Gigi... my DC's Dad is a bit like that. Can rarely just go by an agreement and has to fiddle things around.
And Crunch also
It is emotionally and mentally draining and with work I am just shattered. The first six months after he left, I was kind of euphoric and hardly really cried because it was just so much better with out the shouting, and walking on eggshells and all the shitty shit. And now I am floored completely. Have to but I can't take any more, too much for too long. But as there is just me and him if we don't manage to be amicable it really is too much. But that makes it too easy for him to play his games.
But, it is a beautiful start and the simplest of things bring me pleasure. I am going to work and try and get everything shifted before the DC's get back.
It is really hard over the summer. Working with them around is a nightmare as they keep wanting attention (obviously!) but I can't afford not to so it can get very stressful. Ex hasn't really got any holiday left to sort out extra time with the DC's and is a bit like GiGi's ex. When he does have time off it is very often his time.
Oh bummer, I try not to moan. Sorry If I stop trying to be OK and coping, I am truly truly fed up. It's all so fucking hard so much of the time. My Mum and Dad are coming over tomorrow and I still feel like my Dad is making life so crap for my Mum but I have to pretend because he makes her life a misery over things, and I miss her so much. I'm not allowed to see her on my own so we have to grab snatches of conversations if Dad is distracted. I don't talk to her about me too much because she has so much on her plate.
Sounds stupid, but I miss myself, the Mittz I used to be but it seems such a struggle to get back to that. I used to laugh so much, and sing. I want someone to take over for a bit because I don't want to be strong any more, I just want to be for a long while.
I don't know why I have woken up feeling like this, lonely and sad. Counsellor says it is OK to cry but it feels like I might not stop.
I'm sorry to start the day with a rant . I wanted to wake up with someone there who gives a shit. A hug, a cuppa in bed, do an hours house work while I lie in, hold me while I cry and tell me it will all be OK. But it isn't and I don't know how to make it all OK.
Should I be 'there' after a year because I feel useless?
I should be working.....crap.