**t*a*m*o*x*i*f*e*n** number 14

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we go !

KK any call yet ?
Dee I sometimes look at my copy of my path results (copied in to letter to my GP) and think,blimey-I had cancer- it's still quite odd to get your head around,even after 2 years.

I wonder if it's even registered properly with me, I mean really deep down. Can perhaps afford to let go emotionally after the op.

It takes a little while to get used to Dee, - and like MAS I still get those strange moments where I think 'did that really all happen to me?', but you will get there in your own time and your own way

BCN nurse just phoned - she's talked to my surgeon and he's getting his secretary to send me an appointment, and she's sending me a load of info in the post. I've hummed and ha-ed about reconstruction for so long now it feels a bit weird to have actually set the wheels in motion.

I still can't quite believe I had BC either. (note the past tense !) Feels like it all happened to someone else. Dee you might be right about letting go after the op - I definitely crashed when I got home and had a few weepy days. I think that's why this thread is so wonderful - friends and family are fantastic, but it's only if you've been there that you truly get what a mire of emotion this all is.

Cakes, I want to go to Cornwall. Can I? Please...? No half term jaunts this time for us. We're not even going to my parents, as they came down last week to get in the way look after me (Yes, I do know I'm mean!).

@ smee !

KK - that sounds good -things getting moving,probably a bit daunting too.

x-posted Kurri, but that's good. At least now you can talk it through with them and see what your options are. I'd bet there'll be time to mull it all over, so it's smart to start the process, even if it is daunting.

I am quite amused by my new breasts - they're nowhere near breasts in lots of ways as they're just implants under the skin, but they're daftly perky, so I haven't worn a bra since the op. I'm sure with proper reconstruction you'd get a much more natural outcome. Be intrigued to see how you get on.

that reminded me of just after ds was born and I was fascinated by these amazingly pert rock hard bosoms !

Hi dee - good luck for tomorrow - I'm sure it will all be fine. I think it's normal to feel so overwhelmed by it all that you could feel it's not hit you yet. It might not hit you for a while maybe? But everyone will be here for you when or if it happens
You will be back here before you know it using the past tense like smee and saying "I had cancer " like mas

Hi to butterflies aswell - the girls on here have been providing me with some great examples of how to remain positive and they can prove that it can be treated and can be overcome.
I get my biopsy results tomorrow and I find out what exactly my lump is and what's going to be done about it.
Since reading their posts I can honestly say I'm still scared, but nowhere near as much as I was before I found this thread. Reading their stories and knowing that there are lovely women here who understand exactly what you are feeling is a great comfort - really it is.

good luck to l4k too. my DH is gonig with me tomorrow and it's very comforting to know he's with me.

< and gives to topsy for her wine-soaked post the other night>
I've read through it a couple of times and I think you are an inspiration

Aaaw thankyouverymuch pity for the flowers , I do ramble when I have had a few
Good luck for tomorrow , let us know how it went when you feel up to it .

And good luck to dee too . Is it day surgery for you ? Make sure you take up any offers for help , and that once you are home you take it easy < stern Dr Topsy voice >

I have only just managed to wrestle the laptop out of DDs hands . I didn't nap today , but I did spend almost the entire day on the sofa .
Even dinner tonight was last nights left over roast ham dinner . I just cannot get amounts right when I cook , could have fed 15 people last night !

Tonights mindless tv shall be Doc Martin . What are you all watching ?
I have cream buns that went out of date yesterday , any takers ?

forpity, will be rooting for you tomorrow. So, so hope it's good news, but if it's not so good, well I'm chuffed to hear we've helped demystify it all a bit.

Bit of celebration in Smeeland as I got a call to say I got the work I pitched for earlier. I'll take that glass of wine from forpity, but might pass on Topsy's buns.

good luck to you too, forpitysake x
butterflies-we have some things in common,the family history and the fact we are both 38.Lets hope we all have good news.x
Going to bed now as my ear infection is hurting and I feel done in.Hope I sleep better than last night,went to bed at 9:30 and still hadn't been to sleep when I got up again at 1am!!!
Sending good wishes to you all-I'll let you know tomorrow afternoon how it went.Appointment at 11:40 .
Goodnight.

Doc Martin. Mmmm cream bun scrummy. Don't take any notice of sell by dates but did refuse to eat pre decimal marmite once...

vomit wave on Doc Martin , bleugh Like being in Theme Hospital.. Sorry everyone I'm far too tired to say anything sensible tonight. fingers crossed for good results.

Good vibes tomorrow for Dee's op, - lets hope you get to come home as soon as poss, and as topsy says. let others look after you while you recuperate,

more good vibes for forpity, - hoping for the very best for your results, but if it doesn't quite go to plan - we're here for support.

14k - wishing you loads of luck too, hoping it all goes well and they give you an idea of what's happening.

Well done on the work Smee.

I'll have a glass of wine please, - my house is sadly a wine-free zone tonight.

My fish pie was really scrummy don't know what I did differently, but it was much better than my usual efforts.

DH is watching some sort of police thing 'exciting car chases' or something dull like that. ,

oh well done smee !!!!!
loads of luck to dee and forpity and 14k
Watched Embarrassing Bodies- mostly from under my blanket because it was so eeeww

I'm watching it now on plus one MAS. Did you see my local shopping centre when Dr C was recruiting women for smears? we call it the Old Mall, because we've now got a snazzy new mall as well.

Forpitys and l4k a big day for you - hope you hear some good news. Remember where we are (hugs).

Kurri glad the ball is rolling on your reconstruction, that sounds like a big, big step forward.

I'm laughing at the big, black cross on my boob showing where the node is for the surgeon. Reminds me of that Gary Larson cartoon of the deer with a big bulls-eye on his chest and another deer saying, "Bummer of a birthmark, Karl."

Mmmm fish pie is one of my fav meals

Yes, day surgery and have noted Dr Topsy's stern warning . A friend is having dd tomorrow for tea, and a school mum helping with the school run in the coming weeks as necessary. And lots of nice, supportive friends.

Night, night - will update when I'm out.

"Let me ooouuuuut!!!!"

Night night all .
Just a last minute post for dee pity & 14k
Positive thoughts and healing vibes (yes topsy is an auld hippy)
Hope everything goes as smoothly as possible .

I am toddling off to bed with Mr Kindle now , didn't manage to get to sleep till after 2am last night . Brain whirring again .
Have a little problem . Most of my school mum friends don't know about my secondaries . Haven't hidden it deliberately , just that I got that part of my diagnosis during the summer hols .
So now they are all coming up to me saying how great it is that I only have 1 more round of chemo left , and that my "brave battle" (their words , not mine) is nearly over .
How the frig do I handle this ?
Just say "well actually ..." ???

< Hands cake with file in it to dee . Has second thoughts , takes back cake and eats it , hands dee file with bits of icing stuck to it ... >

topsy - I'm tired, so I may well be talking nonsense - feel free to ignore. If you would like people to know what the situation is, is there one person you are reasonably close to that you could tell and ask her to let other people know.

It's a tricky one, and I'll give it more thought tomorrow, when my brain's working better.

Enjoy your kindle, - hope you get more sleep tonight.

Night night all xx

Topsy switch off that brain of yours woman. You can't answer that one tonight. Will have a mull and post tomorrow if I can think of anything sensible to say. Hugs to you though, I know it's hard xx

Hope all those with big days tomorrow sleep well. Night all

Good luck today forpitysake and l4k.

I can't understand why I have to go to a gynae for a biopsy on a lump neither my doc nor I can feel - how will they do a biopsy on something that's invisible from the outside? - apparently they'll read my mammogram and ultrasound and be able to find it without more scanning - and I'm annoyed at having to wait when it sounds so fast in the UK. Why couldn't they have done the biopsy during the ultrasound?

Getting annoyed now ... but positive

Is it normal to be this stroppy?

Slept REALLY well!

Actually feel quite cheerful...

By tonight, cancer BE GONE!

Thinking of you Topsy - difficult thing to communicate. (hug)

Go for it Dee, cancer-free by tonight is a great though