TAMOXIFEN thread number 8 ********

[MaryAnnSingleton]

just in case we run out of space !

Congratulations Kurri, good bouncy size too! My dd2 (third and last dc) was a painful healthy 9 1/2 lbs so I can relate to the badge of achievement that comes with it!

MAS I hope these earinjgs are as good as they looked when you ordered them! Hope your mum is ok tonight.

on your behalf, MAS!

I hope they refund, but do wonder. If they are lovely, it's not the end of the world but I HATE being stiffed for things like that after the price has been agreed. It's pretty dishonest, really, isn't it?

Hello my new-found friends :)

Saw the consultant this morning (after an interminable wait of over an hour) and the first thing he said after a quick examination (ouch) was that it hasn't spead. Hooray and thank God for that. It is in the lymph node though but he is confident that with chemo for about 6months and then an op and some anti-hormone drugs (is that tamoxifen) they will sort me out.

I can't tell you what a relief it is. It's still not good news, being told you've got cancer but at least the consultant and the lovely breast nurse are being positive. I have a couple of booklets to read about chemo and losing my hair.

My appointment with the oncologist is next Wednesday for a preliminary meeting and then treatment will start.

We're feeling so relieved now although a bit apprehensive about chemo but I'll try and face it bravely.

Thank you again for holding my hand. xxx

Well done on getting through today Figgy, it's an ordeal to go to these appointments, but now it's out of the way.

It is great news that it hasn't spread - and you certainly deserve a bit of positive news , - although chemo is a bit of a long haul, it is doable - and we are all here to cheer you along and offer tips .

Your drug may well be tamoxifen, - there are a few different one, and they'll choose whichever one suits you best - but don't worry if it's not tamox. we won't throw you off the thread

You must feel so relieved and I'm so glad the horrible waiting is over, and although you will be having chemo, you know where you stand now and that always feels so much better than the awful uncertainty

I hope you get a good night's sleep tonight xx

It's the best possible news in the circumstances Figgy, I am so very relieved for you.

Of course you are apprehensive, and I am not pretending the treatment's nice, but it is OK (in a crappy sort of way). You'll do fine.

I am slaving towards a deadline so will keep this brief for tonight. But I am so pleased. Sleep well. x

Figgy, that's great!! Though in a bad sort of way of course. So are you having chemo before the op? Sounds like it. As the others have said, chemo's a slog, but it is doable and once you get into the rhythm of it, you get to know which will be good days and bad days, so can still have lots of your life and be there very much for your son.

If you're reading this tonight, I think you should have a large glass of if that's your thing - I know it helped DH and me. We marked every milestone with a bottle of champagne as it felt sort of decadent and defiant. An 'up yours' to cancer and a good way to talk thoughts and feelings through as we drank it.

I'd bet once it's sunk in you'll have loads of questions, so do ask us. If nothing else we can give you an honest answer. I found it ever so helpful to know what to expect. Much better than going into everything blind.

Wishing you a sound sleep and blue skies tomorrow then. In lots of ways you're through the worst part.

Congrats to Great Aunt Kurri and welcome to Jack. How lovely.

And to Sparkle too - for an awesome effort on behalf of your DS. I think you're right to draw a line, but if anyone deserves to be successful it's you. Top news about the bra too. Things like that somehow make a massive difference through all this.

And final congrats to Cake, for being so incredibly mature. Just got to keep your temper tomorrow night now..

MAS, that would annoy me too - it's not even the money is it? More the being conned. How's your Dad's sight? Can he tell the difference yet? And has your mum got her slot at the community hospital?

Small celebration for me tonight - it's tiny really, but DS is a curious mix of quite confident, but also incredibly shy. When he was little he wouldn't leave my side and slowly (very slowly - it's literally taken years!), we've tried to persuade him it's okay and that he doesn't need one of us all the time. This week he's been to an after school club and today went to play at a friend's house who he rarely sees. All without a fuss, or even a murmur. I was painfully shy at his age, so it's made my day. Even though he was a little sod at tea time.

Bless your ds. We've had these struggles with dd too. You'd never think it to look at her crashing about.

it is a great step forward that he has done these things. And proof that, sometimes, softly, softly really does catchee monkey.

Dd and I have spent a hard time doing her maths homework. I don't know why it always ends in a row, or why she always pretends she can't do it. I really think she can, and so does her teacher. She is in the top set. So why we always have tears and flouncing I really can't say. The times she said "I don't like this...' (and the times I replied 'No-one cares if you do or not, it's still your homework....' )

Wow what an eventful day!

Congrats to Great Aunt Kurri (am Great Aunt myself, x4)!

Sparkle - well done you!! No-one could have worked harder on that form. You are right to call a halt before you are driven quite round the bend by it all! Here's hoping they now do what they should have done first time around ... and say Yes!

Figgy - wow! That is swift action, which is what you want. Delighted for you for the positive news (in amongst the bad...). I got a call from my BC nurse today - was supposed to meet with the oncologist to discuss chemo on 16th March. She said that is too far away and he will call me within 24 hours to discuss it with a view to beginning treatment soon. So we could both be starting chemo at about the same time!

hooray for relatively good news figgyroll- it sounds as though you'll be getting the best possible treatment and although it's not a breeze at least you know what you're up against -the not knowing is so difficult to cope with- knowledge is power And as LJ says, you might be having your chemos at the same time,which is 'nice' in that you can support each other through it (and the rest of us are here for you too of course !)
Hooray too for junior smee
I think my seller had no idea about the customs thing-so not being conned,it's just something neither of us realised (and others apparently) gah !
Dad is very pleased with his eye- already there is much improvement- can't drive yet of course,but he wrote a note to his consultant saying thank you. Mum still in the same hospital- no news of move yet...did her hair with dry shampoo. Will take dad tomorrow if his eye is still not quite right.

omg - onc phoned me at 8.30am this morning - have appointment to see him at 8.30am tomorrow morning - things have suddenly speeded up again, and how! Hard to balance "good, they're moving fast for me" with "why the hurry? is there something they're not telling me?". In a fluster, forgot DS2 swimming kit for this morning, burst into tears in playground, lovely lovely friends rallied round, whisked me home and back in car with swimming kit. They are diamonds.

MAS - lovely old fashioned manners your Dad has. I always mean to do that and then forget. I am glad he is so chipper.

it is better if your seller was also in the dark MAS - at least you don't feel like you are being stiffed.

LJ - I can absolutely see why you were floored. But your team seem to have been so very responsive throughout. Try to see it is first class treatment. I really don't think they are massively stressed about you: they may see you as a priority, but that is not the same thing. Keep as calm as you can - and woohoo for good friends. x

yep, agree with Cakes LJ - there's probably a slot and you're next in line to fill it - I was quite surprised to see that in the year I was diagnosed only about 222 or so other people were too (in the area served by the hospital-and it's a big place) so if you spread that out then there are bound to be empty slots !
Dad is exceptionally well mannered and charming- it is something I've learned to cultivate !
I should be cleaning today but think I need to do some drawing and probably laundry for dad !

Thanks Cakes and MAS but still worried here, as well as just the shock of faraway theoretical thing turning into sudden reality Appointment tomorrow is very obviously 'fitting me in' (maybe partly because it's half-term next week). He wanted me to go to Elstree, I said that would be difficult for me tomorrow, so he's going to the bother of creating a slot at my local clinic before it officially starts in the morning - he's telling them we need a room and cups of tea, and asked me if I would be bringing anyone with me Very kind lovely man.

He sounds terrific. Do take someone with you, there will be a lot to take in, and you will be nervous anyway. If at all possible get them to drive, as nerves do not make for attentive driving.

But don't read too much into this pretty impressive level of service.

I'll be watching today and am ready to hand hold while you wait, it is truly awful waiting for these appointments: and it goes without saying that I will be rooting for you tomorrow. It will be good to get treatment started, really it will.

Have just had lightbulb moment. Since all this started, periods have been up the spout. Usual 24 day cycle. So far have had record 19 days and 22 days . Tomorrow will be 21 days so that could explain why so tearful/anxious today. wobbly

Very likely, then. And that'll pass.

yes - that'll be a reason- really try not to fret -they just want to get treatment underway so that you'll feel reassured that you're being looked after-am certain there is nothing sinister.

Thanks Cakes!

Unfortunately, most likely will have to go by myself. Friend may be taking me but can't expect her to stay, will taxi back. Have not been able to drive since I broke my arm on 3rd Dec - keep having operations! Surgeon said could poss start driving 2-weeks post-op (ie tomorrow) if I felt OK about twisting left arm/shoulder. Still pretty painful. Was thinking about seeing if poor little car would actually start today, but may put that off now until feel less wobbly.

DH won't be able to come with me - he's taking the boys to MIL in Ireland for whole of half-term on Saturday, so no way could he suddenly have his 'last day' off. We didn't know if I would be having ops/recovering/having rads etc when booking tickets so I'm not going. Very weird. Have never not gone away as whole family. Busy washing/drying/packing today and tomorrow.

Haven't told my mum what's happening with me as she's in such a bad way with her depression at the moment. Haven't told MIL either, she's an awful worrier too. When she finds out she'll be phoning every single bloody day.

She's understandably confused why I'm not going. Just made feeble excuses about me 'having time to myself', 'doing things to the house' etc. What a tangled web etc. No way the boys can keep quiet for whole week - one already let slip I was in hospital one day, so she will have to know. If chemo is imminent, so will my mum, but we're all dreading what it will do to her Every bit of bad news that happens to people is "now I've got this to worry about as well" for her. I know it's her illness, but it's awfully hard the contortions we all have to go through to protect her from bad news.

So sorry about the essay/rant.

Put yourself first for a bit.

LJ - I can understand how overwhelming it must feel to have everything moving fast. But it sounds to me as if you have a great oncologist and a very responsive team.
I really don't think they have been keeping anything from you - they don't do that IME. A caring approachable onc. is a Godsend when you are going through treatment - and yours sounds lovely.

And others are right about slots - they like to keep it all filled up if they can, so if a slot has come up then they have to get you in for an information session before you start. (there is a lot of info. so a second pair of ears is always a good idea!)

And yes the stress of all this will throw your body out of sync. and add to stress. Try to stay calm today- we'll all be thinking of you tomorrow

MAS - you Dad does sound lovely, writing a letter is a such a courteous thing to do - I bet the consultant will be really touched.

I'm glad his eye is healing up well.
How's your mum doing today?
And what a pain about your earrings. I had a big customs bill shoved on something I ordered once - it's very annoying - in my case it was more than the thing was worth! I hope it gets sorted out.

Well done Smeejunior - that is a big step, and something to be very proud of.

Talking of manners (or lack of them ) my dad had his psychiatrist visit to do his memory test yesterday (To see if its cost effective to keep giving him medication )

Anyway - the woman said 'can you draw a clock face and put all the numbers on it?'

To which Dad replied 'I could, but I'm not going to because I don't see the point.'

Co-operative as ever!
I spoke to him on the phone yesterday and he seemed to know who I was which is always nice because he has good and bad days.

love to everyone

x- posted LJ - how and when to tell everyony is very hard But as Cakes said, put yourself first and be protective towards yourself. I'm sorry to hear about your mum's illness

aww,love your dad KK
LJ - you must put yourself first as others have said and people might just surprise you. Once you have all the information you can temper what you do tell people,according to what they can tolerate without losing it-what I mean is,once you know what's what you'll feel more confident in telling other people in a reassuring way,if that makes sense.

I sounded horribly harsh and ungrateful re MIL phoning. It's hard to explain, but she's quite like my mum, in letting you know how your troubles are affecting her. Whenever I've been ill etc I find her phone calls asking "How are you? No, really? Are you sure you're OK? You're not just saying that are you?" hard, and they make me feel worse and somehow, responsible for her and even oppressed - very unfair of me really, I know she cares about me a lot.

MAS Your lovely dad He's the sort of person who makes others feel good with his acts of courtesy and thoughtfulness, and makes the world a better place.

Kurri Your lovely dad too The story about the clock face has made me again!

Before I became so upset today I had also meant to say a Well Done to littleSmee! As another former cripplingly shy child/young person myself, those are huge strides! No wonder he played up at tea, relieved he got through it himself I should think!