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Original poster

**TAMOXIFEN**the 6th

935 replies

MaryAnnSingleton · 21/10/2010 13:14

here we go !

OP posts:
sandripples · 02/12/2010 21:54

Oh, nice photos and fun, KK! I never knew you could put a profile there (duh). I Aam struggling with Friends Reunited at the mo as for some reason just cannot send any messages through it.

Am only on the PC just now as the front room has been taken over by our builder who is AT LAST putting a physical damp-proof membrane under the bay window as damp has been rising up to about 3' Shock. This is th e 3rd attempt we've made on this problem - a different builder each time. Had hoped to have room redecorated befoere Christmas but it'll be in New Year now. Lots of mess here - just when I've got back to work! Still - couldn't have been doing with all this while having treatment, so I guess its ok.

Retiring to bed soon to finish reading 'Last Week in December' by S Faulkes.

Pennies · 03/12/2010 10:16

Sorry not read any recent posts. Need some major virtual hand holding today as I found a lump in my arm pit on the side I had the BC. I had a full node clearance earlier in the year and it's near where the surgeon cut into me. I have an ultrasound booked for 5pm to see what on earth it is.

It is almost a year since I started on this horrible ride and I simply cannot fucking well believe that today I'll be back where I started from and there's a (not too remote) possibility that I'll get bad news again. And as I've had a full mastectomy and a full clearance, anything that's bad news is going to be really bad news. Fuck. I was doing so well, new job, kitten, new hobbies, starting to get fit again. I've been feeling happier than I have in years. I feel like it's all about to be just swiped away like a big arm sweeping everything off a table in one go and it all comes crashing down.

To top it off in true Groundhog Day style, last year I was due to go to our annual village Xmas dinner (major boozy shindig and always a great night). However, that day I was ultrasounded and told that it was probable that I had cancer so I didn't go. Guess what I am meant to be going to tonight... It feels like history is repeating itself in.

Oh, and one more thing. DH is in New York until tomorrow so I'm doing this on my own.

Pennies · 03/12/2010 10:20

KK - here's a great site for swimwear options.

About THe Girl and also lingerie. I have the black maillot and it's great, despite me having had a double mastectomy. Very good quality and a good fit. Holds me in well!

Cakesandale · 03/12/2010 10:50

Pennies. Oh shit.

I really am gutted to hear this, and that you are doing it without dh, at least for now. I so wish I could go with you and hold your hand.

I know you know this, but let me just remind you that it could very well be scar tissue. I know at least one other of our little band found a lump post surgery that was investigated and found to be nothing sinister. So try to keep breathing and take it steady.

As for the practicalities - can anyone at all go with you? You won't drive, will you?

It's horrible. Sad

reallywoundup · 03/12/2010 11:01

oh pennies, so so sorry! but as kk says scar tissue is very common. I know it won't stop you panicing, but think positivly. Have you got someone to go with you? what about dc's have you got a babysitter for them?

reallywoundup · 03/12/2010 11:03

not kk sorry... Cakes said it Blush

Cakesandale · 03/12/2010 11:35

I am here handholding Pennies. Vent if you want to, I am listening.

Pennies · 03/12/2010 11:39

Thanks Cakes. I'm ranting on other threads with a liberal dusting of swear words in an attempt to distract myself / de-stress.

Cakesandale · 03/12/2010 11:56

Definitely the best way forwards. More than a bit down but absolutely still fighting Wink Stay strong

KurriKurri · 03/12/2010 12:26

Oh Pennies - I'm so sorry, vent away on here. We will all be holding your hand this afternoon.

I know this probably won't be any help for you, but I found a lump last year, in exactly the place you describe - about a year after my surgery. It turned out to be scar tissue, (although they were humming and ha-ing about it before it was scanned, and I was panicking too).

So try not to panic, - so much easier said than done I know, and ridiculous advice really, as I know how you will be feeling. Loads of good vibes and love for later xxx

And thank you for the site - there are some really pretty things there, I'm going to have a good browse Smile

Pennies · 03/12/2010 12:36

KK - what did it feel like? This isn't so much as a lump but an area of thickness. It doesn't hurt. I'm so worried they're going to scan me and just see the whole area full of cancer.

Cakesandale · 03/12/2010 12:37

KK - I absolutely agree with you about the colours that suit you, from the pictures of you wearing that lovely dress that you posted, blues, greens and purples do seem to be for you.

KurriKurri · 03/12/2010 12:43

Pennies - I would also describe mine as an area of thickness, it is in the lower part of my armpit, up against the chest wall and slightly into the soft part of the armpit. Just above and towards the end of my mastectomy scar. It doesn't hurt, it is more prominent when I put my hand behind my head.

Remember you have been having chemo and herceptin and tamox. - all cancer fighting drugs, - so that is very much in your favour.

Pennies · 03/12/2010 12:44

Sounds very much like mine. Which is good news. Thank you KK. The whole area feels achey today. I expect that's where I've been tensing it over the last 24 hours but it doesn't help to ease my worry.

sandripples · 03/12/2010 12:50

Pennies - I'm so sorry you've got to go through this. Horrible timing too. Its just shit. I am thinking of you and although I have to go the office now I'll carry on thinking about you. Good luck.

Cakesandale · 03/12/2010 13:05

Not long now, Pennies. I hope you can get some positive news this afternoon and spend a less stressed evening. If you get a moment, share what they said with us, if you can. I will keep everything crossed until you do.

Pennies · 03/12/2010 13:22

Cakes - thank you, but may I ask you to uncross everything as I'm a little superstitious about crossed stuff (I have a blog which is called No Fingers Crossed - there now you can all search and see me! - for that very reason). Also my appointment is still some way off and you'll be very uncomfortable pretty soon if EVERYTHING is crossed!

KurriKurri · 03/12/2010 13:25

Uncrossing everything for you Smile

Cakesandale · 03/12/2010 13:34

Consider it all uncrossed. So much more comfy.

Original poster
MaryAnnSingleton · 03/12/2010 14:08

only just seen your post Pennies - it really is mosty likely to be scar tissue I'm sure -I have hard bits which are that and rads damage-but of course you will worry until you know- meanwhile I'm sending you a huge amount of Loving Kindness - it's a Buddhist thing and just surrounds you with love and mindful thoughts- wish I could transfer calming meditation to you...holding your hand all the way xxxx

OP posts:
Cakesandale · 03/12/2010 14:19

Pennies, as predicted I did, and I'd like to say two things:

Your hair is looking fab and
You went to Cyprus with Paul McCartney????

I'd better get my coat. I have been slagging him off royally on another thread Blush

Original poster
MaryAnnSingleton · 03/12/2010 15:01

I looked too Pennies ! you look beautiful Xmas Smile

OP posts:
SparkleRainbow · 03/12/2010 21:09

Oh Pennies, I am so sorry you have being going through this today. I hope you got some good news this afternoon, I am thinking of you.

KurriKurri · 03/12/2010 22:37

Hoping very much everything is OK Pennies xx

Pennies · 04/12/2010 01:18

I'm OK Grin. Scar tissue aplenty.

Wasn't WITH Sir Paul, he just happened to be there. Poetic licence. Wink

Next week I'm in Geneva for a private Kylie gig tho. My life is so bling innit.

Would swap it for a quite cancer free existence anytime.

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