**24TH** TAMOXIFEN thread !

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we go...

x-posted with Sometimes. Have a lovely day. Hope car journey's not too ouch.

health and safety I guess with the river smee -sighs.
Have a safe journey and a good time in Bristol sometimes - love to everyone -am going to clean and then have a trot into town.

thanks so much everyone for your lovely comments and encouragements. Yup really trying to deal with the one step at a time. I have 4 daughters (19,17,15 and 11) so this has all come right in the middle of exams and some quite difficult stuff for some of them going on too.Still we're a feisty bunch and they seem to be kind of coping in their different ways. Anyway am reading a load of crime novels and trying to stick at work. It seems to be other peoples reaction that I find hardest to deal with. I'm taking a lot of encouragement from your tough it out approach. Hope everyone has a good day! pouring with rain here in Edinburgh.

MAS, will her majesty be wearing water wings??

MJennieJ, that's a lot of girls! Timing's always iffy with cancer. I'd bet whenever it was there'd be something going on with four. just wanted to say that this thread's brilliant for keeping us all sane. You can say things on here that you just can't somehow in real life. Also wanted to add that it's totally okay to be down, fed up, furious and hysterical on here too. That's what we're here for as we all get how terrifying it is. Good place to have a laugh about it all too though. Somehow that helps.

Hello newbies and hello everyone else. I wish I had the power in me to feel useful to you all. Kinda why I'm only in and out of the thread. I'm useless lol

Fine needle biopsy was inconclusive. He says that he'll get an MRI done. He says that the smoothness of the tumour makes it look benign but that the numbness of my face and throat and the ear pain suggest malignancy. It is 5cm in diameter and will have to be removed either way, along with my Parotid salivary gland, which it has grown from.

He is going to consult with others because this is a rare tumour and he would like to be able to biopsy it before excision. He thinks that the surgery might be extensive, like a weird kind of face lift, but also thinks that he can reconstruct the face and completely remove the tumour so, cancer or not, it will be gone soon one way or the other. I have to go back and see him on the 18th. If I end up with bad scars I'm changing my name to Castor Troy!

Oh Autumn - that does sound extensive, how are you feeling about all that information, it is quite a lot to take in. Big hugs.

Hi everyone - I am very ashamed to admit that I haven't read back and so I am hopelessly out of date.

I am leaving some cream cakes on the fbs trolley as means of an apology for being awol for so long.

autumn that sounds frightening prospect - am sure they'll do the very best for you though, not much comfort I know- sending you a comforting hug anyway xxx
jennie - I love Edinburgh ! I have a boy of almost 15 so we're going through the yr 10 GCSE bits - gah !
No rain here in Hampshire, yet.

Jennie I'm not far away frm you. I'm in Airdrie. ANd yeah teeming here too!

Thank you HRH!

Sparkle my feelings are as numb as my face. I have a billion thoughts all wanting attention at once so I'm ignoring them all. I expect I'll be like this for a while and then just collapse. I am never good at immediately processing bad news. The one worry I can't push back is about my kids being afraid of the "new" me with all the scars. That would break my heart.

FYI I am stealing one of those cream cakes!

Sparkles hands over cream cake with large for Autumn....it is not stealing it is medicinal!

Hi jennie sorry that you've found yourself here, but welcome, iyswim. It's such a hard time when you've got dx but in limbo still. Waiting for appoirntments etc is truly shit, so hang out here and we can wait with you. It gets easier when ou have a plan and can get things a bit clearer in your head. Sending big hugs to rainy Scotland x x

autumn that does sound pretty full on, but at least whatever is growing can be removed. Thats something to hang on to, I think.

sparkle! Lovely to see you! All you need to know is that HRH MAS has gone royal and we are having a garden party with hats this weekend

topsy good work on the lottery. You bloody deserve it. Enjoy spending!

Hope everyone OK today. I am feeling pretty well, I think! Just had nice lunch out with my parents - they've gone to pick up DS, so I am digesting on the sofa. Have got 10 days til chemo, so hopefully have plenty of time to get fit again. Oh, did I mention my next chemo is my last one?

I have also fixed myself up with a personal trainer for September - he is an ex-marine, and his DD is st school with DS. He is so non marine like, and very gentle and laid back. Am hoping one to one will be motivation for me to get fit and lose some weight once I am back on my feet. A positive thing to do before I start back at work, I thought. . .

Autumn, wow, that's a lot to take in. Wish one of us had been through similar, as then at least you'd have someone who might have a wise view. Still though, good they can take it and I'd bet they'll do a stunning job. You need those cakes. Take the lot.

Ned at the marine. Blimey I'm impressed. Hope he's cute.

Waving to Sparkle. how are you??

Skulks onto thread and faints at mention of marine training from ned

autumn as you know my mum had throat tumour (and have a friend who had tongue cancer) so I do know something of the surgery involved. It is extensive but not scary for kids (that was my friends fear) and scarring does heal over time. You can barely see where my mums was. I also remember that there was much scanning and faff with her too to decide what to do.

If you want to pm me, I am sure my mum wouldn't mind chatting direct about it if that would help.

jenny sorry you are here but welcome.

French France very nice - am lieing down after large lunch.

Quickly popping on as have been racing about all day and am totally knackered. I will try to catch up on everybody's news.

ned wow,, one more to go that is fantastic.

jenniewelcome to the thread. We will be here to support you and lighten the mood.

Bows to hrh don't forget my invite to the garden party. Now where shall I buy my hat?

I will catch up more later when I'm not so tired but can I just say I LOVE MY SYRINGE DRIVER no sickness/nausea at all - mind you I am having 5 different anti-sickness meds and a steriod so if I get sick after that lot I must be mad. Even felt well enough to go for coffee with DH (after we took DS2 to dr who has a bacterial throat infection - not perfect timing but hey ho) and I then went into work and discussed returning to work on a trial basis. I will work 1.5 or 2.5 days per week and on the half days they are going to give me a lift home so no public transport. They told me whatever suits me they will fit in with and they can't wait for me to come back.

Another bit of good news bone scan appointment came through for 11th June so not much waiting around.

Huge waves to everyone else and hugs to those who need it

hooray for driver and not long to wait until 11th gracie
ned ooh,marine trainer sounds impressive ! go for it...
and brilliant that your next chemo is the last

Gig that is good that the scars aren't too bad. I have been keeping my ridiculously wavy hair longer than usual just incase I might need an op so hopefully it will hide what I have. That is a really kind offer about your Mum. I'd love to chat with her :)

What did you have for lunch? Andy got a disposable BBQ is going to do bacon double cheeseburgers for us tonight. Tis comfort feed! Washed down with my new found favourite booze, Bulmers. Then we're watching Sherlock. I just discovered it yesterday and watched the first episode. i LOVE it! That kind of brain smarts is most sexy :)

Gracie Sorry to hear that you are feeling so tired! That is very good news about your bone scan. I'm glad thing are moving so swifty for you x

Ned That he thinks he can whip it out is a huge relief. Even if it is cancer that means it won't be there for long. Although I imagine they need to see if it spread or anything, but I'll not get ahead of myself just yet :)

Unfortunately not conventionally gorgeous, but lovely smile and such a nice guy I think I could get a little bit of a crush. . . I just thought it'll be easier in some ways to get myself moving and we can tailor stuff to what I need and what suits me. According to his wife, who I chatted to about it today, she said he's very into the holistic approach and understanding motivations etc. I just feel quite positive about doing something proactive, looking beyond the end of treatment and setting up something to do in September.

gracie sounds positive about work - that must be really nice to feel so supported. Hope it goes well for you. Good not too long to wait for the bone scan. That's the same day as my last chemo (sorry, but obsessed with the word "last" at the mo . . .

sometimes you back from Bristol safely? Hope not too tiring for you.

gig glad you're having a good time and spoiling yourself. You bloody deserve it x x

Topsy Just saw your post about the lotter- excellent! It's always nice when things like that happen. Whata nice surprise :)

Sometimes and smee are both bang on about not so foxy Fox!

Ned I've always been fascinated with hollistic therapy. I hope it works out for you!

I'm well into hypnosis at the moment. I have loads of Paul mcKenna's stuff. Loads of people think it's a load of rubbish but it helps to relax me so that isn't rubbish at all :)

X post autumn stay positive for now, my love! It's definitely worth focussing on what's good about a crappy situation until someone tells you different!

Sherlock and Bulmers. . . .you are so my kind of woman.

:) It is delicious cider! Number 17, the berry one. Yum!

Because of Sherlock I have to now choose wether to watch Babylon 5, Angel, stargate or just stay up late and do all 4! I'm at the start of season 2 of Angel, the start of the last season of babylon 5 and about halfway through season 4 of Stargate. We watched an episode of each a night til last night when Sherlock threw us something new to watch. Awesome, but totally screws with my schedule. Now I must CHOOSE! Thnk goodness Supernatural and House are all done or I'd be really buy with telly lol

Evening all - still catching up with posts as I've been out today (yoga and art group)

topsy-lottery-winner -- you know you have always been my favourite don't you?? ,
Hope the wound is a bit better today.

Autumn - that is a lot to take in, but good that they are going to get on and remove the bugger and stop the pain.
I envy you just starting on Sherlock - it's brilliant, DD and I were completely hooked when it was on TV.
Laurence Fox may look like a lizard (although I dispute this) but he is a very sexy lizard. Topsy and I will just share him between us if no one else wants him

Ned - marine personal trainer sounds nice, - I think its a really good idea to have a commitment to exercise and someone to guide you, - keeps you much more motivated than trying to do it on your own.

gracie - glad the syringe driver is a success - and good that you have a date for your scan and its not to long to wait.

Massive to Earth, there is light at the end f the tunnel, but its hard to see when you are in the thick of things and feeling rotten. Hang on in there xx

Jennie - crime novels are definitely the way to go - I got through loads when I was having treatment. - I love Edinburgh - I was at Edinburgh University for 4 years, and met my DH there (he is from the Borders) Your family sounds great - houses full of girls are good fun

Waving to Smee, Sparkle, HRH, and the Continental Gig - hope I haven't missed anyone

I have just received a letter with a date for my mammogram after being referred by GP due to finding a lump and having some pain. The letter says my mammogramm is next week and then has a clinic appointment for 4 weeks later. WilI I have to wait 4 weeks for the results?
The wait just for the mammogram is making me anxious let alone waiting 4 weeks for the results.

I'm guessing that they would do the mammo and any other tests required then (ultrasound,biopsy) and see you back for results, but 4 weeks seems an awfully long time (I had mammogram,ultrasound and biopsy and results a few days later) You could try ringing the breast unit to ask just so you know what to expect...horrid to have it all dragged out.

Gosh this board has been busy! Dd2 (14 ) made the green cake. I didn't know it was green until it was cut.....

Dd1 had exams today and we had our wedding aniversary so have just got in from Dictator and Nandos - wasn't impressed by Nandos, but it was next tothe cinema.

Went to gp today and have prescriptions for ads amongst other things. Wasn't impressed by woolly new gp - kept asking me what I wanted to do on a range of scattergun tests and pills. Heck, you are the doctor, you tell me what to do...

Waves to everyone - guess you are all tucked up in bed by now

Night everyone sleep well feeling all warm and fuzzy from the welcomes!

Hey Autumn sure your kids will be proud of you as their Mum whatever the scars. I had bells palsy a few years ago and my whole face dropped on one side really gargoyle like, the girls just ignored it.

Ned was also thinking personal trainer after I'm done with all this... just beginning to get going with a bit of running and hill walking...trying to keep fit for whatever's ahead.

Finally stopped raining here hooray! Thanks kurrikurri ...my family is great...a bit intense at time but I always have someone to go shopping with! DH is a bit on his own though...even the cats are girls!

x