If Labour get in will Keir Starmer eat my children and my pets?

[OldieButBaddie]

I am really concerned that he is a savage, with Rishi (who doesn't really eat) Boris (who clearly only eats lard) and even Liz Truss (too dim to find the dogs/kids) I have felt safe, but Keir Starmer seems to me to be the sort who will seek out, bbq and eat my family.

Look at those gnashers

Should I vote Lib Dem?

I think the risk profile is about 63% they will. I have also heard tories are vampires. I think the liberals are mostly werewolves I like puppies so yeah long live the pack

He will start on your grandparents once he's eaten your children and pets, there will be no stopping him. He'll eat the entire country 🤣

Best vote Green, they are more likely to be vegan.

He will get your pets to eat your children.

If the Tories get in again it's more likely that your dog or cat will be at risk, from someone who cannot afford enough food.

Best become and man and emigrate to be on the safe side.

Boris (who clearly only eats lard)

And Birthday Cake
And looks like he's quite partial to Wedding Cake

Well they will start with kids in private schools - better class of meat - then move on to asylum seekers - thus reducing immigration numbers and stopping the boats, then, obviously, Tory families (they will track them with the chips they put in the Covid vaccines), then the poor and finally the old sods like me - so I'm fine for now - so voting Labour. The cats are voting lib dem though.

Not unless they’re Tories. If your Labrador thinks Jacob Rees-Mogg says some jolly sensible things, prepare him for the chop.

No. He’s a pescatarian.

Well that will solve the serpent issue but who will eat the bison?

He'll elect the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang as Minister for Education to help him...

Ed Davey?

I thought he was going to eat the rich. Isn't that what everyone is afraid of?

They won't resort to cabalism or pet eating - that is just silly.

However they haven't ruled out ritual sacrifice to the weather gods to get the climate back on track - so maybe we should worry about that.

Go into voluntary lock down. Your kids will now be at the top of his list. Or better still emigrate. I hear some planes to Rwanda have seats available at competitive prices.

Labour are saying that they will only pledge what they can achieve. Notably they have NOT yet pledged not to eat your children and pets.

I mean, draw your own conclusions.

If Labour get in there is a chance you won't be able to keep any pets, if you are squeezed middle and taxed further into the ground and made to pay more cash out for things like school fees.

The net effect on your pets as far as you are concerned might be the same, but of course without the tasty snack for Keir.

🤣 I need this thread just now. I should be safe, I don’t think he has many cooking skills and I’d be too tough to bother with

This doesn't bode well if you have goldfish, though. You'll wake up to a sudden noise in the night and there will be Keir with a lot of flapping tails poking out of his mouth.

No, he's too set on undermining the Great British Banger and hard working British Farmers with his evil vegetarian / pescatarian propaganda.

I shouldn't worry, even if he pledges to eat.allntuenpets, he'll change his mind before he actually does anything.
I'm putting up a wind sock, dependant on which way it blows, it'll decide Keirs stances.

Can I gently suggest that to those of us who are genuinely worried about how Labour’s policy will impact on our ability to maintain our kids with SN in the education we have struggled to sort out for them, this is perhaps not in the best possible taste?
have a good laugh at me if you must. I’ve dealt with worse.

The only people he doesn't eat are the trans, gender fluid and those who identify as one of the alphabetti spaghetti. So get yourself some private hormone treatment and tell the kids that they are now lions or or wolves or something.