**TAMOXIFEN 18**

[MaryAnnSingleton]

oh my,we're starting our 18th !

Hi ladies. Thanks for your positive messages and kind thoughts.

I am still in shock, but maybe a bit more realistic and trying to think positive. It all just feels totally surreal, like its not happening. Sometimes iforget for second, then it jolts me when i remember. My lump really hurts today, but could be psychosomatic? They said it was definitely a primary, but im paranoid about any little ache anywhere else that it's spread. . .

My sister took me over to my parents so that I could tell them face to face, rather than on phone, and they were really supportive and positive. My DH has told his family. I just have to get hold of my brother, then immediate family is done.

I didn't go to work yesterday, my boss was lovely and to take the time that I need. I think I will go in next week, tho, as I have 10 days before the surgery, and I think I'll go bonkers sitting at home. Hopefully can keep busy and get planning sorted.

What are the views about working during chemo? The breast nurse said that I shouldn't work during ANY of the chemo, as I am a teacher and there is an increased riskmof infection. I can't get my head around the idea of being signed off completely for the entire chemo period, but maybe I have to be? my year 6 class have their SATs tests in 14 weeks, and maybe It's fairer to them to get a regular supply teacher who's there all the time than me coming in when I feel up to it. What do you think the school might want me to do?

There are so many things going around in my head, I can't think straight. I might have to ask more daft questions as I think of them. . .

Hi Camel - I had a few lymph nodes taken out when they took the lump out. I didn't have any soreness or stiffness, nor bruising or any pain. I was told to exercise, but was just able to use the arm normally from the evening of the day I had my op. It was nearly 4 weeks before I had the consultant appt to get results though (Although they'd been pretty sure before the surgery that once the lump was out, that'd be it for me, except for rads). HOWEVER I was surprised at how much the general anaesthetic took it out of me - I was just lazing around on the settee for 2 - 3 weeks, not 2 days!
Dig My lump was in right breast, about 2/3 of way up towards the armpit from the nipple. Why ?

Ned I've not had chemo myself, so can't talk from the medical side, but have 21 yrs experience in Primary schools, and I reckon you should stay away. Partly there's the infection side, and partly from the exhaustion side. It will be much easier for the school to get high quality cover for you for a longer term cover contract, than them trying to deal with it on a daily or weekly basis. I know we all think we are indispensable, but, in truth, we really aren't. Take the time off and concentrate on getting yourself well.

Hope Marmite's through okay. Sending positive vibes to you Marmite.

Camel, moving sounds stressful. I'm probably not best to advise on node removal, as they did a total clearance on me, so am guessing that feels a bit different.

Dig, mine was right breast by nipple - I had two, both classified as small (less than 2cm is apparently small), but they did a mastectomy anyway as I also had a lot of low grade DCIS throughout the breast, which they thought was too unstable. If it helps at all, I honestly thought I'd got lumps everywhere as whenever I felt I reckoned I could feel more and more. The Consultant said the rest were just normal lumpy breast tissue, so hold tight until you know for sure.

Ned, you're bound to be reeling. So very hard to be where you are. It will get easier though - the very hardest part is getting your head round what on earth is happening to you. On the paranoia over spread, have they offered you any scans? If so, though scary they're a good idea as they will confirm the primary diagnosis and it does make you feel better to know that. On working/ teaching, well am not sure at all, but Figgy works in a primary school too so hang on 'til she's back as she'll be able to give better advice. I'd say on balance though that BackforGood's probably right. I worked throughout, but I was working at home and could lie down when/ if I needed to, which is very different from teaching.

Amber, you need treats not carpets. Get back home and curl up with your DH. Hope he's okay today.

How does it work with sick pay and getting signed off? I've only been in this school since September, and haven't worked in this unitary authority before, so no build up of service. Don't know what I'm entitled to. . .

Do I need to get signed off officially from my GP for the surgery and post- op period? Is that easy to do? Do I have to fill in a form or anything?

Feel a bit overwhelmed by the practical crap, let alone thinkng about what's happened

Thanks all. The only reason I am asking where yours were is I am trying to second guesshow normal mine is. Pointless, but thereyou go.

Ned, I would speak to your HR or union for advice. Or even CAB or Macmillan if you need expert advice with the firm filling etc.

it all seems overwhelming at first- poor ned - well done too for being able to tell your parents -always hard.

Ned, call Macmillan. They've got experts who will know about work and what to do next:
www.macmillan.org.uk/howwecanhelp/talktous/talktous.aspx?utm_campaign=brand+%7C+brand+terms&utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google&utm_content=talk+to+us+sitelink

I wouldn't rush though. I know when I was first diagnosed I couldn't cope at all, but once you have all the results in and a treatment plan, you feel far more in control and the practical stuff is far more easily managed. I promise it does get easier. Where you are now is the hardest.

Evening all. Haven't had chance to read up to date so hope everyone doing well. All ok here. Am attached to a zillion things to stop me escaping but all seems fine. DH + DS1 came to eat biscuits and play with tv/blinds visit earlier but am now enjoying lump-free peace. Ahhhhh.

x

ooo yes, I have friends who've been through bc and chemo and are teachers, and they weren't allowed to work through it because of the risk of germs, so that may be the case.

Carpet samples fetched. Staring at them now. Hmm....

Well done Marmite, TLC is your best medicine and lts of live from the famiy, bet the relief you feel is great.

Ooh, Marmite well done. You are doing well to post already. Hope you're not too sore and have nice nurses.

Ok , have had my "Woe Is Me" time and I am back .

Marmite you go girl , up and posting already ! Just go easy on yourself .

Ned definitely go speak to Macmillan . They specific people that work for them that just deal with the money side of things . And if you are in a union , speak to your rep . Not only will they be able to advise you , but some unions (nursing ones over here) give you grants when you are sick .
Also if you have any insurance policies on your mortgage , check them for critical illness cover or income protection cover .
And if all this fails , there are all sorts of benefits out there you could be entitled to , again Macmillan are the best people to do all that for you .

Camel I had all my lymph nodes cleared when I had my mx . The worst thing about it to be honest was getting the drain removed after ! The armpit area felt like I had a rolled up newspaper under there .

Who was it asking about FEC chemo ?
I had 6 rounds of them . My worst side effect was the sickness . They gave me a syringe driver which pumped anti sickness meds into me 24 hours a day for 5 days after each chemo . It was a wonderful thing .
Make sure they give you one of those if you get nausea .
My Onc said that if I felt ill whilst on chemo then she wasn't doing her job properly !

My chest and neck are glowing red now , and pretty sore . (neck looks like I have been induldging in some serious bouts of passion )
Only have 4 more sessions to go , for which I am eternally grateful !
Next set of appointments are with the Surgeon to discuss reconstruction options . I really don't know what to ask her , but she's bloody good at her job so I will just allow myself to be guided by her .
Then in February it's my dreaded 3 monthly CT scan time - eek !

Made beef and broccoli stir fry for dinner tonight , with homemade egg fried rice . Just waiting for DH and the DC to get back from Mass then it's chow down time !

Hope you are all having a great weekend .
Amber - sofa , now !

Am encouraging amber to have a glass of
Well done marmite - impressed by your posting today !! rest and hope you aren't too sore and ouchy.

I'm on the sofa, honest, guvs! No wine yet but might build up to a glass.
I have a suntanned circle on my left boob where they did the boost radiotherapy!
Hugs/bracing handshakes/large or for all.

Waving to Topsy. Am pleased to see you back. Was about to worry. Can't believe you've only a few to go. I think your skin's breaking down about when mine did. I had 25 zaps, so I think maybe a few less than you, but they were amazed I got to the end, so you're doing well with so few problems.

Amber glad to hear we don't have to send over someone with the duct tape.

Finally got DS curled up in bed, so am off in search of . DH cooking. Can't tell what from the smells...

Marmite glad you came through it OK and are well enough to post :) Must be such a relief to be lump-less. Hope you're able to sleep well tonight.

Topsy don't think I'm going to have a drain as it's just a day case and not being done with any other surgery. I've had a fair bit of knee surgery though and having drains removed is not nice!

Ned good to see you posting too. Am sure your school/Macmillan/union will be able to help next week. Must be difficult with all these questions/uncertainties whirling around your head on the weekend. Must've been a shock for your parents too so how lovely they were able to be supportive.

BackForGood argh, well hopefully I'll be recovered from the GA for the Monday. Hopefully won't be as bad for me because mine is just the nodes, not nodes on top of other biggish surgery. I am a contractor (as well as single parent) and don't get paid on the days I don't work so I really can't afford to take weeks off - especially if there's going to be more time off to come.

Ex was telling me today that MIL insisted her nodes were removed/biopsied (she lives in a different country) after having melanoma even though they said there was no need because the melanoma didn't go very deep. I remember she had a horrible time with it and got an abscess after her node removal.

Oh shit- have just heard from mum that my dad's dear friend died last night - dad and he were like brothers and he will be so upset I know (but probably quite stoical,as is his nature) but he will miss him so much.I worry this will be one thing too much for him as he has a lot on his plate with mum and going to London to see P and having lunch,working with him (P was an architect and dad worked on architectural illustrations sometimes for him) and going to watch Wasps play rugby. They used to joke about what each would say at one another's funeral and now very sadly it'll be dad who gets to speak. Rather poignantly there's a message sent by ipad yesterday to dad - funny and typical.
What can i do ?

Oh Mary, how sad for your dad. Sounds like his friend was a great part of his life and he will truly miss him.

You won't need to say much, dad will know you care, and will cope in his own way. I find talking aboutyour happiesut memories, fun little expressions etc, is a good way of reminiscing etc, and can sometimes help the tears flow.

thanks dig

Aaargh , just posted big message and hit the wrong button and disappeared the damn thing !

MAS sympathies to your Dad . Take your lead from him I think . If he wants to talk , let him .

Have just whacked my head off the ceiling whilst taking the Christmas cards down off the stair bannisters (don't ask how I managed that !) and its bloody sore . Am I allowed to sob like a snotty 5 year old ?

Off to Grannys for lunch shortly , yum .
We picked up the new car on Friday so I am sure DH will want to take it out for a post lunch drive . Will find out if its good for napping in

Hope Sunday is good for you all .

good advice topsy Hope head is ok and that you have a nice lunch with granny and enjoy your nap ride in the new car

Your poor head.

What kind of car did DH get?

mas so sorry about your dad's dear friend. Loss is so hard! Your dad has a lovely sensitive caring daughter! I'm sure that is a great comfort. xx

Sorry to hear about your Dad's friend, mas