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Original poster

What's your definition of an alcoholic??

113 replies

SoftStuff · 17/04/2006 01:01

To me it's someone who can't get through the day without a drink, drinks when they get up and drinks everyday.

OP posts:

MeerkatsUnite · 17/04/2006 08:50

This is the CAGE questionnaire:-

Alcohol dependence is likely if the patient gives 2 or more positive answers:

have you ever felt you should CUT down your drinking?

have people ANNOYED you by criticising your drinking?

have you ever felt bad or GUILTY about your drinking?

have you ever had a drink first think in the morning to steady your nerves or get rid of a hangover (EYE- opener)?

noddyholder · 17/04/2006 08:59

An alcoholic is not someone who drinks every day If only it were that simple!I think it is someone who uses alcohol to self medicate and to take away their problems etc It is a problem when it starts to affect your life and relationships

flack · 17/04/2006 09:21

I think that CAGE questionaire is too strict, if only 2 answers are supposed to make you dependent. I have often thought "I shouldn't waste money on alcohol which isn't good for you, really (so feel "bad" that I still like it) or have resolved not to drink anything for a set period (only to be tempted by a free offer, or just forget that I had this idea to try to go so long without a drink).

I would say an alcoholic is someone whose life is badly affected because of their drinking, but they either deny it's a problem or if they do recognise the problem, they still struggle to stop doing it.

nothercules · 17/04/2006 09:23

You dont need to drink every day to be an alcoholic. My bil is able to go several days without a drink, he is still undoubtedly an alcoholic.

expatinscotland · 17/04/2006 09:51

My ex bf was a high-functioning alcoholic. He literally could not get through the day w/o booze and a lot of it.

He also claimed he didn't have a problem b/c he didn't start drinking till after 5, etc.

But he couldn't go alcohol-free a single evening.

MrsStrutsHerStuff · 17/04/2006 09:54

i class my mother as one, she drinks 3litres of cider a day starting at 3pm every day, she has done this for as long as i can remember, she also lost her husband (my step dad) 12yrs ago and he was a heavy drinker, he would be at the pub most days drinking whisky and cans of tennants in the house.

noddyholder · 17/04/2006 09:57

It is not the quantity but the effect it has on you and the compulsion to keep doing it even though it is wrecking your life

Bugsy2 · 17/04/2006 10:25

Think there are alot of alcoholics for whom it doesn't wreck their lives, they just drink every day. My ex FIL was like this. Functioned in an apparently normal way but drank (and still does) every single day - starting with a few at lunchtime, then something to "unwind" at 6pm and then more with his meal every night.
You could always smell alcohol on him and his hands would shake slightly before the first one at lunchtime - but he lives life in an otherwise normal way.

Original poster

SoftStuff · 17/04/2006 11:34

I was hoping this would back up that what I was doing is ok, in the sober light of day I know it's not. It really isn't a huge problem though.

Yes I vow not to drink then I do anyhow. Several times I wake up in agony and wonder why the hell I do it. I often get a bad stomach after.

Yes there are times I can't remember and sometimes I pass out, not at the time though.
Significant amount? depends what you call a significant amount. Sometimes i'll only have a couple and can stop there.

A few people have mentioned it to me over the last 6 months or so, I generally just avoid them finding out now, easier than me disappointing them.

Yes it does annoy me which is why I ended up starting this thread, to prove I wasn't an alchy.

I know I can stop anytime, I just don't want to atm. I have to have something to help me.

Perhaps I shouldn't have started this, i'm sure this makes me sound worse than I am. I really wasn't expecting so many posts. I don't know.

OP posts:

ItalianJob · 17/04/2006 11:38

"I know I can stop anytime, I just don't want to atm. I have to have something to help me. "

Sounds like there is something deeper underlying the drinking problem; some aspect of your life you can't cope with. have you thought of going to counselling/GP to discuss this? apologies if you have been down that route already, and I sound completely patronising!

noddyholder · 17/04/2006 11:39

I think you think you can stop any time but I would be surprised if you could.Who would suffer like that health wise and emotionally if they had a real choice?Youare in denial which is common with all addictions BTW if alcohol could take away a bad day we would all be doing it Anything that needs dealing with in your life will still be there when the drink wears off You owe it to yourself to sort this out when you are ready

ItalianJob · 17/04/2006 11:40

agree with Noddyholder. would also add that as alcohol is a depressant, once the temporary "high" wears off, the after effects will make you less able to deal with strains of day to day life.

noddyholder · 17/04/2006 11:42

Someone who'vows'not to drink and then does is not in control.I hope you don't have children as this sort of thing ruins their lives aswell

Original poster

SoftStuff · 17/04/2006 11:45

I have been down the gp route, my gp knows although not to the extent. I do have kids which is why I feel I can't tell my gp all, I don't want to be labelled an alcoholic. Look please don't judge me.

OP posts:

Enid · 17/04/2006 11:46

you sound as though you have a drink problem. Does that sound better than alcoholic?

Enid · 17/04/2006 11:47

My mum had a serious drinking problem for years and I know she would say to you - 'you can't drink. some people mustn't and shouldn't. You need to try and give up for good.'

noddyholder · 17/04/2006 11:51

My dp is a recovering alcoholic he stopped drinking about 14 yrs ago with the help of AA and good support It is not a label unless you make it one and it is selfish not to consider your kids(sorry harsh but true)

Original poster

SoftStuff · 17/04/2006 11:54

My kids really aren't aware and of course I consider them, they are my life!

I've got to bow out, i'm getting upset. Maybe I do have a problem, but it's hard to explain. Sorry.

OP posts:

Enid · 17/04/2006 11:56

sorry to upset you softstuff

hope you can sort yourself out happily

noddyholder · 17/04/2006 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

kokeshi · 17/04/2006 12:07

Hi again SoftStuff, I'm sorry you're not getting the back-up that you were expecting but I know the advice is coming from a heartfelt place from those of us who have experienced drinking problems.

What people have said about self-medicating, I agree completely. It's not a shameful thing to question your drinking, actually it is really brave and you are the only one who can decide. Saying that, denial is very powerful so try and keep an open mind.

I know it's really frustrating and your probably feeling a little "hunted" at the moment. I think what is being said is that your justifications to yourself for your coping mechanisms are all classic examples of what we've heard before.

Sincerely, there's no condescention involved. It's an issue really personal to me and I honestly hope you find something that helps you in what's been said here. Even if it's the opposite of what you wanted to hear. xxx

chapsmum · 17/04/2006 12:09

soft stuff, you need to get past the label, it doesn't matter what you call it.
Drink problem, alcoholism etc. Alcohol is n addictive drug.
Dont back down just because you are getting upset, that is part of healing and learning.
You need to start being honest with your GP your family and most importantly yourself.
Who gives a flying fuck what the people in the street or on MN think of you.
You need to be a bit selfish here and say enough is enough I need help and I dont care who knows.
Alcoholism is a disease, it tears familys and lifes apart, and has terrible health consequences.
You may feel you are protecting you children here but you know thats not true untill you deal with this face on. Please go back and be honest with your GP, and be honest with your family.
Be brave and strong, you will get through this, but you will need alot of help and support.

monkey · 17/04/2006 13:25

hi softstuff. Don't feel guilty. Loads of people have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. But they don't realise it or accept it or recognise it. Ha ha, I got so pissed on Saturday night I puked in the taxi. ha ha. Syndrome.

Do you want to stop drinking? I also felt like you a while back, gradually drinking more and more. I git the Allen Carr book, how to control alcohol, or something like that, and I haven't had a drink since, nor wanted to. An instant cure for me.

I am so glad I don't drink any more. I find it easier to abstain than to have just 1 or 2 units a day. I never thought I would find it so easy but I did and I feel great for it. You can cat me if you want. i really understand what it feels like to have this unhealthy relationship with alcohol. If you decide you want to change your position, you can. Loads of people will help if you want. I will.

Kiss · 17/04/2006 13:47

And maybe you're not an alcoholic. My Dad was and we came from a culture where huge amounts of alcohol wasn't out of the norm. So, I was plagued with doubts - hereditary genes (read something different recently), a deep like of wine, guinness, some beers and brandy. I had no reason to stop, except to prove that I could. So, I didn't and I certainly qualified as an alcoholic according to the questionnaires but not if it was a case of impinging on my life/work or those around me.

Then, I got pregnant and it was no problem whatsoever to stop. The relief of knowing I could was wonderful - a most unexpected side-effect of pregnancy. Now, I still like a drink - I have cut down again recently to shift some weight - but, no, I am not an alcoholic. IMO, only you know the answer but if alcohol is not enhancing your life, find another outlet. Take care.

Earlybird · 17/04/2006 14:56

softstuff - I can well imagine that it's extremely uncomfortable reading if some of the posts here ring true for you. The realisation that you could (or indeed, do) have a drink problem has got to be shattering.

As far as your kids go, FWIW - it was my dad who was the alcoholic. As a single parent, I rarely (2 or 3 times a year) will drink at home alone (even after dd is in bed) as I know the genetic predisposition for me to become an alcoholic is a scientific fact. I also learned by watching my father drink, that it was his main (only) way of dealing with stress, etc. so it would be logical/simple for me to adopt that method of getting through difficult days. I cannot take the risk that I could ever use alcohol as a coping mechanism. Also, I need to be alert/functional in case dd needs me (at all times of the day/night) as I am who she depends on.

Don't waste time/energy judging yourself - just look into getting help. For your sake, and the sake of all those you love.

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