**t*a*m*o*x*i*f*e*n** number 14

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we go !

def. eat a choc roll KK

at Mr Chernobyl!

Nothing really Dee! I have a bad back and can't lie on my back (am having a spinal fusion soonish) but I had to do it for the rads treatment. It made it very hard to lie still, and caused me to have more back pain than usual for several weeks. But that is really nothing to do with the rads which are fine - the main problems usually relate to feeling a bit down and tired, getting bored shitless at having to go in every day and sometimes the skin gets very sore, but all that is treatable and they keep a very close eye on it so they take action before it gets too bad. You''ll be fine with it.

Arf at Mr Chernobyl

That's reassuring Cakes. I have a bit of a dodgy neck and needed physio after a previous op so asked the team yesterday to wedge my neck properly and so I've had no problems today

am sad today -the family of my mindee and good friends too-are moving tomorrow (house being packed up today) -they are going to the other side of town,so they will be local, but not a minute a away - the son who is same age as ds has called for ds every day for school since they started at secondary and of course he won't any more- sad as ds being so solitary this was a nice companionable thing. Am still going to be minding S and it's a much,much longer walk from school,but should be grateful that they aren't moving completely away..(I just hate change !)

Ah that is a shame, MAS. Does ds seem sad about it?

He may just move on seamlessly and not bother, they can surprise us hugely.

The long stagger from school is a bit of a blow though, at this time of year

I think he will miss it-but of course he won't say They aren't particular friends but obviously as us parents are and I have a lot of contact with their family it's been a nice thing-it started because of my being anxious about ds walking alone (dreadful roads to cross-no crossing) and rather sweetly carried on even though they are both tall young men almost !
Am hoping the walk will be good for me -we can go via the shops which is always a distraction.

Mr Chernobyl ! I'll look out for him next week.

Dee - phew that's over. Tuck in to your treats :)

Realise that having been mugged of my last £10 for dinner money and refusing to pay £1.99 for cash withdrawal on motorway, I now will struggle to find bus fare to go to cashpoint. May have to walk to Acocks Green!

at Mr Chernobyl, Kurri. Hope you've found some choc mini rolls to celebrate.

Yeay for Dee being back and cancer free am sure. Chocolate is most definitely medicinal, especially Lindt.

L4K, you sound very like me, as I googled to the point of addiction trying to guess the outcome. Not sure it did me any good, but by the time I got to my appt, I could virtually finish the consultant's sentences. Maybe when you're despairing try and remember that even if you do end up with bad news, it's not the end. We're all testament to that. Not denying it would be tough, but if we can do it, well so can you. Hope you won't have to though (obviously!).

Cakes, excellent that you have no mole problems and a lovely parents' evening to boot. Am still at your holiday.

Butterflies, not surprised you've had a melt down. Roll on Friday - hope you can keep busy until then. Let us distract you if we can.

Topsy, my dream pattern's all shot too and I finished chemo over a year ago. Last night a huge bat like beast swooped towards me - could have sworn it was real, leapt out of bed, bashed my scar and trod on the cat before I realised it was a dream.

MAS, sorry your mindee's on the move. I think you need cheeselet treats.

Figgy, I hope you're safely back from your last Rads. I shall raise a toast to you later - very long road to get to the end of, am so pleased for you.

My what a v. long post - sorry if I've missed anybody. Got to run and fetch DS now.

Hi All,

I haven't been on for, ooh, ages. Nice to see a few familiar names - Cakes, KK, MAS. And nice to 'meet' anyone who is new, although obviously very sorry that you've had to find your way here.

Hope no one minds me butting in, but I'd really appreciate any views you guys have on breast reconstruction. I have a date for reconstructive surgery in November and am getting myself a bit worked up over it. I'm fairly clear in my own head that I do want the surgery, but I can't help worrying over the risks, mainly my fear that I won't wake up afterwards. I was terrified of this when I had my mastectomy, but obviously that was a bit different as it was surgery to save my life rather than to enhance my life, IYSWIM.

If it were just me on my own, I'd absolutely go ahead. But I'm a single parent to a five year old, so it isn't just myself I have to think about here.

So any thoughts? Has anyone been through it themselves? Was it worth it?

topsy..i use to get nightmares while on chemo i was told it was a side effect off the steroids

mas...sorry to hear there are changes going on for your ds heres hoping he adapts quickly.aww jealous bet your looking foward to some time on your own.

kurri..yippee to a normal thyroid.

deescent...hope your feeling better soon so sorry it was such an ordeal with the wire,i remember having a wobbly moment when i went to get my wig being surrounded by so many wigs was just to much to bare and it hit home what i was going through.i can laugh about it now but at the time all those wigs looked like dead animals and they felt like they was leaping out at me. i know im dramatic but thats how i felt luckily for me my daughter took over and found me a really nice one .

not had a good few days still having a horrible time with my stomach,keep having to run to the loo and crushing pains in my ribs.

had another rads review today but luckily didnt have to see that horrible woman who.upset me last time,this time it was with my onc he said it could be gallstones but thinks its more likely its because im approaching the end of my treatment and my bodys reacting as its had about as much as it can take. he said because chemo caused me to have an inflamed stomach the radiotheraphy is aggrivating it so hes given me something stronger to try and sort it out.

the good news is i only have 4 more rads to go then im done,cant wait to be left alone to recover.

ds is in my bad books he keeps going to friends and leaving his coat there, hes been sent on a mission to collect all 3 of his coats good job he has a friend in tow to keep him company and remind him what hes gone out for lol.

hooray for only a few rads left pink -well done !
burningbright lovely to see you again ! I can't really help with reconstruction but am sure others will be along to talk to you.

Must dash back to work now !

14k... oh no i have just read your post, heres hoping its nothing and their being very cautious.

burningbright...i think the thought of an op is always scarey hopefully your surgeon can help put your mind at rest. i hear what your saying about the difference of saving your life and vanity are 2 different things,i want to go ahead with reconstruction but feel like i want at least a years break now im near the end of treatment.my first thought with you is that clearly your younger as you have a 5 year old,im a single parent and the other day someone tried to chat me up and all i kept thinking was if only you knew what was going on underneath made me realise that no way would my life ever move on and i need that surgery to even consider dating again.if i was(actually i am) in your shoes i would go for it.

mas...i am really chuffed,cant believe how fast the last 7 months have gone.

pink - at your coat losing DS - I had one of those (he's still like it, but it's his partners problem now, not mine!) Great that you are heading rapidly towards the end of rads, and also that you didn't get nasty woman again.

BurningBright - lovely to see you - and actually really good to hear you are at the stage when you are ready to have a reconstruction.

I can't help with the was it worth it questions (I think Smee might be the girl you need), but I have just set the wheels in motion to have a recon. - waiting for a surgeon appointment, so very early in the process.

I have had a lot of the same thoughts as you, - wondering whether to put myself through more surgery 'unnecessarily', and its taken me a long time to make up my mind that this is the way to go.

Ny thinking really was that I wanted to move on from this experience, and I didn't feel I could do that when I saw my mastectomy scar everyday. It didn't used to matter to me - all I was bothered about was getting through the cancer treatment. But now there's a bit of distance from DX, I feel I really want this.

I totally get what you are saying about the fear of it going wrong. Of course its an incredibly slim chance, but its natural to worry about these things, and it's hard to reassure apart from quoting statistics. They don't really help the way you feel though do they?

It sounds as if you do really want the op., and I would say its an op. that's about so much more than simple vanity, - its all about who you are, your identity and how you feel as a person. I personally think you DD will benefit from you feeling more confident and more comfortable in your body. But its a tricky one (nothing comes easy with this cancer lark does it?)

I think talking it through with your BCN or your consultant is a good idea, - even if its just saying your fears out loud.

Are there any recon. support groups near you. We have one called 'keeping Abreast' - they have a website which I'll try to find for you in case there's anything helpful. Its local unfortunately - would be a lot more use if it was countrywide, because I think they have a lot of women who've been through recon. who will come to talk to groups, show off the results etc.,

Anyway, I wish you the very best of luck with it - whatever you eventually decide, - I think a bit of panic and cold feet is very natural, and I'm pretty sure I'll go through the same when its nearer the time. Lovely to see you, and know you are doing well

Keeping Abreast - seems to have info and personal experiences on there, - so might be useful

I see the surgeon tomorrow. Saw my GP this pm and he gave me a copy of the letter sent to the surgeon by the breast screening service and cc'd to him. Can anyone explain what S4/M5/U5 lesion is? For a "provisional grade 2 invasive lobulare carcinoma", no vascular invasion. I've been away for a few days and am catching up on the thread, best wishes to all.

Driftwood - sorry, no, I can't. My guess is that the first bit describes the location of the lump and the second one provides a guess at the grade (level of aggression) and a description of the type of tumour they believe you to have. I hope tomorrow's appointment brings answers and reassurance.

Burning Bright - how lovely to see you. I can't answer anything related to recon, but KK's post seemed sensitive and sensible (as always). I was wondering about you a few days ago.

Pink - near the end, how wonderful.

Smee - at your dream about the bat. I leap out of bed too, its a bit

Driftwood - I'm sorry, I don't know what those terms mean - I would hazard aguess that that the first bit might refer to the Mammo findings and the Ultrasound findings (M and U) and something else I can't think of - but it really is a guess, so not much help.

As Cakes says the second bit refers to the type of tumour.

I would write down anything you want to ask the surgeon about (so you don't forget anything), - they'll explain all the terms to you - often things look highly mysterious, but turn out to be something obvious once you know.

Good luck tomorrow, - hope you managed to get a bit of relaxation on your break

MAS - sorry about your mindee moving, bit of a wrench

at the bat Smee - although it must have been scary at the time.

My mum is very pleased with herself because she won £100 on the lottery last night.

hooray for KK's mum- your dh's luck rubbing off ??
drift I don't know much really to add top what the others have said- I'm guessing screening stuff from the mammo and ultrasound and 'lobular' is carcinoma in the lobules of the breast,as opposed to the ducts (ductal carcinoma is what I'm guessing most of us have, being more common - this doesn't mean worse though) No vascular invasion is good.grade 2 is medium grade cancer,grade 3 being the most aggressive.

good luck tomorrow with surgeon btw -will be thinking of you.

Thank you all, I'll update tomorrow. Off to my session of water aerobics now, want to do as much before my wings are clipped.

Hi, just a quick hello. So much has been going on its hard to keep on top of everything.
Am having lots of problems with my bloods so back to hospital again, 5 days running, for further investigations. Things going on that are unexpected and they dont know why. I hate hospitals!

£100 for Kurri's mum is lovely - perfect person to win.

Drift, I can't decipher either. Really good luck tomorrow. I hope they give you enough time to ask all you need to.

Actually, have just remembered something I found useful which new people might too. I bought a notebook which I took to all appointments, made notes immediately afterwards and also kept all my contact numbers for the hospital in. It's been invaluable having it all in one place and really useful to look back through too. I seem to remember BCN giving me a flimsy free one from one of the charities in that pink colour they all use. I couldn't cope with that, so mine's a defiant red.

Waving to Burning Bright. Nice to see you back here. I'm not sure I can help very much, as I've had implants rather than reconstruction. To cut a long story short, I had an implant alongside mastectomy last year, but my remaining breast was very different, so surgeon offered a cosmetic op to even them up. I then decided to mix cosmetic with preventative, so had a second mastectomy nearly two weeks ago, so have 2 implants. Bit different from other type of reconstruction, as they don't use any skin from elsewhere. Let me know if you think I might be able to help, but I'm imagining what you're having is very different?

PINK, YEAY..!! A few rads to go is amazing. We shall have to raise a Tamoxifen toast to you and Figgy at the weekend. Am so, so pleased for you. I know you've been through it.

Meant to add, what is this boy-losing-coats thing? DS has lost his today too.