Unsure about DNA result,is this lady really my aunt?

[Tacsi]

Hi,
I did Ancestry DNA a while ago and although I don't fully understand CM ect...I've been really confused about one of my relatives.

I've always known about this relative,don't know her too well but have always known her as my aunt. My mum's half sister(same mother, different father's). This lady didn't grow up with her mum(my gran) or any of her siblings,but with extended family.

Our match has come back at 270CM and is showing we are 2nd-3rd cousins. No one in the family can explain this and all believe she is my Aunt. I feel different but don't want to rock the boat so to speak,so have left it. But for my own research and piece of mind I'd like to know. I've other cousins that I know 100% are cousins with higher CMs of 400+

We have lots of matches in common from my grans side, but we have no matches at all in common through my grandads side(I have a lot of matches to my grandad on ancestry).

Does anyone know if it's at all possible that this lady could be an Aunt/my mum's half sister with a CM of 270 or are Ancestry correct in that she is is a 2-3rd cousin?
Thanks

[Tacsi]

@GenealogyJean

If you are correct and grans brother is the father, she may have been registered with the mother's maiden name, which fits with your theory.

Yes ,gran and brother had the same surname which was my great grans surname,they had different dad's which would account for aunt and I not sharing any matches from my gran's dad's side.

[WeegieWan]

I still call her Aunt and we do get on well,she is lovely.
I wouldn't worry about what you call her - I call my dad's cousins Aunt and Uncle even though they are really my second cousins, and I call their children my cousins even though they are actually 2nd cousins once removed!

I think of them as Aunts and Uncles because generationally they are at the same level as my dad. Actually, now I come to think of it, we're pretty casual about names - Great Aunts and Great Uncles were also just called 'Aunt' and 'Uncle'!

My gran left home really young and was forever known as "that awful woman" who abandoned her child,
Your gran was an amazing and very strong woman then to keep the secret, despite this. Good on her - I don't think I could have been as strong.

[lljkk]

Your aunt could have figured this info out for herself, I suppose.
You've a good set or reasons to leave things as they are, she knows as much as she wants to know.

[Tacsi]

@WeegieWan

I still call her Aunt and we do get on well,she is lovely.
I wouldn't worry about what you call her - I call my dad's cousins Aunt and Uncle even though they are really my second cousins, and I call their children my cousins even though they are actually 2nd cousins once removed!

I think of them as Aunts and Uncles because generationally they are at the same level as my dad. Actually, now I come to think of it, we're pretty casual about names - Great Aunts and Great Uncles were also just called 'Aunt' and 'Uncle'!

My gran left home really young and was forever known as "that awful woman" who abandoned her child,
Your gran was an amazing and very strong woman then to keep the secret, despite this. Good on her - I don't think I could have been as strong.

I'm happy to call her Aunt. I still call one of my "uncles" Uncle even though we've both known for several years he's my half brother,but that's a whole other story🤦🤦🤣🤣

I don't know her too well as we've only been back in contact past couple of years but she's lovely and we get on,I think I will always think of her as my aunt.

Thank you for kind words about my gran, I never actually met her as she passed away before I was born. By all accounts she was amazing and Im apparently so much like her out of all my family, I can see it in photos for sure. I'd have loved to have met her ❤️

[SirVixofVixHall]

@Tacsi

I'm pretty sure ,but obviously not certain my grans brother Is 'aunts" father, which would make aunt my mum's half 1st cousin his mum(my great gran) brought her up but everyone was told she was my grans.
My gran left home really young and was forever known as "that awful woman" who abandoned her child, she still is known as that to a lot of family members even though she passed away a very long time ago. It's really sad as I'm pretty sure aunt wasn't even her child to "abandon"

But that would give you the same dna as if she was his sister’s child, so I am confused.

[Tacsi]

@SirVixofVixHall

But that would give you the same dna as if she was his sister’s child, so I am confused.

Wouldn't it be more "diluted" though🤔 her brother was only a half uncle to my mum and half brother to my gran,so it would be half(theoretically speaking) his DNA and then her mum's who is no relation to our family at all.
I'm confused too tbf🤣🤣

[Thesonglastslonger]

Haven’t read the whole thread but it raises an interesting philosophical/ethical question: do you have any right to know? If lies have been told back in history to protect a mother/baby for whatever reason, do you have a right to challenge them or invade people’s privacy just because you felt like doing a DNA test out of curiosity?

The fact that you want to know something doesn’t mean you have a right to know. Maybe someone had an affair or was raped and lied about it I don’t know but I know that the aunt’s family history is none of your business.

[AnotherSpare]

Is aunt is actually your gran's brother's child that would fit better with the CM score you have.
And if your gran had already left home at an early age, presumably for specific reasons, she would have been an easy scape goat to blame an illegitimate child on. It seems to fit. I'm guessing this is a long time ago when these things were scandalous.
If you or your aunt have nothing to gain by knowing the truth then you are right not to bring it up with her or anyone. No need to cause upset if she's happy with her life.

[AnotherSpare]

Sorry to see your update about your own circumstances though. You may be have been conceived through assault but remember that you are your own person and I'm sure you are fabulous!

[Tacsi]

@AnotherSpare

Sorry to see your update about your own circumstances though. You may be have been conceived through assault but remember that you are your own person and I'm sure you are fabulous!

Thank you for this❤️
There's always one who has to have a dig regardless!!
I'm in a "good" place with it as much as you can be with something like this.
Im almost certain aunt was her half brothers child and gran used as a family scapegoat (poor gran) I just wanted to find truth for my own research and peace of mind x

[WeegieWan]

Okay,

Just because I'm a geneological geek, I've quickly knocked you up a relations tree based on what you've said which might make it easier to see why there is comparatively little DNA between you and your 'aunt'
(sorry it is so rough, it's screengrabs pasted together!)

[WeegieWan]

I thought you'd be able to zoom in but no - is this any clearer? If not, you might need to download it and zoom that way!

[GenealogyJean]

@Tacsi

Thank you for this❤️
There's always one who has to have a dig regardless!!
I'm in a "good" place with it as much as you can be with something like this.
Im almost certain aunt was her half brothers child and gran used as a family scapegoat (poor gran) I just wanted to find truth for my own research and peace of mind x

I also assume that your aunt must be curious about her birth and ancestry hence her doing a DNA test.

You have every right to be curious about your own existence and that of your ancestors. And as you say you'll be keeping that information to yourself, anyway.

I think it's amazing what we can uncover about our ancestors, and can only imagine the lives they led. As a teenage mother myself I feel so sad when I've uncovered ancestors/distant relatives having to live with the stigma of being a young unmarried parent.

[TheYearOfSmallThings]

I've chosen not to say anything as I absolutely know it will hugely upset not just her but other family too. I have broached it with closer/more understanding family members and they don't think I should say/do anything either as the fallout will be huge.

I would stop broaching it, since you know it will cause huge upset, and you are really only looking into it from curiosity.

[Tacsi]

@TheYearOfSmallThings

I've chosen not to say anything as I absolutely know it will hugely upset not just her but other family too. I have broached it with closer/more understanding family members and they don't think I should say/do anything either as the fallout will be huge.

I would stop broaching it, since you know it will cause huge upset, and you are really only looking into it from curiosity.

Well no, I asked other family members once for opinion,I already thought it could possibly upset family members Involved, so I asked ONCE for advice to see if they agreed, they did and it confirmed my original thoughts of not telling involved family members anything I found/find, so it's not like I need to stop broaching as I only ever asked once for a second opinion

[Tacsi]

@TheYearOfSmallThings

I've chosen not to say anything as I absolutely know it will hugely upset not just her but other family too. I have broached it with closer/more understanding family members and they don't think I should say/do anything either as the fallout will be huge.

I would stop broaching it, since you know it will cause huge upset, and you are really only looking into it from curiosity.

Another poster stating curiosity 🤦🤦🤦 far from it, it's more complex than that if you actually read everything I've posted, it has never been curiosity for me EVER but if you want to think that, then as you were 🤷

[Tacsi]

@GenealogyJean

I also assume that your aunt must be curious about her birth and ancestry hence her doing a DNA test.

You have every right to be curious about your own existence and that of your ancestors. And as you say you'll be keeping that information to yourself, anyway.

I think it's amazing what we can uncover about our ancestors, and can only imagine the lives they led. As a teenage mother myself I feel so sad when I've uncovered ancestors/distant relatives having to live with the stigma of being a young unmarried parent.

Thank you, and thank you for the charts.

I'm beyond grateful for DNA, as you may of seen in previous posts and contrary to other people's opinions this goes beyond curiosity for me.
Ive spent the best part of my life not knowing who I am/where I come from,my mum for obvious reasons never discussed anything with me about family especially my paternal side but think her awful experiences stopped her discussing maternal side too.
Dna has been the only way Ive been able to try and work out my identity,where I come from and who I am.
A lot of my family/friends are at loss and can't understand why on earth I'd want to find my paternal side,but in actual fact I've found so many, all of who either never knew him/did/and or are equally disgusted by who he was/what he'd done, but I've been able to forge some positive relationships with some of my paternal side regardless. Finding out my maternal side and what's gone on has been equally positive for my identity.I won't divulge any info to any of them that I feel would be damaging.
You are so right in the stigma ect.. they must have suffered,I can't even believe some of the things I've found out.Absolute admiration to my ancestors ❤️❤️

[MissingMoominMamma]

Is it fair to broach it with other members of the family?

[MissingMoominMamma]

Sorry- I’ve seen your other posts now. It still makes me feel weird, but I’m projecting because of my own situation.

[Tacsi]

@MissingMoominMamma

Is it fair to broach it with other members of the family?

Depends?? Is it fair to ask family removed form it for a second opinion in an adult situation ??as you would ask any family or friends for that matter for a second opinion of anything in life🤔🤔or is it unfair and not the done thing to ask anyone for a second opinion?? You tell me🤷

[Tacsi]

@MissingMoominMamma

Sorry- I’ve seen your other posts now. It still makes me feel weird, but I’m projecting because of my own situation.

Just seen this after replying 😬😬🤣🤣

[Gloschick]

Just for reference re cM. I have a half aunt, we share about 970cM. I share about 370cM with my parent's cousin.