**TAMOXIFEN 35**the all dancing,fat boy snacking and drugs thread

[MaryAnnSingleton]

yoo hoo - over here- bring the trolley...

Malt - I'm a lurker on here now but I was diagnosed late 2009 - had lumpectomy, chemo and radiotherapy. It had spread into nodes (8 or 9 if I remember) but I've been back work since November 2010 and fine since - as far as I know. I'm on Anastrzole which makes my hair thin but I puff it up as best I can. Now 58 and still Saggitarius - sorry not sure how to spell that.
I had 2- 3 weeks of mind reeling panic stage, then learned to control my fears, deal with the known facts and as I was diagnosed just before Christmas distracted myself wildly with elaborate cooking and clearing out all the drawers and cupboards in the house. Distraction and walking were important techniques for me, as well as controlling who I told, and when. I cried/howled every day for a while - but it improved once I was on treatment plan. It would be weird not to cry really, IMO .
There are several of my colleagues who've also been through this in various forms, and doing fine some years on. Its not a good club to be in, but there are some great members eg everyone on here, plus Jennifer Saunders, Clare Balding, and now we know Cath Kidston too! And its individual in every case.

(Yay for Ned)
Best wishes to all. x

Ah yes my friends point out that as I have the same cancer as Claire Balding so I am imminently going to come out as a lesbian. Obviously.

I had 15 nodes removed and had 'involvement' in 1.

I am 40 and a Virgo. A messy Virgo though not of of those anal neat freak ones.

I didn't know about Claire balding or cath kidston, which is good because they're obviously so much more than just having had cancer
Thanks to everyone who's shared their stories, I've calmed down a bit now I was feeling very sorry for myself

Sandripples dealing with the known facts is what I really need to do

As we're sharing I'm 41 and Leo !

Loved the flowchart a they were ace

notJenkins, too late! I saw Clare Balding first, and she's mine! :-P

Oh, I'm afraid I think astrologers a bit ... Added the goat thing for a .... Well for no reason really

I am very old and a Virgo -- and a dog in Chinese calendar- I am a crazy anal person too. Did I say I was dx in 2011, because that was wrong...it was 2009, am obv.senile too.
I love Edie Falco - meant to say that ages ago - didn't know about Cath Kidston though.

gig - got your Flickr files and will let
You know when ready to start....just drawn the gig girl's skunk....

Arf at the videos.

Amber sounds like you have a fight on your hands for Claire Balding.

I'm capricorn and like Tunnocks wafers. Old goat off to bed now. Night all. Ash I hope monkey man lets you sleep. x

Is it normal to think yes all of these people have survived cancer but obviously I have it worse than them ? !
I won't be fighting anyone for Claire balding
Have given in and taken a sleeping tablet again can't see that it really matters if I get addicted
Night all xx

malt it's perfectly okay and understandable to feel sorry for yourself, but also good that you are feeling a bit better :) only a few crazy people are glad they've had cancer.

I've been moved but not to onc ward, just next door from previous ward. Moving process was rather stressful esp. as I was just settling down to sleep but nice nurse on new ward tucked me up under a blanket and comforted me, I've had some sleep and all being well with bloods the plan is still home tomorrow

They've only managed, after seven months of struggling to slow my bowels, to constipate me which is rather uncomfortable but at least I know it's possible!

I went for a bracing walk around the hospital at about 1.30 to try and help me sleep/get things moving. Very weird when it's all empty! Have retreated to bed and did manage to sleep until now :)

I hope everyone is fast asleep and no virtual night club needed tonight! Love to all.

PS I don't reeeeeallly believe horoscopes either, although always like to read them anyway, just made it all a bit more fun!

I was diagnosed in 2008 with dcis I was 35 and dd was 18 months. But on getting a second opinion they managed to find two tumours 7 and 3cm. Had mx and node clearance. 13 of 19 nodes involved. 8 months chemo, four weeks radiotherapy, four and a half years tamoxifen. Now I have mets in my lymph nodes behind my breast bone and plural effusion. They couldn't find any mets in my lungs but these are the people who sent me home three times saying my lump was normal breast tissue. So I really distrust doctors.

I am starting chemo again in two weeks. I am crying 6 to 8 times a day and can't even get out of bed to make myself a cup of tea as my tumour is pressing on my heart and makes me have palpitations if I stand up.

I have that horrible thing when I wake up in the morning and my first thought is "what day is it? Oh I have cancer" crash.

I am not at all together. I am devastated. My poor kids are upset and it is my fault. My worst fears about the cancer returning have come true and I don't know how I am supposed to deal with it. You read all the time about people who's childhood was overshadowed by parental illness. I feel so guilty doing this to my lovely children.

Trice, large hug for you. And anyone else who might need one.

Oh Trice, ... Hand holding and Calming . Please First don't take too much notice of those stories about childhood misery. It's like the cancer stories you only hear the miserable tragic, not those who were perfectly happy and sane. I think it's also those parents who don't realise the effect they haveon their children who are worse. You obviously are very self aware - which is more than you can say for a lot of parents.

And it's not your fault. Remember, We take credit for the good stuff and blame others when things go wrong

As for treatment, I can't remember if you've been in touch with Macmillan nurses or just on the phone to them. It sounds like you're exhuasted with the mental side of it all (its doing my head in). Maybe you could ask for a patient advocate to fight your corner re treat,ent. At least someone, outside of home to share the mental burden.

Perhaps try to focus on small rather than big things at the moment - shove all bad thoughts down the back of the sofa.

Trice -gentle hugs as the guilt and fear for my kids eats st me the most. Have they got a counsellor or therapist via hospital as they are very good both in terms of helping you but also how to deal with kids. Please pm if want more info.

I can only imagine how the issues of not trusting drs mskes thing worse.

Slept better and do did party mini - tho party has started in earnest today, off to get staples out my leg later so think may treat myself to coffee and cake when am out.

Trice I'm sorry, to not trust the doctors must be crap
The guilt about the children is the worst thing I can totally relate to that, but none of this your fault
The waiting around is the worst thing
Sending you hugs and support xx

trice hugs from me too. Sounds absolutely rotten. Especially if your medical team are not reliable. Is there any way you can get a second opinion perhaps?

It's not your fault so you have nothing to feel guilty about but I know that rarely makes a difference. My dad had two heart attacks when I was younger and he still feels guilty about how it affected me and my sister. What I always tell him is that the reason we were so upset is because we love him so much and didn't want him to be ill. And that's a good thing :)

gigs glad you slept better, coffee and cake sounds well deserved, good luck with staple removal

Good morning everyone. I have biscuits for breakfast so shall pop some on the trolley

trice - a hug too from me -I think am luckier as my ds is older (nearly 16) and more independent -almost grown up. My mum always feels guilty for passing on her spherocytosis to me and my brother (though am perfectly well with it,as is brother and my ds) and I think she probably feels guilty that my brother had cancer- it's just the way parents are bound to feel. I would feel the same if it happened to ds -though logically know it's no one's fault.
Hope staples come out easily gig and that cake and coffee are lovely. I look forward to the post-appointment coffee in hospital today,though not if I have to wait 2 hours for meds.
Btw,. really like your lovely wedding pic (and dress) gig

Morning all,

((Hugs)) to Trice, - I echo what everyone is saying about don't feel guilty, your children know you love them and that is the greatest gift anyone can give their children.
Not trusting your doctors must make it so hard and frightening for you to try to deal with. What help have you been offered to help you emotionally? - have you been any kind of counselling or talking therapy, any kind of relaxation or breathing/calming exercises/ any kind of medication?

They really ought to be helping you and pointing you towards anything that might help, - can you talk to your BCN or your GP? or is there a cancer support centre of any kind near you - they can be really good and are usually staffed by people in health care, and often the volunteers are people who used to be in cancer care and have retired or something - so lots of expertise.

Have they given you any idea of how the treatment you are starting will improve how you feel physically? - they need to let you know what to expect, so that you have things to aim for.

Do you have anyone who will go into bat for you and help you get all this support? I found that unless you badger often no one tells you anything about what is available, - and if you are not feeling well it is hard to badger.

keep posting - however you are feeling, if it helps to get it written down on here then use that as one of your resources too. We'll all listen and do our very best to support you xx

Oh Trice, hugs from me too. You must be exhausted just by the thought of it all. Crying sounds totally sane to me. I'm sure I'd be on the floor. Give yourself a break about all of that, this is utterly crap (massive understatement) and it would be weird if you weren't in bits atm. Talk as much as you want to us. We can't make it go away, but at least you can be honest here.

Ash, hope you slept a bit more and can escape today? Any sign of Dr W admitting he was wrong yet??

Hope staples aren't ouchy, Gig. Post appt coffee is one of the few pluses of hospital visits.

Malt, hope you're okay today. What did you decide to do about work?

Waving to all others. Nearly weekend.

Smee I only work the end of the week anyway so I'm going back next week for 2 weeks then it's half term then my op. Said I really don't know what time off I will need after that as it depends on what I need to have done next. They were fine obviously.

What's everyone up to today ? X

Thanks for the support everyone. I will try to call gp today.

Trice, hope GP can help and will see you soon.

That's good then, Malt. What's the plan on what's next? Will they tell you after the op? Am guessing so. I'm off to pitch for yet more work in a bit. Drinking way too much coffee, so am on babble mode.

Good plan trice let us know what they say x
After the op I wait 2 weeks for the results and to see if it's in the sentinel node ( think that's right) he did say he didn't think it was but he wouldn't know at this stage would he you can't tell on a scan/mammo can you ? Chemo probably I dont think he's mentioned radiotherapy but he may have.
My friend has just had a lumpectomy but didn't get clear margins and has to wait another 4 weeks to have it done again so she's a bit pissed off