**the 7th Tamoxifen Thread **

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we are...

Ouch indeed KK. I hope mandril bum is not too sore this w/e.

Yes it was Lamingtons in the back of my mind. That photo is great isn't. They're standing up ship shape and Bristol-fashion (ahem...)

Have a great party Smee if its this w/e.

Glad to see Cakes is tucking into the wine. Our Christmas cake is nearly finished so then I'll be able to diet better....

My cold still rather streaming but at least its not the flu.

My DS has his big party here tomorrow so I'll report back from the wreckage when we emerge.

Love to all and hoping LJ is coping OK.

kitten wee - before I forget- we put olbas oil down and kitchen foil (because they don't like weeing on something noisy I think- Celeste kept away from the areas with both these deterrents and just used her tray.

I've just had my cut in a salon by a proper stylist - first cut for about a year - I felt quite emotional as I enjoyed it all so much! And it looks good! Hooray!

OK, now for the party....DH and I are expected to stay upstairs - honestly!

I bet it looks lovely SR - good for you (I'm rather surprised you didn't call on my hairdressing expertise though )

Hope the party is a success - and there's not too much clearing up to do tomorrow!

Hope Smee's party is great too.

I've bought some arnica, so hope it will help as I'm very stiff today.

KK -you can get arnica tablets as well as cream - you probably know that !
Hair sounds fab SR - bet it's very chic ! Hope the party is a success and that smee has a fab one too.

How were the parties - we need details!

How terrific that you have had a hairdo SR, that's a wonderful feeling. I bet it looks fab. If you ever need me to shave a word on your 'do, just give me a shout [unlikely]

DD off school ill today. and I have a mountain of puked on laundry to deal with (including a duvet off down the launderette I think, it'll never fit in my dryer)

Poor little Cakes - though yuk, I hate that puke everywhere sort of illness too. Launderette and pay for service wash sounds like an excellent route through. Hope she's not too demanding a patient.

Party was great - really, really enjoyed myself, so much so that I didn't crawl into bed until 3am. Kurri your blancmange mousse made most excellent breasts and caused great hilarity - got eaten too. Everyone wore my wig, Erica at various points, though I was a bit miffed as they all looked better in her than I do! Very definitely a good thing to do to mark the end of all of this. Great reminder of how many wonderful friends we have and why life's worth living.

Hope you all had a lovely weekend too. SR how could you ignore Kurri's talents with the scissors?! How brilliant your hair has reached that stage. I think I'd be all emotional too. Did you survive DS's party??

MAS, thanks for kitten tips. I have passed them on. Friend is in desperate need, as two kittens seem to be copying one another.

Kurri, dare I ask what colour your bottom is today?

Hello all - yes we do need party gossip

Poor DD Cakes - and poor you having to clear up - hope you don't all come down with the bug, and that she's feeling better soon. Is she still being sick?

DD has gone up to Sheffield for a couple of days to hand in essays, then she's home for two weeks with no work (others are having exams, but she's only got one in two weeks time, and its one you can't revise for (according to her ) So we are planning some girls days out. We've got tickets for the ballet on Saturday night - Sleeping Beauty. And we're having a shopping spree - so should be fun.

My Dad fell over at the weekend and mum had to get the ambulance out to lift him up. They said he was fine though - he will keep bending to pick things up and then he topples over and can't get up again. And mum, being very tiny hasn't got a chance of getting him on his feet again.

Hope everyone had a good weekend. I weighed myself on Sunday (not a good moment ) so I'm keeping a food diary to keep an eye on what I eat, and I've got that 30 day shred DVD, which I'll have a go at when I'm less bruised

Ooo party gossip, yes please. Closest I get to going to a party these days

Smee I am glad the blancmange was a success!

Congrats on the hair cut SR, bet it looks fab.

Kurri I do hope your dad is ok. Does your mum panic when something like that happens? Can't help thinking I would if it were me.

I spent the weekend with a afbulous migraine I started on Friday night. One sip, well maybe two, of my white wine, and I was off! Got nothing done, except pleaded with small children not to be jumped on, or shouted at. Feeling better today just a bit drained.

Hope that arnica is working Kurri.

Love to all. Have to go and write another stroppy email to Director of Education, or whatever they are called now.

Poor dad, KK - and your Mum of course. Such a worry.

Glad the party went well smee - SR we need details - and the boobs were consumed. Was a fairly quiet one here, prob just as well in retrospect. DD is NOT being sick any more but she is mightily miffed that we have to go to the launderette. I am not even sure where our nearest one is, I'll have to ask someone who doesn't drive around with their eyes closed.

What a b***d abut the migraine, sparkles. Especailly with little kids.

KK - as to the weight. I don't even dare weight myself. DH says we must walk every day. Groan.

Ooops cross posted with you Smee, glad the party was a success and the mousse-boobies went down well

Bottom is a sort of yellowish hue today I have applied lots of arnica cream(am I really discussing my bottom on t'internet???)

Migraine is horrible Sparkle - my DH gets them bu his are the visual disturbance kinds not the terrible headache ones which I imagine are pretty nasty.

Good luck with the letter

Mum does get a bit agitated - mainly because she doesn't know if he's collapsed or just toppled. (His legs gave way and he couldn't get up when he had a very bad kidney infection last year - so I think that's always in her mind.) The ambulance people are very good though - they've told her just to ring whenever it happens and they'll come.

Moorhen on my garden pond this morning

for the moorhen. I love them.

Hope your dad and your mum are feeling better kurri.

Hello folks. Just signing in. Thanks for all writing a little bit of info for me, it really helps me to understand who's who! Does anyone know how LJ got on yet?

Glad to see that you've all had interesting weekends - parties, haircuts, blancmange (?!) Mine was nice too, took ds's for a pizza and to the cinema on Saturday so they were happy, then had a bit of a clear up in the garden yesterday - a bit pointless as it turns out as the wind has made it as scruffy as it was before. Never mind, I was out with my boys and without having to think, which is good.

Had the letter this morning and have just rung up for my breast clinic appointment. It is next Monday morning. My youngest will be at pre-school until 11.45, I hope it will be enough time - I'll ask if they can have him longer if need be.

I made the mistake of trying to do it on-line and the statement 'this URGENT appointment' has completely put me back to square one fear-wise. I had managed to get it into my head that I shouldn't worry until I knew what it was I had to worry about and yet now, that one word, URGENT, has just terrified me again. It means that it's not just me that thinks something's wrong - it means that the doctor, an expert, does too. I know how naive and babyish this makes me sound, I really do, but wow, it has knocked me for six.

I haven't told anyone yet as it doesn't help me if other people are fretting on my behalf and it also helps me to be able to ignore things. DH knows, obviously, but that is all. The letter suggests taking someone with me but I don't know who to take. My dh is at work and really finds it hard to get time off on a Monday (he's a retail manager and it's figures day) and I don't want to ask my Mum as to be honest, she will worry worse than I do. I have lovely friends but again, I feel that I don't want to worry them, or make myself vulnerable in front of them, yet. Do you think it would be OK to go alone from your experiences?

Really back in the depths of panic again now. Thank goodness for you ladies.

Hi Phil - I think 'urgent' is fairly standard wording on breast clinic referrals - is basically so the hospital gets you into the system without too much waiting around - so don't let that panic you.

With regard to having support - it depends entirely on you, and what you feel comfortable with. I went to my first appointment on my own, but there was a very nice nurse who took me for a cuppa and a calming chat while they sorted a slot for me to have a biopsy.

So everyone will be very kind, - you won't be abandoned if you do feel emotional. At later appointments I had DH with me, mainly to help me take in all the info. But if you're not sure whether you'll remember something they say - ask them to write it down

Lots of luck for next Monday - just try to keep busy and not think too much (easy to say I know)

Hi Phil

Glad you had a nice weekend, it helps.

As KK says, urgent just means they are going to see you asap, and it does not mean that there is necessarily anything terribly wrong, just that they make these referrals a priority.

Personally, if you can take someone, I would. As long as it is someone who will listen and possibly ask sensible questions, and not go into a panic. Apart from the help they can offer in terms of getting it all straight and remembering it, they should be able to get you home safely. Good news or bad, you may not be the most attentive driver after the appointment.

I went to my ultrasound and biopsy by myself and that wasn't too bad though with hindsight someone with me could have been good, but I took someone to the follow-up and i think that was a Godsend.

Just a thought. Good Luck!

hello ! phil- I think what that others have said about 'urgent' being a standard thing is right- don't be alarmed. I took dh with me as I was mainly in a pickle about getting myself there on time and not driving appallingly because I was nervous. He didn't come in with me but the bcn found him after my biopsy to explain everything and offered tea etc before we went home. It's really up to you- am sure if you picked a friend you'd feel comfortable with that might be nice- friends usually really want to help/be involved- proper friends that is- I know some people shy away from anything like this,largely out of fear, or not knowing what to say. We'll all be thinking of you
Poor dd Cakes, and poor you with the puke-eee. Hope you find the launderette- took me ages to discover where ours was.
Glad your party was a success smee and hope SR's ds had a jolly time.
Am sorry to hear about your poor dad KK (and your mum -it's very hard for the other person -dad finds the care bit very stressful)
Felt really depressed yesterday which was horrid- it took me by surprise as since doing the Mindfulness course I've felt on a bit of a high- feel better today. Have 2 new books to illustrate which is fab but am feeling very unsure of my abilities to do them justice- am sure it'll pass.

Get started MAS and you'll be fine. You KNOW you can do it but new projects are always stressful.

Found the launderette and all is sorted. Nice clean beds again. Although now I am starting to feel a bit unwell myself

oh no Cakes- hope you haven't caught the bug
Thanks for encouraging words !!

Sorry you are feeling a bit low today MAS I'm sure once you get going on your new projects your confidence will pick up. And of course you have the ability to do them justice - you are so talented

Hope you are not getting the bug Cakes (but it's very hard to avoid getting them when someone in the family is ill )

Weird thing happened today, I was thinking about my dad today and googled his name - thought there might be some scientific papers he had written. Anyway his name cropped up on site about POWs and someone had posted a link to a photo which has my dad in it, in Stalag 1XC - I'd never seen this picture before - he looks so young (and so skinny because they had hardly any food) anyway here's the photo here click on the picture labelled stalag 1XC and it will enlarge. dad is back row third in from the right (thin face, very dark curly hair, someone has their hand on his shoulder)

Hope you don't mind me posting this - I know it's very off topic but I feel quite emotional about seeing the picture, he was so young (20)

Hello, KK I'm not surprised you're emotional about this picture - how very strange for you find that when you weren't looking for it. Has your father seen it? How long was he a POW for? I often reflect on what a huge experience it waS FOR MY PARENTS TO TO GO THROUGH THE WAR STARIGHT AFTER THEIR MARRIAGE. tHEY WERE APART FOR 6 YEARS APART FROM LEAVE VISITS. Sorry about capitals. My dad was an army doctor and my mum nursed in the Sheffield blitz but later stopped work as she had 2 babies during the 6 years.

Hope MAS is OK and that LimeJ is too - where are you?

Smee - so glad the blancmanges turned out so well! Yes, a party at this stage is very therapeutic, I agree.

Phil - I didn't have anyone with me for the scan and biopsy but only because I had been told it was unlikely there'd be a problem so I kind of sailed in breezily! But I took DH with me the following week for the results as I had a feeling it would not be good news. I'd take a friend if I were you, for all the reasons others have given.

Weight - lets draw a veil. I am joining Slimmers World on 25th and will say no more for a while on this horrid topic.

Ok quick catch-up. DS's party was great. DH and I stayed upstairs most of the time as instructed, and only emerged to do occasional mid-party clearing and also if we heard anyone vomiting DH went to check they were ok This only happenend once in the bathroom. Another time it was outside, and the teenagers' protocol on this is very strict - if you throw up you clear it up yourself! So they sent him out early Sunday with a bucket

The house had a rather impressive clear-up before the party as we decluttered it hugely. Then it lent itself to the event very well, with drinks and dancing in the kitchen, a 'chillax' area in the front room and a variety of activities in the middle room, including a wonderful sing-song session with piano which started at about midnight. They sang nice stuff like Hey Jude! I had tried to go to sleep around then, but got up again at 2 to try to encourage a very gentle winding down and closure of party - we got to bed at 3. About 6 stayed over - might have been more but I went off for a swim at 0930 on Sunday and left them tidying up the remains.

So a great success and DS has a new girl-friend now.

They were a lovely crowd so it was a nice atmosphere and there didn't appear to be any untoward use of our bedrooms - unlike at one party of my DD's a few years ago (Lets draw another veil)

More vomit on here then, but glad to hear it was contained, SR. They sound like a nice bunch, though am more impressed that you got up at 9.30 for a swim.

MAS, Cakes and Kurri are right. You will get through them. Easy to say from the outside, I know. Have you any idea what triggered it?

Kurri, what an amazing thing to find. I'd like to know more too. Hard to tell from the picture, but was he in the Army and captured? How scary for him. Tell us more if you have the time. Hope he's recovered from the fall. Must be a constant worry.

Cakes, 'eck... Take a big bucket and off to bed with you. Hope your DH doesn't get it at the same time. Always best to stagger these things. Especially in our house as we only have one toilet, which does make life kind of interesting when it's vomiting season..

Sparkle, trust you dispatched that letter and that the migrane's left you. Does it leave you with a feeling that you've a hole in your head? Feel very fortunate as I don't get them any more, but when I did the feeling afterwards was most odd.

Hello again, Phil. I think the others are right all breast referrals are labelled 'urgent'. I'd say it's quite good to tell a friend. Even if they don't come with you to the appointment, you maybe need someone other than DH to talk to. I remember not wanting to scare my DH with my deepest fears, but my friend knew me so well that she was brilliant at helping me through all that. Am still thinking positive and believe you'll get the best of news. Come back here while you wait and let us distract you. Can witter on about anything - let's face it we all do.

Limejelly are you home yet?? Think you must be. I keep thinking about you and wondering how you are. Come and tell us how it went when you're feeling up to it.

I'm glad the party went well SR - and that DS has a new girlfriend and that there wasn't too much vomiting

It must have been very hard for your parents being apart during the war, doesn't bear thinking about does it - your mum with young babies, coping alone and worrying about your dad.

Smee - My Dad was a navigator on a Blenheim Bomber, and was shot down in the North Sea in 1941. All the crew survived and they were picked up by a U boat. And spent the rest of the war in various POW camps. He was living in NI when he joined up, so was in a kind of odds and sods squadron - Irish, Canadian, Australian etc.

We've still got the 'missing presumed dead' telegram his mother received, then the one saying he was a prisoner. All his letters home at the time are constantly complaining of boredom and hunger!
He spent his time learning maths and physics , so he was able to go to university when he got home, (you were allowed a free place if you'd served in the war) he'd have had no chance to go otherwise because he was from a very poor background - he was illegitimate and his mother (and probably his father) were Romanies, so he came up against quite a lot of prejudice.

Gosh there's loads I could tell you about him, but I don't want to completely hi-jack

I hope LJ is home and not feeling too bad

oh KK that is just fascinating !! the Romany bit is very romantic, but I'm sure there was prejudice
Imagine how your grandma must've felt getting that telegram.
So glad the party was a success SR (and new girlfriend ) yopu were brave having a party at home- I quail at the thought- think I weas traumatised by my brother's vario us parties and my older cousin's 21st when I was about 13 -it was held at my parents because my aunt refused (wisely) My parents went out and left me there !! Mum had to turf some couple out of my bed,the loo door warped because of the wee/beer and someone peed up against next door neighbours front door. Madness.
Thanks for the very kind and encouraging words - am feeling better today,was just a bit shocked at feeling so low suddenly.
Limejelly -hope you are feeling ok.

How fascinating to find this record of your dad at an awful time in his life, and when he was so young, KK. I bet it gives you a whole different perspective on him, especially as he is now so frail. He has packed a lot in, and made good despite a pretty tough start, hasn't he? How inspiring. He is very good looking.

Glad you are feeling better MAS - getting past these things is so tough, there are bound to be a few twists along the way. You are doing great, though.

SR - so brave to have party at home, smee is right, I quake at the very thought, even though they do sound a very nice bunch.

Glad to report fears of a sickness bug here were unfounded. Peaceful night . And, on onc's advice I switched tamoxifen to mornings rather than teatime. I started off like this but it didn't work, but she urged me try again now I am used to it, to see if it staved off sleep disturbances. And it seems to be. So worth a try if anyone finds themselves struggling to get to sleep, or stay asleep.

LJ - hope you are OK. Don't expect too much of yourself just yet. Check in and let us know how you are when you can. x

Hello again everyone. Thanks for replies. Just to say that DH has taken the day off to come with me (unheard of for a Monday, and I can't decide whether to feel flattered that he has bothered or add it to my list of 'it must be serious because'... dh has taken a Monday off. Will stick with the being flattered, I think, for my own sanity. Feeling a bit more positive again today. And very reassured by your info re: 'urgent', thank you.

KK - how interesting to find that photo of your Dad - bet it was a shock, both nice and upsetting in equal measure. Will he talk about his experiences if you show him the photo, do you think? What an interesting life people of that generation led, it makes you wonder how we would deal with such difficult and scary circumstances these days. I am sure that people are less resilient now!

MAS - please could you post a link to one of the books you've illustrated? I'm dying to know if we've got any on our bookshelf at home. Do authors give you an idea of how they want their characters to look, or is it just a case of your imagination going into overdrive? I imagine that it is a bit of pressure to make the first mark on the page for a new book, not knowing where you might end up?

Cakes - I have always loved going to the launderette, nice smell and the opportunity to sit gazing into space quite legitimately! Also, I am of the Nick Kamen Levi ad generation, and I live in hope that there will be a similar pants-man there!

SR - laughed aloud in the office at 'new girlfriend'. How brave are you having a party at home! It was stressful enough when we had one and ds was only 4! If you do get to slimming world, give me a shout for some on-line suppport. I was planning to go next Monday evening, though may not now, depending on level of trauma in the day, but even if I don't I'd like to know how you find it, and shout support from the sidelines.

smee - you say about not wanting to scare dh with deepest fears, in my panic yesterday when he came in and said he was coming with me to my appointment he said 'but you must talk to me, you know I'm useless at knowing what to do', I must have reassured him greatly when I cut straight to the chase and blurted 'I don't want to die and leave ds's'. Bet he was glad he asked