TAMOXIFEN thread number 8 ********

[MaryAnnSingleton]

just in case we run out of space !

thank you- his eye really looks fine-I'd almost forgotten he'd had it done- he is unlikely to complain about it,bless him.

Thank you KurriKurri. I am imagining the worst unfortunately despite being an optimist most of the time. My boys have all deserted me for the football tonight so I am trying hard to keep busy.

Yes, I want to know what it is that I'm facing but still terrified of what's to come, if that makes sense. Oh well, all will be clearer tomorrow.

I have lots of friends keeping their fingers and toes crossed for me.

Night night xxx

hang in there figgyroll

Candle lit for figgyroll. And of course you have my thoughts too, figgy. Good luck x

It's excellent news about the cysts LJ. I think they can come and go a bit, can't they? If they are just the harmless sort then all well and good. Don't worry too much about the lymphatic fluid either. You got your drain out very quick, you know. If it helps, I had the drain in for a week and it was only taken out then because of the risk of infection. I had a LOT of fluid drained a further five times. So far i do not have lymphoedema .

I am pleased to hear your Dad is doing OK MAS, and that Mum may move nearer. It's positive news so far today.

Just having an amusing exchange with the person I am working for at the moment: I have written a piece about the Colon Free Zone and she is querying whether I mean 'Colony'. I don't - I have checked and checked - we will just have to accept that it may sound more appealing in Spanish

I'm thinking of you too, Figgy. Have just lit a candle. The cat's standing sentinel.

Big hooray for LJ's cysts. I know you don't know anything for definite, but it does sound very positive. And I'm like Cakes - had a huge amount of fluid and drains. The breast one came out quite quickly, but the lymph one was in for 10 days, which they said is the longest they let you have it in for. No lymphoedema here either yet - wood touching though as type...

Kurri, hope Onc's only good today. I'm not in the rhythm of these things yet, but it must be a relief each time an appointment passes.

MAS, great your dad's eye is already looking so good. Amazing what they can do these days.

Better get on - am reading something for a friend and keep finding ways not to. Wonder when SR's back. Am still.

You see, that's is what is so brilliant with you lot - whatever the problem, there is always someone who can say "me too" or "been there, done that" to make you feel better

Glad to hear the amount of fluid is not so unusual. Was feeling freaky. Still bit worried that maybe my drain was taken out too early then, that having a doc who doesn't like sending people home with drains was not such a good thing after all, as I had to insist on going home on the fifth day (we could not afford for DH to have any more time off). I was a bit that I went from draining too much to go home to being sent home with no drain at all in the space of a day. Oh well, at least they are aware of the problem now. TBH I felt so rejuvenated from my lovely 'minibreak' that I think I was doing too much (eg carrying bags) too soon and need to take more care.

Figgy and Kurri - thinking of you both. Very best and warmest thoughts beaming your way xx

Cakes - Colon is the Spanish version of Columbus as in Christopher C isn't it? I remember they have Colon washing powder in Spain which of course tickled no end in a puerile manner.

Er, the washing powder didn't tickle, just the name....

Good point everyone has mentioned about the drain LJ - I was the same - had both mine in the maximum time and took off a lot of fluid. So would not be at all surprised if your fluid is connected to early drain removal.

Onc. appointment went OK

My thyroid result has come back as normal, which is good but means I'm still wondering why I don't feel brilliant.

I asked him about prophylactic breast removal Smee - and he said they only usually do it for people with the inherited type of BC. He didn't think there was any need fro me to have it as mine was a spontaneous mutation. Because I'm Her2+ he said there is a higher chance of recurrence (hooray - but I knew that anyway) but he said I've done well to get past 2 years and I was getting great treatment from him

Also asked about reconstruction and he said it would be hard for me because of my abdominal surgeries. They'd have to take it off my back which would apparently cause a lot of scarring and be very painful. He put me right off actually but said he'd refer me to the plastic surgeon if I decided I did want it.

I was so anxious before I went, I was sick - ridiculous isn't it - you think I'd be used to it by now, but I just hate hospitals.

Thinking of Figgy today and keeping everything crossed for her.

Colon Free Zone sounds an interesting place Cakes

well done KK - it occurred to me that maybe your fainting/being sick is more psychologically induced than a physical thing ? I can get anxiety which manifests as stomach pains - just a thought-hope am not out of line in suggesting this.
I was thinking too that had all this stuff-mum and her hip/falls and dad etc had happened a while ago I might have been in much more of a state (as it is I'm being calm and practical) and can only think that the combination of the Cruse counselling (which I believe tackled the roots of my OCD) and the Mindfulness course and meditation has had some effect..the anti depressants too,of course.

there are also these tasty sounding sweeties
here

LJ - glad you are felling rejuvenated. I think you should see it as a sign you have been doing too much.

interesting what you say about 'Colon' - hadn't thought of Columbus I'll tell her what you said. It is quite a juvenile thing to laugh at, but I am chuckling all the same....

KK - are there any more tests still to report back? I am glad the appointment with the onc went OK. It is a shame to get so wound up that you are sick but I think sometimes if your rhythms are down a bit anyway you just can't face it. I had a bad time a couple of visits ago when I had been told to get some bloods done before the appointment - purely routine, but the thought that someone might have read the results and found something was a bit of a straightener. I skipped out of that appointment like a kid getting out of detention.

I am still maintaining radio silence with the PTA woman. She has sent me another email today, but I haven't even opened that one

Oh poor you Kurri being sick, not ridiculous at all just horrid. xx

MAS - not out of line at all - I think it is a distinct possiblity. I have been sleeping badly and I know that's anxiety, and also feeling sick (I always used to be sick before exams). I tell myself I'm coping - with health anxiety, worrying about dad and other stuff, and put on a cheerful face but inside I feel very churned up.

I'm going to write out some daily yoga plans this afternoon, and make sure I do breathing and relaxation everyday.

I think MAS may be onto something there with the anxiety connection. When I started having panic attacks / all day anxiety it kind of made me realise I had probably been suffering from low level anxiety, well, all my life, just that kind of person, even tho I always thought of myself as pretty tough, positive, calm etc. I am on the surface, but underneath - the physical symptoms began to make sense. I too have had my thyroid checked several times, because of tiredeness, nausea, dizziness, weight problems, etc. Comes up borderline sometimes, OK others.

Cakes - tsk, tsk!! I think there are masses of streets, buildings, squares in Spain named Colon after Columbus!

I think all the tests are normal, he said the thyroid one was normal and 'everything else looks fine' - so I'm assuming he had all the results there.

I have to say - I was a bit rushed to get to the appointment (partly to do with sickness, but also inability to haul myself out of bed ) and when I went to put on my decent trousers, they were very tight , but I had no time to find another pair that were clean/ironed.

So I squeezed myself into them and worried the whole time I was there that they would split. I think I need one of those biscuit barrels that oinks like pig if you try to take a biscuit!

Oh yes, only when I was really bad and the doc asked how I slept usually did I realise that actually have always been a pretty bad sleeper, even as a child. The full-blown anxiety-as-illness just made it into a real problem that needed ADs and sleeping pills to fix.

Phew Kurri, glad all is clear. If it makes you feel any better, I had to sit on my hands to stop them shaking at last appt with Onc, though being sick kind of tops that.

Maybe you're just still low after stomach surgery? Winter brings all of us down and an op's no small thing. If Onc's aren't worried, then I'd say that's a good sign.

Breast info's interesting, so thanks for that. It's great that you're reassured. I do like the term 'spontaneous mutation'. Sounds like a bad sci-fi film. You are doing brilliantly to get through two years though. My Onc's mentioned that as a very good sign, so it's become a bit of a marker for me. A big yeay for you. tonight would be very well deserved.

LJ, have just remembered a friend had a huge seroma and had it drained a lot. She has no lymphoedema yet either.

Cakes, a friend had an e-mail war going on with a similarly petty woman. She stopped opening them and sent one saying: 'X has no time to open your e-mails at present, as she has a life. Please take this opportunity to go out and find one for yourself, then maybe you'll stop bothering her.' Admittedly she didn't have to go to a PTA meeting next day though.

MAS's ideas on stress (which I didn't see before, cross posted, I think) sound spot on, really. I am really pleased to see all tests seem OK.

And I have also been told 2 years is a good milestone. So all round!

I like the sound of your friend, smee. I have been formulating a reply today, that sounds reasonable and meets her half way (there is no way I shall do everything she wants now, even if I did have the time to, it has become a point of principle - I can be VERY stubborn). But I am going to think about incorporating some of this as well

Hi everyone.

MAS I am glad your dad's op went well, hopefully your mum will bale able to move to the community hospital it sounds like the best thing all round.

LJ I am so glad you have had some reassurance about the drain, and fluid. I have my fingers crossed for you anyway, and my kitchenj table is definitely made of oak, so I am knocking that too.

Figgy I have a candle lit for you, flickering beside me, I hope you are all right, and that you get some positive news. Hands are available for holding.

Kurri I am glad you have got some more info about reconstruction and the mastec. At least you have more infor about what is involved , now you can think about what you want. I think it is good news about your blood results, although I understand that it would have been good to have an easy dx that they could just "fix". I hope you are feeling ok today. I could do with programming myself some time every day to just sit still and breathe. Maybe that can help both of us.

Smee I love the sound of your friend. I would love to be able to do that, so wreaked by my own selfconfidence though, so never will.

Cakes good luck with your show down with the pta woman. Thanks for making me grin about colons.

Going to have one of these now , any of that cake left?

Ooo I put on a nice bra today......first time I have been able to. It still hurts a bit, but much better, unless one of the dc headbutts me in it, then I know

Had to carry ds around yesterday, as he fell on the stairs and dislocated his left knee cap, but don't worry everyone, the dla dr says he is at no risk of falls,with good balance!!! Sorry, not like I am still bitter or anything. I have written a 13 page letter to accompany the reconsideration, plus 35 pages of extra supplementary evidence, thank you LJ. Dh and I have decided that this is it though, if this is not successful then we are not going to appeal, it is too hard, too emotionally draining, and really stops me from enjoying my little boy. I heard someone say today on the radio, make the most of every day, having to justify ds's life to faceless bureaucrates stops me from being able to do that, and I won't do it anymore. Actually feel really positive about this.

Well done sparkles. Even now a headbutt in the boob is a no-no for me too. But this is def a step in the right direction!

Well done for all the industry over that letter. What a tome! I hope an appeal won't be needed: we are all rooting for you, I know.

Poor little DS Sparkles - how is his knee now?

Well done on getting your letter done - and as Cakes says, we're all rooting for you - and I'm glad you are feeling positive - sometimes just making a decision like that makes it feel as if a weight has been lifted.

I'm a proud Great Aunty again - my mum just phoned to say my niece has had a little boy (Jack), 8.8 pounds.

Blimey, he's a chunky bouncing one

Congratulations!

congratulations KK and well done sparkle for getting the letter etc done- sounds impressive ! and for the nice bra
Poor ds and his knee though
Hope figgyroll is ok.
Am v v cross as I ordered some little earrings (3 pairs) for gifts from etsy (like folksy but bigger) -they come from the US - paid for them upfront as you have to,witrh postage-have waited for 2 weeks and card through letterbox today saying I have to pay £11.75 customs charge grrrr - I've paid it online and told the seller and suggested she pay it into my paypal account. Am never doing that again - I only hope when the arrive they are as nice as I had hoped.
Anyway, piano shortly,then hospital...it's all such a rush.