***Tamoxifen 32***

[MaryAnnSingleton]

step this way dear ones...the trolley will be here in a sec...

Oh ned lovely- sounds like you are getting used to it. Can I pick your brains (or otm if she is lurking) on something that I need to help big gig with? I know she is only little ( reception) but need to try to encourage her to concentrate for longer spells alone- she is fine doing stuff with someone but need to try to urge her to try things by herself and then ask for help rather than having someone do something with her. I was thinking more games , puzzles she can do and then show me what she has managed. Any thoughts?

Prof kurri asks some excellent questions. Perhaps we can discuss together polly and Gerald's Sham marriage? Or why anyone finds Tom Howard irresistible let alone women 20 years younger?

Right back to my reading for open uni.

Gracie when are your scans - tomorrow?

You sound energised. Did you know today's supposed to be the most depressing day of the year? Slump woman, ffs.

I am useless at knowing anything, so will need coaching from Profs Gigs and Kurri. Do you provide snacks?

Topsy any more news on when HND's back?

And yes, Gracie when are your scans? I am still on the box for you and Gig. Sitting there playing board games with DS. I have so far lost at Monopoly, Payday and now Ticket to Ride. He is most definitely going back to school tomorrow.

Just remembered, I was nattering inanely to DS earlier anxting about whether DH had got to work okay because 'there's lots of ice on the roads'. He thought I said 'mice'. Great image. Just think of the weather maps.

Gig with regard to big gig, I guess its finding things that you know she'll quite happily play with/ can access on her own, Sylvanian families, drawing, a simple puzzle etc and "set her off" on it, so to speak - set up the game with her, play along for a few minutes, start the puzzle off with her etc, and then say "that's brilliant, big gig, can you do the next bit, I am just going to make a drink/ empty the dishwasher and I'll be back in a minute" then go away and leave her for a couple of minutes, lavish lots of praise if she's still focussed when you come back and steadily increase the time.

I know not everyone is a fan of Supernanny, but there's one thing she always tells people to do which I think really works, with DS and in the classroom, and that is to comment really specifically about the positive behaviour and reflect back what you see them do. So instead of "well done, you're playing nicely" be more focussed "well done, aren't you putting the squirrel family in their car beautifully, and now you've put all the meerkats in a line" It sounds false, but it really works, at least it always has for me, with DS and kids that I've taught. You can do it from a distance too, as you walk past, iyswim.

With LittleNed I used to set up something for him to do at the breakfast bar while I was washing up/ making tea whatever, so he was independent but with me at the same time. He didn't cope well if I was just sitting on the sofa, but seemed to accept playing independently if I was busy doing something too. Could you get her a Cbeebies comic or similar, "you can have a look at your big girl comic at the table while I make lunch. . . "

Sorry if that's all a bit patronising, its not meant to be at all. Just a train of thought and some things that worked for me! Hope some of it might be useful x x

X-post smee energised? I don't know about that, but I do feel like I am making baby steps of progress. Only cried once today in my counselling session - surely that's progress?! My counsellor said that I am too self-critical and too hard on myself, and I have to give myself a bit of a break. . . at mice on the road! <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?hl=en&tbo=d&biw=1920&bih=979&tbm=isch&tbnid=nrvul6F7mQFJVM:&imgrefurl=www.totopoetry.com/poetry/PoetryForWebstersOnlineCombined.asp%3Fword%3Dmice%26page%3D2&docid=AUbADJwA2LSE_M&imgurl=www.websters-online-dictionary.net/images//photos/NovoImages/Lots%252520of%252520Mice%252520120675.jpg&w=500&h=280&ei=epX1UKmNBcfC0QXLooDwBw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=428&vpy=443&dur=860&hovh=168&hovw=300&tx=132&ty=69&sig=100590263612787769990&page=1&tbnh=146&tbnw=261&start=0&ndsp=56&ved=1t:429,r:20,s:0,i:144" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">like this perhaps?

love the mice on the roads ! that could inspire an illustration !
Do you think it's bad to keep looking up mets and life expectancy online ? I think it probably is, but am getting a bit obsessed with it, though I feel very disconnected at the same time- I might be trying to scare myself into feeling something properly. Are lung mets really bad,as opposed to other mets ? Sorry to cast a bit of doom into the thread, but I spend a lot of time looking up stuff,like x ray pictures of lung mets trying to see if they look like mine (from what I remember seeing) I know I should speak to onc or bcn. Sorry- indulgent ramblings.
Am off to do a sample illustration for a poss. job for a Japanese newspaper- it's for a novella written by a writer friend of mine.

MAS - I think it's very natural to want to look things up online and find some sort of answers for what has happened to you. Whether it is a good thing to do or not, only you can know - does it frighten or reassure you? - If the former, I would stop, - it's awfully hard for you lovely - wish I was nearer to give you a big hug - If I was doing a bit of psychological guessing, I'd say you were looking for some kind of certainties, when your life has been thrown into uncertainty. I don't know if that's true but it's a thought.

yes talk to you onc and bcn, - the thoughts and feelings you are having are I'm sure very natural for someone in your situation.

As for whether lung mets are worse - I don't think so, people are affected differently, and some people live a good amount of time with a good quality of life with mets. I think response to treatment, general health and a bit of luck will all play a part. I know there are people on this forum with various types of metastatic cancer who were given a rather dismal prognosis and are still going strong ten years on. It is a very inexact science as far as I can tell.

But you have every right to feel disconnected, disbelieving, angry and sad - and the professionals will be able to help you. (MacMillan is v. good in my experience, I've talked to a nurse in the past and she was brilliant - she understood exactly where I was coming from. I'm sure you would be able to talk to a Mac Nurse if you wanted too, and thought it would help. XXXX

Ned - well done for getting through your counselling today, it does sound as if you are making good progress, nice of HT to help you down the hill, but not nice to fall hope you are OK.

I would like to see mice on the road rather than ice we do get toads here (and I mean hundreds covering the road, - DH goes out with buckets and collects them and takes them across the road, but driving is awful - you can't avoid all of them )

Special question in the Howard's Way advanced paper, 'Avril Rolfe - does she cut her own hair or share Brian May's hair dresser?' - discuss.

And - which prestigious award did Abi win? (answer the 'Most unemotional reaction to giving up your baby in the history of the world "Oh OK you'd better have him then. I'm off on a protest march.")

Ned- that's great advice. She will play well alone at home so I will build on that. I just think the whole school thing is a lot to get used to plus she likes her teacher so responds to the attention.

Mas- I have often gone down the "are my mets worse?" Line of thinking (but never google as ime there is very little on there about my cancer and lets face it nowhere is going to say what I want to hear which is yep you will be ok).

What I do know is kurri is right that there are a lot of people out there with mets who are still going strong years later. You don't tend to hear about them as they are usually too busy living life.
Also like the infertility/mc type stories you tend to see a lot more desperate stories than the good ones as you don't tend to post when things are ok. I know I should go post more on the pregnant loss boards but I don't as am not in that head spAce.

I know my cousin found Specialist therapist helped as I did when she was first dx so maybe Bcn might know someone who could talk you through (or even regular slots with her).

And also it is shit scary and serious so I don't think it is wrong to be upset. Scared and angry about it as well as confused about why.

Kurri- yes abi does win that award. And jan/Tom for quickest recovery from leaving a long marriage in history. Charles frere must have some special designer for his shorts.

Smee- is ds back at school tomorrow?

thanks kk - you are wise as always...am not angry or anything really,that's the problem- I suppose I feel I am not behaving as people normally would. I never cry (the nearest I came to it was when I lost my earring-) I think I displace feelings (when my brother died I didn't allow myself to feel anything- and look where that got me !) The dying thing doesn't frighten me which is odd to me - I think that's why I keep looking, to get a reaction. And people are being so lovely to me and I like the feeling of being looked after which then makes me feel guilty...

Howard's Way End - Leo was such a wet thing- rubbish actor too.

ah,cross posted with you gig - and thanks for your imput too. I do have bcn to talk to I know- I will do that.

Was given a big dose if temazepam as I was really nervous, went to sleep then they cancelled the op as previous lady ran into some problems in theatre.
Just slept of the drugs on the sofa. Very dissapointed but reassured by the team and the pre med really helped.

Hope it is not too long to wait for round 2

Oh pen for you and hardly thing you want to hear when nervous.

Mas- I think all your past experiences(especially your brother) all gets mixed up. You have a real and very big thing to deal with it but it just tends to make your default reaction stronger (for me it's fear of being alone and unsupported and forgotten )
On nice mets story, my lovely cousin got an ok at her latest scan- that will be her 5th year post ovarian dx with a grim prognosis and lots of different stuff. She thinks her art work also helped so I do think being focussed helps so your work is a great thing.

I am offering some very nice tonight whilst waitkn

Ach Pen, how annoying. Have they given you any idea about when you'll be rescheduled?

Ned, you are doing brilliantly just getting up and functioning, let alone working, getting fit, going to counselling, being a fab mum. Honestly, I know it's hard but it takes time and you'll get there. xx

MAS, I think the unknown's the worst part of any cancer, let alone mets. I know I felt much better once I knew full pathology and what the timetable was to being out of treatment, so I'd say the unknown is your worst enemy. Trouble with googling, is if you lined 100 people up with lung mets, they'd all be slightly different. v.hard not to do, but nobody can tell you what's next. Not sure how you get through it, but maybe Kurri or Gig are right and Macmillan or your BCN can help a bit more?

Yes Gig, DS definitely back at school tomorrow. He's totally fine and has eaten the entire contents of the fridge with no mention of tummy ache.

for your cousin, Gig. Nice story and v.timely for you worried about your scan and for MAS too.

yes,that's a great story gig - am v pleased for her. You all speak sense !
Sorry about the cancellation pen- how annoying - hope it doesn't make for more anxiety.
Off to be now - dh says there's heavy snow forecast for Friday,which is my hosp. appointment - the roads from here to there are notoriously awful in bad weather (v twisty and twirly country roads)

MAS, like the 'be'. Possibly a warmer place than 'bed'. I just watched BBC forecast and it sounds like Friday's the turning point, but weekend's more when the snow might fall, so you might be okay for appt.

Pen - so sorry they cancelled your op - that is very tough, hope they reschedule asap so you are not kept hanging around.

Weather getting steadily worse here - my yoga group lady phoned a while ago to say tomorrows class cancelled. Roads may have cleared a bit through use by Friday though MAS - fingers crossed you'll be able to get to your appointment.

Gig - good to hear about your cousin, - good for her

Night night all x

smee @ the be- that is Mindfulness- just be,in the present moment.
Am up and it's v chilly...

? I am lurking in bed for as long as possible. Shoulder aching again (it did get better after massage last week) so hoping painkillers kick in soon. On good news front tho my leg is loads better although more work needed on flexibility - it doesn't ache though.

Tis cold here and big gig is desperate for snow .

grr about shoulder gig

Ouch to shoulder Gig - hope it is feeling a bit better after horse pills.

Morning Mas

Goodness it is snowy here, have had several 'cancelled' phone calls since about 8 this morning, and DH has decided not to go in to work - he's gone off for a walk in the snow instead Even google has a little man in a snow plough!

DD has not emerged form her bed yet - I suspect she has hibernated

Right - hot drinks all round(I have tea, green tea, various fruit and herb teas,coffee (caff or decaff)hot chocolate and horlicks), and I will make a vat of porridge and a heap of toast for all

Oh has anyone been watching winterwatch on BBC2 this week? - some lovely shots of places in Norfolk and some of our wildlife - we have been to that enormous rookery to see the roosting and it is amazing! And the seals of course are gorgeous.

No snow here .
Just rain .

Pen when I first went in for my mx , I got all the way to being in a hospital gown and then got bumped as my surgeon called in sick !
I feel your pain my love . Here's hoping they get you rescheduled ASAP !

Mas I see secondaries as a long term thing . Something that will need occasional treatment , but not affecting me apart from that .
The best way to see it is as any other life long illness like diabetes etc .

Hot chocolate please kk
And maybe some porridge , is there any honey to put in it ?

I have honey topsy- hot chocolate for me too.

Agree about long term- cousin really had very grim prognosis (wouldn't even say if she would make it to Xmas when dx) but with treatment (ops chemo etc) it has stabilised. My specialist nurse talks in same terms. And you are absolutely right as people forget that if not managed properly you will die from diabetes, asthma , heart conditions etc .

Having said all that I know will need spell on box when it is scan.

Was glued to radio whilst I was being a bed for mini gig (I have my uses- she was curled up with her new toy wol mas) as dh was passing where helicopter crashed on train this Mornjng.

Shoulder easier with drugs- it just needs exercise as it has got out of place after op.

Pen are you ok today?

Kurri- it looks like you have brunt of snow where you are.