**TAMOXIFEN**the 6th

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we go !

Sparkle - I don't know either, but I echo what others have said about the wait: ie it won't matter in terms of outcome, but is hard to bear. Hassle if you can - and in the meantime enjoy the large glass of wine. Stick with us, we'll be all the support we can. And tell your dh he's welcome - we've all been there.

I am going to wait until tomorrow to view the film MAS, as my lenses are all scratchy blurry tonight but I am so looking forward to seeing it. How clever and brave of you to make it: I hope it helps.

And as regards my recommending your pictures (earlier post) - I have already done that several times (once on another thread about Xmas presents), and will happily do it again....

Night all. xx

ah thanks Cakes for pushing my pictures -that's very kind and much appreciated...

I have just got in from the pre-op assessment for my arm (I haven't finished bleeding the NHS dry quite yet) and watched your film, MAS. I am speechless. Richard looks so beautiful and full of life. What a terrible thing that he died so young. I hope the film helps you to come to terms with it a little, and that your Dad will see what a wonderful tribute it is to his son.

On a much more mundane note, how reassuring that you scoffed four brownies. I have just had a kick up the bum in the form of another official type person telling me I am -ahem- a bit overweight. So I am going to redouble my efforts but I doubt it will last long.

thanks Cakes -no word from dad or my brother- I feel a little anxious.
Hope pre-op was ok,apart from weight comments - not always helpful - will eat more brownies today.
Ds home as it's pupil review day -he saw his tutor at 11 and now has day off-is drawing. He got his interim assessment and seems to be doing excellently well in Religious Studies

Oh bless him. I always liked RS myself. I hope he has a nice day, and is good company while you are anxious. Give dad and brother time, they may need a while to come round to watching and appreciating it. But whatever they ultimately say or do, you had a right to make this film, and it is a lovely tribute. So don't worry too much or think that it perhaps shouldn't have been done.

Pre-op was fine, thanks, apart from the weight comment, which was really only a throwaway line, not a stiff talking to. I have a month to get myself a bit fitter for the op: not that they have told me to, but I sort of want to...

I'm trying really hard to complete a job today. I quoted it at 2 days which I have to stick to cost wise, but it has taken an age so it really is starting to get on my nerves now

MAS I watched your wonderful film and have had a jolly good cry, and laugh at the mischievous pictures too, to celebrate his life, because for me that is what your film does. What a special, beautiful little man. I hope that your father finds himself able to talk to you about Richard and your film soon.

I have picked up the medication today....horse tablets, and a list of side effects that is quite hair raising, well here goes. Trying to feel positive, actually feeling terrified find myself trying to selfishly grab every second I can with the dc, clearly not sustainable but perhaps just what I need to do to cope at the moment?

I haven't been assigned a breast cancer nurse, no contact numbers, nothing, just told to wait for an appointment to come through for the scans. The Consultant said he wrote on the form to request the scans that I was a P4 - urgent referral, but both he and the xray department still said it would be two to three weeks. I am thinking that I need to go back to the gp, who is fab, if only to ask her whether it would be a good idea to remove my coil incase that is contributing or could make it worse. What do you all think?

Also would appreciate your advice on what or when I might talk to my dc about mummy being a bit poorly....the doctor and the pharmacist warned me that these anti bios are very strong and I might be sick etc. Dc are only 7 5 and 2. Ds 7 has major probloems himself in and out of hospital, and is really struggling psychologically at the moment, also he is very bright, and empathic (future excellent sympathetic husband material)

Hi Sparkle

Not sure about the coil. But it might be good to enlist the help of the GP, sometimes they can buck the system a bit when you are struggling to make an impact on officialdom yourself.

As regards talking to the kids I would say - talk to them with specifics not maybes. They have such vivid imaginations which can run riot. If you are having antibiotics that might make you sick just tell them that, and you can tell them that you have problems with your boobs and these will probably make it better, but if you still feel poorly at the end of them the doctor may need to do something else. Then as you got through the process they have a concrete answer to their questions, which can be developed as necessary.

With my own dd, who was 5 at the time of diagnosis, i told her everything except the word cancer, and as things happened. So she was pre warned about operations, and pre warned before my hair fell out on chemo. She is very bright but, armed with information, she coped just fine. Just a few months ago, after probably some unrelated conversation at school, she was talking about cancer and saying "you and i will never get it, will we?" in the interests of openness, I felt it was time to come completely clean so I just said that i had already had it. She just said "Was that cancer then?" When I said it was, she just accepted that and moved on. For what it's worth, my BC nurse advised open and calm discussions with children so that they did not develop an unhealthy fear of cancer IYSWIM - obviously it's not good, but it isn't helpful to build it up into a spectre either.

I hope that burbling has helped and not bored. In summary I'd say be as honest as you can manage. Their imagination is likely to be worse than the reality. And if they do hear people talking and speculating, they will know the answer Mum has given them, and not worry too much.

That is fanastic advice, thank you

yes,great advice Cakes- can't think of anything to add.
Sparkle - hope the ABs don't make you feel too rotten-and thank you for your sweet comments about my film- your responses are very touching and make me feel better about it. Chances are my brother won't mention it at all - he was about 4 coming up to 5 when R died and says he has no real recollection of his brother- I kind of probed once but he never says anything. I can't believe this really as he shared a room with R all the time when he was ill and being nursed at home-even the night he died- am fearful that suppressed stuff will come tumbling out.

Hello all, just had a morning shopping and am a bit sore. I had to get a card for my Dad - it's his 90th birthday soon, and a present for my sister (her birthday a few days later)

Any way - I couldn't find a card I liked for dad (they all had things like 'make the most of your birthday' - subtext - 'you won't have many more!') so I'm going to make one for him and stick sparkly bits all over it .

Sparkle - I think keeping in touch with GP is a good idea, and they will often try to hurry things along for you, again - not trying to be pushy about Breast Cancer Care,(these things are not for everyone) but they do have good helplines, with nurses who will answer any questions you might have that you didn't necessarily think to ask at the hospital, and a friendly ear if you need it. I won't bang on about it but just so you know it's there if you want it. (And they deal with the waiting for a DX aspect of breast problems too)

With regard to the children - its very hard isn't it? Mine were grown up when I was DX, so the advice from those with little ones will be more relevant for you. I would just say that my children guessed something was up before I told them, and I think even little ones can be quite sensitive to these things.

And actually not knowing what is going on can make them worry more sometimes. So I'd say when you feel the time is right, or if they ask questions, give them as much info. as you think they can cope with.

Other than that - hoping very much the AB's do the trick for you, and that they don't make you feel too grotty.

MAS - I think your film was brave and something you needed to do. Try not to worry too much about your Dad - of course he will be upset, but sometimes being upset can be part of the healing process, and in the long run, he may well appreciate your tribute.

Cakes - It's depressing when they mention your weight isn't it? I try and pre empt by shrieking 'Oh no, don't tell me what I weigh, I know it's too much' as I get on the scales
Todays dietary failure - I bumped into a friend in M&S and we had a coffee + cake together [hopeless emoticon]

Love to all.

Agree with KK about the Breast Cancer Care forums and helpline - they have been immensley helpful to me- worth taking a peek to see if you think it might be useful to you Sparkle. And thanks KK (about my film) - am sure you are right !

link here for Sparkle
www.breastcancercare.org.uk/forum/search.php?search_id=newposts&xid[]=14

doh - php?search_id=newposts&xid[]=14

gah ! try this !

I did try that website last night and tried to email a question to the nurses, but everytime I pressed send it told me to correct the high lighted areas, and then didn't high light any for me.....! Arghh. Think I will just try ringing and speaking to a human being.

I just had a phone call from the xray department offering me an appointment this Friday for the scans, so no where near two to three weeks, I am very pleased that it will cut this bit of waiting down so much. Now we just have to hope for good news, and that they are clear. Then it will just be down to Duct ectasia and pre cancer....I think, although now I am somewhat confused by it all. Trying to be positive, taking my inspiration from you guys.

Oh that's good news about the scans appointment Sparkle .

That really is good news. Stay strong and positive, you are doing really well so far!

I have just faced down the urge to eat cake and scoffed a pile of pineapple. It'll never last.

I have to eat in order to take my final evening tablets at around 9.00pm each night....if I can't have wine I am having chocolate cake....... so I will be no help in the will power stakes I am afraid.

Sparkle - as well as chocolate cake (which is obviously a must) I have found in the past that actimel/activia type probiotic yogurts can help a bit with the upset stomach AB's sometimes cause

Cake is much better at lining the stomach in the first place, however . And I am sure I heard it also has medicinal properties

oh God yes - it's essential to balance anything like yogurt with what my DS refers to as 'fat-boy snacks'

love fat-boy snacks !

great news that you aren't having to wait quite so long Sparkle- hang in there !

at all this cake discussion. Had quite a long day at work today and didn't eat much so was ravenous when I got in - demolished lentil soup, Lasagna and a kiwi! No cake simply as there isn't any! My DH is glad I'm back at work as I don't have time to make delicious fattening puddings now!

Glad your appt has moved forward Sparkles.

MAS - as you know my sister died 18 years ago - I've just realised we must be v close to the anniversary in fact. Tragically for her widower, their son was killed in a car crash about 18 months after that. My brother in law doesn't talk about it as it is just too painful and I just think it is so awful to lose a child that you never get over it. So as he doesn't talk about this loss, I don't raise it. (We don't see each other very often as we live at opposite ends of the country and he remarried) . Don't know whay I'm writing this really - but its just I suppose I think its best to respect it if an individual does not wish to discuss a terrible bereavement. Very hard.

I suppose everyone has a different way of dealing with things but I have some sympathy with those who reject the counselling that does help others. But I'm so glad you made the film for you, even if others can't share it as much as you might want.

Sorry if this is just stating the obvious.....the main thing is how beautiful and moving the film is, as we have all found. Thank-you for sharing it.

Another vote for cake here, Sparkle - even more essential if you aren't allowed to drink. Great news on the scan dates.

fwiw I think Cakes is spot on about telling children. We did a similar version with DS who was 5 when I was diagnosed. We told him everything pretty much, though avoided the word Cancer too. I wouldn't worry about all of that yet though, as fingers crossed it'll be something very simple to fix. Just tell them the antibiotics might make you sick for now and obviously that chocolate cake is medicinal.

MAS, hope you've heard from your father. I'm sure it's hard for him, but maybe the film will help him be a bit more open about Richard with you. Be good for you both if he can, but I'd bet it's buried very deep.

Rads rash has been diagnosed as allergy to cream, so am mighty delighted, as that should be an easier fix.

Right, you've inspired me; am off to the fridge in search of fat-boy-snacks...

no word from my dad,but then he is not brilliant at emailing or forgets to send. Nothing from my SIL (not lalaa of course-she has responded-on dh's side) SR - how sad for your BIL what a tragedy. Dad is lovely and wonderful but was brought up to be quite stoical and not to give way to emotions - he does feel it all I know - we are quite similar-the film didn't make me cry- I thought it would and indeed wanted it to- I guess I keep myself in check - not a good thing. I once went to a friend's new born's funeral with dad and the shock of seeing the coffin,so tiny,carried by the baby's father made dad gasp -he must've remembered all too well R's funeral.

Fat boy snacks today- brownies,minstrels and fruit sherbets. Packet of marmite rice cakes,but they're wholesome I suppose.