**Tamoxifen** the 30th thread !

[MaryAnnSingleton]

Am wheeling the trolley over....

herrena, must have been quite a day. Hope you're okay amidst it all. It's so v.hard for you too. Were your DC okay without you?? Hope they were.

fwiw, if your mum wants them to, the Oncologists will be more specific in terms of odds. They have a computerised programme which they input your pathology into and it comes out with stats. So they'll tell you for example that if you go through all the treatment you've got an 80% chance of no recurrence. That's what I was told when I asked.

Having said that, I'm the sort who needs to know everything. Clearly I don't know your mum, but you do, so all you can do is know as much as you can and weigh up what's best. This is hugely anecdotal, but I remember so clearly the point at which all the scans were done, so all the pathology in and I finally had all the answers they could give me. To know that a) it hadn't spread beyond nodes, so b) was deemed highly treatable and therefore curable too, and that c) I had an 80% of no recurrence made me cheer. Literally! I felt from that point on that I could do Breast Cancer, because I knew what I was facing.

Being a bit rambly now, but I think most of us on here would agree, the hardest part of all of this is the unknown. That never leaves you once you're diagnosed and obviously your mum still has scans to go, but when they're done and results are in, maybe your mum would be better off asking the Onc for stats. Am saying that from a pov of optimism. As yes it's cancer and yes that's totally shit in every way, but if the MRI shows it's not in her nodes, then her odds are still pretty good - better than mine certainly. My odds at 80% weren't bad and it was in my nodes. So say scans give great news, so it's contained in the breast, then (guesstimate) she's got a 90% chance of no-recurrence or even higher, well I'd say she might get a huge boost from knowing that. That it might actively help her through treatment.

Sorry to go on and honestly do feel free to ignore me. Just something in what you said, brought it all back. Bloody cancer. Such a sod..

Agreed, excellent reply from KK and Smee. We all react in our own ways, I certainly remember feeling it was all very bleak, and I couldn't imagine I could ever be happy again, lay awake at 4am battling the demons, then one day I took a long walk and turned a corner and started to feel it was going to be OK after all. I don't know if I was lucky with my Surgeons love of statistics, he gave you a percentage chance of survival which I suppose told you exactly where you stood, possibly however bad they were we would have imagined worse, but pretty early on my friend and I decided we weren't statistics, and ours were skewed by a bunch of deep fried mars bar eating smoking alcoholics who never breastfed their children (sorry about the stereotypes and snobbery but ....) It does take time to come to terms with the fact there are no guarantees, even now after 11 years.

I also remember (hangs my head in shame ) that my parents came to stay and were absolute stars keeping up my daughters routines etc. and I was an absolute bitch to them. I reverted to a teenager and jumped down their throats every time they tried to say something to help. Expressing my own feelings of frustration just like teenagers do. They understood thankfully.

smee and copthall -excellent posts.
Looks as though am going to MILs - I'd miss my boys and feel bad about letting MIL down.
No internet there apart from my phone though.

Hope trip to mil not too hard for you. mas.

Just to add to other posts herrena, it is a horrendous shock and I well remember hating my oncologist and thinking she was a dementor as she had taken my hope away. However, my specialist nurse was excellent at supporting me. She also explained that there are certain guidelines on telling people about cancer that may seen brutal but are there so that there is no gap on understanding about what treatment is, risks and side effect .

They do start treatment quickly which may seem daunting but is actually a good thing because as has been said before , once you are getting treatment it starts to feel easier and you are doing something.

The ECG is a standard pre chemo test as some chemo (and I think some of the other bc drugs like herceptin) can affect your heart so it's a precaution. Afaik there are drugs they can give you to protect the heart if there is an issue.

I think one of our posters amber did chemo then had op and if I remember rightly the chemo did shrink her lump considerably (she is on holidays so can't correct me if I remembered wrongly).

Morning All

Herrena wot they ^ said !
It really is true that once you start treatment it all feels so much better . At the moment your mum will probably feel very out of control . So once treatment starts you tend to feel like you are doing something .
Pre chemo tests should involve ECG , bloods , height , weight .
My oncologist also wanted a CT and a bone scan . These are done to get your base line , pre treatment .

Mas have a good weekend at mils .
Am a bit aghast at no wifi , that's a basic human right

Got to go , DD is currently wearing a school shirt that looks a fetching shade of pink (should be white) !!!

Thanks all. My DM is not bothered about the ECG at all, just freaked out by the speed of response. She has a somewhat unique background in that she's spent most of her life out of the UK, in countries where you pay for healthcare, and so she's got a really poor opinion of the NHS - she thinks that they are utterly dire and take forever to treat anything, so the speed of treatment is doubly scary for her. I should point out that I personally do rate the NHS, it's her bias not mine!

It's her birthday today so she seems fairly cheerful anyway

Mas - we got a USB internet dongle from 3 when we moved house for temporary internet cover and I've used it in hospital (post DCs!), in holiday accomodation etc because I am an interweb addict and we've found it really handy. Just preload with however much data you want to pay for/will conceivably use in a month. Might come in handy for trips to the dark side of the moon

Ooh that 's useful to know Herrena- happy bday to your mum
I hate being out of touch !

If you imagine that you lot are all sitting around a table drinking delicious drinks, eating cake and shooting the breeze, then I am that rude person who runs in, elbows to the front of the queue, demands a coffee to go, waves and dashes out again.

Sorry, I can't keep up, so many posts, many of them long and dealing with real worries and issues. I am sorry not to contribute - later next week work may calm down a bit. But love to you all in the meantime - am thinking of you all.x

MAS, you need a dongle!! Good luck in the car. Hope it's better than you fear. xx

Herrena, Happy Birthday to your mum. I'd echo what the others have said, speed of response is just what they do. NHS for BC is amazing. I genuinely couldn't have had better care if I'd paid. When you hear of women in other countries not being able to afford treatment options, I realise how incredibly lucky we are to be in the UK.

Grey day here, cold too. I have coffee and toast though, so all's well.

Waving to the back of Sometimes as she dashes out.

don';t wear yourself out sometimes !

I agree totally that the NHS is brilliant for BC - very speedy indeed - my dad would also recommend the care he's been given for his cataracts - he was v impressed.

hello all. Sometimes - wot MAS said - don't wear yourself out, - will you get any time to relax over the weekend?

Herrena - happy birthday to your mum, and I can see that having lived abroad, must make it all a bit more worrying if you are not used to the system. But everyone I know who has had BC rates the NHS very highly for care - she will be in good hands.

MAS - when are you off? try to relax and have an enjoyable time, despite long car journey.

waving to Smee, Gig, topsy, Copthall.

Ned - you asked about my mum's house - no joy yet, although a steady flow of viewers, which I guess is encouraging. We shall just have to wait and see, I think whoever buys eventually will just have to wait until mum has found somewhere she wants to buy - she's seen a place she quite likes, but whether it will still be available when she has sold I don't know.

The garden urgently needs dealing with and it is dry today, so I'm trying to rev myself up to going outside. But it is soooooooo cold here, I keep putting it off!

Ah no, KK, no time off for me for the foreseeable. I've a mountain of work, various green innovation projects, an online magazine and a very, very interesting health-related thing. I know I'm lucky to have work, though, so not complaining, just a bit boggly-eyed.

But I hope you all have a lovely weekend - MAS, if you don't feel up to going away - don't. I know you don't find it easy at the best of times.

You are a busy woman Sometimes - which is great as you say, and it deos sound very interesting, but make sure you at least have coffee breaks and nice treats to go with them

quick query if anyone knows, - can you have a flu jab if you have a cold? - i don't seem to have thrown off this cold I've had - in fact its come back and started all over again - flu jab next week - can I still get it done?

am off once T is back from school -dh will drive-we usually share it-so I can sit and read or look out of the window I feel ok today -hands and feet no worse,which is good.
Work sounds good sometimes as long as there are lots of breaks with nice treats. Take care all of you and I'll try to look in on my phone xxxx

Nope I was told to wait when I went into Gp with cough/cold kurri

oh bum - thanks Gig, - I might have to rearrange it then.

Have good trip MAS - I listen to audio books in the car, quite nice to have a bit of reading/listening time

Have a relaxing fun time, MAS.

Bugger about the flu jab, KK

Don't be alarmed about me and the treats/breaks. I am never very 'hair shirt', and certainly not when I suspect I may be missing out on something frolicsome

going shortly- am wearing the beautiful scarf you sent me sometimes (in fact was sent 2 other beautiful scarves in my box'o'mumsnet love..
xxxxx

bon voyage MAS - bet you look stunning in your new scarf

Gah can I vent here? We are christening the girls in December - with a party after. Idea being to say thank you to and also mark all the "wider" family who have or will be around for girls.

Dsd just texted to say can his gf come (she is currently away studying ) so was omitted from invite list as didn't think she would be here . and being brutally honest although she is very sweet with kids I wasn't sure she would be around long term . Plus she has irritated me quite unreasonably since dsd told me she cried all day when found out my dx. Even my own my own mother didn't do that...

Gah - I know i will let her come and it's no big deal but bugs me when there are others I haven't invited but would like to due to numbers.

I now remember why I ran away to Vegas to get married..

We should all turn up Gigs with our baldy heads and missing body parts and really give her something to cry about

that is a good idea. When I am feeling kind, I remember I could be a drama queen as a kid. But when I am not it annoys me. Dh cruelly suggested her and big gig get on well as they are same mental age (I think her favourite film is tangled too).

Gigs It wouldn't be a good "do" without a crisis over invites!

Waves to KK and everyone else as I leave again. No 1 DD is upstairs, home for the weekend, couldn't understand why she got back so early but turns out it was to install booby traps in bedroom of No2 DD whilst she was at school. Loving having a house filled with screeching and hysteria again