***Tamoxifen 32***

[MaryAnnSingleton]

step this way dear ones...the trolley will be here in a sec...

That cakes sound yum kurri - I am a bit meh about Tarantino as like some stuff (jackie brown) but some just too violent for me.

Yes I got dead leg and shoulder (prob what is making it worse now). Also sympathy about seroma - mine burst in the bed (and was rather large. I had to stand in shower while it leaked out for half an hour). That was definitely mine and dh cancer low point .

Dh has his shirt on already-think he is hoping he might get a game

I'm not a Tarantino fan either Gig, - way to violent for me, - not my kind of thing at all (I don't generally watch anything racier than a PG ) but DD and her friend seem keen - they go to a lot of movies together as friend gets free tickets from something she belongs to.

Dh has a sweater from when Scotland last won the Grand Slam (about 1982 I think or possible 1882) so he may wear that (then take it off and throw it on the floor after 80 mins )

yes gigs it is a low point .... my DH is routinely emptying the seroma from the bags with the little taps at the bottom :( Good job he's a nursing auxillary and not easily freaked out .... don't know HOW he'll ever find me attractive again after this. I can't believe your seroma actually burst. Mine felt like it would in hospital before i got aspirated front and back (one with and one without local anaesthetic (ouch).

kk I don't think it is a pressure sore as I have had it on and off for a while but it is further troubled by only being able to sleep on that side because of the swelling under my 'bad' arm. Thnakfully these are external drain bags on not the drains from hospital - they were so flipping annoying and I got cellulitis around one of the sites :( !

I haven't seen topsy return yet, she may have gone into a diabetic coma with all the goodies her friend makes .... must get my DS into horse riding !

Am home !
Not hungover (bit worrying as must mean my body is getting used to vast amounts of alcohol !)
Horse riding was early today .
But still had lots of coffee and freshly made choc chip cookies .

Off to do a bit of food shopping soon .
Then back for DH to shout at the tv watch the rugby ...

dh watching rugby - he and ds going over to parents later to watch Scotland (complete with his family tartan scarf and Scottish beer)
Hope work is good for you gig - it does help to have one's mind occupied -and all your studying too.
Am going to email the Japanese drawings to editor - my writer friend loved them,which is encouraging - I must say it was a challenge but am glad I did it- I do panic.
Also got paid at last by Macmillan for my joke book - hooray !!

seromas sound irksome hnd - I am horribly squeamish about these things though am cured I think of my ability to faint with blood tests !

So was I - but there was such relief when my seroma burst as it was infected and I was feeling rubbish.

Off to rugby soon- am debating whether beer and painkillers mix ...

And agree about work focussing mind- it is my studies that will really do that but work helps discipline me to get to it.

Made some lemon tart earlier if anyone is keen.

DH and DD2 just went off to Rugby too. DH has never taken DD before, a bit disconcerted by how excited she was, and worried about having two of them back snoring on the sofa by 7.30..... DH has his lucky shirt on as well, and his lucky boxers, which are quite old and very holey, not a good look.

Topsy You can definitely get lymphodemia at any point after they have removed your lymph nodes. That leaflet they give you about not lifting more than 10lbs etc. is for life though how you are supposed to do the weekly shop especially with all the bottles of wine I don't know, and neither, as a gardener do I know how you direct a wasp to sting the good arm or stop yourself knocking against rose thorns etc. It is also a big annoyance when they spend ages mining for veins in my good arm where they were all burnt out by the chemo when there is a big juicy one on my bad arm. I have never had an infection after a blood test?

However geek doctor says there are now studies that show that weight lifting can actually be beneficial in avoiding / treating it, providing you build up gradually, so you could start with cans, then half bottles and then work up to full bottles and even, v.advanced option, litres of spirits

KK DD2 desperate to see Django but DD1 who is usually blasé about these things said that some parts were too shocking and disturbing even for her, not so much the blood as the context. Since DD2 is a past master of the post film nightmare (used to be an annual week of night terrors after each Harry Potter film got released, dogs, spiders snakes... ) I am hoping it doesn't happen.

hnd At least you have had some dry nights so hopefully it is drying up. They probably should have put my bags back in but kept aspirating it again and again with a horrid big needle (done by a horrid big doctor). I think of him every time I see the scar he left me with

gigs so in spite of large reference books you are really enjoying the course?

I made it to lunch with friend though at 3am still thought I wouldn't. It was a really nasty bout and immodium no good, as it was at warning tmi both ends, mostly at the same time . Was relieved that DD didn't have it since we had met up on Thursday and shared lunch except today she has, so horrible bug rather than food, and I feel very guilty.

mas thankfully I am not squeamish especially as I had 54 leeches to contend with as well as seroma and 150 million needles (maybe a slight exaggeration)
copt I did not realise the 10lb limit .... That will be a problem !
Sadly, my seroma is all in the tissue like a big soggy sponge and not in a pool that can be aspirated.... I had two aspirations in hospital :( yes at least when the bags work I feel so much cleaner and they are fine during the day.

It ha been such a long and boring day today I have not left the house ... Can't wait til I can drive again and I am missing a leaving party tonight froma good friend at work who has changed jobs .... Oh listen to
Me mrs Moany !!!!

having a bit of a bad time in my head having convinced myself that the doctors are wrong and I have something else not mets- (I have been very bad and googled lots of stuff to make my diagnosis ) It has quite disturbed me, so I have written an email to my bcn to tell her exactly what I've been thinking. Managed to do some work too to block it out.
Hope the rugby outing wasn't too chilly gig and not to painful for shoulder.
Glad you made it through lunch copt but about dd and bug.
that you missed party hnd

MAS ignore bloody Dr Google , even DD2 can go on there indulging her inner hypochondriac and convince herself she is on the way out, not to mention what my sleeplessness and sweatiness portend not that I have gone on there at all And paranoia is clearly part of the new normal. At least the other part of the new normal is that you have bcns who will swing into action and get everything investigated and sorted out. It's good you have let them know, so now you can put it back in the paranoia box, overwhelming chances are it is nothing to worry about.

DD has admitted that night before last was a student night out and also flatmates birthday too much booze so I don't feel guilty any more.

hnd The big horrid doctor told me that I was disturbing his day because I had driven (school run) too soon. He was an a*hole but don't rush to drive etc. I got a frozen shoulder as well. It will get better, it's just really really boring [bored emoticon] but you do not want it to go on even longer...............

re 10lb limit, do Dr Geek's workout bless, clearly doesn't practise what he preaches, 5ft tall wimp only half joking about cans / bottles, I think the point is to build up, not carry sumo wrestler toddler around straight away gigs

Mas stay off google but contacting Bcn is absolutely the right thing to do

Had good time at rugby despite some drunken twits falling on my bad shoulder (who leans forward and leans on people in row in front!).

Not so good was 3.45 wake up from mini gig so all round.

And yes am enjoying studying but finding it hard to get back into old habits. First tutorial in 2 weeks.

Ned- therapy is hard but stick with it. The hard bits do help give you better ways of coping containing and knowing yourself. And Ikwym about your old self as I think cancer can bring out old hurts/stress points.

Hnd- how is the leaking ?

Morning All

Mas what do you/Dr Google think it might be ?
I find giving name to my fears helps me . I found saying the word cancer over and over again , and using it in every day chat , lessened its impact .

And also , in a way , your worries that its something different are very valid . As my Onc told me that the only way to know for sure that lung mets are lung mets is to biopsy .
And they don't normally biopsy them .

I learnt that I had to trust when they said that's what it was .
They are the experts .
I am not .
They have managed every other aspect of my treatment so far without killing me

I hope some of this makes sense ?

yes, I read that too topsy I guess I have to trust the experts who see these things every day but my OCD nature makes me need to check on everything - I hope they don't think I'm being arrogant. When I was pregnant i was convinced that i wasn't and had to check everything,kept pestering my gp -even with my scans I thought maybe they'd mixed them up...I looked up every possibility of things it could be instead. I don't even know if my rash on my leg was an insect bite(s) inflamed by the capecitabine or any of the other granuloma type rashes (which are sometimes a sign of sarcoidosis -although seen in malignancies and mets too) BCN pointed out last time that my scan had been seen by lung cancer/sarcoid consultant as well as my onc and his registrar and onc. had said to me that he wouldn't be giving me capecitabine if it wasn't. I feel better having written my anxiety down and sent it to bcn though- it's worse when I can't express my anxieties.
Sorry to be a bore and go on about this- am scared of being thought crazy but I really can't help it.
Dh baking bread and I'm making pudding in a sac for my mum's birthday.

I think you have to let it out and go through this mas as it is your way of dealing with it. I am of the topsy school but there isn't a right or wrong way to deal with this- just what works best for you.

What kind of pudding in a bag?

I have found spotify and am making all sorts of playlists which is most satisfying although no one else in house appreciated it .

arf ! pudding in a sec !! in a sac sounds rather disgusting...

Lol- mini gig is walking (only a few steps but still walking).

saw picture on fb - cute !

MAS sorry you are anxious but like others have said, there is no right or wrong way of dealing with cancer..... I do agree though abut asking questions and allaying your fears .... I asked my surgeon a few questions and had diagnosed myself with cellulitis in hospital (which was confirmed) .... It is almost impossible to stay away from google when it is at your fingertips.

gigs inevitable getting bumped at rugby match I am terrified of kids charging round tesco ..... School would be torture at the moment ! Sill loads of fluid and I just got DH to change all the bags as I am convinced I can smell yucky stuff even though he tells me I do not smell ...... They'll be some party here at 21 when the last bag is removed ..... Watch out topsy and everyone else welcome !!!

copt. I have a 17 year old stepson who desperately tries to hide his hangovers from partying ..... I see myself in him too much. I will to be driving just yet .... I have good range of movement in my arm and shoulder it's just the scaring in the back ..... Dead tissue makes ou feel like you are leaning on a block of wood.

Desperately trying o get my hairdresser to visit as I needa cut and odour, think that would raise my spirits even more

Was treated to topsy trying o straighten her hair again yesterday .... It's such a laugh and she would not let me take control of the straighteners !!! Grrrrrrr ...... Back o lovely quiet coffee mornings when the kids go back to school :)

Hahahahaha !!!
"cut and odour"
HNDs typos are legendary

I did smell when I had a seroma - nothing like your dd saying "mum you stink"

gigs DD reported from Rugby that DH gets very carried away and sweary, and is sat next to similar drunkenly passionate types much to the obvious discomfort of some nice uptight middle class couples with mouths like cat's bottoms who have the debentures in front (not sure why you would go to a Rugby match if you don't like swearing though!) In fact she gave a full account of all sat in their vicinity, I think she enjoyed the sociology as much as the Rugby!!

Cut and odour? raising some interesting mental images

Bad language , drink and being jostled on way in/in bar are part of it. Someone in the row behind leaning on you as was so drunk was falling over not so normal. Glad dd enjoyed it tho.

gigs No entirely agree, wasn't implying you were being unreasonable as they say on here!!

I've lost 7lbs with bug!! should I try marketing it?? (probably all gone from good boob which now weighs minus 6lbs)