**TAMOXIFEN**the 6th

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we go !

KPTP - good luck with your giblets. I'm sue they'll all go back in just fine but I do feel for you having to have another procedure. I find myslef hoping very hard that I won't need any such stuff (and especially no general anaesthetics) for an extremely long time.

I like the pots too MAS.

Yes, I also like very short hair - very on trend. BTW a fashionable friend of mine FORCED me to buy a pair of shoes a couple of weeks ago - we'd only gone itno the shop to shelter from the rain. Anyway they're very groovy and I feel great wearing them to work. They're not ankle boots but they do come high up my foot and have a nice buckle and are comfortable too.

Work was better today - I felt more focussed. And was able to catch up with a project I was involved with a year ago - it doesn't seem to have got very far so I didn't feel out of date!

Re Rads - I also had 15 sessions and was zapped from 2 positions. I definitely reached my lowest point on the energy front, about 4 weeks after treatment, but have been going up for recent weeks which is great. (And bear in mind I was having rads at same time as CMF chemo so had a double whammy there)

I went through Christmas pressie box and don't have many to buy so that's good. If I bought an organiser for DH I think he'd kill me - he is very disorganised. Occasionally he buys a diary but as an example, I found the 2010 version in the spare room and he agreed I could use it for going back to work as he hadn't written anything in it yet!! I'm using it for November and December. It does rather drive me mad that he expects me to know every diary entry in my head. 'Are we doing anything on X date?' But I've given up trying to change this ......occasioally I growl to look in the kitchen diary which has everything in it ....grr

Must go and calm down.

sorry guys, not intruiging, had to say my goodbyes to a dear friend and dc1&2's Godmother- massive brain heamorrage (sp??) this morning, brain stem tests show no response, on life support until the tests are repeated tomorrow morning and then the machine will be switched off- life's a fucking bitch!

So i'm off for a cry and some sleep, emotionally drained .......... x

RWU - will be thinking of you and your friend's family - take care

thanks MAS x

KK hope it all goes well today, take it easy and we'll see you soon

re-read my post from last night and sorry if it was a bit blunt, the drive took and hour and a half each way because of the fog, wind and rain- not ideal weather for doing what i was doing! I felt numb by the time i got back, and still do if i'm honest. I just don't understand how it can be so sudden- i went with her for a haircut on Tuesday! She was going to help DH and the kids through my death, she'd done a training session with winston's wish............ how is it that i sat with her mum and brother last night planning songs for HER funeral?

it is shit,isn't it...wish I could say somwething helpful,but it's all quite incomprehensible. Lots of love though x

Good luck KK, if I am not too late.

Bloody hell, RWU what a terrible thing. Absolutely incomprehensible - and such an appalling shock. I have nothing wise to say. But I am sending love to you: and her family.

Struck dumb.

good vibes heading to KK and her giblets

if you all have a mo, can you nip here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/general_health/1076527-breast-problems-AGAIN?msgid=22091082#22091082 and see if you can advise/comfort/reassure - I haven't done a very good job I fear

ah,thanks Cakes - yes,she does sound very stressed,p[oor thing

RWU - I am terribly sorry about your friend - its shocking and unfair. I'm sending you my sympathy but I know it won't make a lot of difference as you must be so very shocked and grieving. Thinking of you.

Re Mum72 -nice posts both, SR and MAS - the poor love does sound at the end of her tether. It's a feeling I have had myself, and it's not one I want to have again.

RWU, I don't know what to say. Awful, awful thing to have happened, so don't ever apologise for the way you put things. Did she have children too? In a way I hope she didn't, but either way it's unbelievably crap. Am sending you a huge virtual hug - not a lot of use, but still.

Glanced over at Mum72, but I think you've all said everything. Poor thing does sound like she needs to pin them down.

SR am still in over you having sorted Christmas presents. You did amazingly to have Rads and Chemo together though, so I'll forgive you just this once.

Nowt else to say other than positive vibes to Kurri. She'll be back with a bang for Bonfire night, I'm sure. I'm off to see a musical tonight about Ian Dury. Should be cheering amidst this rain, though I nattered about it to the Radiologists and they all went 'Ian who?!' Made me feel about a hundred... We've cancelled Bonfire night until tomorrow, as much to DS's disdain, I'd forgotten all about it.

smee- no she didn't, she'd had terrible trouble with the bastards men in her life, she was only 34 and still dreamt of finding someone and settling down with a family.

the life support was switched off earlier although technically she died yesterday (when the first brain stem test was done) feeling numb and a bit isolated now but keeping busy, dh has gone for a lay down (understandably not working today!)- he's known her even longer than me so it's been a big blow.

But she would have wanted me to concentrate on the kids, so tonight we are going to the fireworks, i have produced cinder toffee and we're having a family jacket spud feast before we go, then a big pot of leek and potato soup for when we get back soaked and frozen lol! we have a chinese lantern which we will send up for her, a fitting tribute to a bright star in our lives

lookign forward to kk's return with some gory details about the re-arrangement of her giblets!

Blimey RWU, I do think you're amazing. 34's so young. What a tragic waste.

Way to go RWU, celebrate her life.

Poor you, and poor dh. I hope you manage to get some enjoyment out of the bonfire celebrations, they sound pretty well planned.

Like smee, I have not got round to anything fireworks related. I wonder if I'll get away with it altogether. I imagine not.

By the way smee, the Ian Dury thing sounds great, make sure you fill us in. I think he's terrific: much more so now than I did back then. It still sounds fresh and original unlike some other things from way back when. Remember the fuss over the Sex Pistols? They sound tame enough now...

This is the show, Cakes. My lovely friend Jen directed it. www.stratfordeast.com/whats_on/reasons_to_be_cheerful.shtml

Ian Dury thing will be great I'm sure - he was fab.
And yes,RWU you are amazing -and am sure your friend would want you to give the kids a good bonfire night in her memory - poor dh -a horrible thing to happen for you all.
Ds is doing his audition for the singing group who will go on tour to New York -please think of him at 3.50 !

how did Theo's audition go MAS? hope it went well and he is happy with his performance.

we had a lovely family evening at the bonfire and fireworks display, all being there together really brought home why we made the move. Kids had a great time and the boys understood why we set of the chinese lantern when we got home, we toasted Claire with a glass of bubbly followed by mugs of steaming soup and fresh bread rolls- it was one thing she always loved about my house- home cooking (as to be fair she could burn a pan of water lol!).

I'm missing Aber tonight as most of our friends have gone for a drink (in her honour!)and whilst i'm not a fan of wild nights and partying it would have been nice to be with other people.

So we've encountered the first problem of living in the sticks- dry cleaning, not sure when the funeral is but dh's 'funeral suit' needs a clean as the last time he wore it was to his mum's and he spilt something down it and has only just thought to tell me i think there is a dry cleaners 15 miles away....... but i can't be sure! i also need to go and buy a new dress/suit, my smart shift dress and jacket (as a 'country' sahm i live in leggings/jeans etc etc- although i'm going to get some jodphurs tomorrow- yey!) is way to big now, i've lost a heck of a lot of weight in the last few months, mainly from the running around, but my medication has had a part too, so shopping for me- but that sounds easier than it is, unless tesco can oblige with something suitable i'm going to have to nip to liverpool next week

Hope KK's ok, probably knackered and being waited on hand and foot

Sr- well done on the return to work- it must have been hard, glad it is going well, and another milestone on the 'journey' so good on you girl- onwards and upwards from now on and the return to normality i hope xx

is there are mobile pick up cleaning service perhaps RWU ?
So glad that they bonfire night went so well - a fitting tribute to your friend.
Jodhpurs !

Theo said the audition went well - it was in froint of the head of music and the music secretary('tis a specialist music school so they are big on these thing) should hear next week.
Hope KK is languishing in bed and being looked after.
new tumble dryer arrives today - can't wait-a week of damp clothes with Celeste running around with socks and bras is enough.

Hi everyone.

RWU - What a terribly sad thing to have happened, I'm so sorry,it must have been such an awful shock for you, and for all those who loved Clair, - it sounds as if she was a fabulous person. Who can even begin to understand why such dreadful things happen?

Do take good care of yourself, as usual you sound strong, and putting your children first as always, your friend would be very proud of you Lots of love xxxx

MAS I'm pleased Theo's audition went well - he is a brave and determined young man isn't he when it comes to his singing? I hope very much he gets a place - what a wonderful opportunity for him

Smee - The Ian Dury sounds great. he was a great guy wasn't he?,I have got several CD's, I love to boogie round the kitchen singing along to 'Sweet Gene Vincent' (TMI?)

Hope everyone has good fireworks if you are having them tonight. Is little DD excited Cakes? (oh RWU meant to say check any little local shops for Dry cleaning, our village shop takes it in and it gets picked up from them.)

OK - well giblets back in position, - I think I'll start a new post, otherwise this one might get a bit long.

OK part 2 - the gory details

Didn't get home until 9p.m last night as things went slightly haywire and they kept me in for a bit longer. And although I went in a 7a.m., I was last on the morning list.

Anyway, trouble getting a cannula into my rubbishy old veins - so that was a bit of a faff. Then when I was coming round afterwards, I had a larangeal spasm. Apparently your larynx involuntarily shuts up shop if it thinks liquid (in my case mucus from the tube) may be going to enter your lungs. It's what happens when you are drowning

So I couldn't breathe, no air would go in, cue nurses and Dr's rushing around shoving oxygen masks on me, injecting me with something, and a male nurse saying 'try to keep calm Kate, we can't help you unless you are calm' (I was freaking, trying to pull the mask off, clawing at my throat etc (many scratches there now).

So all in all a bloody scary experience, but I'm OK now, it actually probably only lasted about 5 mins, before they got me sorted but felt like a lifetime IYKWIM. Don't want to panic anyone who may need an op. though- apparently it's not v. common - as DH says I'm just a weirdo

Am pretty sore ATM, but well dosed up with various painkillers, which are pleasantly floaty. There are three incisions on my belly - will have to update my passport! Stitches are dissolvable so won't have to trek in to get them removed which is good.

On the plus side, I got to keep my pretty sexy surgical socks, (which I have to wear until tonight, oh joy). Franky I'm glad to get it out of the way.

I plan a day of slight pottering and lying around. DD has come home for the weekend, so will keep me company, watch strictly with me and provide me with girl chat. She did a 15 mile sponsored night time walk in the Peaks, thursday night, and is sporting a few impressive blisters. She got absolutely soaked because it rained all evening, and they didn't finish until 2 a.m.

omg KK -what drama and how very scary !!! - am so glad you are safely home,even if you have to wear the sexy stockings ! Take it easy and lots of love x

RWU - I am close to tears thinking about the lantern for your friend. But you are doing so well for her - thinking of you. I know what you mean about your wish to be in Aber - sometimes you just need to be with certain friends. But on the whole your move still sounds good.

Blimey- Liverpool sounds a long way to 'nip'. But I can see that shopping in Aber has its limitations! (Although I do find a few bargains there on the cheap and cheerful front)

We've just discovered the joys of having the dry-cleaning picked up and delivered. First delivery was this morning at 0830 - we were all aslpee and doorbell rang and got stuck so carried on rining for what felt ages. But its a good service.

KK - eek to the power of 10. poor you. I was just groaning at the thought of the cannula and then got to the drowning bit. So glad you're OK -. Thanks goodness its over - hope you're lying on the sofa and resting.

A bit of me has a different feeling this week - perhaps because of RWu's frined, all of us and also feeling a bit more normal. But also because I had a really good day yesterday. Anyway, the feeling is simply wanting to make the most of the life we have, however long it is.

Yesterday (after going to the dentist for a filling - not a big one fortunately) I swept up leaves - enjoyable as it was sunny and dry. Then later went for my fist proper swim ie more than a splash about as I did in Tenerfie. It was 'complimentary' swim from British Gas - you may have had this offer too - 3 free swims. In my case the offer was for a health club I'd never been to before, and it was all very nice. I felt wonderful and swam about 15 lengths (OK I know not very far but a start). It felt really good stretching ut my affected arm and those muscles. Managed some backstroke too.

Then in the evening a friend was having a 5oth party - well it was fantastic. In a great venue not far away but I hadn't heard of it or been beofre - on edge of Manchester. Really good dance floor, and live band and good old friends there - I enjoyed it so much and danced for the first time since I can't remember when.

So - a bit unexpectedly - it was a great day

Today its more leaf sweeping, and a concert this evening by a friend (the one with Crohns who is a music teacher and used to look after my DCs when they were young) and her husband. A composer has written a piece for them to play and this is the world premiere! Meanwhile our DS is halping run the Hamburger stall at local fireworks as he did last year as a fund raiser.

MAS - well done your son!

Hope everyone can enjoy the rest of the we/.

your day sounds lovely SR

i am debating doorbells with dh- is one that plays tunes going to alienate me and ensure that people call me hyacynth bucket forevermore?

i'm off to the YFC eisteddfod tonight to see nephew in action, i have been promised burly young farmers prancing in tights most excited!