***Tamoxifen 32***

[MaryAnnSingleton]

step this way dear ones...the trolley will be here in a sec...

Welcome home hnd

Ooh FB group can I join ?

thanks gracie - sorry you are waiting and fretting, hope you can get some comforting news.
pen of course you may- look for Tamoxifen Ten on fb and we'll invite you in

Gracie I'm sure it's not bad news .
But me being sure isn't going to stop you worrying .
I think a phone call to your Onc is what's needed !

Mas they were going to keep me on chemo and herceptin indefinitely too .
Was told that as long as the drug combo was working , they would keep me on it .
Try to think of it as diabetic needing insulin .
Cos I know the thought of such harsh medicine long term is a little soul destroying .
Gracie told me that her chemo nurses had a patient that had been on herceptin for the past 8 years as it was still working for her !

DD is having her first friend for a sleep over in our house .
She's slept over at this friends house a number of times . But I've always resisted having them here .
I bit the bullet .
Took them to MacDonalds , youth club . Then set up the air bed in her room , threw a bucket load of Haribo in there , and promptly buggered off to HNDs

I'm a good mum , I am ...

Hope the sleepover is going well topsy

I have just been woken for my 2 am blood pressure check and can't get comfortable. I don't want to be knocked out as deep breathing and coughing are not good and don't want to wake up more stiff. Just hope when I get home I can find somewhere comfy to doze.

It is sinking in a bit that I have cancer. Cancer. Me . I have it. It had not really felt like it before. How am I supposed to feel ? I have no idea.

Sent request to FB group btw.

It takes a while- I still struggle with it at times pen. If it helps you to rest do take a tablet as I find hospital a nightmare to sleep in. Would if help to get one of these pillow as can mould it to fit round your dressing? Amazon sell them too. Will ask my mum what she did to get comfy post op.

You are mother of the year topsy- sent you a friend request too hnd.

Gracie - I echo what others said to ring onc. I wouldn't read too much into not calling pre weekend as don't think they think about sparing bad news (in fact I think they are not allowed to).

Right ought to think about getting up as have fairy godmother (as she is known) coming for lunch with her two lovely boys. Leaving lemon tart and for those that need it.

Also looks lack of sleep isn't going to help your mood pen- truism I know but it really makes a difference .

I have accepted friend requests ladies :)

Gig, our fairy godmother left homemade tomato and basil soup and home made wheaten bread in a box on our doorstep early yesterday morning :)

Pen, I think taking one day at a time and going with your feelings of laughing or crying may be a temporary way forward.

As for sleeping, I am currently sleeping on my reclining sofa as I can only sleep on my back and find the bed too flat .... You will find a way.

Tipsy and I were quite restrained last night and managed to have a fairly early finish to our Friday Pub Night.

I have a friend visiting today who I visited in Spain when she was having chemo for breast cancer .... Really looking forward to it :)

I may have finished pub night at HNDs early , but I may have had another glass when I got home !

Feeling pretty good about myself today .
Managed to semi straighten my Afro , I look verging on human !
I'm wearing a dress and I may even put mascara on !!!

Horse riding for DD soon .
Then some shopping for bits and pieces .

Anyone else doing anything exciting today ???

Pen I don't think I ever truly accepted the cancer diagnosis .
Mainly I think as I never really felt unwell with any of it .
I never had any of the side effects from chemo that some of the ladies here have had (well I was violently sick with the first one , but they gave me a syringe driver after that and I was fine)

Just be kind to yourself and allow your mind and body to adjust to your new normal , however long it takes .

Pen, I've never got my head round it either, but time does help. Hope you're not feeling too ropey today. Any news on when you can come home?

HND sounds like Dr Tipsy's leading you astray providing dedicated care. Have a great time with your friend. I will nip over to FB and wave at you.

Topsy, sleep-overs avoided here too so far. Hope DD not too grumpy through exhaustion. Well done on new human look, though mascara?! A step too far, surely?

Gracie, Onc calling isn't a bad thing. It could easily be that they haven't looked at your MRI results at all yet. Must be tough waiting though. Could you call on Monday if you haven't heard?

MAS, what Topsy says about wise. Must be quite something to get your head round though. Hope you're doing something nice this weekend.

Not much going on here. Sun's shining though, so that's mighty cheering.

Sent request to join the Facebook group

Morning all!

Hope everyone is OK this morning? Very cold here. but all of our snow has melted overnight - yay! I hate the bloody stuff, so am hoping that's the end of it for another year. . .

School pretty good this week - getting a bit easier and not so completely shattered. Did painting with my class on Thursday afternoon - aren't you proud of me?! Paper, paint, water and 17 excited 5-6 year olds! It was not complete carnage, so feeling a bit more confident that I can do stuff with them. Have worked out a management plan for the how to cope with the movement between group activities without everything descending in to chaos. Feeling a bit better about it all, I think Going on a course next Thursday, about teaching phonics. Not terribly thrilling, but venue does a good lunch apparently!

HND have sent you friend request. Hope you're doing OK today x x

pen give yourself time and be gentle to yourself. I am a year post-diagnosis, and am only now, with help from a counsellor, coming to terms with the new normal. There is no right or wrong answer about how to feel - whatever you feel is natural and fine. Take it one very small step at a time, and scream, shout, cry, go for a walk, whatever you feel like doing is what you should do. The emotional scars need as much care and attention as the physical ones - I am certainly finding the emotional fallout much harder to cope with than the physical effects. With the sleeping, work out a way of getting comfy, maybe with lots of cushions/ pillows to support your back. Maybe think about talking to your GP about having something to help you sleep? Just be kind to yourself and give it all time. I know that sounds really trite, but its true. stick with us too - we all know what its like. Sending you and hugs x x xx

topsy I have no doubt that you are the picture of sartorial elegance. Hair pics on FB look great

gracie definitely phone onc next week if you haven't heard. I am sure they'll be used to people chasing their results. It's only natural to want to know what's going on. Got everything crossed that you can get through on Monday, and then you'll know what's what.

smee your train journey certainly sounds very relaxing. I love travelling by train, especially on my own! Hope meeting at the other end was productive and useful. I was at uni in Cardiff - have very fond memories of it as a city.

kurri Am sure your arse is not as ample as mine. Luckily no-one has ever attempted to take a picture of mine

MAS Have finally sent your cheque off - sorry [bblush] [bblush] [bblush] [bblush] [bblush] Hope you are OK. When do you have to wait until for the scan? Thinking of you lots and lots x x

Epic post - will sign off now [bsmile]

Staying in another night as my calcium levels not doing what they should.

pen - can't find your request -can you tell me which person with your real name is on fb so I can find you ? Sorry you're having to stay in another night
ned thanks in advance for cheque [bsmile] - am guessing the scan will be in a week or so-,def. before my next onc appointment.
A friend from way back is coming to tea today- have got crumpets,coffee swiss roll and other bits..known each other since A levels but haven't seen him for about 9 years or so -possibly longer. Taking him over to the old people as they were very fond of him.I daresay mum will remind him of the time he was staying the night and had to wear her nightdress.....

Lol mas I love it when the old stories trot out.
Pain to have to stay in, pen hope u are sprung soon!
Our "Christmas do" was a bit smaller than expected, due to it being a "white Christmas" do! Three of us stayed out for a v nice meal in a Russian Restaurant, while several inches of snow fell! Cars were all over the road when we left. We naively thought that the trains would be running and luckily they did! We could have walked I suppose, about 3 miles to one friends house but glad we could get back to mine easily.

Pen I know what you mean, me? Cancer? It's something that happens to other people, not me. I felt part of the problem was that you had to deal with getting two Cancers. The first, the actual cancer, is the actual illness you have, probably virtually unique, and the treatments you have to endure to get rid of it. In fact everyone has that cancer since we all have cells going rogue all the time but usually your immune system mops them up, but for some reason, genetic? pollution? drugs? whatever? (but also probably unique to us) for some of us they get out of control somewhere in our body. The treatments are pretty shit, you get mutilated, poisoned and /or burnt but there are ways of coping and getting on with real life.

The other Cancer, the big C, is a whole parcel of people's perceptions about what Cancer is, what causes it, what a Cancer patient looks like, how they should behave, the dread, the stigma etc. and that is the Cancer that happens to other people. I found that the hardest thing to deal with because I had shared some of those perceptions, the dread and the stigma, but mostly they are a load of bunkum, totally at odds with the reality of your illness. Its annoying to encounter them in others but once you have come to terms with the reality it can be quite amusing too. I still get people telling me how strong I am, something that happened to me 11 years ago still defining their perceptions of me, in spite of all current appearances to the contrary, especially during 4am lying awake wibbly wobblys about nothing!!

Waves to everyone, must go, DH demanding I come look at some new things he can do with his remote......

pen I'm not sure I will ever get my head around my cancer diagnosis. It was the one thing I have dreaded since I was in my 20s. Hope your calcium levels settle and you get home soon.

Hope the sleepover wasn't too noisy topsy. Hair looks great by the way.

Glad your return to work is going well ned. I'm still off but my line runs out next month so can't put it off for ever.

Thank you all for putting up with my moaning about results. Onc phoned at lunchtime to say he was sorry he hadn't phoned earlier but he had been away and had just called into the office. MRI showed no change so he is happy that the bone thing is benign and nothing showed up on my liver so according to him 'we can put this to bed now'. Echo also showed no change so all set for herceptin next week. I am so very relieved.

Brilliant news gracie

YAY FOR GRACIE!! That is totally brilliant. You must be on cloud nine.

Pen, that's a sod that they're keeping you in. Can they do anything to help with calcium levels?

Great to hear you're okay, Ned. Does sound like you're on the up now. .

MAS at story about nightie, but coffee swiss roll?! That's just wrong. Has to be chocolate.

What are DH's new tricks with the remote, Copt? Can he balance it on his nose? I can do that with ours

Just had v.sad call from close friend. Her SIL has 'probable' breast cancer. 38 with two children under 5. She's had core biopsy and gets results next week. Good timing to hear your news then, Gracie. That really has cheered me up.

Thanks smee and jchoc.

That is sad smee. My heart goes out to her and her little kiddies. Heart breaking. It really seems to be all you hear about.

I quite like coffee swiss roll although much prefer chocolate but must be coated with chocolate as well [fat pig smiley]

Are you going to celebrate, Gracie? Full fat swiss choc roll at the very least?

Gracie so pleased to hear your news what a relief !

Mas I loved the nightie story too and I LOVE coffee Swiss roll !

Pen sorry you are having up stay in hospital.

Smee so sorry to hear about your friend .... I saw so many young cancer patients in hospital .... It's scary :(

Yes celebrations in the gracie household. Champagne anyone???

fabulous news gracie -yay !!!!!!!!!
sad though for your friend smee - bugger.
Had the nicest time with my friend - nightie not mentioned - lots of cake and coffee swiss roll is yum. He bought me and mum huge bunches of flowers though dh has removed the lilies from my bunch as he's allergic to the pollen - bah !