*TAMOXIFEN* the 5th

[MaryAnnSingleton]

in case we forget and find ourselves at 1000 - here's a fresh new thread !

I think it's too early for me to say how I feel about all of this. Still too much in the immediacy of treatment to know. I have an inkling coming through treatment and accepting what I've just been through might be tough, but it will be wonderful to reach some sort of other side. I know this never ends in lots of ways, but am sure you all know what I mean. Already though, close friends and new friends have astounded me. It's been an incredible year for that. And though I said it only a few days ago, you have all helped more than I can say. Genuinely this thread has been a way through for me.

Hooray for us then!

• Kurri, your son has been through it, hasn't he? He sounds rather amazing to me, so your proud mum feelings are more than justified. Will it be hard to watch him act JP? Not the nicest of characters from what I remember.

Cakes you are putting me to shame. Don't know who Muse are...

Smee - it does feel odd sometimes, but less so now than it used to when he plays an unpleasant character. DH took some photos at a rehearsal the other night and when he came home said it was a bit scary, and he had to keep reminding himself DS was only acting

programme cover just putting up the blurb from DS's website so you can see my debut as a hand model on the programme design - I'm pretty sure he has added wrinkles

KK your ds is a star !

KK, think u & I have the same iron! They could also be my hands, (tho no sign of the scarred veins that are now very obvious on my left forearm- anyone else have that? Not KK!) You must be so proud of him KK.

Like Smee, think I am too busy still swimming to look back yet, but am interested to hear that the women who have rallied round are still there for you. I also have been astounded by the women who have done so much practical and psychological supporting in such an unobtrusive way- (also a bit astounded by a SIL who has yet to get in touch in last 6 months..) Will not let them melt back out of my life again when I eventually go back to work.

Also interested to hear you are more chilled.. I am in certain respects, but less tolerant in others- had to bite my Tongue very hard yday in an email conversation with my boss who kindly asked how I was. Brought him up to date & asked how he was doing himself. Reply was 'oh dear, worrying what George Osborne is going to do to our pensions'. Have not yet replied as too tempted to say at least you're confident you're going to be lifting a pension...

Think I probably will too, having said that, (am 46) but for a clever man, it wasn't the brightest worry to share with someone getting cancer treatmen, was it?!

He is a star indeed, as is your hand Kurri. I met someone once who made her living as a hand model. Bizarre I know, but she was minted.

Seriously weird to see your son being so foul though, and that play's so intense. Hard for him to pull off, but amazing if he can do so. Good for him for being so bold.

Raining again here. Thought it was supposed to be sunny..

Crikey - have just done a quick catch up on all the posts while I've been away - lots of news to read, which was nice. This is an important group for me too.

KK - I'm so happy about your son's success and delighted about his volunteering for the Lifeboat. DH and I have always supported the Lifeboats as with HD being a sailor we know they are priceless. I was also brought up in a fishing town so the Lifeboat is in my bones really. (I have a good story about a shipping accident but it'll have to wait a few days)

I had a great time in Italy- we visited Lucca (fabulous town I'd never heard of before - really worth a visit - fab buildngs, fab shops, fab cafes and cakes and fab town walls to walk round), Firenze ( sigh, Room with a view feelings etc. But busy so need to go back with DH in the winter and pre-book all visits) and Pisa itself. We stayed 2 mins from the tower, cathedreal and basilica - just beautiful, especially in moon light and no crowds. Lovely meals with interesting items. Star gazy pie.

It was hot! 25 degrees! Why did I take 2 cardis??

Only downer was that I woke yesterday with really sore left arm (not the operated side) - and its still the same- can hardly do anything with it. BCC nurse says very unlikely to be caused by Arimidex but that was/is my fear - living with this for 5 years as I am struggling eg to get dressed.

Anyway, will see if it improves over the w/e. Meanwhile I won't type much as its sore. Will have to follow up current themes on here next week. Have good time in Scotland KK and a good w/e to all. (My hair is quite visible now, though not cuttable into a style yet, 3 weeks after chemo overall, and 4 months post-Epi. Its v. encouraging. Back esp is nice and thick!

welcome back SR ! it all sounds wonderful but very sorry about sore arm- maybe you've pulled/strained something ? Happy weekends everyone ! x

KK - your ds is a total star -I hope his play goes really well and the lifeboat training is good: he throws himself at life, doesn't he?

Pisa sounds lovely. Pretty - am going away for w/e though so here's hoping for some late summer weather.

Smee - don't worry about the Muse thing - they are pretty massive, but I am a music bore. It's what keeps me going.

Good weekends all!

{slopes off to put handcream on and sort nails, about KK's hands)

Waves a welcome back to SR. why did you take 2 cardies? Well because you're British and that's what we do. Sounds like a wonderful time. What's Star Gazy Pie?! and did you translate that yourself? Am impressed.

Arm sounds weird. Go to GP maybe?

Cakes I still feel like an old fogey next to you.

Maybe, but you haven't seen the wrinkles, smee!

SR's arm sounds like the sort of random complaint that ails me from time to time, but i agree with smee, a visit to the GP (You'll only worry otherwise, we all do it, post-BC). Maybe give it till Monday then phone!

Thank you for all the kind comments re. DS

CC - don't be too impressed with my hands, they are really rather old and wrinkly - I did have the scarred veins, but they have gradually improved (it's over a year now since I finished chemo) so I'm sure yours will heal given a little more time

at your insensitive boss, and his George Osbourne worries!

SR - your holiday sounds lovely, so pleased you had such a good time. Florence and Pisa so beautiful, it's years since I was there but I'd love to go back. Is Star Gazy pie the one with the fishes sort of looking out round the sides?

I hope your arm is feeling better soon, it sounds a bit of a mystery - could you perhaps have slept on it awkwardly and trapped a nerve?

I am sorting out thick woolly jumpers for Scotland as I doubt it will be 25 degrees

Love to all,have a great weekend everyone, and I'll see you all in about ten days time (by which time knowing you lot there will be about 400 posts to catch up with )

have packed 2 cardies in case - keep changing my clothes as I can't settle on anything that feels right !

The weather forecast sounds good - you might not need the cardis either!

I made up stargazy pie for the Italian meal but the word is in a wonderful children's book my DCs used to like - 'The Mousehole Cat' - lovel;y book with beautiful illustrations. Its all about a storm in a fishing village and one of the dishes mentioned is Stargazy pie - I'd never come across it but it sounded so romantic and the cat in the story loves it!

The illustration does indeed show a pie with fish sticking out. In Italy my freind ordered a dish called 'Fish with a crust'. When it arrived it was so extraordinary that it made me think of stargazy pie.

It was a pizza dough over the top of a ceramic dish - the dough crust was all puffed up so look ed lik e a big dome. Once you got underneath there was everything steaming! Shrimps, crayfish, mussels, squid etc etc. It was magic!!

My DD likes Muse btw.

My hands aren't scarred but veins are flat and the thrombosed one is sort of brown.

Thanks for all comments re sore arm. Still v.sore but BC nurses don't think its the Arimidex. So prob a trapped nerve due to hard bed/inability to sleep in Pisa ( hot, cold, hard bed, far too much nice coffee!) Slept for 3 hours on sofa today! Will hang on till Mon and if not better will see Gp.

love to all. BTW i wrote you an Italian style post while in Pisa but the pc didn't accept my password so it had to be deleted - peccato! Anyway, I thought of you.

Bumping as we'd slipped onto screen 2!

Am back online ladies but haven't fired up the laptop yet- will do later and catch up on all the news! Xx

am back too- was lovely, horribly expensive- dh a bit stressed so not entirely relaxing,but weather was good and food totally fantastic -went to Exbury gardens on Saturday which are lovely.
Am off to collect kitten this morning

Lovely to have you back too RWU !

our hotel, room was called Fervent

Welcome back MAS and RWU! MAS that hotel looks gorgeous!

I'm waiting for Tesco stuff to arrive. I haven't forgottem the idea of describiong how having cancr has hanged me, but like others I think I'm still too close to the whole treatment programme really. I do think I have a fantastic group of friends and family, and I do think I am more understanding of people with disabilities and/or illnesses of any kind. I suspect I will be more intolerant of stuff I can't be bothered with, and hope I will make the absolute most of life. Pity I have to work though as I've got used to not doing so. However, money will run out soon so needs must - at least for 4 more years. My health will always come first though.

Oh, and I've given up bacon, and ham too for most of the time. And I rarely drink alcohol. Also try to avopid much processed food. And I try to eat more veg but don't know how anyone manages the full daily recommended ration!

Aart from when I've felt grotty I think I've enjoyed life more this year in many ways. I've certainly enjoyed seeing friends more, seeing the seasons more closely, gardening and cooking and having the time to keep the household in better order than the previous slightly/very frazzled approach of having to do everything at the w/e.

MAS - hotel looks lovely: and i am very excited for you about the kitten!

SR - what you have said chimes with me - I also enjoyed life more, somewhat bizarrely.

Have been to Norfolk for the weekend. Wish i could say i have given up alcohol.

PS 'Hanged' should read 'changed' - obviously.

I should be out planting bulbs but can't quite get round to it....

Ahhhh Kittens. They're such fun.

I bet she's back already but too besotted with the kitten to share any details with us..... ..........

Do we have a name yet?

In the meantime I'll fill a gap by saying I have just booked us all tickets to see Diversity in December. Very excited (not so dh, who is a bit about the whole thing.) Can't wait to tell dd - I bet she'll be bouncing up and down.

I haven't given up alcohol either. Had my first post chemo glass of wine this weekend.

Great to see you back RWU. Hope you're not still knee deep in boxes. Dare I ask, but how are the new neighbours..?

MAS, am liking the sound of the hotel, but the kitten's far more exciting. I'd bet DS will race home from school today.

SR, we love 'The Mousehall Cat' too, though I'd forgotten the stargazey pie. Will go and find it on the bookshelf. Glad to hear Pisa was a tonic. How's the arm today? Is it any better?

Cupcaked, your boss sounds completely self obsessed. Gah to him from me. Kind of a tangent this, but slightly similar, as a friend phoned me recently because she'd seen some men fundraising for BC dressed as pink fairies. It was the first time she's called since I told her (2 months previously) and she needed prompting by men dressed as pink fairies! Are you week three now? Skin still okay, I hope

Must back from Acupuncture, so feeling calm and floaty. Rather dimly invited one DS's more boisterous friends back after school; am regretting it already.

Cakes, you are well cool.

ooh yes, neighbours, RWU - met them yet? I was going to say they will have to be an improvement, but don't want to jinx anything....

Liking the idea of acupuncture, I keep promising myself to try it.

Hope ds's boisterous buddy has had a personality overhaul smee - that does sound ambitious.

Friends and colleagues can be so callous, can't they? It's usually people who have lived a fairly charmed life so far. One day they'll find out what it's all about (and will probably expect you to be there with the tissues and the brandy).

Mousehole Cat fans here too! (Can't quite face the idea of Stargazey Pie though - I think it's the heads that put me off).