Calling all Raggedies - the THIRD Ragged Bits thread. Childbirth injuries, sphincter problems, fistulae... all welcome.

[Jacksmania]

First thread here, May 2008 to June 2009.

Second thread here, June 2009 to Oct 2012.

Welcome everyone with ragged bits due to childbirth. We're sorry you had to find us, but we promise to hold your hand and listen.

There is no TMI here and nothing is too gross, too embarrassing or too horrible.

All welcome.

Jacks - that's lovely news about cyee!!

Yes, I saw the 'Competitive Birth' thread as well. Stepped away after the first page. Just too upsetting. Although, I'd almost love it if anyone did tell me to my face that my injuries are my own fault for not doing it right or having the correct attitude - I'm sure that the circles of hell I would unleash in response would be kind of therapeutic!

I wish that HCPs would at the very least be HONEST about the risks of VB. It's all about the risks of CS (where the risks of EMCS and ELCS, although very different, are conflated). And in the 'natural birth' brigade it's all about the risks of interventions and how they can damage you physically and result in bonding issues. Give us the risks of VB straight, and let us choose whether or not we wish to take that chance with our pelvic floor and continence (An Australian friend who had her first DC in that country says they are much more open about it and much more open to a woman choosing ELCS). And give the risks on an individualised basis - a first timer in her late 30s or early 40s, is completely different to a first timer in her late teens or early 20s. And if it's about money, then stop focussing on your own departmental budget and look at the NHS as a whole. I can't find the link at the moment, but according to St Mary's tertiary urogynae department, dealing with female urinary incontinence takes up 1-2% of the total NHS budget. The costs of diagnosing and treating my birth injuries currently stand at £39,000. Admittedly this is through private healthcare, so we need to allow for whatever multiplier private healthcare applied to ensure they are profitable, but this still would have been a huge amount of money for the NHS.

JUST BE HONEST AND ALLOW US TO HAVE AN ADULT AND HONEST CONVERSATION ABOUT THE CHOICES WE WANT.

And breathes. Rant not really over, but DD about to start serious havoc.

So sorry you are having a crap few days Jacks. Hugs. Not doing great here either. DH and I finally had the conversation this past weekend where we made the decision that DD will be an only child. It hurts .

Oh and yes - right with you on the DM interview thing. Apart from not wanting to be identifiable, I'm not sure I'd want to be exposed (even anonymously) to the vitriol and ignorance that seems to be typical of many DM readers.

No, journos aren't meant to PM. But I don't mind that she did because she was part one of one the Ragged threads and had a shedload of her own troubles.

There was a thread in Feminism, of all things, about the consequences and risks of childbirth. I'll see if I can search and link to it later.
I nearly posted a link to our thread many times (something along the lines of "the risks if childbirth in three heartbreaking threads" but pulled back every time. Not sure why. I tried reading the thread, but, like the AIBU one, it just upset me too much.

CG, I'm :( for you re talk with DH and deciding your DD will be an only. I know you'll need to allow yourself time to grieve.

In other news, DS has pinkeye and a rotten cough. No preschool tomorrow so if MIL can't have him, I guess I'm taking a day off work . If it'snot one thing, it's a dozen more.

Thanks jacks . Sorry about the ill DS. Yuck. Hope you don't come down with any of it!

I remember that thread in Feminism. I found it a bit upsetting in part. Can't remember now if I posted or not. But I do remember sort of wanting to post (more) but holding off. There are certain theoretical arguments (can't remember if they were posted on that thread, or whether I'd seen them elsewhere) about how modern obstetrics disempowers women giving birth and how it should basically butt out of what is a natural and beautiful process (OK, oversimplifying somewhat!). I didn't want to hear anyone raise that in response to my own experience.

I think what's so valuable about what we have here on this thread (and the prolapse thread elsewhere in General Health), is that we all come with our own actual experiences - to ask questions, try and help with answers, ask for and give advice, hand hold, cry, everything. And it's all from stuff that's REAL. Not theoretical. Not political. Not agenda-driven. And, for me, that's why some of these other threads upset me. We talk about how we actually feel. We don't tell people how they SHOULD be feeling, or how they COULD have felt, if they'd just decided to do things a different (and inherently) better way.

That's right. We could talk until we're blue in the face about how and why the system is all wrong. But what happened happened and we can't change that. It's nice to be able to talk about it with people that don't tell you what you could/should have done. As if I haven't gone over it in my mind a million times already and thought of that

Cardmomginger-DH and I have recently made the decision to only have the one child too. It hurts a lot, doesn't it? Especially when it feels as though the decision was forced by having such a horrible experience the first time round. for both of us!

Jacks- your MW can f*ck off. Avoiding a scar on your uterus. Pfft. What a lame excuse. Hope you are having a better day today... for you too.

all around, I think.

Thank goodness for this thread. It's such a relief to have that one place where I can really show how I feel, and where I feel understood. And where I don't have to be brave.

and xxx for all of us!

Jacks- "And where I don't have to be brave."

Yeah. Very true. The number of times I gloss over or deny what's going on, or make less of it...It's tiring.

I like this thread because you don't have to be the upbeat cheerful woman while you are actually the incontinent-scared-scarred-tired woman. You can just come here and be heard and get support. xx

I had a check up today 3 and a half weeks after surgery. I was TERRIFIED. But so far it all looks fine! I've got a thrush infection, which is why things have been so sore and stinging so much, but have pills for that, so nothing to worry about. There's quite a bit of swelling still, and obviously we won't have a proper idea of where things are at until about 7 months from now when all the stitches are finally dissolved and it's just me holding things up. But, for now, it all looks really good. We had a look with the ultrasound and the collagen mesh he'd used is nicely in place, which is great news. He got me to cough during the scan and we could see that things only moved a tiny amount. My surgeon was smiling away, almost bouncing in his chair with excitement . He pronounced my vagina and pelvic floor to be akin to that of a woman in her late teens or early 20s, who's never had children - not bad as I'm 41 and everything had prolapsed to all buggery .

And I got a hug from him! I know that a hug from a male gynae could be seen as not quite the done thing. But this was very appropriate and lovely!

Do I dare to let myself feel optimistic....????

That's brilliant news! :) I'm really pleased it went well. The gynae was obviously very proud of his work!

Thank you! Yes, I think he is proud . If it's a job well done, then he's perfectly entitled to be!

CG, that's brilliant news!

Congrats carda! (my old name was first1 if that rings any bells. I remember we both had broken fanjos together!) x

Thanks Jacks and insecure (waves and blows kisses)! I'm EXHAUSTED and in much more pain today - but I was pretty much expecting to feel this way!! Have been resting as much as possible and watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer .

Oh, I love Buffy. She's so awesome :o

And I just re-read your post and I love that your gynae gave you a hug. That's really sweet.

Spike is about to start falling in love with Buffy. That's my favourite bit .

My favourite part is the episode when Angel comes back and falls naked from the ceiling of the church :o

David Boreanaz has a fine arse :o:o

You are not wrong . I might have to find that bit again . X

:o

I've just been reading through some of the success stories here and I'm so happy to see good news from others. Puts a smile on my face:)

I've been away from here for a bit because I didn't want to say anything before my gynae appointment for the check up. I am now 3 weeks post op. Unfortunately, still not healed. The gynae said a small part remains where the stitches opened up again and it is oozing. I saw my gp and she said that the majority of it hasn't healed...who do I believe. I asked of the possibility of it turning into scar tissue and she said it most likely happens if there is infection, but it doesn't mean it will happen. It's slower for me because I'm anaemic too, so I'm on liquid iron and two antibiotics. Going back to gynae in four weeks' time. I am scared and do not want a repeat of last time. Is there anyone here who has had a cut a re stitch done twice after one didn't heal??

I too have stayed away for a while not wanting to face reality but it is nice to read some positive stories. Plus I think I may have to now watch Buffy

Finally the time has come for my 2nd gynae appointment tomorrow. After the hassle and time its taken to get this appointment I'm really hoping we don't get the snow that's forecast as if this gets cancelled I will not be happy, and the hospital is a 40 minute drive away.

So I'm slightly nervous and may require a hand to hold.

I need a good thought or two Tuesday morning. Completely trivial, but I'm having a sebaceous cyst removed from my back then. It's a sporner's dream, fills up a few times a year and, well, does yucky things.
GP already tried once but must have left a bit of the cyst wall behind, so it came back. I just don't like having anything done under a local anaesthetic. Soooooo wimpy .

Holds hand with those who need it and wishes for good weather.
Jacks Good luck - think of David Boreanaz's arse. Would that help?

Ummm... if the plastic surgeon I'm seeing (haven't met him yet) were to look like DB, that would help a whole bunch :o

OTOH, the surgeon who's doing my hysterectomy, while not looking like DB, is certainly easy on the eye. And incredibly nice. Silver linings, right?