********The 37th Tamoxifen Thread, Fun and Tears in "Cancerland" *****

[Copthallresident]

Trolley Rolled over and "Its a small small world" playing on the ipod on repeat.

No driving. Glass of pino grigio in hand ! ( auto correct changes grigio to frigid )

Betsy that's a shame were they going to give you the results over the phone ?
Also wondering how gigs is

Glad you're home gigs

Grr about wait Betsy. Will catch up properly tomorrow.

glad to hear you are home gigs

I wasn't expecting results malt but they promised to let me know if I'd made this morning's MDT meeting - if not would be next Fri for sure and if I had then what happens next (presuambly an appt to go through what they plan on doing to me). To be fair my actual named BCN has been on holiday this week so the other two are covering her folks too and have probably been really busy, but I just hate it when people promise to ring and then don't :(

I agree it's frustrating bet you were waiting for the phone all day
What's an MDT meeting ?
I'm waiting for an appointment to discuss my results they said it would be 2 weeks time the waiting is torture

sorry MDT = multi-disciplinary team = oncologist, radiologist, surgeon, nurse specialists etc all get together and agree best treatment plan given each patient's specific circumstances. That's how it operates at my hospital, I think it's seen as "best practice" too.

Sorry to hear about another trip to hospital gigs - glad you didn't have to stay in. I hope you have a restful night.

I'm a bit today because I found a lump just inside my bum (lovely I know ). It's a bit small and hard to be a pile so I'm a bit worried now and my colorectal nurse isn't in till Tuesday. I am just going to try and forget about it for the weekend.

Has anyone got anything nice planned? I'm just trying to get my garden back into some sort of shape. Not very exciting but I've been enjoying it the last couple of weekends. We've got frogs and tadpoles in our tiny wee pond

I see Betsy thank you :) they've not been mentioned to me I will try not to worry about that too !
Night I guess it could be all manner of things, trying to keep your mind off it for for the weekend sounds a good idea. Your garden sounds lovely

Evening All

I'm sitting in front of an open window in my vest and pants , trying to catch a breeze ... tonight's tipple is an ice cold Becks Light .

Betsy sorry you didn't get your phone call . Sorry to say that kind of thing seems normal

Gigs I missed the balcony !
Glad you are back home though .

Malt you are sounding very chipper , or is that the Pinot speaking ???

Forehead Cancer seems to have abated .
Think I might have sleeping sickness now .....

Big hugs to everyone , see you all in the morning x

Morning all
No early morning posts that is good I was awake lots in the night again think thats just the way it is now
Topsy had to lol at you in your vest and pants with a beer, it has been hot hasn't it. I am quite chipper in RL it's just on here I'm usually miserable but yes was probably the pino talking!
Not much planned today, the kids will be out with their friends enjoying the weather. Must remember to stay in the shade my arms are a bit pink from yesterday then realised I'm not meant to get my arm sunburnt so will be careful today

Good morning all. Another 4 hours sleep, yeayyyyy. I am surprised given how warm it was last night but grateful all the same and it looks like its going to be a lovely day

One of my Aunts brought me a couple of photo's she'd come across, one of them is of my Dad, his mum (nanna) and his 6 sisters at the wedding of my youngest aunt. As Nanna was widowed when said aunt was 3 years old, Dad was giving away the bride. It is a lovely black and white picture and I'm going to see if I can get it enlarged and framed. Its about 4-5 inches across but only 2-3 inches in length. A bit like a bookmark it may not be as easy as all that.

Hope everyone has a lovely day

Emin - that sounds like a lovely photo, I'm sure you will be able to get it enlarged. Can you see a family resemblance in these relatives? It is always strange and touching to see your parents when they were young. I had some very damaged and faded photos restored and they looked great.

I was spent a happy couple of months doing the family tree on ancestry which was great fun. I found lots of interesting stories and characters, one famous chartist and a whole run of master hairdressers! I was able to match some of the photos I had to some individuals and post them online, a person got in touch with me to thank me as they had never seen a photo of their grandmother (my great aunt) but remembered her well - I was able to send them a copy of the picture.

Today Dh is out, so I am in sole charge of my children. Or perhaps ds is in sole charge of making me cups of tea. He will be fine but dd gets bored if she is not entertained. Bit of a challenge to supervise her from bed. She also has a nasty cough which I am trying not to catch as I am very short of breath already. I may have to call in the troops.

Betsy - how annoying that they didn't call. So frustrating.

Gig - your wound sounds very painful and annoying, but at least you are getting the treatment you need. I wish you fortitude and endurance (and decent pain relief) until you are healed.

Malt you sound so much more cheerful since your op. You made me laugh with your smurf boob. Keep your sun hat on.

Morning All

Happy 16th Birthday to Mas's baby boy !
Bet it feels like yesterday he was born ?

Malt here is the right place to be miserable ! Offload all your fears and worries here so you can get on with your life in the real world .

Earth and Trice have a good day .
My DD is loaded with a cold too , typical sunny weather illness !

Off horse riding in an hour .
Then the madness that is Tesco

Then my arse shall be firmly lodged in a chair in the garden for the rest of today !

Hope everyone had a good nights sleep , and that today is a lovely one for you x

my baby boy !! you're right topsy -it's gone so quickly !
This time 16 years ago I'd been stitched up and was longing to go up and see him in special care but was attached to a catheter -eventually a kind hca took me for a shower and wheeled me up to him. Irksome delivery ending in forceps and ventouse but worth it
Hope everyone has a lovely and not sore/worrying day

Earth sounds like a lovely photo I hope you can get something nice done with it
Trice hope the children are being good ?
Topsy enjoy horse riding, I'm not sure I can say enjoy tesco !
MAS happy birthday to your boy :)

I am still struggling to sleep and lie here imagining all sorts. I'm dreading my next results there always seems to be waiting for the next bit and I convince myself that i won't be here for long and dh and the kids will have to manage without me. And I struggle with the fact that I feel so well but are seriously ill. Still coming to terms with everything I guess

And last thing how long do I have to keep my bra on at night ? Feels so hot and restrictive in this weather!

Dad was only 47 when he died I was 19 and he was my world during the short time he was with us. I have so few photo's of him it's pitiful, so to come across one out of the blue is lovely.

Being in a line in front of a church with all the sisters fanned out and the bride between Dad and Nanna it looks quite austere, all the ladies in quite dull looking coats with a button hole but the happiness is there to see.

Calculating dads age to be around 26ish, I wouldn't have been born for a couple more years and I believe he had only just met my mum then.

He stands very tall in the photo and very slim and manly, he was the man of a house of woman only and, I know he was spoilt rotten by them all from family memories.

Funny how a little photo can make you think

malt take heart in that they have effectively removed all your cancer (nodes permitting !) and that means it's gone ! (and even if the naughty thing has gone to a node or two then the chemo will blast it and the rads will mop up)

Gig, glad to hear you got home. Did you use the same tunnel, or did DH have to dig another one?

malt, who told you to keep your bra on? I didn't know they ask you to do that. I like MAS's thought, as she's right and they've taken the cancer already. I remember my lovely Onc saying that to me pre-chemo. She said the chances are she was poisoning me for no reason as the cancer had already gone. Not sure why, but that helped me a lot.

Night, as others have said am guessing the lump could be all manner of things. Really hope you can get some reassurance on Monday.

That photo sounds nice if a bit unsettling, Earth.

Trice hope you managed to keep DD entertained and had a nice-ish day.

Happy Birthday to your v.grown up DS, MAS. Hope you're all having a lovely sunny day. Is there cake?!

at Topsy sunning herself in her pants. We're off to see some bike riding somewhere in the middle of London. Can't remember where, but apparently there's a v.good source of ice cream nearby..

there will be cake later ! Have had a lovely walk around Hinton Ampner in the sunshine - so pretty. The boys and grandpa are playing boules shortly,then supper with the old ones - I have prosecco to toast my boy. We got him a fab android phone (better than mine ) but it's rather sweet that he seems to love his new box of caran d'ache pencils best of all.

hi all - just dashing on quickly to wave and send love to all.
gigs - i'm glad you're home - have a nice relaxing weekend.
happy birthday to t. mas - he is getting to be very grown up, hope he had a lovely, special day.

my laptop is just about on its last legs. can only post if i hold it together with one hand and type with the other - hence no capital letters from me.
also can only have it on for very short periods of time as it is making a terrible grinding noise.

so excuse me if my visits are fleeting, but i am trying to keep up to date and am thinking of you all, especially those having treatment/ops/tests.

love to everyone xx

well not much action on here today, so I guess everyone has been outside enjoying the lovely weather. :)

gig - hope your leg is feeling better today

Happy birthday to not so mini MAS :)

Malt - in the info pack I got it says something along the lines of some people find it more comfortable to sleep in a bra for a while post surgery to support the breast while healing, but it's up to you - so I guess if you are more comfy without then go for it. (I always sleep in a soft bra anyway due to the size of my humungous assets )

I daren't voice this IRL, but I'm feeling totally paranoid about secondaries at the moment - I've accepted the fact that it's most probably in my lymph nodes or they wouldn't have done the biopsy on Thurs. I just keep thinking about DB - he was so fit and well before diagnosis (he ran a marathon the week before aged 54) - it had already spread from bowel to liver when he was diagnosed and 18months later he was gone :( . I don't care so much about me, I just worry about what affect all this will have on the kids, they are still so little :(

That said I was talking to an aquaintance this morning who had heard my news. She said she very rarely tells anyone her story, but wanted to say she knows what I'm going through and to keep positive. She was first diagnosed with breast cancer aged 33 with two young children and got the all clear after treatment. Then had a recurrence aged 48, and again the all clear after treatment - she is now 67 - I can only imagine what it has been like living with this for 34 years!

Betsy, weirdly it gets easier and easier to live with the 'new normal'. Keeping everything crossed for you and everyone else as we go through each stage and post-treatment checkup.
It's very normal to worry yourself silly about all of this when you have a young family. But we're always here to listen.

No sun here today so we've been shopping for lots of things we didn't really need
Watching bgt now with a pimms
I'll leave the bra off tonight I think I'm not used to sleeping in it
Betsy I share your fears I imagine everyone feels like that when they're diagnosed, you especially with your brothers experience. It's frightening to think you just wouldn't know.

Betsy no point any of us telling you not to worry, as of course you will until you know all your results. If it helps at all, I knew straight away it was in my nodes and was convinced it had spread as I had rib pain under the affected breast. Had bone scan and CT and nothing showed. I'm 3 years on now. It's far more likely that yours hasn't got v.far than it has. Shout out your worries on here though if you want to. We all have and at least we get it. RL is tough to navigate when you're where you are. x

Am envious of prosecco, MAS. How lovely that he likes his new box of crayons best. He is such a wonderful soul your boy.

Waving to Kurri and her addled laptop. And to all others too.

Off to find a glass of wine, still a teeny bit hungover from party last night. I didn't drink very much, but somehow forgot to eat. Won't make that mistake again, DH ordering a take away.