The first rule about LIGHTer Club..

[BitterAndTwistedChoreDodger]

Is you don't talk about Lighter club

Only Joking - No Rules.

Welcome to our second thread, lots of chat and healthy eating.

I'm Bitter, have about 7lb to lose. Eating Less, Moving more.

I am soooooo tired. DD is having a nap and DS is watching TV. I might have a little nap myself.

Mittz, I had an Enid Blyton Childhood - doesn't automatically make me a fantastic Mother. In fact I suspect the opposite is true. Maybe it makes me worse, I just think of all the things we did as children that my DC are missing out on because I have to work.

Maybe if my childhood was worse, I would think I'm doing a better job. I don't know.

Ignore me, I'm being maudlin.

Well, Jillian has just popped my Shred cherry

God, she's annoying! I followed the brid doing the moderated/easier versions. And skipped any jumping. The abs were a piece of piss but think thats because I do ab crunches already.

Level 1 and a shower later, I feel fab.

Give it half an hour!

Hmm, mothers. My mother threw my father out when I was 2.5. He was a shit and she raised us alone until I was 9.

She did a fab job and gave up her 'life' for us. She worked when she could, took us with her. We had nothing. But we had each other. She'd let me sneak down after putting my sister to bed and watch telly with her, in the dark to save on the lecky.

Dad didn't pay her a bean for us. Twat.

But now, now she is a different person. See changed at some point. She's bitter (sorry) and twisted some days, she's mean and a viper with her words. She can slice you up for no reason at all. Nothing is her fault. Everyone is out to casue trouble for her. She has no time to listen or understand.

I let it slide more often than not. The jibes, the little digs. I blame her MS and other illnesses getting her down. Because it's easier to think that than think she may hate me. Or others.

I once hoped to turn out like her. Not anymore. I hope that DD never posts anything like this about me. I try so hard not to be my mother. It's sad isn't it?

My stepfather is a saint. Or mad for putting up with her. I think he zones out. I love him to bits but worry that one day he'll just say fuck it........ I'm done.

God, where did that come from???????

budge up on the maudlin bench bitter. I am repeating mistakes my parents made with my dds. I usually realise after ive done it but i cant seem to stop, or i then overcompensate.

my parents are/were very traditional. my mums recent comment - 'your dad doesnt need to know how to use the washing machine, hes got me' just about sums it up, i dont even know how to start explaining whats wrong with that statement. my dad would constantly say to me 'what are you going on about now? what are you droning on about? stop jabbering/prattling' etc. sounds silly, but it was always that my brother talked, i prattled makes my teeth go on edge just thinking about it.

when dd1 was ill (chicken pox) and my dad just expected me to take the time off work we had this bizarre conversation, i said 'my job is the same as exhs (in terms of seniority/pay etc) why should it automatically be me that takes the next two weeks off?' He said 'because you're her mother' my cries of 'he's her father feel on deaf ears. (i didnt not want to be at home with dd by the way it was just the assumption that my job is a 'frippery', a 'little woman's job' when actually my £50k pays the mortgage.

but sometimes i hear myself losing patience with dd1 and saying 'what are you on about now?' and crushing her self esteem like my dad did to me. am trying to kerb it.

sorry am ranting. and using the thread as a therapist. ignore me, i am a little raw at the moment.

SAF - spot on.

mouse - yours must have come from same place as mine must all be having an emotional day.

got to go, they'll be here in a min bringing dd1 back (and now i feel very guilty because they are so good like that)

Well done on popping your Shred cherry, Mouse, I am sooo with you on Gillian.
Wait until Level 3, you'll want to brain the beeatch.

Fluffy, on the Daily Mail website, I spied these:
Scroll down to Style News

Looks like your brooches are hot!

Disclaimer, was only on the DM to read celeb tat

S'ok Fluff, I think it helps to off load with people you are mates with, I go on support threads and know some fantastic ladies, but somehow sometimes haveing a rant on here is levelling.

It depends on the big picture doesn't it? I am very wary of the DC's self esteem, but it didn't stop me asking DD to hush for a few minutes earlier because she talks non stop. Questioning it and addressing it is the key. Finding new ways of saying things even if you are stressed. Or explaining why if you do lose it. So I might say 'mummy didn't mean to shout/get cross but sometimes she needs a little peace and quiet to sort out things. Lets have a cuddle and then you can tell me about x or y'

DS never stops answering back or bringing in new aspects to a 'heated debate' and that confuses me and I lose my cool then. And he is a bloody pedant when you are discussing things. Talks like a chav mostly but if I get a word wrong when we are having cross words and he jumps on me. And then I want to selotape his mouth up.

Fluffs - don't feel bad. This isn't a trade off......they may have DD's for you and help out in that way, so get to dis you and your life choices in return?

I don't think so.

Lizzy - Fluffs are nicer!

[arse lick emoticon]

Mittz - at selotape, glad it's not just me with DD!!

Oh Mittz, I try so hard to be like that!
Sometimes it would be so much easier to just scream "SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUPPPP!!!"

Wouldn't it?

I just try to put them first/the family first because my parents didn't really. My Mom even commented on that when she saw the holiday snaps on FB. They were very young parents, too interested in a social life/affairs/football and then divorced and were too interested in scoring points.
I have modelled my marriage and family on the exact opposite of them.

That does my Mom a disservice actually as she was very supportive and loving, just not always so great at keeping adult stuff for adults iyswim.

I agree, Fluff's are far nicer.

Fish pie is on, off to work in a minute.

Mittz - I am the mother that tells her kids to shut up, I hate myself for it but DS is just so bloody talkative.

I'm with you though, the difference is I think that I am happy to admit when I'm in the wrong (Not that it's happened yet )and admit I don't always get it right.

I hate being shouty, but after asking nicely 20 times my patience only stretches so far.

I guess being a parent is a permanent work in progress.

Fluff - yours make those ones look like primark tat.

One of my boys' favourite insults to each other at the moment is "You're annoying me"

Christ SAF - are we related? My folks are racist, actually just my mother. The whole 'bloody foreigners stealing our jobs and houses' or 'typical bloody paki' etc...... I hate it. And I guess sexist too, in the same way your dad is.....

How very sad.

I heart nice'n'spicy niks naks!!!!

Try and have a good evening SAF.

havent read anything since my last post, just had to share this...

so they bring dd back, fine. i say to my dad 'oh ive got something to tell you about work', it was just a thing about me having a new boss, i found out yesterday. He says 'dont tell me i dont want to know.' i was and a bit i said, 'its nothing important its just...' 'im not interested don't tell me'. so i stopped. i sat there in my own living room thinking i was going to burst into tears, he was so dismissive and his tone of voice so mocking. also i was livid and when i get angry i cry which i didnt want to do. He was one step away from saying 'shut up' which trust me hes said before.

a few minutes later dp said to me 'are you ok?' and my dad pipes up 'no she's annoyed because im not interested in what she's got to say ha ha'.

So I just said 'Actually I cant speak right now because Im frightened Ill say something I'll regret.' My mum, who seems to have missed the whole exchange even though she was sat right next to us , said 'whats going on?' and i said that it was strange because Id only just had a conversation with some friends about parents and how they can wreck your self esteem as a child and dad had just given a fantastic example of doing just that.

'oh well you'll have to discuss that with him' she says 'but you can go too far the other way you know and build them up too much'

i sat there in silence after that until they left. I think from now on screw the help I just cant be bothered speaking to them. This probably sounds petty but he loves putting me down in public and usually comes out with this kind of thing all the time. Its so fucking arrogant, he just decides hes not interested in anything I have to say. Why would you do that???

Miitz - i have done that a couple of times, especially over the last week , ive been very snappy but then have sat dd down and explained that the constantly crying baby has worn me down somewhat and im sorry for snapping etc. Maybe thats what makes us better parents, that we're willing to question our actions, pick up when we've done things perhaps in not an 'ideal' way and then try to fix it.

saf/mouse - mine are racist too. well they wouldnt call themselves that but are full of the 'they've just come over here and the council have given them a £42million a month house...' type crap from the Daily Mail. Also my dad has used the c**n word in front of me several times (as children it was constant) and I have had to say very firmly - do NOT say that in front of the children. He seems to think its a joke though and does it more so to wind me up I think hes letting himself down because hes an intelligent man.

Am so livid at the mo, sorry.

SAF - "i let myself get hurt by these people's beliefs about me but it's totally irrational because the beliefs of sexist, racist, homophobic, ignorant people should never be seen as that insightful or something to base your life on" Fantastic post, but as you say unfortunately it DOES hurt, I assume because they're our parents.

Lizzy - am somewhat worried about dd, she just picked up the scissors and a screwdriver, took them away from me and said 'Im taking these so Mummy cant hurt anyone with them' ??? when has mummy ever hurt anyone??? My lividness has all been confined to my posts above, the conversation with my father went over her head. She can obviously just see into my soul

and thank you re the brooches