Update on Rindercella's DH

[Rindercella]

Apologies for putting my name in the thread title - it seems so self important but I don't mean it to be. So many of you offered so much help, support and fantastic advice, I just wanted to let you know where we are at. Previous threads here and here.

DH was diagnosed with advanced metastatic prostate cancer with secondary lymph node cancer in May last year, when our DD2 was just 5 weeks old. 9 months on and things are very far from well. DH's health has unfortunately really deteriorated since then. Particularly since Christmas he is suffering so much more pain and discomfort. He can now barely eat and is just so, so weak.

He saw his oncologist yesterday and he is to start a course of chemotherapy starting next Wednesday. He also needs a blood transfusion next week (and thank you to everyone who gives blood, what a brilliant thing you do).

He is a very, very ill man. It is so bloody hard to see the man I love so very much waste away. There is no prognosis. I know he is going to die from this fucking awful disease. I just don't know when.

I am getting counselling, which is definitely helping me. And my SIL is now more or less living with us which is so fanastic I cannot tell you - her being here helps us all so much, and it helps her and it helps the rest of their family, knowing that she is here. I actually don't know how I coped for the last couple of months before her arrival. I am still manically busy, and that's with an extra person helping me. I think DD1 feels it very much too and is especially clingy to me and she really hates me leaving her (eg when I drop her off at preschool).

Mostly this seems so surreal. Like I am not really typing these words. Cancer. Chemo. Only pallative. My darling husband. Those things just shouldn't be joined together. But they are and it is very, very painful.

I hope that the chemo does make DH feel better (I understand that he is likely to have bad days following the treatment). The worst pain for him is in his bones. He sometimes screams out with the pain. Just heartbreaking.

Does anyone have andy advice on how best to help him through his chemo?

Sorry to hear the bad news Rinders. I hope you can enjoy the time that you have left and that there is plenty of it. Take care xxx

hope you enjoy some happy times this weekend xx

Rinders your dh and children are beautiful I am thinking of you all xx

Hello Rinders

Like so many on this thread I am deeply touched and saddened by your heart rending posts and angered too at the cruelty of such an evil disease Your passionate love for Richard, your dignity and strength are an inspiration and a credit to your very gorgeous handsome prince and your beautiful princesses.

Life is fragile and every day is precious. I pray you will all find moments of peace in each day ahead to treasure forever and that Richard will know the comfort and strength of your love in every increasing measure.

love and prayers to you all xxx

Rinders, he's so handsome, happy and healthy. It seems totally unbelievable that this could be happening to him now. It's so unfair. Sending love to you all.

What a handsome man - and he looks so happy. Cool shades :).
I'm glad they're working on getting him home - it will be bloody tough on you, but the best thing if it can be managed.

I think of you often - just now I was gardening, and you popped into my head again; I wondered if there was an update. I know I'm not alone (having you pop into my head, I mean) - not that the knowledge that we're all thinking of you can actually help anything of course. But you must use MN as a venting post - when you want to scream and rant and rave, we'll listen.

Definitely a Handsome Prince.

I am beyond sorry that chemo is not an option.

So so sad for you all.
x

What a lovely lovely photo of a very handsome man. I am so sorry chemo isn't an option.

Rinders he does look gorgeous, very smooth in that suit
So sorry that he is too weak for chemo.
How lovely that you could sleep side by side again though. I really hope your last times with him will be happy, you will find the strength to get through this.

I'm sorry about the oncologists report Rinders. But perhaps it's a good thing not to have uncertainty? You are where you are and you know the outcome already, sadly. Now everyone can concentrate on making Richard's last days the best they can be and letting him die with dignity and without pain.

You would not be normal not to be bursting into tears all over the place, in some ways it's easier when the person who is sick is still in the angry stage because you can at least rail against their behaviour and the illness of course, but when they have reached the acceptance stage and you haven't, it's so hard because you feel you ought to pretend to be stronger than you are. But you don't have to pretend, you know, everyone knows, this will be one of the biggest challenges you will face getting through the next weeks.

And we will be here for you, figuratively and practically wherever we can.

Wow - handsome, athletic and lovely. You chose well!

Rinders, I am so sorry about the oncologist report but at least now your focus can be all about his comfort and how you chose to spend what time you have left as a family.

It is all utterly and completely unfair. Keep sleeping by his side and knowing that you have thousands of virtual hands holding yours.

What a very handsome man.

So sorry to hear your latest news. Really hope he can come home this week.

Lots of love,

XXX

Another voice to add to the chorus of admiration for Richard - gorgeous man!

I'm sorry about the chemo but also I'm relieved that neither of you have to face the travelling for treatment, the medical intrusion, the side effects. You are a great team the two of you and it's so clear from all your posts how you are handling this together. That's marriage. Mutual strength so that when one is weaker the other can pull them up. We want it to last for ever but nothing in life stays the same and so you just have to do the best with whatever time you have.
So the focus now is in getting R home. Have the hospice talked to you about where in the house is going to be easiest for you all?
You might want to invest in a bottle of this We use it at work for helping patients to clean up if they can't get out of bed. It's gentle on the skin and very effective and my sister found it helpful after I sent some to her (From amazon - obviously didn't pilfer NHS stock!)

I've been thinking of you so much today Rindercella, hoping that your DH had been moved to his swanky room and that he could see the spring sunshine. I'm glad he has been able to sleep well but I'm so, so sorry to read your latest update with the news you dreaded posting. I really hope the move to home goes smoothly. Richard sounds so amazing, brave, calm and dignified. I really hope he is able to have some happy times at home with you and your lovely girls.

Thinking of you with lots of love, sympathy and admiration xxx

Totally echo what tikkabillajive has just posted.

I am so sad for you and wish you and your family as many happy times and memory making as you can together when Richard comes home. Such a handsome man.

So so sorry Rinders - praying for peace and as much preparation as you can have.

What a beautiful man he is, Rinders - definitely a Prandsome Hince.

So sorry to hear that he is too weak for the chemo but at least he won't have to suffer the treatment effects - hope that he can be kept comfortable and "with you" for as long as possible.

I really hope the home care works out - it was the one thing Mum wanted, to come home, but we couldn't get her out of intensive care, she needed to be on the respirator full time and it really wasn't possible. Sounds like Richard will be able to come home though - it comforts the soul to be able to do that.

Just wish there was more that we could do to help you, I really do - prayers are with you all anyway.
Love and hugs for you all.

Rinders Handsome devil indeed

I am pleased that Richard had better sleep last night, and that he's in his swanky room with the chance of coming back home again.

I am so so sorry that he's not getting any more treatment. No-notice tears are more than understandable at the moment. I hope that you have lots of magical times to share as a family, and as a couple over the coming weeks. Much love to you.

Rinders- what a fantanstically handsome man!! I sooo hope you get Richard home and that it is all you hope for xxx

oh Rinders, I have been reading this thread for the first time today & was so sad to get to your last post & find that chemo is not an option after all.

but then again it is a horrible thing to have to go through, so I'm glad really that Richard will be spared that.

He is a beautiful man & your DDs are gorgeous.

Can't think of anything helpful to say but I do hope he can come home soon & that his pain will be managed.

& I think you are wonderful.

xxx

Rinders, there are so many lovely messages here I am
not sure what else I can add. I am so sorry that your life with Richard is to be cut short. I am so sorry you two gorgeous daughters and your step son are going to loose their dad. It's all so desparately unfair. Wishing you much strength and much love for the time ahead.

I am so saddened by your news. its so unfair that you all have to go through this.

I pray that Richard will be kept as pain free as possible.

xx