how the heck do I support DH tomorrow if the consultant tells him he has cancer?

[MrsShrek3]

sigh. just that. DH has Big lump in neck. Various doctors, registrars and pathologists looking very worried and saying he "should have been told more". Appointment with his own consultant tomorrow afternoon. Worried sick, but wtf do I do to help him? He doesn't want me to go with him, he;d rather I keep the children with me.

Oh no, you sound quite positive though. Thinking and praying for you all.

Stop him from googling, there's some very scary stuff on the web. I'm so sorry to hear your news, what a shock for you both. I hope they get it sorted quickly and he has a very speedy recovery x

I am sorry to hear you and your DH had bad news today.

A lot will now depend on what type of lymphoma he turns out to have (which is what the biopsy is for) and whether or not other organs/LN are involved.

Try and persuade him away from Dr Google - the interweb is full of disaster stories and miracle cures. What actually awaits him if more likely to be somewhere in the middle and the path he will have to take, will be uniquely his and not somebody elses.

Hugs to you both; just be there for each other x.

"oh fuck" pretty much sums it up really!! Dunno how we are tbh. Just trying to do 'normal' for the dc.

I'm sorry it was bad news. Hope the appointment goes okay tomorrow.

Twosugars I know you must be scared for your BF and yourself, but he needs the lump checked and you need to do regular checks too. I know someone who was scared of bad news. They are no longer here.

ok. Sum it up and come back if you want.

Good luck. My thoughts are with you and DH

MrsShrek - I had Hodgkin's Lymphoma about 10 years ago. Back then the prognosis was good so it'll be even better now.

I had a biopsy too - followed by chemo and radiotherapy.

I know I'm only a stranger on an internet forum but I know and understand what you are going through - feel free to PM me if you want, any time.

PS. tell DH to stop frickin' googling - it'll send you both mental :)

Barmix, thanks. It's good to hear

Am so sorry it's bad news. You seem to be calm at the moment, but don't be surprised if it 'hits you' at some point. Your doing all you can being supportive and with him, and of course just carrying on for the dc's. Wishing you both all the best for his quick recovery.

I'm sorry it's bad news :(
Are you near me? Happy to help if I can. Please take time for both of you, accept any help that is offered and don't believe everything you read on Internet.
Loads of thoughts and prayers for you x

Hi MrsShrek - sorry you and your Dh have had this bad news. -I've been where your Dh is now (with a different kind of cancer) - and I guess you will both be feeling pretty stunned at the moment. The first few weeks after DX are scary, and seem to be full of waiting and more waiting for results. If its any comfort at all, I can tell you that once you know exactly what you are dealing with, and you have a treatment plan in place, it does get a bit easier to handle - you feel as if you are moving in the right direction.

I don't want to overwhelm you with 'coping with cancer' tips - you'll find your own path, but a couple of practical tips

Try to go to appointments together - a second set of ears is always helpful,
Take a notebook to appointments - write down what you want to ask, and jot down answers. - Always ask for more explanation if you need it, don't feel hurried - it is your DH's consultant appointment and he's entitled to as much time as he needs.
Don't google - anyone can write any old crap on Google, there's no regulation. Much better use the various cancer charities (such as MacMillan who will have specific booklets on your DH's type of cancer, and general info. on coping etc.)
If you have a cancer support centre near you (either Macmillan or another charity) they can be very useful in offering support and info. (for example on financial matters if your DH needs time off work for his treatment)

Good luck to you both. If you want a chat with other people who have been there - pop over to tamoxifen in health - we are not just breast cancer patients - lots of people with all kinds of cancers, - it's a good place for support. xx

Have been following your threads about this. I'm so sorry to hear that it is bad news. Sending all my love and thoughts to you and your family x

Holy crap, mrsshrek, am so sorry to hear this news.
Try and get some sleep tonight, the pair of you.
And please look after yourself, let us know how tomorrow goes
X to you and yours x

bugger- am sorry to hear this- as kurrikurri has said, do pop over to tamoxifen if you feel you'd like some comforting hands from those who have had cancer. Absolutely agree too that google is not your friend.

Fuck it. So sorry it was bad news x

Sorry to hear it was bad news

Sorry to hear the news. My DH is a lymphoma (non hodgkins) survivor from his early 20s. He is in good health more than 20 years on and treatment has moved on since back then too. It can be beaten so try and keep hold of the positives in all of this. X

So sorry mrs Shrek, I have PM you.
I had hodgkins lymphoma also 10 years ago and the treatment is highly successful. X

Really sorry to hear that it was the bad news rather than any other:(
As everyone else said - do talk talk talk here - Mn can be an utter lifeline:)

sorry it was upsetting news. how dreadful

try stop goggling,it's not reliable,can be alarmist.I absolutely do understand need for information and all, the understandable worry about what ifs.a good reliable website is patient.co.uk

make a to do list, write down appts, take notebook to all consultations and take notes.
consider writing down questions to take to consultations
get the tel number of the team secretary

ask hospital and GP about sick lines, letters of support for time off work,eligibility for any benefits or traveling expenses.

ask what support is available (if this is what is wanted)
Macmillan support etc

consider what you tell your own work, and any carer leave eligibility you may be entitled to

the c word is scary but there is range of treatments and options, I hope this resolves satisfactorily abpnd that you are all not too burdened and overwhelmed

Hi MrsShrek. Just adding some hand holding.

Step away from google! A very very lovely friend of mind had lymphoma a couple of years ago and is back to running marathons and has just had a beautiful baby girl!

Step away from google! A very very lovely friend of mind had lymphoma a couple of years ago and is back to running marathons and has just had a beautiful baby girl!

Have been wondering all day how the appointment went.

I'm so sorry it wasn't good news. STOP googling, no good will come of it. Hope tomorrow goes as well as it can.

Thinking of you all x

Ok - so on to the next steps but be very gentle with yourselves. This is a big shock for you both, even if you were expecting it today, it isn't where you thought your lives would be going this year. So prioritise. Anything that makes your lives easier is a good thing right now. Take any help with the dcs or the house. Be bold and ask people to do things for you when you need them to. Will carry on praying for you and dh - for strength as you take this on and for good news soon.