********The 37th Tamoxifen Thread, Fun and Tears in "Cancerland" *****

[Copthallresident]

Trolley Rolled over and "Its a small small world" playing on the ipod on repeat.

I must admit I'm dreading losing my hair, it just seems to mark you out as a cancer sufferer doesn't it. What did people do without their hair, wigs or scarves or did you just go without ? Was it as bad as you feared? My hair is one of the things I like about myself ! Obviously if it's going to save your life its well worth it but it is scary

I must admit I'm dreading losing my hair, it just seems to mark you out as a cancer sufferer doesn't it. What did people do without their hair, wigs or scarves or did you just go without ? Was it as bad as you feared? My hair is one of the things I like about myself ! Obviously if it's going to save your life its well worth it but it is scary

Sorry!

Right - have discussed with DH and am going to give the cold cap a go. As to what chemo I'm having I can't remember (sorry) - we had 4 options and when the final pathologies came through today it was confirmed which one - you ladies can probably work it out -
cancer is hormone fed - will need Tamoxifen afterwards (def not Herceptin) and Lymph node biopsy is effectively clear. Oncologist was very pleased with all of that and I think this is the easiest combination of the 4 I was original told about. It will be 6 cycles.

It is a very large lump - grade 2, but very unagressive (measured at 5% which he tells me is very low) so he expects that it has been there for many years.
All of this is good news as I have been through the full CT scan which was clear, additional biopsys in other breast following MRI (also clear) as lump is large but invisible on mamogram and ultrasound and sentinal node biopsy (clear) - all in the last 2 weeks.
Bad news is that it is less likely to shrink with the chemo (I think I understand why) so now more likely to need a mx but he stressed this does not make it a 'bad' cancer'.

Found the info they gave me - and yes it will be FEC.

Well done for making a decision Kitkat I hope you'll stick around and let us know how you get on ?

Kitkat, hi from me :-)
I had FEC and then Docetaxel, as mine was a grade 3 rather lively sort that they wanted to hit hard. I was told not to bother with the cold cap as there was no way it would work through that double chemo thing.
I did lose my hair. I got fab wigs from Rene Amore range and I had so many compliments on what a lovely new hairdo I'd had. People had no idea it wasn't my hair.

So...for me that was a good outcome. But everyone is different.

Hi Amber - to be honest i was all set for a wig - and indeed may still need one

malt kitkat I was never offered a cap and since I really didn't have a problem with being bald in the end I'm not sure it would have been worth all those headaches etc. I had a wig but went a bit mad because I felt that after all these years of having thin lank hair now was my chance to have the thick luscious locks I has always wanted but in spite of being exorbitantly expensive, it made me look like a drag queen! Though getting a friend 's hairdresser who came to your house in to cut it definitely improved things. Mostly I just wore a scarf turban style. Both my girls got used to it, indeed Little Copt demanded the wig and tit as soon as she got home each night for playing dressing up.

Like practically everything else to do with Cancer it was a lot worse in prospect than reality. I remember looking in the mirror bald and with one boob and realising how little both really mattered, as it was still me looking back.

I actually found other people's reactions could be quite amusing, I am afraid my support group and I laughed a great deal about them. However well meaning they are I think you have a right to take the piss, and assert yourself, rather than feel patronised, pitied, scary, their latest care project, institutionalised, expected to behave like a Cancer patient, or worse "victim", etc.

Hi kitkat I didn't have chemo but my sister did for breast cancer and agonised for a while over the cold cap. In the end she decided not to try it because she didn't want to be in hospital any longer than absolutely necessary and also she didn't want to be worrying about whether it was working or not. That probably sounds a bit odd but for her it was easier to accept that she would lose her hair than worry about whether or not she would lose it. She mainly wore soft hats and turban sort of things as she found them comfier than a wig.

I spoke to my C-R Nurse today and she didn't sound too concerned about the lump I found but thought that I ought to have it looked at to be on the safe side. I've been given an appointment for a couple of weeks - it could have been next week but I'm off to Devon on Friday for a week, yay . I think I will just forget about it for the moment.

Waves to all xxx

Hi Kitkat damn you and your delicious choclatey wafery yumminess

I had 6 rounds of FEC , and no cold cap . I wasn't offered one and I wasn't aware of them at the time (complete cancer virgin !)
I was given a wig , hated it and only wore it once !
I used scarfs or buffs (tubes of stretchy material) or when I was really warm I just went bare headed .

The hair loss never really bothered me , as my hair is such a bitch to deal with (think Elvis with an Afro !)
It did bother me though when my eyebrows and eyelashes went , strangely .

Anyhow , it's different for each person . For a lot of women , their hair is a very big part of who they are .
So give it a go !

That's good that your nurse didn't seem to bothered the night .
You can go and enjoy your week in cream tea land Devon now

Feeling a bit down tonight .
No reason for it , just a bit blue and weepy .
I blame this bastard rain that we've got at the minute !

What little things do you do to cheer yourselves up when you've got a case of the glums ?

Oh topsy (((hugs)))

I usually tuck up in bed and cuddle cats when I'm a bit low or else watch some feel-good movie. For me that tends to be soppy British rom-coms or costume dramas.

I guess sometimes you just have to go with them though as to be honest for most people here it would be strange not to feel like that from time to time. I hope things feel a bit better soon xxx

I am going to have so many cream teas

I'm veggie so I reckon I need extra cream teas to make up for lack of pasties!

Love cream teas !
Hugs Topsy hope you're ok, I sometimes look at AIBU or mumsnet classics on here to cheer myself up ! Or I do something to try and take my mind off things like have a bath or make a cup of tea x

Just in bed after choir, am knackered. . .

Sending much love to everyone and I will catch up properly tomorrow.

Night all. Hoping for good sleep for us all x x x

Night all x
Pill for me tonight couldn't face another sleepless night

topsy big hugs though agree being blue is part of life, we can't all be all be happy all the time, maybe curling up in bed and having a good cry now and then is good

However, a bath with a good book (probably not the incredibly detailed biography of Sylvia Plath I am reading which seems to be minute by minute, interesting but fear will be told what temp she switched the gas on for, sorry I do have a black sense of humour ) , a comedy or romcom on iplayer? Chocolate (hands over last bar of chocolate with jelly beans and crushed candy) , thinking about holidays , nice places you have been, doing a bit of routine maintenance with some creams and the epilater, no that's just me who is strangely satisfied by tearing my body hair out at the roots , having a laugh with your DCs, a good sleep sometimes does it too. Hope you feel better in the morning.

smee forgot to say, are you having your implants replaced on Thursday? Will be offering hugs for that too.

Hope everyone sleeps well tonight

Big unmumsnetly hug for topsy

for topsy, - I usually snuggle up in bed with a nice light hearted book and a mug of hot choccy or horlicks, sometimes you just have to go with the blues for a bit though to get them out of your system, but it sucks when they creep up on you.
Hope you feel a bit better tomorrow sweetie xx

I am feeling a bit hyper this week - I did hours of gardening yesterday and at the weekend, was out and about all day today and this evening have done mound of cooking and washing up - can't seem to relax, - maybe it's some new form of bonkers I am coming down with

good luck for implant replacement Smee xx

All? Hope the night commune wasn't too full.

Hugs for topsy- I second the suggestions of Copt, kurri, nightisyoung and malt ESP book reading.

Tons of luck for smee tomorrow.

Malt- I had wigs which were nice but hot to wear so ended up wearing scarves (had lots of types so could accessorise). I did mind more about eyebrow and eyelash going but a trip to bobbi brown counter which gave me confidence about compensating for it.

Sorry you were down topsy- I found going back to radiotherapy dept incredibly upsetting and stressful. it was where got dx (sitting outside room of doom where got news) plus seeing all written down made me feel very hopeless and depressed. So was very down, anxious and tearful last night.

comforting hugs for topsy and gig - think sometimes these down feelings happpen and definitely do something nice and indulgent to cheer..but they do pass.

Today must work,then collecting S from her school,walking her home and rushing back to piano with T.
And hooray - it's Apprentice night !

Sylvia Plath book sounds good ned - was it a R4 book of the week ?

Hugs for all especially topsy and gigs
Missed the cake commune, had pill and slept really well
Have been talking to ds about losing my hair he's nearly 10, he didn't realise it would grow back so he's pleased about that.
Not had my results appointment through yet but my friends had hers for next Friday which I guess will be the same as mine. Trouble is its ds birthday next day! Don't know how upset I'll be if it's bad news and how up I'll be to celebrating, we would normally take his friends to the cinema or bowling or something. On the other hand I don't want him to miss out because I'm ill