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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

my perfect littlr girl is in hospital with meningitis

921 replies

StopEatingThatMud · 10/06/2012 03:43

And I'm really really scared.

Is anyone up to hold my hand and tell me it'll be ok?

OP posts:
StopEatingThatMud · 02/07/2012 21:10

2old I know you didn't, honestly :) Like I said I know I'm not taking things in the right context at the moment, please don't think it was you that upset me, I think its just my funny way of figuring things out!

funny I think blunt is what I need, thank you! I genuinly don't know what I'm thinking most of the time at the moment. I probably am bad for thinking in terms of extremes a lot of the time, you're right and you're also right it isn't going to help anyone is it?

Why was I googling? Fuck only knows to be blunt! Because up til this point I've worked on the basis I'd rather live in ignorance and take what comes as it comes and deal with it then and now curiosity is starting to get the better of me? Because I'm struggling with DP not being here in the evenings to distract me? Because the Meningitis Trust is full of terrifying "after" videos that I've banned myself from watching now and I stupidly feel like I should be more "informed"?

Both playdates were totally unplanned today and to be honest I need the company right now having done next to nothing since we got home last Tuesday. I am literally climbing the walls looking at the same four of the buggers every day and seeing DP for only an hour a day until he finishes this run of shifts, I need some adult conversation but I very much take your point.

Forgot to say The Meningitis Trust have now been in touch and taken some details in order to arrange a home visit so fingers crossed that will be soon.

OP posts:
Rosa · 02/07/2012 21:15

Mud, its lovely to read of the small improvments B is making and wondefful to read the experiences and support from others on here , hope you get some positive help and advice from the trust and roll on dp finishing the long shifts...

youarekidding · 02/07/2012 21:37

Mud It seems to me as if your bringing the hospital experience home. Your post that day B had a seizure when you were told to watch her was very upsetting to read. It felt like the medical side of things was being put on your shoulders.

2old2beamum · 02/07/2012 21:46

Mud Thanks and love x

StopEatingThatMud · 02/07/2012 22:02

kidding you don't sound harsh at all, you sound lovely and quite probably right.

I know part of my problem is I struggled with the first 6 months of having a baby. Really didn't enjoy it. At all. As many don't, I know, it's hard going.

But then the last few months have been wonderful and I've loved every single blinking minute of watching B develop her own little feisty personality and independence and amaze herself and everyone around her with all the new little things she does each and every day. Plus having the time to do little things for myself again, go to the gym, getting back to work etc I was beginning to feel quite good. And now part of me feels like that's been taken away if that makes sense (probably not, it probably sounds ridiculous and bloody selfish...) And I know that's hopefully only temporary but I'm so very very scared that I'm not up to looking after and doing all the things she needs me to do long term. I'm impatient, I'm stubborn, I'm horrible when I don't get enough sleep long term and as I think is clear for all to see I have a tendency to be negative, that I really have to try and pick myself up on.

Right enough of the self pity fest for one night. Please continue to give me the kick up the arse I clearly need and I will consume the rest of my packet of Cadburys Caramel Nibbles and stop talking nonsense for a bit.

OP posts:
StopEatingThatMud · 02/07/2012 22:03

"look to the future and not dwell on the past - you can't change what has happened but can have a influence on the future."

I do love this though, positive thinking starts here. xx

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pullupapew · 02/07/2012 22:21

Hi, I am so pleased to hear you are home and seeing people and starting to get back to real life. Don't be hard on yourself for focusing on the medical - what's she doing, how, when, how often - etc. It is natural, the medical was so vital.

After my ds was ill I kept charts and recorded things and was a little obsessive. Some people told me I should stop, but the psychologist who helped parents told me it was natural, it would stop in it's own time. I only did that for a couple of weeks. Over time, trust in my baby took over and the need to record/worry just diminished bit by bit (although it is still there at times).

The experience you have had is a big one, it will probably take a while to understand how it impacts.

Yes, try to think positively, but don't be hard on yourself if you do google, or fret, or obsess, or weep, or fear the worst. That is natural too, and is all part of the healing process. Take care of yourself.

FMF · 02/07/2012 22:24

Ive silently followed this thread as a picu nurse it always great to see the whole picture from start to end! I admire you and have to say that there is no right or wrong way to deal with such an emotional situation and I think you should be very proud of your achievements as a mummy!
Parenting is about learning through experience and I'm sure you have learnt so much over the last few months, I hope DD continues to improve and life continues with smiles and happiness:)

funnyperson · 03/07/2012 19:53

stopeatingthatmud you are right: being a first time mum is such a big change in lifestyle. I see what you mean - you had just got used to doing 12 month stuff and then dd became ill.
I have no idea how I would have coped.
Holding hands anyway and Flowers

funnyperson · 04/07/2012 01:26

I meant to mention your dd's vaccination programme. There are many different strains of pneumococcus. The vaccines protect against a number of strains. It is worth dropping an email/note to your dd's specialist to enquire what vaccines are recommended for her next and whether she needs any extra ones.

beautifulgirls · 04/07/2012 13:59

Big hugs Stopeatingthatmud - There will be good days, there will be bad days from here and you won't easily predict which they will be. It is normal to feel very up and down but as time goes by it will get less stressful. You know where I am if you want to "chat".

StopEatingThatMud · 04/07/2012 21:37

Evening :)

Just a quick one (as if I'm even capable of not rambling on for far too long...) as I'm bloody shattered from B's new trick of waking up at 4.50am - who knew that time even existed?!

We've had a good couple of day, really good actually. She's massively improved movement wise and is now getting quite confident at crawling again. She still gets tired easily and can only manage a few shuffles at a time before she puts her head down on the floor and has a little rest but she's already so much less frustrated. She's desperate to stand and has been wobbling round the furniture a little. Again her muscles aren't up to much just yet but she's been in her jumperoo which we got down from the loft and she can actually jump in it now, much to her delight!

She's also found her voice again and it was so so nice to hear her chatting away to herself in her cot at 5am this morning (even if it was shouting "yeah, yeah, yeah" or something very similar sounding, funny little thing!)

DP is now off until Monday, big yay! He's been a bit of a zombie today, getting home from work at 7am and not getting the chance for a couple of hours sleep til this afternoon but hopefully he'll be feeling better tomorrow after a good nights sleep tonight.

B had a blood test at the hospital today, no results yet, but the main thing was to check her blood count and Hb levels. She still looks very pale so I'm expecting it'll still be low but they did say it can take weeks to get back up to a normal level left to its own devices.

I had a phone call this evening from the GP we saw the day before we were admitted to hospital, who diagnosed B as having a virus at the time. She's absolutely lovely and I've no wish to cause a fuss about her not picking anything up. DP has ongoing chronic health problems and she is the only GP in 4 years who's really taken him seriously and she did give B a thorough checking over when she saw her, plus she did deteriorate massively in the 24 hours after our appointment with her, I guess these things do just happen.

I've just remembered I've also got a voicemail to follow up from the meningitis trust, I've not listened to it properly as was driving when I picked it up and my hands free was all crackly. Must remember to do that tomorrow...

Funny the GP who called earlier actually did her training with our consultant (one advantage of living in a small town where everyone knows each other hey?) and is going to drop her an email regarding B. She's advised me to get her booked in for her 12/13 month vaccinations which she's missed but I'm inclined to wait another week to let her get her strength back a little more. It's a tough one, do I get them done urgently or let her rest a bit first? Our GP erred on the side of getting them done sooner rather than later.

Thanks girls, all hugs much appreciated right now! And thank you for the spare ear as and when required too Thanks

Thanks also pullupapew and FMF. I'm hoping Sunday/Monday night were sort of rock bottom for me, I'm feeling a little brighter these last few days and long may that continue (she says cautiously, knowing there probably will be crap bits in the middle somewhere!) :)

So much for not rambling on eh?!...

OP posts:
DeWe · 04/07/2012 22:23

Sounds like she's improving by leaps and bounds.

Personally I wouldn't do the jabs now. Ds didn't have his until about 15 months due to constant ear infections and the GP wasn't worried.

maples · 04/07/2012 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rosa · 05/07/2012 07:50

Keep updating...great that she has found her voice and movement again....

SurvivalOfTheUnfittest · 05/07/2012 09:05

What a fantastic update Mud. I'm so pleased for you all.

MildredIsMyAlterEgo · 05/07/2012 09:36

Great news Mud, so glad she's getting back to her usual self, slowly but surely.

I would probably wait a little while for the jabs - I have no medical knowledge btw, just my personal opinion.

Look after yourself, glad that DP is home with you for a few days to take a little pressure off you.

(((hugs)))

FriedSprout · 05/07/2012 10:58

Brilliant news, so happy for you all. Onwards and upwards and all that Smile

beatofthedrum · 05/07/2012 12:07

So happy to hear this cheery update! Wonderful she is getting back her movement and chattering :) :)

StopEatingThatMud · 05/07/2012 22:16

Anyone reading tonight please light a candle for Aillidh, Expat, Giraffes and everyone else close to them here

I have two burning in my front window right now, one for Aillidh and one for my little miracle. xx

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youarekidding · 06/07/2012 16:55

Lovely update. And I'm glad you admitted how hard you found the first few months of nothingness!! I did too and totally get where your coming from!!

I also think it's lovely of you to be remembering and supporting Aillidh and family at this time.

Thanks and Wine for you x

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 06/07/2012 20:20

So glad your DD is on the mend. Candle lit for Aillidh.

maples · 06/07/2012 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeanutButterCupCake · 07/07/2012 10:54

Hi mud

Lovely to hear B is home Grin

You have been through a massive trauma and it's natural to feel how you have been. It's a big step to go from the safety of hospital to home alone. Be kind to yourself Thanks