terrible thoughts. I cope by focusing on the fact it could have been so much worse and that actually I got off lightly even with my shitty prognosis, and also that there is nothing in life you can't laugh at, especially myself and my tendency to nearly pass out with nerves at results appointments . When I went for my pet scan six months after treatment finished the receptionist called me over after and asked me if I had a coil which was strange itself and provoked "Oh God, I have a curly tumour" thoughts but then I noticed she had in front of her the outline of a body riddled with tumours. Obviously my immediate thought was that it was me, I went into a cold sweat and black spots appeared before my eyes and I almost fell off my chair..... it was actually the old man they had just wheeled out! So it's all been uphill from there really

X posted

gigs Yes Big Copt and DH go off this evening. DH is up and annoyingly frisky. Little Copt just went off to the Courtauld for a taster day of which I am very jealous, it would be ridiculous to ditch my endless thesis and do yet another MA there wouldn't it? When the Gillian Anderson character in The Fall said in an aside I have multiple Masters I thought, maybe it wouldn't be so ridiculous, especially if I wear very sexy silk blouses www.guardian.co.uk/tv-and-radio/2013/jun/08/silk-shirt-fashion-the-fall Tomorrow more prosaically we are off to the Open Day at Leeds so I will be offline over the weekend as parents t'internet works via a man using flags to semaphore from the village green.....

kk I grew up in a village served only by one of those buses, which took an hour to get me home from school (from Girlington to that village jchoc) oh the tedium, still provokes a feeling of dread when I think about it, the 57.......

That chemo regime sounds very cruel. Wonky Oncy was a great one for jetting off on drug company jollies, we used to email each other in our bad weeks hissing and spitting that here we were puking and turning green just so he could become the drug companies favourite oncy and fly first class and drink champagne and the finest claret.............

My best ever Margaret moment.

Hi ladies I am sitting here with topsy in a lovely cafe in a wee town down the road from us ..... We are discussing the "brave girl beating cancer" comments. topsy reminded me that she did actually beat cancer and I think we should either banish her from this group or make her wear pink from now on all the time and ALWAYS a pink fluffy glaring tutu ! My sister said I am "lovely and beat cancer" nothing yo do with the surgeons chopping my boob off !

Gigs loved that clip she is just so withering !
Copt sometimes I think I'm not coping very well, maybe it will get easier as time passes? If I'm still here. We have had some funny moments, at cadburys world they had people dressed up in huge curly grey wigs and ds said mum if you get a wig you're not getting one like that !
Hnd oh yes tutu for topsy is a great idea, hope you have cake ?

Great Margaret moment - I love her too.