DD upset when she Google searches her name - what can we do?

[IceskaterTwirl]

When my DD was much younger (like 2), she was diagnosed with autism. DH and I, with the very best of intentions, got involved with a local autism charity and did various fundraising events, some of which were reported in the local press/TV. We were seeking to destigmitize autism (how naive) and readily agreed to speak about DD being diagnosed with the disability. We were, sincerely, trying to help other parents come to terms with an autism diagnosis!

Fast forward 15 years and, if DD has autism, no one would know. She was quite possibly misdiagnosed as her diagnosis was when she was under 3 years old. She is now in Y13 and heading for at a top RG to do STEM.

When she Googles her name, autism comes up. She is very upset about this and I totally understand why. She rightly observes that future BFs, employers etc will have preconceptions about her and, as I say, she was probably misdiagnosed.

DH and I feel awful that we have put her in this position. Is there anything we can do to remove old news articles from the internet/social media?

On a thread in geeky stuff, it's entirely possible to say 'When DD was small, she was in our local papers a lot because of a medical issue. Now she's a teen she's less than thrilled with this, how do we get this kind of stuff deleted.'

That would have got the OP exactly what she needed. Posters are reacting to her perceived ableism rather than the query (which was solved around four posts in with 'do a right to be forgotten').

Are you sure she's not masking? To be diagnosed that young they must of been pretty sure.

As for the internet unfortunately this is what happens when parents don't take these things into account, should never put anything out there without the actual child's permission. I know you thought you were doing a good thing - but it was the wrong thing. Maybe message the companies directly and ask for it to be removed?

OP, you sound really caring and it's great that you're taking steps to help your DD out of this! At the time, I can see why you thought going to the press was a good idea.

Unfortunately I can see a lot of negative repercussions coming home to roost in a couple of years for many people I know who paste their children's names and faces all over blogs and social media. I'm talking truly compromising stuff about their health, schools, and embarrassing photos and anecdotes. I think we're going to see a huge wave of Gen Alpha young adults taking action to fix what their parents broke.

Compared to that, you're doing great, OP, I hope you get this sorted.

Oh come on @LaviniasBigBloomers

The thread would have filled up with people demanding to know what the ‘medical issue’ (which autism isn’t) was, why it was shared, if it is ‘cured’, it would have been derailed massively.

Besides, surely the point to this is that we as individuals decide what to share. The OP did. You get to decide how you would post threads, not how the OP or anyone else does.

If you don’t believe it you’re not telling me you don’t know what to do

I would go further and suggest that this applies to all sorts of personal and private information about your child, who will one day become an adult.

People need to really think about what they publish online.

No-one's considering that she might be going to a top RG uni to study STEM because of her autism, are they? Hyper-focus being a thing. Masking also being a thing. People with autism succeeding because early diagnosis means schools and families then put the right supports in place actually also being a thing, though a thing that's rarer than hen's teeth.

My first thought on reading the OP was that studying STEM could make autism more likely, not less. And given how autism presents in girls, and the way they mask, she might well be autistic. If I were the OP, I'd be working on the assumption that her DD might have been correctly diagnosed, and seeking help for that. I'd also be helping her deal with finding herself in google searches, as well as trying to get rid of information in the public domain that she (the daughter) doesn't want placed there.

this

Change her name slightly - eg change to your surname and put her surname as a middle name etc both by deed pool and known as at school and for certificates do it now before A level.

I would change her name slightly, maybe include your surname with her family name.

I do think there will be more people who have been misdiagnosed with autism in the future. It seems like a very broad range of symptoms and learning problems.

I don't agree (its not AIBU) - personally I would have scrolled by because (obviously) I do fundamentally agree that the DD can do what she likes about her personal info - if you re-read my first post you'll see that.

How helpful! The op obviously feels bad about this and is seeking to make the issue right. Ffs what is the point in your reply?

Repeated quote removed by MNHQ as the quote was deleted

I am gobsmacked by this. The point of my thread was exactly as posted. I can’t believe MN sometimes!

Potential employers most certainly use Google and social media in hiring decisions

I didn’t see anything sinister in it but I don’t get why people don’t just report. All that’s happening is it’s in active and getting attention if it IS a troll (sorry OP, not saying you are!) and if it isn’t it’s just going to be upsetting.

Neurodivergent hiring, indeed all diverse hiring, is a big theme right now.

I agreed with the sceptical view, but also we are seeing fabulous young talent as traditional views are shifting

Anyway, thanks for the many helpful replies. Am going to contact an online reputation management company in my lunch hour. Thanks again

Yes I didn't mean that to be an attack on you by the way. We all do things and then realise it wasn't the best idea. It's good you're looking in to how to make it right.

How would they know it's her, unless you also made her a poster girl too 😬? Even with a very unique name there are quite a lot of me on Google that aren't me, can't she just deny it's her should anyone mention it?

Maybe an important lesson for you to pass on to other people about protecting their children's right to privacy. I find it odd you did all this to be honest, I wouldn't want my kids to be in anything in the public domain like this, good bad or otherwise.

It would have been circa 2005. It was a different world then, in all sorts of ways.

The autism is irrelevant. It's the how to get the information removed as it is upsetting her daughter that is the important bit here.

@SoonBeTeaTime i regret it so much. We were trying to do a good thing but didn’t think through consequences. We were selfish and foolish

Oh and if it helps my daughter is 100% autistic, high functioning - and assessed as so. However no one can mention the word autism to her, it induces a full on melt down. She is not different according to her it is everyone else around her. She does have different ways of thinking according to her she is more efficient, and there isn’t anything wrong with an ‘photographic memory’ it’s just a tool. It doesn’t help that I’m really a bit different (I’m probably undiagnosed autistic) and her sibling is also diagnosed as autistic - so to her, we all have family traits, rather then autism.

There is much masking particularly amongst girls. And with the best of intentions it is important to not let labels define people.

Nearly all of her friends are high functioning autistic girls all academic all on level 9s and all playing dungeons and dragons together (not that being a trait!) and reading and discussing highly academic concepts - none of them are abnormal as they are all similar.

She got an extra Covid vaccine due to her SEN and was questioning why she got an extra one etc - they handled it very well in the end as I was like please don’t mention autism to her. She won’t have different exam conditions for autism etc she wants to be treated the same. Counselling made no difference to accepting her diagnosis she doesn’t want a label.

Contact google over the right to be forgotten and ask them to remove all
the searches

explain she was a child and unable to consent to being in the media

My youngest child’s paediatrician is very reluctant to diagnose autism till they’re five for this very reason. She said earlier in her career she diagnosed under fives who then turned out to developmentally delayed rather than autistic. She says it is very difficult to ask people to wait as it often stops them receiving help, a difficult position for any health worker to face imo.