**Tamoxifen** the 30th thread !

[MaryAnnSingleton]

Am wheeling the trolley over....

And you need to keep posting so we can have wine and cheese poster names

Just used small syringe to put oil in, warmed syringe in a cup of hot water and used to drip in rather than use cold oil - didn't syringe them as such.

Roca I did have bleeding issues and a scan (trans vaginal ultrasound not as bad as it sounds) but nothing abnormal discovered. Glad I got it checked. Periods completely haywire and long and heavy but under control with medication.
Carers just been. bit late. No call to explain.

Oh I missed rocamadour's original post
Hope the oil in the ear works gig
Editor loved the drawings - I realised just how many I 'd done when we went through them. Afterwards we went to Waitrose and had coffee and we had a jolly time getting her shopping - she bought v exciting things like mock caviar, quails eggs and blinis

Hello MAS I got post deleted as I'd put tmi in it but I can keep cover if I explain I've had a bleed - not meant to happen following chemo then oophorectomy nearly 2 yrs ago...quite worrying but seeing my team this week. Just wanted to hear if anyone had experienced same and been ok.

ah- hope your team can reassure.

Going to try to get to lidl on the bus with £5 voucher from Torygraph. Also need to collect mum's bernina from the sewing machine shop. It has broken :( and no spare part available. Annoyed because could have brought one of mine down and dd needs it for her foundation course.
Hope you are all having a better day!

That is annoying jchoc .
As mini gig up til nearly 2am - she is unwell (has fever) but was basically messing about as howled whenever light went off. I blame her father for the partying streak ...

Have break now while big gig swimming then its pottery cafe later to make Xmas presents. Always a joy as kids lose interest

Still it's December and we have 9 (yes 9) advent calendars on the go

ah pottery cafes- we spent a lot of time in those...
Dh has bought ginger wine !!

hello all

Sorry, hadn't realised it had been so many days since I checked in

Still feeling a bit wobbly and out of sorts this week. Got 6 month official sign off from the consultant on Thursday - so why don't I feel any better and less stressed? Just don't feel like I am coping with it all very well at the moment Don't want to bother Dr Lovely with it, as I am not sure I can put my finger on what is wrong. Maybe I need to get back to work and have something else to focus on. . .

Have at least partially stopped itching, which I guess is something. Had to have evil smelling lard eumovate steroid stuff to smear on which seems to be working, slowly. . .

Been into school, which was fun but also stressful - there is soooooooooooo much for me to learn about teaching year 1, I'm quite relieved its only 3 days a week. I am starting from the position of knowing nothing about the curriculum/ phonics etc, which is quite scary. I guess I'll feel better once I get going.

Will have a proper read back this evening, I promise - sending big hugs, , and to all, as appropriate and as required

lots of love x x x x

Dearest ned so sorry you are feeling down - I think recovery time psychologically takes longer than we realise, plus you are fretting about return to work stuff ( I have no doubt you'll soon catch up and be brilliant) sending you loads of hugs. Was thinking of you this morning and wondering about your brother's wedding - that's really soon !
Can I offer you some ginger wine and Madeira cake ?
Strange taste in my mouth - not nice - will that be chemo do you think ?
Just finished a picture commission which is pleasing - have 2 more waiting.

Ned, yup. Hugs all round.

roca, just nipping in to reassure, as my periods stopped with chemo (June 2010), but I had some bleeding early this year. I had a hysteroscopy, where they took a biopsy, plus a transvaginal ultrasound. Both showed nothing. hope that reassures a bit. Stick with us and share some .

MAS, is it a metallic type taste?? If so, yes I had that. Drove me mad. Nothing tasted like it should. Does go though. Well done on finishing commission. When can you stop for Christmas? Is there an end in sight?

Ned ((((hugs)))). Apart from diagnosis, I think I felt at my lowest after treatment had finished; my bcn said it's really common. There's not the slog of treatment, so you're left in a bit of a void. Like you couldn't work out why I was feeling so wobbly and low. Just remember it's normal, as that might help. It takes time, so be kind to yourself. xx

Hope Copthall's having a wondrous time at her dad's do.

Jane, hope your day's improved and you got some cheering treats from Lidl.

Gig, I have never been in a pottery cafe. at no.of advent calendars. How many have chocolate?

Waving to Amber.

Staying in tonight. Far too cold out there. DS and I watched James & the Giant Peach. Picked it up in Oxfam earlier. Nicely anarchic humour and very sweet. I have kale and potato curry, and a lovely bottle of to look forward to.

5 of them have chocolate (don't ask why we have so many ). I Mayotte eat what is left to celebrate mini gig going to sleep but that could be sometime (cries slightly as she is on my lap refusing to sleep and wailing if I try

To put her to bed- she can also whack the phone to make me post early). She still isn't well so pottery cafe put off til next week.

Wine and curry sounds nice smee

And yes my Taste went very Odd when on chemo- either horrid taste or things didn't taste right (tea was never strong enough).

Surely you should eat chocolate as she's trying to go to sleep??

hope mini has gone to sleep gig
dh made nice supper and apple crumble - yum. The taste is not metallic,just lingering and not nice...

MAS and Smee - thank you. You've both been v kind. I'm concerned, but less so now... soon I hope !

stick with us roc - like your name btw -was trying to remember whether I'd been there...

Morning All

Welcome to our newbies , lovely to see you .
In the nicest possible way , I hope you don't have to stay !

Ned gentle hugs , hope the gloom lifts soon .

Got my ct apt in yesterday's post .
4th Jan .
This will be my first post remission ct
Can't believe how quickly the time has flown in .
Fingers crossed , candles lit , prayers said (what ever your persuasion is) for that please .

Right off to crochet some more hats ...

Morning all! Mums carers got her up at crack of dawn so have reclined her chair and she is fast asleep. Day get better yesterday, machine is fixed for free as man said he couldn't charge as main drive gear has crack, but hope it will last a couple of weeks until can bring one of my machines down. Ran out of time for lidl will take tokens and go with car back home. Had curry last night - collected from nice restaurant and complimentary white wine while waiting! At just after 5 pm :)
Dd has chosen unis to apply to via ucas just got to do personal statement. Bit worried about cost of living in London, student rents bring more than our mortgage but have told her to go for it! She also has chosen Birmingham, Leeds and Manchester.

topsy I am going to crack crochet one day soon. Will send +ve thoughts for your ct next year.
Must get dressed and pack. Off home this afternoon.

Morning all

Thanks for kind words, as always - I feel a bit self indulgent and wallow-y that I don't feel better about it all, even after lots of doctors have told me its all fine. smee you're right - I do feel in a bit of a void, and it all feels rather surreal, that after such a manic year, it is, to all intents and purposes, over. DH pointed out that it is almost exactly a year since I first found the lump. . .

I've got to see Dr Lovely on Wednesday anyway, as (hopefully) last follow up on rash/ itching, so might ask her about counselling or maybe if I can see the lovely practice nurse who visited me at home for a few weeks when I first started chemo (who had lymphoma twice) I don't think I can take up any more of Dr Lovely's time with this, but I feel like I need to be able to move forward, and I don't know how to do it on my own.

On the subject of Advent calendars- we have 4: Lego (courtesy of DHs aunt), Playmobil (courtesy of PILs), chocolate (courtesy of me and Mr Tesco) and traditional religious one (courtesy of DHs gran). DS said he wasn't sure he was that interested in the traditional one, and perhaps I should put it away until he was a bit older. . .

great hat topsy love the FB pics! Will definitely have everything possible crossed for CT on 4th.

MAS DBs wedding is in two weeks! Am looking forward to it. Going final outfit shopping with DM on Tuesday. Have decided to save your fabulous pic for them for Christmas after all, as then I can see them open it! This week's job is to get it framed - I'll send you a pic once its done.

gig how was your night? Did the minigigs sleep?

kurri I have to wear an awful turquoise/ peacock blue swirly scarf for my choir concert - it is very synthetic and very nasty. . . How is DDs wrist? Hope she is feeling much better and her seasonal playing is going well. (Have PMed you my address for Howard's Way - very excited!)

smee we love James and the Giant Peach film - DS likes the "James, James, James, how are ya? Isn;t it a lovely day!" song that the little boy sings near the beginning; I have to sing it to him, for obvious reasons!

jchoc what is DD applying to study? She must be a clever girl - those are all excellent universities!

Mammoth post - will sign off now.

Lots of love to you all x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

will be crossing everything for you topsy
ned counselling might be a helpful idea - onc doc mentioned it to me but frankly i've had enough of talking therapies in my life and I pointed out that dear bcn was so helpful to me (and though I didn't say it- my fab cyber pals on here)
Wedding will be lovely I'm sure- am v excited for you- it'll be magically Christmassy in Kew Gardens.
T has filled in his A level application thing for college - exciting and scary !

Topsy, January is a way away and your body will be on track, am sure of it. Enjoy Dress-cember I reckon, it's a good distraction.

MAS, at T going to do 'A' levels. Is it a sixth form college? Am assuming so. How v.grown up. How's the taste today?

Jane, hope the personal statement isn't too fraught. I know they can be from various friends who have seen their DC through them.

Counselling's worth a whirl, Ned. You might as well if it's offered. I'm trying to think back to when I was in that dip and it did last a while. Hard to climb out of it all when you feel so physically battered too. I didn't do the counselling route, but I probably should have.

Roc, hope you found that wine. Just voicing fears and paranoia helps I think. That's a large part of why we're all here. I know it's helped me a lot. I'm getting better at all that, but am not sure it ever really stops.

Been traipsing across Bermondsey to see an Anthony Gormley show, which involves crawling through a dark labyrinth of steel. DS predictably loved it. Might have to have a hot bath to aid my back's recovery though.

smee I know- swcarily T is having to think of A levels- 6th form college nearby,and very well regarded.
jane personal statement is scary,but am sure dd will be fine -smart girl.
Tate thing is still there- will just have to keep eating !
Dad did his chilly outside band performance -his hands must've been frozen, but it was v nice. There were adorable donkeys too-and a tiny baby one aged just 4 weeks- so sweet.

Staggers to trolley, leaves ten half drunk bottles of champagne and some squashed 80th birthday cup cakes (with amazing edible photos of Dad aged 2, 17, 40 and 80 ), staggers away to nurse hips that haven't taken too kindly to dancing gangnam style twice last night (that Korean bloke must be a lot fitter than he looks!!) and eyes that are seeing stars from 5 and a half hours on motorway.

Dad had a great birthday, sang Danny Boy but not Wild Rover, and really enjoyed having the whole extended family, and his oldest friends around him. Wild next generation of cousins very quiet, possibly partly because one 18 year old was pregnant, in contrast to my DDs, who insisted on YMCA and gangnam style (twice) and were up on stage with the little cousins. Youngest DD went missing at 1am, searched everywhere, then heard plaintive wails from the stables where she had managed to lock herself in whilst telling the horse how much she loved her......

Mas I had the horrible taste thing with chemo, everything lost it's nice taste and I especially completely went off the taste of things I eat on the day of chemo (like when something makes you sick). One of my friends who kept me company during one of the treatments brought along some of her lovely homemade dumplings and I couldn't face them for a year after. In the end just the sight of the hospital was making me feel queasy. I took it that my body was saying this really isn't a good idea, you can see it's point.

rocca Chemo stopped my periods but then about once a year until I stopped Tamoxifen I got bleeding, so it had to be checked each time. The very jolly hockey sticks lady who does the vaginal ultrasound at the Marsden kept saying it was having one last shout (the vaginal ultrasound is fine but when the person who is doing it is Miranda Hart's double it is more worrying) I think we have all come to deeply distrust our hormones......

Flagging, time for warm bath, and bed.....Waves to everyone.