***Tamoxifen 32***

[MaryAnnSingleton]

step this way dear ones...the trolley will be here in a sec...

Hi everyone. I have had to get a re referral to the breast clinic which my dr insists I need an appointment for grrrrrr
It seems like a waste of time to me.
I was have a feel of my lump and its definitely mobile so I feel a little better and the voice in my head that says "what if?" Is a bit quieter.
We are off to the hearing clinic with dd2 but only one allowed in so dh going and me and dd1 are going for a browse around the charity shops

Ooh, well done ledkr. Annoying that you have to wait for referral, but makes sense to double check it. Hope referral comes through soon. Let us know what the charity shops yield. I do love a bit of a rummage.

Ashokan, took me ages to work that one out too! I think that's why this thread works, as there's a willingness to talk about it if you need to, but also a chance to see that people are just getting on with their lives and having life amidst it all. Makes you feel almost normal somehow.

I expect your gp just wants to give you reassurance that everything is being checked out ledkr - have fun in charity shops - I rarely find any gems- my friend F is brilliant at thrifting !

Hope today is good too gig.
Am going to the bank/shops/walk,then bit of work/piano.

That's why I love this thread .
Yes we have bad days , and treatment woes .
But a high percentage of our posts are about food what we got up to that day .
Here's to the new normal xxx

Pen , hope the Penii feel better soon . And that you get your lazy pj day later on in the week .

Anyone doing anything for Valentines Day ?
We are such an Old Married Couple (together 25 years this July) that we don't really bother .
But I do admit to being slightly envious of those who do lovely things

DSs parent/teacher meeting this afternoon .
Lets hope I don't make a show of myself like the last time .
DS was peering out of a door that happened to be situated behind his science teacher .
I started waving at him and pulling faces .
Science teacher thought I was waving and pulling faces at him ...

Ledkr it's always always always best to be told you're paranoid by the boob doc , than sit at home worrying !
Hope the apt comes through quickly for you .

Anyone got any snow ?
We have rain , rain , and a bit more rain !

Did put a call in to my BC nurse , but as usual there's been no call back .
The nurses are lovely , but there are so few of them .
I always feel guilty tying up their resources !
Swelling still there , but am doing my exercises .

And head tilters are those people who look at you , tilt their head to one side , and then in their most concerned sincere voice say one of 2 things .
"And HOW are you ?"
Or
"You are looking fabulous"

The second phrase is normally used when you are at your illest stage of chemo and look like you died 3 months ago and have just been dug up to do the school run !

at Topsy.

BCN in N.Ireland sound like a rare breed. Feel mighty lucky as mine always get straight back.

Valentine's Day, blimey hadn't even realised. We don't do anything either, but I love the school thing, as DS always comes back with at least one blushing like crazy.

Hope Parent's evening runs smoothly later Topsy, though I'd bet you made that teacher's night last time. How's HND? Is she lurking??

ledkr much better to have things checked out, hope your appointment comes through quickly.

Hope your little ones are feeling better pen. I can cope with cold/flu etc but hate when they are vomiting.

at topsy why does that not surprise me.

Out for dinner tomorrow night. Really looking forward to it. DD made a boy in her class a card and we had to persuade her to erase her name as she had put 'Love From ' in it .

Glad your first day went ok gigs.Hopefully the meds will help. I was originally on Lyrica for nerve pain but changed to Amitriptyline which I find better.

Still no word from work. Why can they just not answer and say you aren't allowed any of last year's leave which is what I think is stopping them calling. Due back in a week and a half so not sure what to do now.

Hope the chocolate free mas is coping .

Waves to everyone.

behave yourself tonight topsy
We have some prosecco and nice food for Valentine's Day - and usually chocolates but have had them ahead of Lent this year
Have dcs got their ashes topsy ?

behave yourself tonight topsy
We have some prosecco and nice food for Valentine's Day - and usually chocolates but have had them ahead of Lent this year
Have dcs got their ashes topsy ?
Waves to gracie - had my free cappuccino from Waitrose sans chocolate !

that's weird

I have to behave myself now as DDs have stalked me on here, and teased me. That's what you get for being a cock, and, last night, a tosser! (we don't discriminate in our religious celebrations here) Get on with your essays madams..... fails, promises wild party........

MAS good luck with the lenten fasting, impressive fundraising

Topsy I was always groping for the words to describe those last days of chemo, YES as KK posted sometimes you literally had to be scraped off the ground, which would lead to being surrounded by whole tribes of head tilters.

I find that the sight of the green curtains in the hall of DDs' school, which were exactly like the ones in mine instantly turned me back into schoolgirl, a mix of fear and an intense desire to be very silly. I may have stuck tongue out at back of bitchy teacher, and when I met the oldest most boring Science teacher in the world who could not keep discipline in class, with all the best intentions of talking through seriously why he was the only teacher that DD played up, I may have ended up unable to speak for fear of breaking into giggles, or betraying that I too would be throwing fountain pens at the blackboard (anyone else done fountain pen blackboard darts? or shuffle the desks forward at imperceptible speed until teacher is pinned at front? No? me neither, never ) .

Askokan Glad to hear boyfriend not finishing with you. It is very hard for them but I do now find myself frequently having to remind DH that "I had Cancer you know" when he expects me to accomplish massive feats of strength whilst he sits on the sofa watching the Rugby. I am sure they will reduce the dose, IME it is more usual to have delays and reduced doses than to go through as planned

Pen delays are horrible, specially when it isn't your body causing them but even weeks don't make a difference, my Consultant is all for a fortnights holiday before you start treatment .

gigs Going back to work, definitely back to normal. Glad to hear it went well. In big companies I think you tend to get used to real life intruding, I worked with a few people with various chronic diseases, Cancer, MS etc and whilst I may have been guilty of some slight tilting of the head with close friends I always felt that with a work colleague their work person was who I should relate to IYSWIM.

Why then I got singled out for being effectively sacked, though pre Cancer I was being groomed for "highest levels of management" I am not sure, but I can testify there is a polar opposite of head tilting still!

We are all in pyjamas still and my ds is lying on the sofa firing his nerf gun at me if I go into that room. I have to make sure he finds all the bullets or the puppy's poo will have sprinklings of bright blue nerf gun bullets in them tomorrow and dh will spot it.

Ooh Pen, we have nerf gun bullets all round the house. Cat loves them, but doesn't eat them like your puppy.

DC and DH all ashed up Mas
Resisting the urge to lick the corner of my hanky and scrub it off !

It's a meat free day today (for religious reasons) so making a choice of omelettes or veggie rice for dinner .

Off to parent/teacher now .
Will fight my basic urges to flirt with DSs science teacher this time ...

Just got back from an absolutely horrible appointment with my oncologist. He yelled at me, reduced me to tears and just carried on ranting. My boyfriend's mum who took me to the appointment had to step in and tell him that his message had got through and that he was being harsh. Basically the oncology ward had given me incorrect advice when I phoned and he was angry that I'd listened to them over him but he wouldn't stop shouting for me to explain that they had implied they'd spoken to him. He even threatened to stop my chemo as I'm "untrustworthy" and had "broken the consent agreement". He changed his tune a bit once he had finally allowed me to explain what happened but it has really put me off him. My treatment has been stopped anyway for a few weeks to let my body recover then I will try again with just the tablets, no drip. I really don't want to see him ever again to be honest :( afterwards we had to sit in a room for about fifteen minutes so I could calm down enough to leave. Apparently he shook my boyfriend's mum's hand when we left and said sorry but he didn't say sorry to me.

It is snowing here but not settling on the ground.

I think we are going out for a meal tomorrow for Valentine's day :)

I'm not giving up anything for Lent this year as my diet is too restricted and I'm often quite dependent on chocolate for my calories! But I'm going to try and have some time for reflection every day instead :)

ledkr I hope you get an appointment quickly to put our kind at rest, and hope the hearing appointment went well :) any exciting charity shop bargains?

topsy thank you for explaining the head tilting, I'll look out for that! I've had quite a few shocked "you look so well!" comments. I'm always smiling and I think people expect cancer patients to look miserable all the time! :)

gracie could you phone and demand an answer? Or perhaps get a letter from your GP saying you need a gradual return to work. You shouldn't have to use your leave for it. That seems unfair.

pen a pyjama day sounds perfect, I hope you are getting a chance to relax in between dodging nerf bullets! :)

topsy I hope parents evening goes well!

Asho - I'm and for you - how awful, he had absolutely no right to yell at you, and certainly not to threaten to withdraw your treatment. What an absolute bastard. At least your boyfriend's mum was there to step in on your behalf. I'd be asking for an apology, or a different consultant.

ashokan am at you being shouted at !!
hope you are feeling ok now.

Hi there where on earth have I been for the last week ? I have had a skim read of the last weeks' goings on and would like to say hello to all the ones newer than me ...... I am still laughing at topsy and her drunken ebaying and you know what ? I wasn't even with her and the wine !!!!! she did miss pub night in my house as a result too on the Friday night.

I am doing OK .... Was at the clinic today ..... Have another wound infection and was told that it could be at least another couple of months until the wounds are dry and healed. I am down from 3 to 1 drainage now so at least that's a positive !

Have been busy with appointments for my (Aspergers) son (9) this week with a visit to the clinical psychologist today to formulate strategies for his ongoing soiling and have his educational statement review in Friday. Been out a code of times with my DH this week who is still off work as I have started to drive again ..... Feels good to be independent again.

Big waves to everyone and I will try to be a better post going forward.

Ashokan it's totally unacceptable for you to be shouted at. A doctor should be able to make any point without shouting. Personally I would contact PALS about this.
This week is a totally crappy week. First Valentines Day since ExH left, first wedding anniversary since he left waiting for results and then I want to go to mediation to discuss certain issues and he really doesn't want to and keeps phoning me and harassing me about it. I refuse to engage about these issues they have been discussed before like giving my house keys back and nothing has happened so I want some else to tell him he has got to give the keys back.

Ashokan That is absolutely terrible. I I were you I would either request another session with him to say how you feel to see whether you can clear the air to see whether he can support you with your treatment or ask for a change of oncy. Might it help to write it down to him. It is difficult enough to deal with some of these arrogant male doctors now when I am an old bag but I found it very difficult when I was your age (When I was 24 I didn't challenge an arrogant male doctor who said my stomach pains were stress related though it didn't stack up, it was an abscess on my bowel which unchecked left me with a blocked fallopian tube and left me with only one working fallopian tube and infertility problems). It says it all to me that he apologised to boyfriend's mum. Does he not think a 24 year old (you are 24?) is an adult that he should address as an adult, and how can he expect you to distinguish between the advice from different medical professionals. Sounds like a bully. It is his job to help and support you through the treatment not make it more stressful.

I know it seems formidable to challenge medical professionals but at the hospital where I am treated there is a notoriously wonky oncy who a few friends have sacked, he is more depressing than grumpy (though that too) "This is really really bad" he told a friend reviewing her prognosis, and reacting to effect of chemo on people's blood counts as if they were naughty school girls and did it deliberately. There is no doubting he knows his stuff but he clearly doesn't appreciate that he should be caring for the mind as well as the body. None of the other Consultants have been anything but supportive when people have asked for a change of consultant. Leaving you in tears is clearly not a doctor patient relationship that works in your best interests. Have you had any hints from nurses etc that he is known for this (eg as the BCN said to one friend "he is an arse"!) Are you able to speak to your surgeon?

Were there any other doctors / nurses in the room ?

If you had shouted at him like that you would probably have been removed by security. It is really not on. I am a HCP and it would defiantly complain or ask for a meeting to discuss it.

Bloody hell, Ashokan that's astonishing. Shall we all go round and collectively shout at him? You know it might help you if you sent him a well thought out e-mail or letter saying how unhelpful he was and asking if you could clear the air. Being the grown up when medics are often such children is always a good tactic imo and hugely cathartic too. Am so very for you.

Lone, sorry you're having a crappy week. Why won't he go to mediation? Seems like a reasonable thing to ask for when you have a child.

Waving to HND. Glad you're down to one drain. Sounds like a lot's going on in your house. You sound knackered. Hunker down on the sofa and take the weight off.