Very Very anxious about mmr

[ariane5]

My 3 dcs (10,5 and 2) have had all their jabs except mmr. When dd1 was little I made the decision not to have it done as read so much about it that scared me and I couldn't bear to give her something that could potentially make her ill.

I know that the mmr is now supposedly safe and the doctor who caused the initial worry struck off but I cannot get out of my head what I read.My new gp has been on and on at me for a good 18months to get dcs vaccinated with mmr and I have cancelled numerous appts-now EVERYTIME I go to gp they spend at least 15 minutes asking me to have mmr-they even said last week that any one of measles/mumps/rubella could be fatal to my children and were quite aggressive in getting this point across-not the best idea as Iam 7 months pg, terribly hormonal and worried about the jab anyway without feeling like my children could be struck down at any time and be seriously ill-it doesn't help me make a decision when they are being so pushy.

ds and dd2 have severe egg allergy too but they have said they would be fine to have it done at gp surgery and would not have a reaction.

I feel torn-if i do it I will be terrified and not sleep for a good 3 weeks untill all3 components of the jab have worked in case of a severe reaction and if i don't I will be panicking that they will catch measles/mumps/rubella.

All 3 have other health issues-a genetic disorder affecting connective tissue(eds) dd1 has a chest prob(pectus excavatum) causing reduced lung capacity and ds and dd2 severe allergies and a resulting poor diet.All 3 catch EVERYTHING going and are unwell a great deal and the gp has mentioned that their immune systems are not great and measles etc could be very bad for them.

I have tried everything to come to a decision but the more I read the more confused and upset Iam not knowing what to do and I feel so pushed by the gp and every dr i see at the surgery.

I really do not know what to do.

But what you read was a pile of crap.

The risk of catching some of the things the MMR prevents far outweighs any, made up, risk of them having the MMR.

I really struggle to understand the mind of someone that wouldn't give their child vaccinations that can save their life.

I completely understand your concerns, especially since your children have other health issues too.
All the concerns about MMR hit the headline when my dd (now 14) was a baby and was due to be vaccinated, so you can imagine how we felt! At this point the doctor hadn't been discredited.
What we eventually did was to wait until dd was about 18 months old (on the "off the record" advice of a family friend who's a HV) and king of held our breath and had her vaccinated. Happily there weren't really any side effects other than a couple of sleepless nights about 10 days afterwards, with her generally being a bit grouchy and off colour.
We took the same approach with ds who's 5 years younger.
What we didn't do was to have the booster, relying instead on our heads being in the sand re the possibility of the first dose not having worked.
If the children were of vaccine age now, I don't know that I'd do it differently-I DO believe in vaccination, but it really is up to the parent's conscience as to how they do these things

And your lack of vaccine can potentially affect all children.

Re the egg factor..DD has a severe egg allergy and had hers in the surgery and was fine.

here you can read from the authorising body about one of the mmr vaccines
the jab is very safe and protects against illnesses that can have very unpleasant complications.
ultimately it is your decision.

But it's not that "mmr is safe now", as you suggest, but that it always was safe and people got hysterical for no reason.

I agree with Posie.

posie you sound very much like my gp.

Thankyou everybody else for helpful advice-it is reassuring to know fanjo that your dd was fine when she had her mmr, I think a severe immediate reaction is my main concern with ds and dd2.

mumblechum I have to take issue with you saying that people got hysterical for no reason.
As I previously said, the furore hit the headlines when my dd was due to have the mmr vaccine. There was no real supportive evidence to the contrary, other than health pros saying "yes yes of course it's safe", but could provide no actual data, when the now discredited doctor appeared to have a lot of data.
At that time, the internet was not widely available so it was extremely difficult to do your own research, the only thing to do was to try to take the hysteria out of what was reported in the media, and try to find the real statistics-very difficult to do when the press and TV media were full of parents with what they believed to be vaccine damaged children.
Almost 15 years on, it's easy to look at it with 20/20 hindsight, and a lot more research and information readily available and write it off as hysteria, but believe me, I'm no hysterical cottonwool wrapping parent-I had a true fear of potentially damaging my perfect child

I couldn't bear to give her something that could potentially make her ill.

I gave mine MMR because I couldn't bear to not prevent something happen that could potentially make them so incredibly ill. Yrs ago There was a very anti-vax MNer who shared her experience of measles sweeping thru her home & how her children were affected. Bear in mind this was someone who felt strongly (before & after) that wild measles is a good thing, or at least ,better than MMR. So presumably she had every motivation not to share the worst of their experience. I thought her story of their experience was horrific. Darkened rooms for a week tiptoeing around like mice because the sufferers couldn't bear noise, desperately thirsty children, kids stuck in bed for days, back-of-mind worries of the risks of permanent brain damage -- oh, and her mini-outbreak got into the local newspapers so she was vilified by the local press.

That was measles; female friend who was never vaccinated against anything & therefore caught it all said that Mumps was the worst of the lot, worse than measles. Supposed to be worse for boys, they say. I guess rubella is mild.

This is my dilemma, I cannot bear to NOT vaccinate them as they are not 100percent anyway(they have had all other jabs) but also, with everything I have read-whether true or not, it is still at the back of my mind now rightly or wrongly and is really affecting my decision.

I think one of the main problems is how happy to accept my decision and not question it at all by my old gp and the tremendous pressure and scary stories from my new gp-I think I could have made a decision by now if I could have had a conversation with gp about it -where I get to voice my concerns and go through them one by one but all I get is dismissed and the same things said over and over that the mmr is completely safe and dcs could potentially have their lives threatened by these diseases.Obviously I know that this is true but I still would at least like to be allowed to speak not cut down every time mid sentence with the same thing over and my questions never answered by them.

The data about it being safe was all around, thousands of children running about not catching measles, mumps or rubella.

Your fear is irrational OP, a bit like why I hate being in my own home alone at night, my perceived risk is irrational.

Google measles and see what you're protecting your children from.

this might help

I have googled it already and yes, it is very frighteneing especially the complication (is it sspe?)that can occur years later so Iam very aware of the risks of not vaccinating.

I agree my fear probably is irrational but it is a massive fear nevertheless and has overtaken me. I simply cannot help it, but things like hearing how others with for example egg allergic dcs had mmr and were fine greatly reassures me.

Well I hope more people come along to convince you, perhaps who had shared fears.

But all the time you wait you put my children at more risk too.

With all due respect, whilst I recognise that herd immunity is a good thing (and is what I currently rely on to protect my own unvaccinated children), I really do not see why you have needed to mention it twice-of course I do not want to put other people's children at any risk but my main and only concern at this moment in time is my dcs and whether I vaccinate them or not, I do not need the added problem at the moment of feeling guilty will I/wont I make other people ill.

All I want to do is decide do I give dcs mmr or not and Iam finding that decision really hard.

Your GP should not behave like a pressuring prat, I don't blame you for that making the decision more difficult. Can you change GP to someone with a nicer manner?

Actually, I don't think MMR is "completely safe" either, just that I think it's a much better bet than the alternatives.

ragged-seems to be the surgery in general, all gps and nurses I have seen there all seem to be saying exactly the same thing, they are extremely pro mmr to the point of almost aggression.

Of course I can see that vaccinations are a good thing but there are ways of speaking to people and they are very pushy which really has not helped me in the slightest as I feel dismissed and that none of my worries are properly talked through.

I read a very interesting article from the British Psychological Society once which explained that humans are hardwired to prefer "passive harm" to their children to "active harm". Because they can't bear the thought that they did something that lead to harming their child, but the brain is much more relaxed about failing to do something, even if the chances of harm are greater (which they are).

So how you feel is completely human, but illogical. And you really do need to vaccinate, in my opinion.

And now I'm going to hide this thread before the anti-vaxxers turn up, with their links to websites which claim Andrew Wakefield is some sort of hero. Just quickly to refute their primary claim before they get here - a couple of attempts have been made to replicate his study using exactly his parameters. Nothing doing. All the best x

We were also worried,we put it off for a long time.I am naturally anxious,and,like you I read far to much into a disproved theory.

My DD (3yrs) who,by chance has HMS BTW,
has just had it,yes,she got ill,it was like a virus,a horrid one,and her joints hurt more than usual,she slept a lot for a few days,and had a high temp....
but she is fine now.

And I feel a huge sence of relief knowing it is done.

However,I think it's really awful your GP has been pressurising you like this,and,personally I would make a complaint to the practice manager.

You cannot put your children at risk of catching a very serious illness just because of a fear which even you admit is irrational. It is your responsibility as a parent to make the right decisions for them. The real issue is not some silly fear that you have, but the health of your children. Listen to your GP, he knows what he is talking about.

I had measles when I was very little, literally weeks before I was due to have the MMR. I was extremely ill, to the point where my parents prepared themselves for the worst. I don't remember it, but they said I looked like a skeleton I lost so much weight and I just didn't move for days. Terrifying. According to the WHO measles is one of the leading causes of death in childhood - there are 18 deaths from it every hour of the day and night. It is only due to vaccination that measles is a relatively unusual disease in the western world and because of that most people don't know what it's really like.

Mumps is horrible illness that's relatively harmless in healthy young children, but can be very serious in adults, causing infertility in men. If your child doesn't catch it while young but then gets it as an adult it could have serious repercussions.

Rubella is a very mild illness- you can get it without realising you ever have it. The big danger with Rubella is for women. If you catch it while pregnant then it can severely damage the baby. This happened to an older friend of mine, who had her son in the years before MMR was widespread. Her son was born blind and deaf and died when he was 11 months.

So, overall you need to balance the dangers of catching pretty serious illnesses against the dangers of the vaccine. I used to research autism and I can assure you that the vast majority of the research pointed to there being a genetic cause for it. We weren't even investigating a link to MMR, as there was no reason to, scientifically. Believe me, the millions and millions of euros wouldn't be spent on collecting blood, coding DNA, doing psychological testing (my job) etc if there wasn't hugely solid evidence that it was genetics rather than a reaction to vaccines that caused autism.

PM me if you'd like some more information about the research I did.

Your GP is very wrong to be pressuring you and also completely wrong to tell you that mumps and rubella are potentially fatal to your child! So could any virus really but if there's no vaccine there isnt as much scaremongering. If you are worried about measles you could get the single vaccine for it.

Bumbleymummy - mumps and rubella are vaccinated for due to the danger to society as a whole, rather than the specific danger to the child. If the OP's daughter gets pregnant later without the vaccine then there is a real danger to her child from rubella.

OP I did not have my DS vaccinated as a baby with the MMR.

Our plan was to have the 3 components administered separately, particularly as measles is a very nasty disease and we did indeed go down that road with rubella and measles.

The problem is that although rubella and measles are available as single jabs (at a cost - no GP will do this on the NHS, nor will GPs or HVs cooperate at all in recommending clinics where you can buy the vaccine) mumps is NOT available as a single jab. The one company that had the licence was closed in the US.

So eventually you come back to the MMR. I felt that I had run out of options when DS got to 4 and opted reluctantly for the combined jab. Everyone at my GP was super supportive and understanding of my concerns. DS had no I'll effects.