********The 37th Tamoxifen Thread, Fun and Tears in "Cancerland" *****

[Copthallresident]

Trolley Rolled over and "Its a small small world" playing on the ipod on repeat.

All got very deep yesterday- I think my views are mix of copy,mas and ku tri.my belief in a higher power that knew what doing never really recovered from.losing my son mid pregnancy. And I completely agree about stigma if cancer-it's a similar term to virus but no one reacts same way to that .

Felt appalling yesterday as wound git infected (woman who I changed dressing hurt me) so sat on sofa all day feeling long-running. Found some anti biotics in cupboard (bad I know but are same kind always get given)· Feeling less flute but very weak. At least better wash birthday today. Off to Dr later so hope they help.

Sending emin good thoughts for today .

Just wrote a long post and it's gone !
Gigs sorry about the infection. Who's birthday is it ?
Castella welcome
Earth hope you got some sleep
Hi sparkle
Morning everyone else x

Hi Castella!! Glad we could all help in some way. They have just found another powerful drug like herceptin for people to have if herceptin doesn't work. So that's nifty for us. Brew and croissants?

Hi Castella and welcome. Yay for finishing radiotheraphy. Hope you have good dressings and the burns will subside soon.
I do believe. I like the way amber can write about it on here, I can't. I felt loved and upheld when I was going through treatment and still get asked how I am. Of course I have only had cancerlight (no chemo) so far but find it gives me insight and helps me talk to friend with kidney mets. My sayings- 'shit happens' and 'its all part of lifes rich tapestry'. And maybe 'one day at a time'
Took Aunty out yesterday evening. Thought about Copt when on way home parked car by The Guide and watched the start of the sunset from Harden Moor. Time for a morning all!

Oh, complete atheist here ... No karma, nothing I'm afraid. I put faith in statistics. I have to force myselft not to be superstitious some times, I think it's ingrained into out human psychi. Good luck today emin on a school holiday outing to Derbyshire - will I find Mr Darcy????? .....

Xpost! Morning sparkle gig malt and amber . Oh no gig, that's pants - hope dr can sort.

Sorry it's dh birthday. Yes please to brew and croissants. And welcome cas tella.

Happy birthday mr gigs !

My boy has gone to France on a school trip this morning. He could not wait to get out if the door but I am all he has gone.

Welcome castella and glad the radiotherapy is over and glad you have de lurked !

Good morning to everyone

Happy birthday mrgigs!

Happy birthday mr gigs
Castella what was the reason you had chemo first before surgery ?
NotJ hope your ds has a fantastic time I'm sure he will

Better get up and get the kids up for school I suppose.

Good morning all. Happy birthday Mr Gig. Welcome to the thread Castella, I am glad you now feel able to post.. Hope your burns are healing well. I got burned by the sun yesterday. Must remember put my sun hat on!

I am a complete atheist myself. But in times of stress and fear I find myself greeting the magpies, and reaching for my "lucky' knickers. My dm is a strong christian, the sort that believes in tolerance and public service as her duty to god. I find her inspiring but I do not have it in me to believe. I believe the path to happiness is to appreciate the small pleasures in life, which chiefly come from helping others. I would love to have an afterlife, but I just can't believe it.

The sun is shining today. I have dd in bed with me after a nightmare so I am able to sneak an early Morning cuddle with her before school.

I hope you get some answers today Emin and that you can choose your next step. The capecitabene is not so bad if they offer you it.

Malt, I hope you can get through today without too much worry. I won't say it will be fine, but it needs doing so you will do it. We will all be here cheering you on.

coorong I think it statistically unlikely However we do have two incarnations living close to gigs and I , Colin and Matthew, so we might.....

gigs sorry you have been laid low by infection, I hope the doctor helps later and the annoying wound heals up.

jchoc Catstones! My bedroom window used to overlook that moor. watching sunset. And my grandad had fascinating tales of wartime black market at Guide, apparently one evening a week it would be full of Bradford spivs and their molls and local farmers trading and there would be whole pig carcasses as well as cigs stocking etc in the bar!

castella congratulations on getting to end of radio, burnt but unbowed.

earth will be thinking of you and appointment today, hope it goes well.

Waves to Sparkle across the seas, how is it going with your mum, are you finding a way to rub along...

After all talk of higher things, today I go from the sublime to the ridiculous and watching filming of yer fired tonight! Will be holding that red card up high for KK feel sure it will be red card as would fire the whole lot of this years crew, unless they were auditioning for Take Me Out or Welsh Dracula.

X posted with all this busy lot.

Happy Birthday Mr gig!

nj I am sure DS will have a great trip, it's an important bit of growing up. When Big Copt went away for a week in Year 5 it felt like she went away a child and came back a young woman. Not that we don't still get occasional emergence of child

Waves and to everyone else

Lucky knickers? Nifty!
I've never been one for Judgey Religion. Everyone's lovely and loved,and all are welcome for a cuppa. That does for me.
Happy Birthday MrGig!!

welcome castella another friend of mine was terribly allergic to chemo,so had to stop after a very short time.
Happy birthday mrgigs and v sorry to hear that you're feeling low dear gig - hope cake might be cheering ?
Am going to do some work today I hope- always a bit irksome after even a few days break. Irksome in that I get nervous about starting new pieces

Copt very jealous you'll have to tell us what you're wearing so we can look out for you !

Can't be bothered to do anything today, should be going out with a friend but have cancelled. Just want to mope and cry fed up of keeping up this brave face for everyone. I'm sure this is not the right thing to do and I should be out enjoying my health but really can't do it today
Hope everyone else is having a better day !

Morning All

Welcome Castella glad you have got through your shitty year .
I never thought that we might have lurkers , glad you've de-cloaked

Gigs happy birthday to Mr Gigs
And are you having a professional eye cast over your wound ?

Emin good luck for today , I shall be thinking of you .
Do you mind me asking why you decided against chemo before ?
(Not judging , just curious )

Malt hope you are practising your deep breathing today . Think calm happy thoughts , you WILL get through this x

Concert sounded fab Cop , not jealous of you at all .....

Mas your dads party looked great (on Facebook) , glad you were able to have a good time .
Don't think docs etc will think you are paranoid at all !
Given your/our situation , ANYBODY would question mystery pain in any part of their body .
My onc encourages me to report any twinges (I once mentioned , in passing , a headache . She almost had me in the brain scanner before I managed to persuade her that it really was just a hangover )

What are the rest of us up to today ?
Damp start here , but sun is starting to come out now .
I'm trying to do some more of my DS blanky project .
It's so big now , it's a real faff to crochet round the outside of it .

Is it wrong for me to want to whip up a batch of pasta and pesto for brekkie ?
I have a real craving for it ...

Pat on the back for Malt. Do you have a cupboard to clean out? Or a garden to mow? Distraction is what you need. Preferably something you can do while snivelling without worrying about anyone else.

Topsy, if that's what you crave, go for it.

Here, preparing for tomorrow's House of Lords/Commons session. And typing up a Court Report on commercial property. It's sunny and I want to be in the garden. No chance.

Topsy, I don't mind at all, I am terrified of the whole idea. Nothing huge, just fear, the kind that eats away and never leaves you.

Possibly because you can't pretend about it any more

thanks v much for that topsy - I do get myself into a huge flap about being seen as a nuisance-argh..I just can't bear not to appear in control of myself.
Definitely have whatever you want for breakfast !

Right .
I'm eating my pasta pesto right now .
Much healthier than the bounty bar I was going to have ...

Emin if you change your mind about chemo , we can support you through it .
Chemo isn't the totally poisoning nightmare that it used to be .
I know it's different for everyone , but my experience of it was mainly ok .
My Onc team were brilliant , and were of the opinion that if I got sick on chemo , then they weren't doing their job properly !

Ultimately , it's your choice though . So any qs , please do feel free to ask

Mas (((hugs)))

I do have a cupboard to clear out trice we had a BBQ yesterday and while looking for sauces found some which went out of date in 2011. So could sort that out, good idea
I've just been crying sleeping and moping all morning this is not good and will not help
I've waited 4 weeks and fall apart on the last day!
Topsy pasta sounds delicious
Love coffee and cakes to everyone

someone posted pictures of iced buns on fb- that has now embedded itself in my brain -

I have 4 cupcakes left..anyone ?