Think I've discovered my father is not my father!

[whojamaflip]

Let me start by saying I'm not particularly bothered by this - my childhood was somewhat difficult so this may be relief!

I've had notification from ancestry that a close relative has been identified through DNA.

By the name it looks like it's my brother but we only share 25% according to the results. All dna links are on my maternal side.

I've been struggling with my family tree and dna links of 3rd cousins which have come up because no matter how I tried I could not make the link to these people through my tree - common ancestors do not match on my paternal side.

Am I right in thinking 25% indicates a half sibling or have I read this wrong?

If this man has a 25% link through your maternal side, then that would make him your mother’s son. Nothing to do with your dad.

I think. Might be reading that all wrong!

Tell me how many cM you share with this match please

Pressed send too soon. I specialise in this sort of work so can help

1772 cM

Wouldn't it be 50% if it was your father ?

25% can be uncle or aunt as well.

Even if it means you don't have the same father it could be his father is the 'unknown' not yours? Although, if you already have doubts about 'cousins' that may be less likely.

At 1772 this could be a full or a half sibling, an uncle, nephew, grandparent or grandchild. Usually easily to rule out last two due to age difference. Would advise you do done work before trying to contact the person. Is the test with Ancestry DNA and are you based in UK?

I read this as the OP has a brother for example called John and the test has revealed a 25% dna match from someone called John

Hats exactly what I was trying to say in a rather convoluted way! The name given is my dbs is his middle name and surname.

I am in the Uk and it was ancestry.

I did my test well over a year ago and have explored any suggested matches and have been in contact with some 3rd cousins through this on my paternal side but despite them having extensive trees we could not find any common ancestors. I was coming to the conclusion that I had a relative who was passed off as a child of a marriage but was the result of an affair - me not being genetically related to my father is a much neater explanation!

I did start a thread a while ago when I couldn't work out what was going on - I will try and find it but let's just say that this would explain it.

The result with the person you know as your brother neither proves nor disproves that your father is or is not your biological father. It could be either.

To prove or disprove it you'd need to look at matches on your paternal side alongside the matches on your brother's paternal side.

Are you in the UK? Did you test with Ancestry?

I am in the Uk and both tests were through ancestry - it was a hint that alerted me to the fact that I had a close relative match.

I absolutely cannot speak to my mum about this - she's elderly and in poor health. My db worships the ground my dm walks on and I can only imagine his reaction if I ask him about this. Unfortunately he hasn't linked his tree to his results - I'm not even sure he would be aware that I would get notification of a close match and he certainly hasn't mentioned he's done a dna test!

The only other explanation I can think of is that my father has another child somewhere which we aren't aware off and had given him his surname and it's a coincidence that this child shares a first name with my db.

However that wouldn't explain the trouble I am having with the paternal dna matches in my tree?

I really don't have an issue with the fact that my father may be my father - it's more that it's a puzzle I would like to get to the bottom of! I am who I am and nothing will change that!

Op your mother may be elderly but I think you would regret not talking to her about this

There are some options to work this out. Pls drop me a PM

I am confused - if this person shares dna matches with your Mum then he is definitely related to her, and not a half brother via your Dad.
Are you saying this sounds as though it is your brother, who you know, but the dna is only half what you would expect ?
Could this be an uncle with the same name ?

If you have no dna matches to your father’s side, then that strongly suggests a half brother.
Do you have quite a few matches which make no sense ? Any 1st, 2nd or 3rd cousins that make no sense at all ? As that would give clues to a possible father for you.

So it turns out the match belongs to my brother. We share maternal dna but no paternal.

Db asked dm about it and she is adamant ancestry have ballsed up the tests and are wrong. Refuses to talk about it and just shuts db down when he tries. I haven't mentioned it at but it may explain why dm was so against me doing an ancestry test when I mentioned it to her.

I'm honestly not bothered, in fact I'm more intrigued and curious if anything!

It also explains why I couldn't make any links to dna matches through ancestry on my paternal side in my tree - I've over 500 cousin suggestions but not one fits into my fathers side of my family tree.

I can only hope that another half sibling or even a first cousin comes out of the woodwork as more people do dna tests and then maybe I can work out who my father actually is 🤷‍♀️

Wow, what is/was your relationship like with your "father"?

There are other sites you can upload your dna results to for free. Casting a wider net may help.

Are you older or younger?

Father passed away several years ago after being estranged from both me and db for many years. His choice and never really had a reason. Growing up he was distant but I put it down to him travelling a lot for work. He was a difficult character who in his mind was always right and who frequently cut off people who stood up to him or challenged him.

I'm the eldest which makes it even more bizarre! Dm and he were married several years before I arrived 🤷‍♀️

How do you know that it is your dad who isn't your father, rather than him not being your DB's father?

Because she's not getting any matches with any of her paternal side of her family. She has explned that a few times.

They could have used a sperms donor.