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Original poster

DD upset when she Google searches her name - what can we do?

262 replies

IceskaterTwirl · 22/02/2023 07:02

When my DD was much younger (like 2), she was diagnosed with autism. DH and I, with the very best of intentions, got involved with a local autism charity and did various fundraising events, some of which were reported in the local press/TV. We were seeking to destigmitize autism (how naive) and readily agreed to speak about DD being diagnosed with the disability. We were, sincerely, trying to help other parents come to terms with an autism diagnosis!

Fast forward 15 years and, if DD has autism, no one would know. She was quite possibly misdiagnosed as her diagnosis was when she was under 3 years old. She is now in Y13 and heading for at a top RG to do STEM.

When she Googles her name, autism comes up. She is very upset about this and I totally understand why. She rightly observes that future BFs, employers etc will have preconceptions about her and, as I say, she was probably misdiagnosed.

DH and I feel awful that we have put her in this position. Is there anything we can do to remove old news articles from the internet/social media?

OP posts:
SomeMonths · 22/02/2023 07:58

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Original poster
IceskaterTwirl · 22/02/2023 07:59

No @LaviniasBigBloomers i don’t remember that from 14 years ago. We contacted the team who diagnosed her 18 months ago and THAT’s when they said they do get it wrong

OP posts:
Skiphopbump · 22/02/2023 08:00

Whether the diagnosis is correct or not surely it should be up to the individual about whether they would like to share.

Sisisimone · 22/02/2023 08:00

LaviniasBigBloomers · 22/02/2023 07:47

Right to be forgotten manipulates the internet search engines rather than removing the content itself. The content exists but is unsearchable, which will be fine for 99% of employment checks. MI6 might still find it, I suppose.

That said, this thread is really depressing and borderline ableist, though of course it's your daughter's right to control her own image.

No-one's considering that she might be going to a top RG uni to study STEM because of her autism, are they? Hyper-focus being a thing. Masking also being a thing. People with autism succeeding because early diagnosis means schools and families then put the right supports in place actually also being a thing, though a thing that's rarer than hen's teeth.

Utterly depressing that a young person with autism finds success and everyone's first thought is 'oh fuck, someone might find out she has autism.'

I'm glad someone has posted exactly what I was thinking. There is something very unpleasant about all of this.

Newzhound · 22/02/2023 08:00

Hi - I work for regional TV News.
If we received a request to delete this kind of information we would do whatever we could to help.

LookItsMeAgain · 22/02/2023 08:00

I agree with the option of the 'right to be forgotten'.

Unless your surname is Burke and you come from the west of Ireland (or have roots in the west of Ireland), I don't think any potential employers will be Googling your daughter's name.

houseargh · 22/02/2023 08:01

There used to be a function on Google where you could request something be removed from their search results. I think you still have to go article by article but likely easier than contacting lots of individual newspapers. Nb. Don't think it removed the item from the internet but means it won't come up against a particular search term (ie. in this case your daughter's name)

Original poster
IceskaterTwirl · 22/02/2023 08:01

Exactly @Skiphopbump

OP posts:
DownInTheDumpster · 22/02/2023 08:02

I suspect employers would be delighted to tick off the inclusive box by hiring someone with ‘autism’ who attended a RG university and now has no signs of autism. Just the cynic in me.

Morph22010 · 22/02/2023 08:02

I find this story very odd. Having an autistic child myself and knowing how hard it is to get a diagnosis it seems odd that you managed to get a diagnosis by age 2 just because she didn’t talk, that’s not much outside usual development mile stones so usually it would be a wait and see. I do know of children that have had diagnosis very young but they are usually also showing significant other behaviours

LaviniasBigBloomers · 22/02/2023 08:02

parrotonthesofa · 22/02/2023 07:57

Very much a huge derail but this just reinforces my opinion that that autism spectrum disorder diagnosis is way too large and does no one any favours.

My son is severely disabled by his autism. At ten years old he is unable to do most daily tasks alone and cannot speak and will never live independently whereas others can have hugely successful careers, independent lives etc. I do think it would be useful to ´have totally different diagnoses for these different types of autism.

@parrotonthesofa I completely take your point. The other side of the coin though is perfectly expressed by this thread; even people with 'mild' autism suffer significant barriers and impairments and OP's dd has overcome more than the average young person to reach her success.

The consultant said to me that Asperger's wasn't a helpful diagnosis because it was too easily dismissed as 'mild' or 'autism lite' - it's anything but lite in DS's case but would still present very differently to your son.

However, I know that this is a huge issue for ppl with more severe impairments and what's been helpful in our case probably hasn't been helpful for you.

Original poster
IceskaterTwirl · 22/02/2023 08:02

That is reassuring @Newzhound - thank you

OP posts:
LaviniasBigBloomers · 22/02/2023 08:04

IceskaterTwirl · 22/02/2023 07:59

No @LaviniasBigBloomers i don’t remember that from 14 years ago. We contacted the team who diagnosed her 18 months ago and THAT’s when they said they do get it wrong

Oh OP, that's not the gotcha you think it is.

SoAnxiouss · 22/02/2023 08:05

When she goes to uni she might need more support. I’m autistic and was only diagnosed in my final year of a 6 year medical based degree. She might be autistic after all and she doesn’t need to hide it

or just pay to make it go away

Original poster
IceskaterTwirl · 22/02/2023 08:05

@Morph22010 eh? You accusing me of not being straight or something? She was non-verbal and didn’t play with toys in a normal way. That enough for you?

OP posts:
Original poster
IceskaterTwirl · 22/02/2023 08:06

Oh @LaviniasBigBloomers how do you think you helping here?

OP posts:
SomeMonths · 22/02/2023 08:06

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bigdecisionstomake · 22/02/2023 08:06

louise5754 · 22/02/2023 07:11

Is it common to be mis-diagnosed?

I get why she googled herself but others won't so I doubt they will see if that's what she's bothered about.

I thought it would be much worse.

When we're recruiting we always google the candidates we are about to shortlist - I think the OPs concern is well founded.

Morph22010 · 22/02/2023 08:06

IceskaterTwirl · 22/02/2023 07:50

@LaviniasBigBloomers i get where u coming from but the person leading the team who diagnosed her said they do get it wrong when diagnosing at such a young age (under three)

And that’s why they don’t usually diagnose at such a young age, it’s a wait and see, was she just non verbal? What other behaviours was she showing that made them so sure it was autism and not just a late talker?

Original poster
IceskaterTwirl · 22/02/2023 08:06

Thanks @bigdecisionstomake - we do too. Googling v common

OP posts:
BritInAus · 22/02/2023 08:07

LaviniasBigBloomers · 22/02/2023 07:47

Right to be forgotten manipulates the internet search engines rather than removing the content itself. The content exists but is unsearchable, which will be fine for 99% of employment checks. MI6 might still find it, I suppose.

That said, this thread is really depressing and borderline ableist, though of course it's your daughter's right to control her own image.

No-one's considering that she might be going to a top RG uni to study STEM because of her autism, are they? Hyper-focus being a thing. Masking also being a thing. People with autism succeeding because early diagnosis means schools and families then put the right supports in place actually also being a thing, though a thing that's rarer than hen's teeth.

Utterly depressing that a young person with autism finds success and everyone's first thought is 'oh fuck, someone might find out she has autism.'

Absolutely! I can't believe how many posts I scrolled before finding this one.

100% understand that the OP's daughter may not want this info publicly available, but geez...

BonnesVacances · 22/02/2023 08:07

My DD has ME and I'm fairly prominent in the ME community and I talk about her in interviews or blogs. I tell everyone, including the plumber, because that's how you de-stigmatise certain conditions. By not being ashamed of it and talking openly about it in the same way as if you're talking about cancer or MS.

If your DD is embarrassed by you talking about her misdiagnosed autism you've failed to remove the stigma of ASD from your own daughter. And by the sounds of it yourself too.

It smacks of "I'm cool with my DD having ASD until I found out she didn't and then I thought phew, thank fuck for that. She's 'normal' after all. Hurrah!"Hmm

Morph22010 · 22/02/2023 08:07

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spottie · 22/02/2023 08:09

It would be unusual for a girl to be diagnosed with autism at 2 now, let alone 15 years ago. They must have been pretty sure.

And now she's highly academic and doesn't seem like she has autism? SHE'S MASKING.

LaviniasBigBloomers · 22/02/2023 08:09

IceskaterTwirl · 22/02/2023 08:06

Oh @LaviniasBigBloomers how do you think you helping here?

It's not my goal to help ableism flourish OP, so clearly I'm not. (Although I did kindly correct your misconception that you'd have to get individual articles corrected and hopefully I've helped the posters who are also not in love with your approach.)

This is a thread on the internet. You don't actually get to control the narrative.