21st TAMOXIFEN !!

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we are- how did that happen ?

I am not keen on cleavage day either for all the reasons stated plus NO ONE needs
To see more photos of holly willboughby in the press.

Kurri - is amber going to have to head over with duct tape ???

Had a rest, dumped on spoken to my therapist by phone, sorted out a plan (fingers crossed all going well) so drain can come out/ I see oncologist early next week to see where am re rads so feeling a bit brighter. I think the paranoia box has helped.

Am re dog cuddles- I know I have baby cuddles but I would love a dog.

National cleavage day is in v poor taste.

I'll join you Kurri. With my wonky implants, I could model for the Quasimodo range. Have you got your arm back yet? v.impressed by the 4 pounds. Hope you find the Egret. We expect photos.

You too, Sparkle. I'd be useless at dieting am sure.

MAS, hope you survived teenage haircut.

Gig, glad you spoke to therapist and things are brighter. There's something tangibly brilliant about feeling in control.

Lovely parent at school has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer today. She hasn't been told much so far. Really hoping it's early stages. Bastard disease.

Smee, heck re the parent at the school....yes, hope it's early stages...

Poor lady - bastard disease.

oh smee that's awful,poor woman.
Teenage haircut was fine and dandy- I love his hair when it's been cut,it's all fuzzy (he has lovely thick straight hair)He has a ring doughnut as a reward.
Glad you've spoken to therapist gig

Oh poor lady Smee - bastard cancer.

Got my arm back now, -little old dog is very sleepy these days - I think she's starting to show her age, but it gives me an excuse to cuddle her

Gig - glad you got to speak to your therapist, and have a plan for next week - It really helps to lift your mood, when you know that things are moving forward.

Well done for getting through the teenage haircut MAS. I made the mistake of letting DS go off by himself and get a haircut when he was about 14, - he came back with a really severe buzz cut, - not a good look on a red head.

Oh no smee , that's terrible news . I too hope that it's an early discovery of the bastard disease .

kk pig/dog likes to snuggle on the sofa with me during the day . Although don't tell DH as he doesn't allow it

Mas we have days of sulking before we manage to force DS to get a haircut !

Spent the afternoon making curry pastes for my friend . Was very enjoyable . Going back this evening to do some more wine drinking cooking .

Still no news from Gracie ? Hope all is ok ?

They must be concerned as they're doing an MRI - I'm not sure if it's standard for Ovarian. Poor thing, looked so confused. I don't know her very well, but she's lovely. Will try and be around for her if she wants that.

Sous chef Topsy - did you try?! I love curry.

I was wondering about Gracie too. Hope she's okay.

Smee poor girl. Horrible, horrible disease. Heartbreaking.

Topsy Sort of country girl but work in the city. Had my first appointment at the horribly named Cancer Centre today to meet my oncologist. Heartbreak Clinic would be a more aptly named building. Hate the place already :(

Well since my appointment on Wednesday my mood has been slipping. I feel absolutely awful as so many of you have/had more advanced stages, than me but I just can't seem to get my heard around it. BCN phoned back yesterday and made me come back to get my wound 'glued' a bit as a stitch had come loose. I went straight out afterwards to meet very old friends of mine where I had a wee feel sorry for me moment. Today I had my appointment with the oncologist and I have bawled ever since. He explained all about the side effects and it hit me like a bus. I can't stop crying. I am having CT scan and MRI next week (MRI as I have suffered from a neck and back complaint for a few years) and CT scan just because he feels it completes things. I then get my central line in on 17th and start chemo 18th :( He also asked if I had suffered much sickness when pregnant as seemingly that can give an indication of how sick you will be with chemo. Great I had hyperemesis! He said well if that is the case we will set you up with a syringe driver which I know sounds stupid but this time 7 weeks ago my dad was being set up with a syringe driver and I'm not sure if I am still just grieving for him, feeling sorry for myself or just downright terrified.

I am so sorry for being a drag Tomorrow is a new day.

Gracie that onc appointment was my absolute low point and I haven't been through anything recently with my family. It felt like onc was a dementor and all hope was sucked out. I went home and next day I was having visions of funeral car outside my house.

You have had a hell of a lot emotionally and physically to cope with just with dx let alone losing your father.

Did bcn or onc talk about counselling?

Am sending you lots of love and good wishes .

Sickness - I know Ned has been suffering (along with others) on sickness and there seemed to be a lot of good advice on drugs, managing side effects. I suppose different with chemo to hyperemesis is that they can hit you with the hard anti nausea stuff that can't when pregnant.

No-one has mentioned counselling although I was given a pack the day I was dx and it did give a number to call, I might think about that, irony of that being one of my oldest friends is a counseller and we have spent many an evening debating counselling, with me saying 'don't ever see the day I would do that'.

Thank you for your wishes. How are you feeling? It must be very difficult dealing with your dx and also your lovely little baby.

I am ok- but have good and bad days Like everyone here (today not so good mainly due to a come down from ga). I am not sure there is a good time for dx but post c section when you are hormonal with a young baby is prob up there with just after losing your dad .

I think once I got past the c word it's the shift in reality- really knowing that your health is fragile and that you may die sooner than you think. Not trusting your body or your drs yet having to go along with it as its part of treatment. Feeling shit and having more time with drs than ever before cos of treatment. Having to recover and rely on others when that hasn't been part of my life... All of these are big things in themselves but together is a lot.

I am massive fan of therapy (or counselling) as an outlet and way to find ways to cope. I started it years ago

I can see how you feel that way about counselling (my sis is same) but even if its somewhere to let off steam that isn't family I think that serves a big purpose. Then again isn't that half the joy of this thread?

Also I am going to be all lance armstrong now (til Amber shows up with her magic stats chat) but It is possible to survive and have a life after cancer. Just that most of us don't realise we may know people doing just that as they are so busy living their lives and making every second count .. Also news tends to be about horror stories (daily mail style) not someone had cancer and is over it .

Right I will get off my bike/take my yellow armband off and go back to normal now.

Where are the fbs (bet you won't catch lance eating his body weight in galaxy chocolate).

Hi everyone, this thread moves fast I've tried to read the last few pages but there's so much to take in. Thanks to all those who have made me feel welcome, what a journey we're on.

Gracie as someone who has been though about 6 months of chemo and is now out the other side, I can tell you that the fear you feel beforehand is probably worse than the chemo itself. I was terrified beforehand, and during, paranoid after, slept with a freezer bag by the bed (to be sick in!), woke up the next day terrified...Then felt a bit crap but nothing like I was expecting, and didn't need the freezer bag.

What sort of chemo are you having? Some make you sicker than others. The pregnancy/chemo sickness doesn't follow either - I was sick while pg with DD, from wk6 til wk16, but had only mild nausea with chemo (and that was with one sort of chemo, had no nausea with the other). I was told if you get carsick you're more likely to get sick with chemo (by BCN) but that wasn't true in my case either as I can't sit in the back of a car without feeling very very sick, and as I said only had mild nausea with chemo. They give good drugs to combat the sickness as well, they do work for many women.

I found when I was on chemo I just got on with feeling crappy once I knew what to expect. After a dose or two you know what's coming and you get on with it, you know which days of the cycle you'll feel rubbish, and take it easy, and which days you'll feel better, and you can plan to do more on those days. The fear at the beginning was the worst for me.

And also, although I was looking forward to how fab I'd feel after finishing chemo, when I did finish I felt strangely scared. I think being on the chemo was oddly reassuring as I knew the cancer was being attacked by the biggest baddest drugs!

Smee I am already feeling the post-treatment blues - have had chemo and op, just rads to go. The rads only attack the dodgy boob though, not anything systemic (I had it in lymph nodes); and herceptin, because I get no side effects at all, feels almost like nothing is happening (with chemo at least I felt like my body was being attacked). It is kind of reassuring to be undergoing treatment, I'm actually a bit worried about it ending, crazy as that sounds.

OMG sorry about the essay, ignore me, I have no forum etiquette at all, just rambling (wow catharthic though!).

Am going to stop for big glass of now...

Hi Gigondas, and Gracie too, my last post was so massive you both posted in the meantime and I didn't see them.

Gracie, I am with you on counselling. Is there any sort of MacMillan centre near you, or would you consider calling them for help? The hosp I go to has an office with a MacMillan person (I don't think she's a counsellor per se) in it, she has been fab at decoding what the drs/BCN tell me into understandable English, and reassuring me etc. about things. Could be worth considering?

And one thing she said Gigondas is you tend to hear about the saddest/baddest/most outlandish stories in the media - the majority of people just have cancer, get treatment, get on with their lives. That wouldn't be an exciting enough story for the papers!

Gracie, of course you're down. Blimey who wouldn't be. Scans are routine in a lot of places, so don't let that panic you. I had them straight off too. And MrsMcN is wise about chemo - you really don't know until you start. Topsy had a driver and loved it. Am sure she'll be able to fill you in. Ask us whatever you want as this place is fantastic for that. I found de-mystifying it all before I started really helped get me through.

MrsMcN, you must be wiped out after chemo and it takes ages to get used to even having been diagnosed. I think you might be surprised how far the Rads reach. My lot zapped me over quite a wide area. Definitely where the cancerous nodes were and up over the clavicle too. I even had Rads exit marks on my back as it goes straight through. Your chemo wiping everything out is so hugely reassuring. I took heart from reading that, so you've helped me too. (I had op first, so haven't a clue if my chemo had anything to get rid of or not!) Seriously though in your case you have tangible proof that it worked. Result I'd say. Just rads to go and then you can start to live again.

Gig, are you wearing lycra?! Great thought though - there definitely is life after cancer. I am two years on and going to New York on Sunday.

Waving to all. I have beer and am about to raid the freezer. DH away, DS in bed, time for indulgence. Am wishing you similar.

gracie enormous hug from me - I agree that counselling can be a huge help -most recently I had Cruse bereavement counselling which was totally brilliant (my dx brought up a load of very long standing unresolved grief issues,most importantly concerning my brother who died of cancer) I do use my bcn as a sounding board too.

Gracie hugs first of all
Secondly , I had a syringe driver with my chemo . It was fab , didn't get sick at all with it . The district nurses came out every day to refill it , and I had it for 5 days after every chemo .

Thirdly , there is a Macmillan centre on the Lisburn road side of the hospital .
They can get you counselling , alternative therapies , make up courses .

Have you had a wig fitting yet ? There is a group of women that come into the Bridgewater suite and do that for you (wig is free , though I never wore mine . Got too hot)

Feel free to pm me if you need any questions answering with local info . I am not going to get pushy on you , but just wanted you to know I am here if you want me .

Did someone call for me and my magic statistical outlook tables?

Now then, Gracie??small grade 3, no nodes, surgery, chemotherapy?97%. That is the baseline survival odds for that one. I am not a doctor therefore cannot know all things and this won?t be a lot of comfort if it turns out that you?re not one of the 97%, but that?s not a bad set of odds. Grade 3 means it can be whacked hard with chemo. It?s what I had too.

Hooray for Wise Fairy Amber. Do love it when you do that.

Morning everyone.

Gracie - just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. I don't really have any advice I can offer as you're ahead of me in terms of treatment (I haven't even had my op yet). Others have given lots of good practical advice though which I hope helps you. Just remember you're not on your own, we're all here for you xx

Smee - so sorry to hear about the lady you know from school. In case I don't get on here again before tomorrow, just want to wish you a fabulous holiday in NY. Enjoy yourselves - you deserve it!

I love amber's statistics !
Odd dream- not nasty but involved doing an exam which turned out to be cookery - beforehand I had a wee anxiety dream,naturally enough.

dream within a dream, mas? I hardly ever remember dreams these days. Regularly dreamed I could fly as a child and hated waking up in the middle of those.

Have you packed smee? Have a lovely time .

Mrsm, I like that "the majority of people have cancer, get treatment, get on with their lives" I'm trying to do that myself - dx August, wle and snb radiotherapy and tamoxifen - now back at work and only the occasional wobble.
Time for a

Morning all,