Hello divine and wise Goddesses.
I have had a day of extremes.
Neither my DC's father nor my DS like being said no to or challenged and I have had call to do both today and have been 'punished'.
DC's Dad eventually backed down and apologised.
I must confess I am sick to the back teeth of DS's 'sorrys' so he is having to 'behave' sorry. Not the word, but with actions. He needs to learn, to be blunt, to shut up. Because he is the kind of individual if taken to court who will argue with the judge, and instead of being fined, wind up going to jail or something because of his mouth.
Having wound each other up to screaming point, DC's are now colluding against me 
(only because they know I have chocolate and a film though).
The party in the park however was a joyous celebration of the success and talents of the glorious Divas 
. Ellen McArthur is a wee Derbyshire lass from down the road and I heart her.
Bitter, I think DS needs to learn consequences to actions but also get to the root of what he is doing. He obviously knows he is doing wrong but can't 'help' himself. He is valuing the 'crime' as worth the punishment. Which is very like my DS. DD will stop doing things because she hates being in trouble. DS does it anyway because the urge to do X or Y is stronger than him thinking through the consequences.
I don't actually think getting a replacement pudding for you to eat and him not having it is out of line, I would do it. Not eat it in front of him, but make DS aware that others are as entitled to a nice treat and he forfeited that by taking the initial treat. I would send DC's to their rooms so they weren't tormented, but they would miss out.
I would also try to get to the root of why he is driven to the point of doing something that repeatedly gets him into trouble. I find talking when emotions are not running high more productive and maybe a 'plan' as to how he can learn to control his urge.
I have considered a lock on the fridge to control disappearing food in my house.
I am not sure of any of that is helpful. But I am sorry, i know it scramble the brain.
I didn't, ermm... 'want' to be a mother. That changed when I met DC's Dad. My gut instinct was right. I am not a 'good' mother, but know I work damn hard to be what does not come naturally. And of course, I love them fiercely now that they are mine. They are my sun, moon and stars, but they are most certainly not all that I am.
I am scared a lot of the time and ordinary things that many people seem to breeze through, take an enormous amount of courage for me to do.
I listened to my father yesterday, and thought, 'no wonder I am so small, so diminished'. I love him, but oh so close to despise him also for being so intelligent and yet such a monumental fuckwit. He has taken a beautiful lady (my mother) and clipped her wings, for if I am diminished, she almost exists in negative space. He talks of his great love for her whilst talking to her in such tones of scorn and derision that mutes her.
Challenging him is beyond her and she asks me not to as the cost is so high.
I can not define it, but am in a strange place, sorry for the ramble if you read it. A stage of my pupation is drawing to a close, I am,..... maybe just that.
I am.
As you were xx