**TAMOXIFEN**the 6th

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we go !

Smee - glad your house is baddy-free now, phew - lucky DS was there

I confess to eating Bonios ....and so did ds..
macaroons are flattish crispy but chewy inside almond biscuits-with rice paper on the bottoms. The truffles are dense cakey balls rolled in choc vermicelli- made by Dan Cake people and only around at Christmas- no one in my house likes them but me !

Kurri, I know, am so lucky. He tells me he's the King of the X Team, though sssh, as it's a state secret..

MAS, am going to have to thoroughly research those.

BTW for newer friends on here, a while ago we had a policy of only reading books which were uplifting/happy/free from all dealings with disease and death. I've read tons this year, so if anyone needs any recommendations I'd be happy to list a few!

At work I feel as though I'm circling round a pool of rather cold water. I'm doing lots of preparations (by way of attending loads of useful meetings to catch up) but one day soon I'll really have to jump in! My team are glad to have me back though as they have felt a bit out of the loop without me. I do find it quite funny when colleagues I know less well do a complete double take when they realise its me - the short white hair is still a good disguise!

a trip wire i moan about toy soldiers getting imbedded in my soles a trip wire would really do me in!

The funeral went well, it was really hard and it all suddenly hit me tbh, i've been walking around in a daze for the last two weeks not really understanding how i feel, but i guess the sight of a coffin just brought it home. We released the balloons and they floated off towards the sea- twas beautiful and touchingly (bearing in mind i haven't been involved in the funeral arrangements since the night i visited) they played 'somewhere over the rainbow' as we were going in, it was one of the songs that we used at MIL's funeral and i had a frantic time getting an original copy (crem rules about no copies etc ) and claire came up trumps with it on about 4 different cd's for me- i had told the story the night we were at the hospital and claire's mum wanted it played because of that... then halfway through i heard my name mentioned and Claires brother stood up to read the poem that i had posted on her facebook page- because it touched the family! the do afterwards was nice, one of claires friends sang a few songs and there were a few speeches etc, we left fairly early as i was starting to feel rough (and before he heavy drinking and therefore trouble started) i am guessing that by now there will have been a punch up but all in all it was a good tribute, we worked out that there were about 300 people there in all- the crem was overflowing and people had to hang around in the hearse parking bay as there was no room in the chapel or the annex room.

I'm shattered so i'm taking myself off to bed with a hot choc to do some mindless facebooking

am glad it went well RWU but it must've been very difficult too- hope you can unwind and restore yourself.

Mindfulness this evening- I have a feeling that one of my mindfulness co-students might be having radiotherapy- just a feeling I have and putting things together (she'd mentioned being diagnosed with a serious illness at the first session when we all introduced ourselves) -someone asked her today how her treatment was going. Obviously one can't ask outright-but I wanted to say it's all ok (she talked in our 'sharing' bit about using the breathing space exercise we do in hospital when she felt in a panic)
We have a whole day of meditation (mostly in silence) on Sunday - we have to take a vegetarian dish to share (!) at lunchtime- any ideas ? don't want/have time to make anything -shall I go to Marks ?
The tutor took me aside afterwards to ask how I was and i was still thinking of the other woman,so felt a bit distracted.

what was the poem btw RWU ?

RWU - the funeral sounds very moving, Claire was obviously a much loved person. I too hope you have a chance to rest and recover from the strain of the last couple of weeks. Take things easy.

MAS when I had to take vegetarian shared lunch to a yoga day, I took a big pot of hummous, some chopped veg - carrot sticks, celery, cherry toms etc., and some olives, and some crusty bread.

oh that sounds good KK

This is the popem MAS- i might add it into my funeral because i do love the sentiment!

You can shed tears that she is gone
Or you can smile because she has lived

You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
Or you can be full of the love that you shared

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

You can remember her and only that she is gone
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
(David Harkins)

Wow that is utterly lovely RWU. I have a lump in my throat.

I think I shall copy that and save it.

Glad the funeral was well attended and went well: I think it is that sight of the coffin that really brings it home for me as well.

She sounds like a lovely friend, what a sad thing that she has gone.

have a rest today, you're bound to feel a bit wiped out with the emotion of the last few weeks. Either that, or go hurtling around the countryside on the horse: either would be therapeutic

cakes!! not planning on any hurtling today, waiting for my car to have it's tyres done, then off to Aber (again!) for a routine ECG this afternoon, taking dd, going to do some christmas shopping as my student finance grant has just been paid into my account I finally paid off the remainder of my credit card too

hurtling tomorrow i'm going to box the two welsh cobs and take them to a schooling session at a local yard- wish me luck i have NEVER pulled a horse box before, i am seriously hoping that i don't have to reverse at all

lovely RWU !! reminds me of the Joyce Grenfell one which I like a lot
? If I should go before the rest of you,
Break not a flower, nor inscribe a stone,
Nor, when I?m gone, speak in a Sunday voice,
But be the usual selves That I have known.
Weep if you must:
Parting is hell,
But life goes on
So...sing as well!?

Good luck with car and Christmas sdhopping and ECG

You aren't pulling the horse box in the Jazz, are you? I know I have a higher regard for little Hondas than you do, but I wouldn't want to risk THAT! [Gulp]

Enjoy Xmas shopping, but I am a bit over your happy credit card news. If that happy day ever arrives in the cakes household, it would NOT be a good day to have an ECG, it'd be all over the place.

Tee hee, I like that Joyce Grenfell one!!

Sounds like a lovely funeral IYKWIM
My Dh had that poem and also somewhere over the rainbow.

Hello!

Are you a name change or someone new? Have you just blown your cover

OJ!!!! what are you doing round these parts how are you and the dc's doing?

Cakes- fear not, the Jazz is relegated to adorning the driveway! i still use my Isuzu Trooper most of the time as i feel safer in it, dh tends to use the Jazz

Mas- i love Joyce Grenfell, i especially love the "George... don't do that" routine

OJ I THOUGHT you were a well known MNer and not just one of our lot name changing! Welcome to the ongoing stream of consciousness that is this thread.

If you know RWU of old, can you try to persuade her to take life a bit steadier, she is wearing me out and I only have to read about it....

RWU I am glad the Jazz isn't being asked to take on too much, I have a soft spot for all things Jazz related (which I know you don't share)

cakes i have MIL's fridge magnets unfortunatly inherited proudly displayed on my fridge one of them is "live you life today for tomorrow may never come!" so tis MIL fault!

I followed OJ's heartbreaking story as it was around the time of my diagnosis and those early whirlwind emotional days! Oj was extremely kind to me (although i think i was in a former guise at the time) she won't remember me, but it's nice to see her (although was concerned about her being in these parts) Hope everything is ok OJ!

I also hope you are only here for the craic, OJ.

I remember at least one of your former guises, RWU, but my lips are sealed. I seem to remember there being a suspicion of virtual (thank God) stalking involved.

yup! i went through a few nn trying to shake that one off lol!

I remember your former guise RWU but will remain silent !
I also followed OJ's threads about her dh and family - helo OJ

Hi all. That's a beautiful poem RWU, I am also going to copy and save. Take care with the horse box pulling (I know I always say take care, - you must be sick of hearing it - my children just say 'yeah,yeah,yeah' when I say it to them.)

OJ - hello lovely to see you, I also followed your threads. I hope all is well with you and your family, and that you are just here because word of the wit and wisdom of this thread has spread far and wide.

I also found a 'farewell' poem I liked very much a while ago, and have it saved somewhere, when I find it I'll post it I also have a nice reading we have at yoga, about living for the moment, I'll also seek that out. - It will be poetry corner here

I love both the poems, think I shall save them too.

Smee - a trip wire is a new one for me, but I did wake up to a 7 year old Ninja the other`day, about 3 inches from my face asking if he could go down and get breakfast because he was hungry....took a while for me heart to stop racing , did manage not to scream at him though

Kurri - the wit and wisdom of this thread has kept me laughing over the last few days, so may many others just come to bask in your collective glory, (and chocolate cake)

Have a terrible ache in one breast today...could all be in my head, could be an infection, but I am going to the hospital anytway tomoor for the scans, so just thinking I will tell them then, and see if they can see anything. What do you think? Dh is being lovely, keeps ringing me from work just to chat and cheer me up, something he would never normally do.

Good old dh - mine was just the same, sparkle.

I'd just wait until tomorrow with the breast pain, as it is now going to be that soon: the people in those breast clinics are just much better with all things boob related than GPs, so you will really get a much better answer from them, I think.

I will be thinking of you: make sure you get back here as soon as you feel able and let us know how it went.

Much wailing and gnashing of teeth in our house last night: dd (who is extremely well behaved at school, but has had verbal diarrhoea ever since she was first born, really) got seriously told off by a teacher, for the first time ever. She is in year 3 and has been at the school since nursery, so it's not a bad track record, but she is mortified.

I am with the teacher 100% on this, it is about time dd learned to stop talking when she has been asked. But poor old dd is horrified: the fact that dh and I both laughed at the story has not helped her face up at all. if it makes her think before she speaks, I will be in the teacher's debt for ever